Democratic Sentinel, Volume 2, Number 49, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 17 January 1879 — WIT AND HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

WIT AND HUMOR.

Ants that keep the world busy—lnfants. To ask a man to pay a bill is as easily said as dun. The girl of to-day perfects her form and—stays so. Who ever heard of a barber taking in a silent partner? We presume the caves of the ocean are mostly salt rheums. The unwearied sun. from day to day, Doth mostly hide himself away. A young man with his first goatee may be said to have had a tuft time of it. There are two a’s to spell separate, but the wrong way is spelled with the more e’s. An exchange is of the opinion that to speak of tailors as “ sound on the goose” is flat iron-y. Don't run on a errand, little boy—you might injure it with the nails in your boots. The lady who purr-chased a suit of catskin fur, said it was just what she was in purr-suit of. “Hulloa, Charlie! What’s the mat- * ter? Training for a race ? ’’ “No, Tom; racing for a train! ” The difference between Turner’s famous picture and cutting your chin is, one is a slave ship and the other a shave slip. People who take their meals at restaurants must shudder when they read the advertisement, “ Wanted—Women for puddings.” A woman that can’t turn the house upside down hunting for a thimble is devoid of one of the most graceful charms of her sex. “How do you make a Maltese cross? ” was the question before the institute. And one of the schoolmarms answered : “Tread on her tail.” “Well, dear, what did you learn at school this week?” “Oh! mamma,darling, such stupid, stupid things that I never want to think of them again! ” The easiest way to convince an Indian that whisky is injurious is to let a big demijohn fall on his toes. Yon can’t convince him by argument. Pat Murphy says there are so many fish in the sea that, if you should take every fish you could catch out of it, he didn’t think there would be one less in it. Mother (noticing her son’s greediness) —“George, you should always leave the table feeling that you could eat a little more.” George—“l do, mother.” A fellow out West got a sentence of twenty years for stealing horses. That is what might be called an Evarts sentence. It was very long —Wheeling Leader. A pair of mules have been blown to pieces at a coal mine in Kentucky by nitro-glycerine. Nitro-glycerine, it is thus demonstrated, can go one better than a kicking mule. Says the cynical Free Press: “ Nothing does a doctor so much good as to prescribe an ocean voyage for a sick man who can’t raise enough money to pay his street-car fare down town.” “Say, Johnsing, why does you remind me of a mad dog?” said one colored brother to another, who was recumbing under a buffalo-robe. “ Gub it up,” was the answer. “ Kase yon’s got hide-rough-ober-yer! Yah! yah! ” Miss Made-up Oldgal—Yes, I love the old oak; it is associated with so many happy hours spent beneath its shade. - It carries me back to my childhood, when—when ” Young Foodie “When you—cr —planted it.”