Democratic Sentinel, Volume 2, Number 45, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 20 December 1878 — WIT AND HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

WIT AND HUMOR.

Fresh dates —Calendars for 1879. An upright trade—the bolus-trade. A GALLOWS old boy—The hangman. A letter writer—The proof reader. Not one of the seven ages —Mucilage. Did you ever see an ear-sighted man V A type setter—A printer with no legs. A lone association —An old maid’s club. Send along your big apples! On core! On core! “To what base uses do we come at last,” as the shingle said to the upturned boy. Yottng man, in beginning a courtship be sure you don’t write, and then go ahead. A dilapidated hat is usually the most comfortable for winter wear, because it’s stove in. It seems rather odd to see two men playing seven-up for a dinner that is to be eiglit-up. “What arc you cutting at there, you dolt?” Cried a tinner to his man. “Can anything be as dumb as you?” Quoth be, “an oyster can.” Ani> all the mellow Christmas bells Clash their wild tunes upon the air. And, gathering in melodious swells, Wake the white echoes everywhere. If women are really angels, why don't they fly over a fence instead of making such a fearfully awkward job of climbing? A man has recently invented an apparatus for arresting and extinguishing sparks. Are the girls going to stand that? A shrewd-looking old turkey gobbler walked into a drug store in this city, the other day, and called for a bottle of “anti-fat.”— Sioux City Journal. ’Tis joy that lighteth.on and wags The canine continuity; But, when grimalkin’s finis flaps, It means a superfluity Of wrath, and you can’t kick too Boon. Tonker a (fazetle. “ Doctor, doctor,” panted a messenger, “come down the street—quick! There’s a man dropped in a fit!” “In an apoplectic?” questioned the doctor. “No, sir; he’s in an ulster,” answered the messenger. A sewing-machine agent, who was very ill, being told that lie must prepare to pay the debt of nature, wanted to know if it couldn’t be paid on the monthly-installment plan.— Cincinnati Saturday Night. “ Talk about serving God,” said old Mr. Slaughdecker; “if some men serve God as they do the balance of their acquaintances, their prospects won’t be much improved by a removal from their present state to a future one.” “Do eagles give milk, mother?” asked the boy,. “No, my son; what what made you think so ? ” “ Because I’ve heard of the eagle’s scream.” The mother reached for her slipper, but the embryo paragrapher had vanished. Somebody asks: “ Did you ever see a knee grow ? ” Certainly; when we dislocated our knee, we saw a knee grow with* a good deal of solicitude. We have also seen an egress. When you have a hard one, son, let us hear from you again. Brethren, before we sing the next verse of “ John Brown’s body lies all moldy in the grave,” let us take a look into the grave and see that it is there. In these days of Ohio medical colleges a cemetery isn’t no safer than a savings bank, and it may be that political gleoclubs, who have been singing the song quoted above, have been chanting a rhythmic lie for the post fifteen years.— Burlington Hawk-Eye. Ring out the knell on the wintry air— A requiem dirge for the young and fair ■Who met u» with love one year ago. But who aleep to day, lonely and low. King out the knell of the vanished hours, Clouded sunshine, and withered flowers, Beauty and bloom, that have faded all; Ring out the knell—let the tear drops fall. Ring out the knell of the dead and gone— The young and lovely, many a one— The mother, brother or sister fond, Gone, with the year, to the “land beyond." Many a friend we shall meet no more Has gone, at last, to the “other shore;” Many a flower has felt the frost; The earth is fresh o'er the loved and lost. Let the knell ring out—the year is past, Its deeds are done, and its lots are east; All, all is gone, and beyond recall— Let the night come down and the shadows fall.

The Tallest Tree In tlie World. The tallest accurately-measured Sequoia standing in the Calaveras grove, near Stockton, Cal., measures 325 feet, and there is no positive evidence that any trees of this genus ever exceeded that height. Of late years, explorations in Gippsland, Victoria, have brought to light some marvelous specimens of Eucalyptus, and the State Surveyor of Forests measured a fallen tree on the banks of the Watts river, and found it to be 435 feet from the roots to the top of the trunk. The crest of this tree was broken off, but the trunk at the fracture was 9 feet in circumference, and the height of the tree when growing was estimated to have been 500 feet. This tree, however, was dead, though there is no doubt that it was far loftier than the tallest Sequoia. Near Femshaw, in the Daudenong district, Victoria, there has recently been discovered a specimen of the “ almond-leaf gum ” (.Eucalyptus amygdalelsia), measuring 380 feet from the ground to the first branch, and 450 feet to the topmost wing. This tree would overtop the tallest living Sequoia by 125 feet. Its girth is 80 feet, which is less than that of many Sequoias, but, as far as height is concerned, it must be considered tb tallest living tree in the world. —ScV tlflo Anwriwn,