Democratic Sentinel, Volume 2, Number 38, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 1 November 1878 — A Very Obtuse Witness. [ARTICLE]

A Very Obtuse Witness.

Thackeray has been police reporting for the London Diogenes. Here is a sample: Pat Fogarty went all the way from Manchester to London to thrash Mike Fitzpatrick, which he did, winding up the performance with the assistance of an “awful liorse-slioe.” He was detected and brought before Mr. Justice Simpleman. A part of the examination is annexed. Court—“ Well, sir, you came here from Manchester, did you ?” Pat—“ Your Honor has answered correct.” Court—“ You see the complainant’s head; it was cut by a sharp instrument. Do you know what cut itr” Pat—“ Ain’t your Honor afther sayin’ that a sharp instrument did ?” Court (becoming restive) —“I see you mean to equivocate. Now, sir, you cut that head; you came here to do it, did you not? Now, sir, what motive brought. you to London?” Pat—“ The locomotive, yer Honor.” Court (waxing warm) —“Equivocating again, you scoundrel (raising up the liorse-slioe and holding it before Pat); do you see this horseshoe, sir ?” Pat —“Is it a horse-shoe, yer Honor?” Court—“ Don’t you see it is, sir ? Are you blind? Can you not tell at once that it is a horse-shoe!” Pat—“Bedad, no, yer Honor.” Court (angrily)—“No?” Pat—“No, yer Honor, but can yerself teU?” Court—“Of course I can, yon stupid Irishman.” Pat (soliloquizing aloud) —“Oh,glory be to goodness, see what education is, yer Honor! Sure a poor ignorant creature like myself didn’t know a horse-shoe from a mare’s.” Peanut oil is being shipped from North Carolina to Italy. Cotton-seed oil also goes to the same country, where, it is rapidly taking the place of olive oil.