Democratic Sentinel, Volume 2, Number 27, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 16 August 1878 — Simon Short'S Sorrow. [ARTICLE]

Simon Short'S Sorrow.

Shrewd Simon Short sewed shoes. Seventeen Bummers’ speeding storms, spreading sunshine, saw Simon’s small shabby shop still standing staunch; saw Simon’s self-same squeaking sign still swinging swiftly, specifying, “Simon Short, Smithfield'a sole surviving shoemaker. Shoes soled superflnely.” Simon’s sedulous spouse, Sally Short, sewed shirts, stitched sheets, stuffed sofas. Simon’s six stout, sturdy sons, Seth, Samuel, Stephen, Saul, Silas, Shadrach, sold sundries. Sober Seth sold saddles, stirrups; sagacious Stephen sold silks, satins, shawls; skeptical Saul sold silver salvers; selfish Shadrach sold salves, shoestrings, soaps, saws, skates; slack Silas sold Sally Short’s stuffed sofas. Some seven summers since, Simon’s ■second son, Samuel, saw Sophia Sophonia Spriggs somewhere—sweet, sensible, smart Sophronia Spriggs. Sam soon showed strange symptoms. Sam seldom stood selling saddles. Sam sighed sorrowfully, sought Sophia Sophronia Spriggs’ society, sang several serenades slyly. Simon stormed, scowled severely; said Sam seemed so silly singing such senseless songs, strutting spendthrift, scatter-brained simpleton. “Softly, sire,” said sweet Sally, “ Sam’s smitten —Sam’s spied some sweetheart.” “ Sentimental, silly school-boy,” snarled Simon. “Smitten! Stop such stuff.” Simon sent Sally’s snuff-box spinning, seized Sally’s scissors, smashed Sally’s spectacles, scattered several spools. ‘ ‘ Sneaking scoundrel!” stopped speaking, started shopward swiftly. Sally sighed sadly ! summoning Sam. she spoke sympathizingly. “Sam,” said she, “sire seems singularly snappish; so, sonny, stop strolling streets, stop smoking, stop spending specie superfluously, stop singing serenades slyly, stop short, sell saddles sensibly; see Sophia Sophronia Spriggs speedily, Sam. ” “So soon?” said Sam, standing still. “So soon, surely,” said Sally, smiling, “ ’specially since sire shows such spirits. ” So Sam, somewhat scared, sauntered slowly, shaking stupendously; Sam soliloquizes: “Sophia Sophronia Short, Sam Short’s spouse, sounds splendid! Suppose she should say she shan’t?” Sam soon spied Sophia starching shirts, singing softly; seeing Sam, she stopped, saluting Sam smilingly. Sam stammered shockingly— * ‘ Spl—?pl—splendid summer season, Sophia.” “Somewhat sultry,” suggested Sophia. “Sar—sir —sartain,” said Sam—(silence seventeen seconds). * 1 Selling saddles still, Sam ?” “Sar—sartain,” said Sam, starting suddenly. “Sire shot sixty snipe Saturday,” said Sophia. “Sho J” said Sam—(silence seventy-seven seconds). “See sister Sue’s sunflowers,” said Sophia, socially silencing such stiff silence. Such sprightly sauciness stimulated Sam strangely; so, suddenly speaking, sentimentally, Samuel said, “Sophia, Susan’s sunflowers seem saying, ‘ Samuel Short, Sophronia Spriggs, stroll serenely, seek some sequestered spot, some silvan shade; sparkling streams shall sing some soul-stirring strains, sweet songsters silence secret sigbings, sylphs shall ” Sophia snickered, so Sam stopped. ‘ ‘ Sophia,” said Sam, solemnly. “Sam,” said she. ‘‘ Sophia, stop smiling; Sam’s sincere. Sam’s seeking some sweet spouse.” She stood silently. “Speak! Sophia, speak ! Such silence speculates sorrow.” “Seek Sue, Sam,” said Sophia. So Sam sought Sue Spriggs. Sue Spriggs said, “Sartin.”