Democratic Sentinel, Volume 2, Number 26, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 9 August 1878 — “These Birds Are Sweet.” [ARTICLE]

“ These Birds Are Sweet.”

They were a primitive pair; a Chemung county Ad?,m and Eve. His name was Richard Hatfield, better known as the “ Honest Farmer of Chemung.” Her name was Dorothy Ann Stubbs. They were walking up Fifth avenue, reading the signs. Suddenly he stopped and began reading D-e-l-m-o-n-i-c-o. “Wilt fodder, Stubbs?” “ I wiliest,” said the maiden. “Here is the place,” said he. “Name thy indigestion.” “ Beefsteak and onions, hot.” “ Nay, nay, sweet lass, it may not be. This is our natal day. Two brace of birds, waiter, and a bottle of fiz. Independence now and independence for ever.” THE FEAST. “These birds are sweet,” said he. “ But small,” said she. “Another bird, waiter. Dost thou love me, Stubbs ? ” “ Birds is iu, talk’s out. Another bird, waiter.” The bird appeared and disappeared. “ Why do summer roses fade ?” “ Gitting old, I reckon. Another bird, waiter.” “ Shall I call thee pet names? Call thee a bird ! ” “Yes, Ostrich, Another bird, waiter.” Waiter—“ The birds are all gone, mam, but there’s an emu just arrived from Australia, if the lady would like it boiled.” “ Never mind. I’ll try the emu some other day.” THE SETTLEMENT. Honest farmer reading slowly : 9 Woodcock $17.00 1 Bottle champagne 5.00 Total SIO.OO “Six—teen, six—teen dollars,” he softly sighed. “How high is that window from the ground, Stubbs?” “ Fifty feet,” answered the maiden, “amd a picket fence right under it.” Slowly the honest farmer dove into the sub-cellar of his coat pocket and brought up a female hose. In the foot was carefully tied S2O in 10 and 5-cent pieces. A tear trickles down his face. “You appear to be affected, sir. I hope nothing serious,” said the waiter. “ This—this was my late wife’s stocking. There is an affecting leg end connected with it—hence these tears,” said the honest farmer, wiping "his eyes and counting out the money, “There you are; six-teen dollars; many of those birds around here?” “ No. Scarce.” “ Expensive ? ” “I hope you did not find them expensive,” answered the waiter. “ Oh, nQ ! oh, no ! ” answered the honest farmer. “Cheap enough! cheap enough ! ” Then turning to the maiden he softly ejaculated: “Another bird would have broke the honest farmer.”— New York Graphic.