Democratic Sentinel, Volume 1, Number 38, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 November 1877 — WIT ATiD HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

WIT ATiD HUMOR.

Matches are still on a strike. A matter of form.—Fitting a dress. The center of civilization—Cologne. The sun is the oldest and best tanner. A rifle team—A gang of burglars. It was a backward debtor who said : “ The dues you say.” Better to have loved a short girl than never to have loved a tall. This is the time to roast chestnuts and pop corn and the question. Give us the dollars of anybody—what’s the use of being particular ? Is a man who accepts a free ticket to a party necessarily ball d’eadhead ? A householder advertises rooms to let to gentlemen furnished with gas. About the most uncomfortable seat a man can have, in the long run, is self conceit. “Yes,” said the old reprobate, “I always recognize water when I see it—it looks just like gin.” Ten years from now stealing will have become a thing of the past. There will be nothing left to steal. “My child, what is an erring man ?” said a clergyman at a school examination to the brightest pupil. “ The fish-mong-er, sir,” was the reply. A grave old man told his son that if he did not grow less dissipated ho would shorten his days. “Then, dad,” said the boy, “ I shall lengthen my nights.” It was observed of a philosopher who was drowned in the Red seathat “his taste would be suited, for he was a man of deep thinking, and always liked to go to the bottom.” The Oil City Derrick says: “We don’t care a cent what becomes of the last man, or the first one either. It is what is to become of the intermediate fellows that interests us.” “Why,” asked Pat, one day, “why was Balaam a first-class astronomer?” The other gave it up, of course. * ‘ Shure, ” said Pat, “’twas he had no trouble in finding an ass to roid.” the cossack’s lament. Oh, Kara me back to Old Bulgary, To Old Bulgary’b shore; I feel quite strange in this Balkan range, And I want to go home, what’s more. On the Danube strand I’d like to stand, I’m sick and tired of the war; Then Kara me back to Old Bulgary, To Old Bulgary’s shore. —-Vev> York Commercial.

“My dear boy,” said a mother to her son, as he handed round his plate for more turkey, “that is the fourth time you’ve been helped.” “I know, mother,” replied the boy, “but that turkey pecked at me once, and I want to get square with him.” “ How would you make a believer of an incredulous man ?” asked one gentleman of another not long since. “ I think the surest way would be to set him over a beehive,” was the reply; “ and I calculate that after he’d been stung once or twice he would become a bee leaver in earnest.” A medical student who got very drunk one evening told his father next day that he was “ suffering from cephalalgy induced by the ductility of a glandiferous stopper placed in the mouth of a vitreous vessel containing distilled grain. ” The old man gave him an order for a new suit of clothes, to still further encourage him in his studies. A School Board Inspector asked a small pupil of what the surface of the earth consists, and was promptly answered: “Land and water.” He varied the question slightly, that the fact might be impressed on the boy’s mind, and asked: “What, then, do land and water make?” To which came the immediate response: “Mud!”