Democratic Sentinel, Volume 1, Number 26, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 10 August 1877 — WIT AND HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

WIT AND HUMOR.

Entirely Baron of interest—Baron Rothschild.— York Commercial. The Russians were worsted in Armenia, and now who knows but that they will be cot-ton the Danube ? Dare to do right; dare to be true—kick at yotir mother-in-law if she kicks you. “You seem to walk more erect than usual, my friend.” “Yes, I have been straightened by circumstances.” An Irish lover remarks: “It’s a very great pleasure to be alone, especially when yer sweetheart is wid ye !” The origin of the word muff, applied to a fool, is said to be that a muff holds a woman’s hand without squeezing it. “ There must be lawn order,” said the Judge, yesterday, pushing his little mower vigorously.— . Rochester Democrat. “ Gracious me !” exclaimed a lady in a witness-box, “how should I know anything about anything I don’t know anything about?” The married ladies of a Western city have formed a “ Come-home-husband Club.” It is about four feet long, and has a brush on the end of it. Spots on newly-painted doorsteps show that lovers oft forget; and when tired of promenading, are not careful where they set. A Brattleboro paper records the marriage of John Sard and Mary Dean. And now they are Sard-Deans—only two in a box. The Czar is accompanied by Suwaroff. We have heard of the latter frequently about the Ist of January, but never saw him in the flesh.— Courier-Journal.

Some men can sit on a candle-box and lay out the European campaign, and tell almost everything that is to occur in the future, except where their next dinner is to come from. Graphic. It was a Vassar girl who, when a sailor of forty years’ voyagings had been pointed out to her as an “old salt,” subsequently alluded to him as “ an ancient chloride of sodium.” “Where is the dollar of our fathers ?” shrieks an exchange excitedly. You needn’t look this way so intently. We’re willing to be searched.— Dockland Courier. Some of the members of lite Legislature must be serving with the Russians, for the telegraph told us on Tuesday that there were “two passes in their possession. ” — Boston Bulletin. “ Miss C——,” said a gentleman, one evening, “ why are ladies so fond of officers?” “How stupid !” replied Miss C ; “is it not natural and proper that a lady should like a good offer, sir ? ” “My mamma has got a chatelaine on her watch,” said a small sojourner at the seaside to her playmate. “Ho! that’s nothing,” responded the challenged scrap, “ My papa has got a chattel mortgage on his -watch.” — Boston Bulletin. \ Nothing undermines one's faith in a man’s liberality to the. church so much as to see him stick his hands down deep into his pockets as the contribution box is traveling his way, look astonished, and thou remark to his next neighbor, “ I’ve got on my other pants.” Cabbvgi'., veal, mackerel, beef, and trout, And all J loved in other days, G.'ze on inc with lugubrious gaze And turn my liver inside out. And through their ranks one glaintive 11 From lip to lip has ever crossed ; “ ’l'is better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all I”

Literary young man at a party—- “ Miss Jones, haye you seen ‘Crabbe’s Tales?’ ” Young lady (scornfully)—“ I was not aware that crabs had tails.” Literary young man (covered with confusion)—“ I beg your pardon, ma’am; I should have said, read ‘ Crabbe’s Tales ?’ ” Young lady (angrily scornful) —“ And I was not aware red crabs had tails, either. ” Exit young man. The young couple glided deftly through the giddy dance. Their countenances beamed with the light of love and pleasure. She seemed to move in a delirious ecstasy, when, crash ! they came into collision with an elderly pair, who seemed to have taken lessons in dancing late in life. The young maid fell; tenderly her partner assisted her to rise, and poured a stream of condolence and apology into her ear. “ Oh, it doesn’t much matter,” she sa’d, “as I had my new cardinalstriped stockings on.” “ Tuß’BELstrike downtown,” remarked a South Hill man, in an explanatory tone of countenance, as lie crawled vaguely into bed at 3a. m. “All roleraid shops shutup. Dreffel excitement. Workinmen all on strike.” And his loving wife sniffed the surrounding atmosphere suspiciously before she replied, “Yes? I should think by the way it smells, that all the barkeepers were on a strike.” And then he gave himself dead away by explaining that he had to chew cloves for his asthma. — HawkEye.