Democratic Sentinel, Volume 1, Number 25, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 3 August 1877 — WIT AND HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

WIT AND HUMOR.

A rifle team—A gang of burglars. The path of duty—Through the Custom House. Hydrophobia is naturally superinduced by dog daze. How does a cow become a lauded estate ? By turning her into q field. The only things that go best when they are thoroughly tired are wheels. When should you apply a sdyereigu remedy to your tooth ? When it is a-king. A fashionable medical journal says the summer style of vaccination is cardinal red, cut bias, and gored. A paper says of a very prominent militia General that “his sword was never drawn bnt'once, and then in a raffle.” In Home, Ga., the other day, seven brothers named Hill were indicted for counterfeiting. Rome sat on her seven Hills, as usual. Tramps are very fond of flowers, and may be found peeping into yards aud inquiring if the proprietor has anemone for a poor blind cripple. A sailor dropped in to pummel a Maine newspaper man the other day,and the rural sheet came out with au account of the affray, heading it “A Salt on an Editor.” A lady, being about to marry a small man, was told that he was a very bad fellow. “Well,”! says she, “ifhe’sbad, there’s one comfort—there is very little of him.” Recent investigations prove the assertion that one baby with a large biscuit will make the couch of wearied industry more uncomfortable than fifteen prize mosquitoes.

“Has that jury agreed?” asked the Judge of a Sheriff, whom he met on the stairs with a bucket in his hand. “Yes,” replied Patrick, “they have now agreed to send out for half a gallon.” “ Pay me that 6-and-8 pence you owe me, Mr. Malrooney,” said a village attorney. “ For what ?” “ For the opinion you had of me.” “ Faith I never had any opinion of you in all my life.” An Irish who never reads the papers, says he hears that the Turks are bombarding Kalafat from Widin, and he can’t understand it, for he thought they always bombarded a city from “widout. ” “ Do you think your father is going to move out soon ?” inquired the owner of a rented house of the son of his tenant. “ Reckon ho,” was the reply. “We’ve begun usin’winder-frames for firewood.” A very precise person, remarking upon Shakspearc’sline, “The good men do is oft interred with their bones,” carefully observed that this interment can generally take place without crowding the bones. The Graphic asks, “Was it Jewdioious?” We should Judge not. Perhaps though, if Hebraic’s off the Hilton his pruning sword, he may see that his action was very injewrious, indeed.— Jific Dispatch. /‘ls he a friend of yours?” asked a New York gentleman, pointing to a man who was sailing down the street. “1 can’t tell you until next Saturday,” returned the individual; “I just loaned him a five-dollar bill.”

Little Frank was taught ho was made of dust. As he stood by the windows watching the dust as the wind was whirling it in eddies, he exclaimed, seriously : “ Ma, I thought the dust looked as though there was going to be another little boy made.” An old Carolinian once said : “I was born the last day in the year, the last day in the month, the last day of the week, very late in the day, and have always been behindhand. I would have been §SO in my pocket il 1 had not been born at all.” Lady (to servant, has given notice three days after her arrival)—“ But, if you didn’t mean to stay, why did you take the place ?” Servant —“ Well, ’m, when I see you at the registry-office you locked so tired and fagged, I took your situation out of charity like.” A spiteful woman, who was suspected of not making her husband supremely happy, asked an elderly spinster to express her “ views of single and married blessedness;” whereupon the latter wrote z “ Let no repugnance to a single state: < Load to an union with a worthless mate / Although ’tin true you’ll find many a foo Would make old maids the butt of ridicule. A single lady, though advanced in life, Is more happy than an ill-matched w lie. going west. “ Pull up your stakes,” the old man said ; “ Why don’t you westward go And start a farm ? ” The youth replied, “ I would, if Idaho.” “Chivalrous boy! ” the sire exclaimed, •• Your pluck full well 1 know ; I’ll help you out, if that is all You need. Here, Ivanhoe!” —Nem York Connnririal Advertiser. He started out and westward went, Inspired with youthful ardor ; But something whispered at Cheyenne, “ Would you go to N c-vada ?” “ I know I said if Idaho I would not ask for mower; But now that I can take my pick, My dream is surely ore ! ” —Boston Advertiser. He worked the Meum Mine, but soon It bust and lie cried “ O, ’Twere better if I had returned To Troy and Tuckahoe ! ” “ ’Twould raise my hope to raise a crop ; But ere he traveled far A loathsome savage raised his scalp, And lie yelled, “ O-my-har ! ” —jVete York Graphic.

The Philadelphia Press says that, while there is a depression in the drygoods trade, the manufactures of that city are in a remarkably flourishing condition, some of them doing a better business than at any previous period. The production this year is estimated at §600,000,1)00, against §552,000,000 last year,