Democratic Sentinel, Volume 1, Number 21, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 6 July 1877 — WIT AND HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

WIT AND HUMOR.

A mt ay sing air—The song of a mule. Turkey's battle-song is “ Hold the Porto.” * It’s a mighty sick printer who throws up his case. It was a little who remarked that slit; didn’t want to kiss papa because lie had “fringe on his mouth.” A young main from Auburn, who went to Texas last spring, lias telegraphed home to his father: “Fatted calf for one!” “ Tom, what in the world put matrimony into' your head?” “Well, (lie fact is, Joe, I was getting short ol' shirts.” Why is the Bank ol‘ 0 Franco like the Mohammedan religion? Because it’s something to which you and I don’t owe assent. I am astonished, my dear young lady, at your sentiments ; you make me start.” “ Well, I have been wanting you to start for the last hour. ” Can the chap at the theater who insists on beating time to the orchestra with his feet be spoken of as a “man who lias no music in liis Role ?” “ Wiiat side of the street do you live on, Mrs. Kipple ?” asked a counsel, crossexamining a witness. “On either side, sir. If you go one way, it’s on the right side. If you go the other way, it’s on the left.” As an evidence of woman’s confiding nature', it is mentioned that a young lady was married the other day to a Mr. Forget, but he was always for getting her. “ Circumstances alter cases,” said a lawyer to liis client, after losingthe fourth lawsuit, “Cases alter circumstances,” savagely replied the client. “By your management of my cases my circumstances ’have been nearly ruined.” The cucumber’ season has set in, and a man is waked up at 2 o’clock in the morning, after dreaming that an elephant is sitting on liis equator, to experience a violent regret he has not attended church more regularly in liis youth. Two rural constituents were talking of the new member of the Legislature, from their district. One of them asked, “Is he talented?” “Well,” said the other, “I should say he might set a house afire by rubbing his nose against the door-post.” If you wish to. understand woman’s capacity for business, just undertake to overhaul a high-toned dressmaker’s bill. The way one of these female harness manufacturers will graft bones, buttons, sewing silk, fringe, lining, cambric, etc., on to the original charge for making and trimming is enough to send a first-class double-entry bookkeeper to a lunatic asylum. — None ieh Ji u t let in. Russian visiting cards are two feet long, and when young Petropaulovski Paskiesmitliiwitch wants to leave one for Miss Tallowdipsakoff, who’s just gone to a train-oil kettledrum, he sings out to the hired girl that she needn’t stop spring cleaning to come down from the fourth story, but draws his card out of his Itus-sia-leather card valise and hands it to her through the window without any straining of the flexor or extensor muscles. — Pve/:. A pastor, delivering a sermon, was greatly disturbed by the “Aniens,” “ Glory hallelujahs,” etc., of an old man whose piety was manifested to the discomfort of the pastor ami people. The preacher asked a brother deacon to request the old man to discontinue, which he did, and not another word was heard. “Tell us how you managed to hush him up so completely,” inquired the pastor ; “ what did you say to him?” “ Oh, I only asked him to subscribe a dollar for foreign missions—that’s all,” was the reply.