Daily Greencastle Banner and Times, Greencastle, Putnam County, 1 April 1897 — Page 2

THE DAILY BANNER TIMES, GREENCASTLE, INDIANA.

IN THE ODD CORNIER.

SOME QUEER AND CURIOUS

FEATURES OF LIFE.

A Crow Tliut i* Komi of 111. I'oamini; Borr A Straneo '1 n l.nlv CreHlIiiR llikroc in tbn Moiintwlns of Kentucky.

"Thar man said, ‘If all these people were not here I’d kiss you. If they don't get out of the way preity soon I shall have to before them.' The girl

replied. 'Then I shall scream.’ ”

The deaf girl understood their words

by the motion of their lips.

Song; of the Summer Wind*. P the dale

0

*

and

the

d o w n bourne.

O’er the meadow swift we fly; Now we sing, and now we mourn. Now we whistle, now we sigh.

w

W

Dy the grassy-

fringed river.

Through the murmuring reeds we sweep. Mid the lily leaves we quiver. To their very hearts we creep.

Now the maiden rose is blushing At the frolic tilings we say, While aside her cheek we re rushing Like some truant bees at play. Through the blooming groves we rus

tie.

Kissing every bud we pass,—

As we did it in the bustle,

Scarcely knowing how It was. Down the glen, across the mountain. O'er the yellow heath we roam. Whirling round about the fountain

Till its little breakers foam.

Bending down the weeping willows. While our vesper hymn we sigh;

Then unto our rosy pillows On our weary wings we hie.

There of Idlenesses dreaming. Scarce from waking we refrain. Moments long as ages deeming

Till we're at our play again. This Crow Loved Iteer.

The members of a family residing at llonesdalc. Pa., have for some time past been annoyed by the mysterious diseppearance of various bottles of beer. All those connected with the household denied any knowledge of the thefts save Peter, and as he was a pet crow and did not understand the language he could make no denial. Keeling indisposed one day, the master of the house remained at home. Peter didn't appear to relisii his master's presence at all. He was peevish, and at last disappeared. La er in the day a clicking was heard in the cellar, and the master took a position where he could see what mischief Pete was doing. There was Pete on the cellar door tossing the bottles over. He would set one on end ond give it a kick against another, as intent upon his work as if he. like

Ttro Mighty Mean tines. Candidates for the dishonor of being the meanest husband are, fortunately, not abundant in the United States, but occasionally they enter the list. One Kentucky benedict gave his wife on the twenty-fifth anniversary of their wedding four yards of ‘'domestic,” out of which she was to make him a shirt, this being the only gift from him In the quarter of a century. A strong competitor is the Ohio man who gave his wife but $10 in four years. Out of this she had to expend $5 to replace a parasol for her sister, which the man had lost, and he borrowed the remaining $5 of her to get his trunk out of pawn and forgot to pay it. The only money he ever spent for her in any way was a nickel paid for a sack of peanuts, of which he took the lion’s share. The wife was forced to clothe herself and pay for her own board.

THEATRICAL TOPICS. CURRENT SAYINGS AND DOINGS

OF STAGE FOLK.

B*lio I, thp Oiirpn of the Aiuerlrau Itrumu?—roiinlurlty of the Romantic Dmina--('haiin<‘ey Olrot l*. I rt.h Comedy,

“Sweet IniiK'itrr..” KE recent elaborate ceremonies in France when Sarah Bernhardt was crowned ''Queen of 'the French Drama” were interesting to all theater-goers In this country who had seen this wonderful woman— and who has not?

—In one or more of her marvelous performances. No actress of modern timer or for that matter no actress of any time—-has had a more varied career, excited more comment or

our stage, and one who gives promise of excellent future work. Miss Bouton is a dashing brunette with a captivating manner and a musical voice. With the right opportunity for development she may become a leading figure. I'mler th«* Iteil Kobe. Romantic drama has not been so popular for years as it is to-day and success has crowned the production of each play of this kind this season. The daring gallant who rushes madly into danger on the least provocation, the lady fair, the crafty villain, the quick exchange of wit, the flashing sworti and the romantic atmosphere of these new plays seem to appeal particularly to the public after a surfeit of problem and society plays. "Under the Red Robe,” as presented by the Empire Theater Stock company, is au admirable production, both from the scenic and the histrionic standpoint. One of the members of the company who appears in this play and who has been with the Frohman forces for several seasons is Miss Ida Conquest, a

aroused more enthusiasm that the “Pi- ver >' Pretty and attractive young ac-

THeKmpliy Without Wire*. The postoffice department of Great Britain is experimenting on a new system of telegraphy which is embodied in the following idea: “The system depends not on electro-magnetic but elec-tro-static effects; that is to say, on electric waves of a much higher rate of vibration, not less than 250,090,000 a second- that is, Hertzian waves. These vibrations are projected through space in straight lines, and, like light, are capable of reflection and refraction. Indeed, they exhibit all of the phenomena which characterize light. More than ten years ago the discovery was made in a London office in the Telephone Exchange that operators read from sound messages that were in transit from London to Bradford by telegraph wires. Other experiments have demonstrated the possibility of telegraphing though the wires were broken. The probabilities are that the attraction is strong enough to continue the sound through the space between the broken ends of the lines.

vine Sarah." Her magnetism, her sinuous grace, her fiery temperament, her wonderful tragedy, and her matchless voice have been the admiration of thousands and thousands, and in the ceremonies referred to she might well have accepted the unqualified title ''Queen of the Drama," but she preferred to be identified solely with her I own country. She has recently had produced a drama entitled “Duchess

Catherine," which was written by her- ; i lfi happens to make his hit unexself, and. though past fifty, retains the 1 pec tedly, and a few very lucky ones grace and spirits of a girl and her tinil a place waiting for them. In this

genius is still undimmed. "Oupen of flip Amprlrmi *taRp.“

If a similar occasion should arise In England Ellen Terry would of course be crowned “Queen of the English Drama.” and this brings us to the question, Who is the “Queen of the American Drama?” Some of the most

Tli« < at Came Hark.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is a longdistance pedestrian eat. He is the property of Dr. Terrill, who recently moved from Covington. Ky., to Anderson, !nd., taking the animal with him. Soon the cat was missing and in due course turned up at the old place in Covington. Dr. Terrill was informed and

many of his kind, were at thr.t moment | once more brought the cat to Anderhreaking clams upon rocky shores. At son. How he made his way back to last ho managed to break one of the j Covington is not known. The distance bottles. The beer frothed out into the between the two places is nearly 200 little hollows in the fioor, but some re- miles. Step to the next cage, p’.ease. inaiued in the concave pieces of the ^ broken bottle. He drank all that he Kspf , a . iv<( co.t. r.,r Small Appeal, cot.hi find, and, seemingly was about | Thn uttention of . hf , Di8trlct , mlrt ct satisfied. He surveyed the broken j Webster cttJ , lowa ha8 , )PPtl occllpie d I pieces, cocked his head to one side | (lavs at a C03t ovo| . $ ,,, 000 t0 the

vl IllS anil etinttnfi eirnnrwl

winked his eye and stiuttcd around pompously. Then the bird picked up one of the larger pieces of the bottle and flew to an open window at the bad; rf the cellar, lie disappeared with the gls: i, bui was soon hack after more, which he disposed of in the same way, and continued to do this until all traces of his riot had disappeared, except some small pieces, which he scratched out of sight. Prinking himself into presentable shape he left the cellar, and before long was walking around the kitchen with unsteady gait, hoarse voice and bloodshot eyes, importuning his mistress to furnish him

with supper.

A Strange Malady.

Reliable reports brought from the i southern part of Perry county. near the Knott county line, say a fatal malady, something like black death, is raging there, and already several deaths have occurred, with more than sixty cases in the immediate vi- ; oinity, says a Seigent, Ky., special. New cases are also developing every day, and the local physicians of Perry county have their hands full, although they were unable to give any aid, the disease being far beyond their knowledge. The victims first feel a heavy j attack of chills, followed with a break- 1 lug out of the tongue and mouth. Usually they want to he sleeping all the while and can no! be kept awake. Much ; excitement prevails throughout the county owing to Ihe fatality o. the “bin ’It death." and every precaution Is taken to prevent the spread of the | EtratiBe disease. Pome eighteen months ago this same di.-:easo waged in Perry I vounly, and many victims were carried off, though it finally abated. Also this same malady waged on Beaver Creek. ! Floyd county where it carried off more than 100 people in less than three j weeks. It was carried there in a suit

of clothes from Cincinnati.

taxpayers of the county with'the caso of Hoffman versus O'Brien, an appeal from a justice court, wherein judgment was given the plaintiff for $2ti. In the costs of tlie court and the amount involved the case is similar to that of the Jones county calf case. The jury, after being out ail night, gave a verdict to the defendant, “.ho submitted a

counter claim.

Snitk<* Swallowed Lion. The big boa in Lemen Bros.’ circus at Armontine. Mo., the other day gobbled down the baby lion McKinley. The cub weighs thirty-five pounds and yelped lustily. It was sleeping by a stove when the snake escaped. Tha mother lion saw the act and in her r.ige roared like Niagara. The othei animals joined in and the watchman came. The snake was killed and cut open and the cub is now doing business at the old stand as if nothing had !

happened.

tress, whose best work so far was her impersonation of the gay young wife in "Bohemia.” Miss Conquest portrayed this character with all the vivaclty, coquetry and charm of a true Parisienne, making it completely overshadow the sickly heroine.

“Sweet Inni.earra."

Sometimes an actor has to work foi years to gain his position, sometimes

he happens

latter class belongs Chauncey Oleott, who stepped into W. J. Scanlan's shoes when that unfortunate actor was compelled to retire. Mr. Oleott has succeeded completely in winning the hearts of Scanlan's old friends and ho now stands on his own merits and counts his own admirers. Mr. Oleott has a very pleasing and winsome per-

M ADELINE BOUTON.

Kuitlguroo I* 11 nine* irk. A kangaroo in Central park menagerie, New York, escaped the other day and had a ftolic. The animal did some tall jumping when he leaped through an opening in the roof of the deer house, right over the keeper’s head. Ihe kangaroo wouldn't come down, and four men who climbed up there found him worse than a jumping bean. He leaped over their heads In every direction, hut one of them fell on his tail anti that was the last of the fight.

prominent and the finest actresses Identified with the American stage are foreigners. Ada Rehan and Rose Coghlan, both so well and widely known, are Irish by birth; Madame Modjeska is a Pole: yet all three have come to be regarded as American actresses. But. on the other hand, we have a nutr her of native horn actresses who may lay considerable claim to greatness. Cora Urquhart Potter is a woman who possesses the true genius of

VETERANS' CORNER.

SOME GOOD SHORT STORIES FOR OLD SOLDIERS.

Gen. Grant'. Tender Greeting—Wlille on HI. Ride in the Wllderne.a the Great Commander Stopped to Talk with a Woumfrd .Soldier.

The

But t Ie-Flelde NCE this soft turf, this rivulet's sands, Were trampled by a hurrying crowd. And fiery hearts and armed hands Encounter'd in the battlecloud.

Ah! never shall the land forget How gush'd the life-blood of her brave— Gush'd, warm with hope and courage yet. Upon the soil they fought to save. Now, all Is calm, and fresh, and still; Alone the chirp of Hitting bird. And talk of children on the hill. And hell of wandering klne are heard. No solemn host goes trailing by The blaek-mouth'd gun and staggering wain; Men start not at the battle-cry; O! be it never heard again. Soon rested those who fought; but thou Who minglest in the harder strife For truths which men receive not now, Thy warfare only ends with life. A friendless warfare! lingering long Through weary day and weary year. A wild and many-weapon'd throng Hang on thy front, and flank, and rear. Yet, nerve thy spirit to the proof. And blench not at thy chosen lot. The timid good may stand aloof. The sage may frown—yet faint thou not. Nor heed the shaft too surely cast. The hissing, stinging bolt of scorn; For with thy side shall dwell, at last. The victory of endurance born. Truth, crush'd to earth, shall rise again: The eternal years of Uord are hers; But Error, wounded, writhes with pain, And dies among his worshipers. Yea. though thou He upon the dust. \\ heq they who help'd thee flee In fen r. Die full of hope and manly trust. Like those who fell iti battle here. Another hand thy sword shall wield. Another hand the standard wave, Till from t he trumpet's mouth is peal'd The blast of triumph o'er thy grave. —Bryant.

sonality, a sufficient sense of comic and theatric effect, and a remarkably sweet voice. His singing is in fact tha greatest attraction of the performance, and it is worthty of note that his songs are both written and composed by himself. "Sweet Inniscarra,” the new play in which Mr. Oleott is appearing this season, was written to fit his abilities, and, while it tells a conventional tale,

field Republican. The wife was a Pennsylvania girl whom he had met while visiting in the north, had married and taken to his southern home Just before the Breaking out of the war. He was one of the first to enlist in the confederate army; and to devote himself more completely to the cause he sent his wife, at the first boom of the guns at Fort Sumter, back to her parents in Pennsylvania, to remain till the great struggle was ended. Now, in 1866, live years after their separation, she was on her way south to rejoin her husband and place in his arms their four-year-old daughter, whom he had never seen. It was not long before all the passengers on our car knew the story, and there was not a man among us who did not feel a tenderness for and a protecting interest in both. There never was a woman whose heart was more full of love and joy. She could do nothing but talk of the captain and wonder if he had changed so that slje could not recognize him, or if he would not he able to recognize her. Then she would fall to wondering if he would know his little daughter If he met her in the street by her resemblance to himself, which, as he had never set eyes on her, did not seem probable. Throughout that long day's ride we entered heartily into that dear little woman's hopes, fears, doubts and Joys and shared them to such an extent that we were quite as anxious to see the captain as she was. We reached our journey’s end and before the train had fairly shipped a tall, elegantly proportioned fellow of 27 came hounding into our car. The little woman gave such a scream of joy as 1 can never forget, and in less time than 1 can tell it was standing in the car aisle clasped in the young soldier's manly arms, and tears of joy unutterable coursed down two beautiful young faces as their lips met. For my own part, my own eyes were so full of blinding moisture that I could see nothing when the proud and happy young wife and mother led her husband for the first time to the place where their little child lay sleeping.

“l.iLHrr of I ho Pres*/'

The hattfe of Cold Harbor is the subject of General Horace Porter's ''Campaigning with Grant" in the current Century. General Porter relates the following anecdote in this number; General Meade had been untiring in his efforts during this eventful week. He was General Grant’s senior by seven years, was older than any of the corps commanders, and was naturally of an excitable temperament, and with the continual annoyances to which he was subjected he not Infrequently became quite Irritable. He was greatly disturbed at this time by some newspaper reports stating that on the second night of the battle of the Wilderness he had advised a retreat across the Rapidan; and in talking this matter over with General Grant, his indignation became so great that his wrath knew no hounds. He said that the rumor had been circulated through the press, and would lie believed by many of the people, and perhaps by the authorities in Washington. Mr. Dana, the assistant secretaiy of war, who was still with tlie army, was present ft the interview, and he and General Gi«.nt tried to console Meade by assurances that the story would not he credited, and that they would give a broad conn despatch in the secretary of war, altradiction to it. Mr. Dana at once sent hiding to the rumor, and saying: “This is entirely untrue. He has not shown any weakness of the sort since moving from Culpeper, nor once intimated a doubt as to the successful issue of the

campaign.”

The secretary replied the next day (June 10), saying: “Please say to General Meade that the lying report alluded to in your telegram was not even for a moment believed by the president or myself. We have the most perfect confidence in him. He could not wish a more exalted estimation of his ability, his firmness, and every quality ol a commanding general than is entertained for him." The newspaper correspondent who had been the author of this slander was seized and placed on a horse, with large placards hung upon his breast and back hearing the Inscription, “Libeler of the Press,'' and drummed out of camp. There had never been a moment when Meade had not been in favor of hold and vigorous advances, and he would have been the last man to counsel a retreat.

THAT'5 WHO | Who hypnotized me with her ways Until my heart was all ablaze With love, and every nerve appeared To be, like lightning, double geared? Lucinda. Wbo listened to my earnest pleas, And warmed toward me by degrees Until she called me Sam, and snid I’d sort o' turned her little head? My sweetheart. Who let me kiss her one sweet night Beneath the moon's white metal light, And said she’d ever cling to me As clings the bar* unto the tree? My betrothed, Who left the altar at my side, Dressed In the trappings of a bride, And said again and yet again I was the king of all the men? My wife. And now who often calls me down, Upon her face a vicious frown, And if to answer her 1 dare Entwines her fingers in my hair? Same girl. —Denver Post.

HUMOR OF THE HAY.

Maine’s wuu iirifer.. '.ragetly allied to ambition and the These two savage beasts are wild s I ) * r ' t t '^ < ' ,ea * artist, she is one of heife:s belonging to Charles George of l * le most striking figures on our stage l East Orrington. Maine. They escaped | 11,1,1 one who wlu yet be acknowledged from a pen last fall and have just for hor flnc work as 11 "«" een of the ; been captured, after having lost all ' American Stage. Julia Marlowe-Ta- ! trace of domesticity They are fat and j bcr 18 a conscientious artist who has | sleek and have gone through some ex- devoted her time and talents to the

. traordinarily cold weather without presentation of standard plays rather

1 turning a hair. One had a calf so sav- than encouraging aspiring dramatists,

It doesn't ^’Ly/pay'lo'"'pn'ss your ^ [[ ha, ‘ to bP 8hot ' Many ttnimal9 bUt her repu,atlon as a Shakespearean

Inmost thought even guardedly iu the presence of deaf mutes. A story was

told at the meeting of the Woman Suffrage association the other afternoon. which showed conclusively the ■wisdom of the above remarl;. A devoted couple who. apparently, had been long separated, were thrust suddenly into each other s company at a largely attended reception. The lady who told the story said that she was present in company with an educated deaf girl. The happy reunited pair displayed fully the thoughts that were in their hearts by the beam upon their countenance. Suddenly the young man drew near to the one whom he adored .and said in a low tone, inaudible to

those about him. a few seemingly af- trme yueen.

fee*ionate words. The deaf girl Marla Pia ' tbe Pom ? ,lesft J Q ,leen watched the proceedings with intense Dow ‘>B e '' WM '' 3 ,bp S 01 ' 1 Inedal of a interest and suddenly broke Into a Usbon »»» llan( ‘ society. It was grant broad grin. Her companion Inquired pd her for j ,in, I' in K in, ° t* 10 Ta S' 13 aftcr what it was that amused her. She Alfonso, when he was a little fellow, turned about so that the couple could : Tbe y ueen i8 a rery plain but a very

not to see her and replied: ! Interesting woman.

run wild along the Maine coast and al- | Actress is considerable and well deways winter well j served. EUta Proctor Otis is a woman

who possesses fire, passion and robust

IIiuiioi Ontricll.

James NVarburton, an Australian, 63 , years old, who was admitted to the | .cate hospital for the insane at Morris Plains, N. Y., about one ytar ago, suf-

fering from melancholy, died last week | s P ent a Rreat < ! Pal of money an t I . con /

without apparent disease. Thomas P.

beauty, which have never yet had the right opportunity for display, but when the occasion arrives she will quickly exhibit the fine qualities of her work. Fanny Davenport, who has

scientious work on her productions,

Front, hospital pathologist, performed an autopsy and found bits of glass, stones, three silver teaspoons and the handles of six others in Warburton's stomach. Part of the silver only came from the hospital.

, and Margaret Mather, who is just reI appearing in Shakespearean repertoire after a retirement of four years are both actresses whose work is a credit to the American stage. In fact a reflection on this subject but emphasizes the general excellence of our actresses, and whereas other nations may crown one queen, America might easily

choose a dozen.

tirant’g Tender <*reeting.

Told by Hamlin Garland: It was midday in the battle of the Wilderness. and a small teamster of 17 was standing beside his wagon near Gen. Meade’s headquarters and i lose to Hie gory, hurried and troubled surgeons, who were lopping limbs from faint soldiers in blue. All the horrors of battle were there centered; rills of blood, stacks of livid limbs, rows of suffering bodies, torn and mangled. One by one the blue-clad men were lifted to a rough table; a keen knife slit sleeve or pantaloons, the sponge swung to the nostrils, the knife blade fell upon the flesh; the saw followed. A few moments of rapid work and the subject, inanimate as wood, was laid aside to make room on the bed of slaughter for a comrade. The young teamster stood there waiting for his wagon load of human torsos, feeling all the horror, all the benumbing terror of the battle. He could hear the dread continuous thunder to the front, and could see the smoke rising like a cloud above the batteries of crouching cannon, unseen hut savage. Home seemed us far away as heaven to the boy, and the world appeared to be given up to slaughter and to dying men. Standing so, he saw a horseman approaching and forgot for the moment his terror by reason of Ills admiration for the horse and his rider. The horse had a swift, steady rack, and as he came his burnished neck and forearms seemed to flash in the light. His rider sat him gloriously, the reins in his left hand, guiding as if by force of habit. He appeared not to know the horse was moving. He descended hollows, leaped funows, skirted hanks, yet the rider sat his saddle, careless, , secure, graceful and erect. His intro- | spective eyes fell upon the boy, and i he drew his horse almost to a walk. He i was a careworn man. dressed in a plain

blue blouse, much faded, and his hat

was equally weather-beaten. His face (

was pensive, grave and unyielding as j Southern Amazons, a granite mask. The boy thrilled with Edward ( . I foulkes has just received j excitement and awe and worshipful ad- information that James Kyle, a greatmiration. He knew this sad-faced, I sranduncle. has died in Virginia, he-

Mndelinu Bouton. Madeline Bouton, of whom we give an attractive picture this month, Is one of the handsomest young women on

MI3S GEORGIANA BUSBY, is several grades higher than the aver- i age Irish drama. Happily it contains no dynamite explosion, fire, or evic- j tion scenes or other sensational de- | vices, and the scenery with which it la mounted is unusually handsome. Mis* Georgia Busby is a very lovely heroine; there are a couple of most amusing children, and a magnificent Saint Bernard dog who fairly shares the honors with Mr. Oleott, and whose intelligence Is more than human. Frederic Bryton and Grace Filkine are making a hit in vaudeville.

careless, splendid rider to be the great commander. In Gen. Grant’s eyes flashed a sudden look of pity and horror. As he passed he said: “Sonny, what are you doing here?" He swept on, but his tender paternal cadence of voice and his sad, sad face the boy never forgot. Once, long after, when the boy was a middle-aged man, and the general had been twice president of (he United States, they met. In the midst of a throng of people the commander stood, and the civilian said: "I saw you once before, general. It was at the Wilderness. You passed me on horseback, and you said, ‘Sonny, what are you doing here?’ ” The general's impressive face darkened with the memory of that terrible day; then a slow smile crept round his lips and eyes. “I recollect you," he said. “But I didn’t suppose vou'd remember me.”

Gen. tine •fnluiHton'H Story, Perhaps the most touching incident arising in connection with the war that I now recall came to my notice on

queathing $500,000 to his mother. Mr. Dr. James F. Ffoulkes, who is now living in California, says Hie New York Mail and Express. Mr. Kyle was an eccentric man, a pioneer of the south, who made all of his money from coal and iron in the mountains of Tennessee. Mrs. Ffoulkes is the widow of a celebrated surgeon of the confederate army who was one of the dearest friends that Gen. Lee laid rlaim to. When Dr. Ffoulkes went to the front Mrs. Ffoulkes, then a bride, with a dozen other young women, accompanied him. Tlie brave amazons were in the midst of the hard fighting for more than a year and frequently tore up their petticoats to make bandages lor the wounded. Mrs. Ffoulkes was wounded several times, but nothing could persuade her to leave her husband's side. The lady is well known here and many letters of congratulation are being sent to her through her

sou.

Orator—“My friends, what is tha price of liberty?” Binthare—“Three to ten dollars, according to the judge.” —Judge. •‘Horsweet humility," ho wrote— They read it with avidity, And o’er the printer’s brt aic did gloat— Ho set it up "humidity." —Cleveland Loader. Deacon Black — “How did you like it down at Bloomtown?’’ Bov. White — “i tell you they’io wide awake down there!" “Oh, then you didn’t preach lor them?" If you’re u cyclist, sir, you know It makes a difference where you go; For there are regions of retreat Whore rubber tires won’t stand the heat. —Detroit Free Press. “Hear about Titninms writing a poem to DollieFliptoe’s foot?” “No; did he?" “Yes, and wheu he read it to her her foot went to sleep, so she says.”—Indianapolis Journal. Alice—“Well, Maud, I hear you are engaged to Jack.” Maud—“Yes," Alice —“Well, I congratulate you. He was about the nicest fiance 1 ever had.” — Newcastle (England) Chronicle. Freshman—“Isn’t young Rush brawny enough this year to play football?” Senior—“Oh, yes; he's all right physically, but a recent spell of fever caused his hair to fad out.”—

Judge.

Miss Shorthair—“What changes have taken place in the world !” Professor Longhair—“Yes, indeed, my dear. In the days of Methuselah it was the men who used to Ho about their age.”—Judge. “I’ll teach you to play pitch and toss !” shouted on enraged father. “I’ll flog you for an hour, I will!” “Father," instantly replied the incorrigible, “I’ll toss you to make it two hours or nothing.”—Loudon Tid-Bits. Mrs. Minims—“George,are you sure you locked up the house? ’ Mimms — “By Jove ! I can’t remember about Ihe front door.” Mrs. Minims—“Never mind about the front door. How about the coal bin?”—Cleveland Plain Dealer. New Boomer (sarcastically) —“Is this all ihe soap (here is in the room?” Landlady (decidedly)—“Yes, sir; all I will allow you.” New Boomer— “Well, I’ll take two more rooms. I’vti got to wash my face in the morning." — Baltimore News. “Dearest," he said, “Hive upon my love for you.” “Then,” she co’.JIy returned, “I suppose you’ve been eating cloves to throw others off tha scent.” And when he got outside ha knew that the last words had passed between them.—Cleveland Leader. Fon l Wife—“What are yon worrying about this evening?” Husband (a young lawyer) — “An important case. My client is charged’with murder, and I can’t make up my mind whether to try to prove that the deceased was killed by some other uau or is stnl ulive. ’—New York Weekly. Passenger (alighting from cab) — “What’s the charue?" “One dollar." “That’s quite reasonable. 1 knew by your face that you wouldn’t try to be extortionate." “Thankee! “I knew by your face that you'd be too mean to pay more than the legal fare without a law-suit.”—New Y'ork Weekly. Helen—“Oh, yes; healwaysthought the world of me. Before we were mat' i ned he used to say he was willing to die forme.’’ Nellie—“But he didn't. Helen -“Of course not. He was thoughtful, you know. He said tb»t he did not dare to do it le-d I should be unable to replace the loss. — Household Words.

Her nearest Friend.

Dora (sweetly)—“Fred didn’t blow his brains out because you jilted him

a railway train which also bore as a ! the other night; he came right over and

passenger the very pretty young wife of a soldier who-by daring bravery had secured promotion from the ranks to a Confederate captaincy, says the Spring-

proposed to me.” Maud (super-sweet-ly)—"Did he? Then he must have got rid of his brains some other way "

Tld-Bits.

Hon to Rest. To understand how to rest is more impel tauce than to know how u> work. The latter can be learned easily; the former it takes years to learn, and some people never learn tin* art of resting. It is simply a ebaug® of scenes and activities. Loafing m"? not be resting. Sleeping is not al»'“. v9 resting. Sitting down for days wit nothing to do is not restful. A chan-’® is needed to bring into play a differ® 3 set of faculties, and to turn the b « into a new channel. Tbe man w |13 works hard, finds his best rest in P'*? ing hard. The man who is burdene' with care finds relief in someth 1 ®;! that is active, yet free from respe®* bility. Above all, keep S ood ' natur |j 1 j and don’t abuse your best irieud" stomach. A Great Benefaction. The school children of New Orle*® are raising a fund ofS >0d0 monument to John McDonough, bequeathed more than $1,000, New Orleans for eduoatio ‘I P ur F' 0 The gift has resulted i 3 ereC ‘ | of more than thirt; « buildings, in which cai sic at present enrolled.