Democratic Press, Volume 2, Number 54, Decatur, Adams County, 24 October 1895 — Page 2

BREAKS THE RECORD. EXPORTS OF AMERICAN MANUFACTURES INCREASING. Xacrr««e* BiI,xXMMWO •« l.ltfht Month*—t>out»l»-D«raHnit ot ~,e rr<> ‘ t«<tloni*t* — Conjuring with *•*“' coin** XnMK-Oencrni SoUn. Vader the Wllnon Low. Democrat* advocattui tariff reform partly in the Interest* of wider market* for our manufacture ■*. They knew that with the restricted home market overproduction. so-called, and consequent business depression were inevitable, and that the only way to five steady employment to American workmen, and to create a demand for more manufactured goods, was through a tariff policy which encouraged foreign trade. The Wilson tariff made the raw material* of a number of important Industrie* free, and greatly reduced the duties on other*. The result a* shown by the Government statistics of the export* of manufactured product* 1* a triumphant indication of the Democratic policy. The following editorial from the New York Herald, a paper which is independent in politics, give* the proofs <>f the remarkable growth of our export trade: During the eight months ending with the 31st of August last. the export* of

TWO DISTINGUISHED VICTIMS OF THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY.

»’ >33 ' ' Rfc CW I vtS-ik'T' ' Jt aL. * *■ jt— -I Xgj’ Cisr• -Chicago Chronicle.

American manufactures exceeded In value the exports for the corresponding eight months of 1894 by 11 1-3 millions! of dollars. At this rate the gain for the I whole of the present calendar year will be more than $17,000,000, and the total will be decidedly greater than in any year of our national existence. It is noteworthy that since July 1 the , eipors of our manufacture# have increased even more rapidly than the preceding figures indicate. In July. 1894. ; they amounted to $14,532,152, but in , July, 1§95, they were $17,306,192. In August, 1804, the total of manufactured exports was $16,222,384; but in August, 181*5 (the last month for which returns have been received), it rose to ‘ $19,060,924. This result Is most cheer- j Ing and most remarkable. At no period in American history have the exports of our manufactured | products In a single year gone over $’83,718,484. But if the high rate of esportation of this class of American i prtducts reported for August, 1896, , th-ues a twelvemonth, the annual total would be $228,611.000. The statistics just finished by the Bu- j reau of Statistics of the Treasury De- • partment show conclusively that for- j elgnersare buying many articles manufactured in American mills and workshops more and more freely. In 1894 the July exports of manufactures of wool amounted to only $41,052, and In August to $55,335, but in July and August last they were respectively $52,253 and s76,2B9—lmprovements which may be fairly credited to the new fiscal law giving manufacturers of woollens “free wool." In July last our exports of chemicals, drugs, dyes and medicines exceeded by $182,355 those of July, 18!M, and the exports of August last exceeded those of August, 1894, by $35,702. Our exports of leather and manufactures of leather in July, 1894, were 1,289,623, but in July, 1859, they were $1,591,338; in August, 1894, they were $1,529,403, but in August, 1895, the amount rose to $2,622,381. The celerity with which our exports of iron and steel and manufactures of Iron and steel have been of late increasing may be seen from the following table: July, 1894. July, 1895. Iron and steel and manufactures of exported ....... $2,088,464 $2,670,721 Aug., 1894. Aug., 1895, Iron and steel and manufactures of exported $2,758,029 $3,410,696 In a single month (August last) the exports of American machinery and engines wen- $2,765,340, against an export In August, 1894, of only $1,205,595. These are exceedingly encouraging facts for every branch of American mechanical industry. They show that foreign markets can lie found for the products of our looms and workshops. A new era has evidently dawned upon American manufactures, ami this cannot be gainsaid when the official statistics Show (as they now do) an unprecedented volume in the exports of our home-made goods. That Awful Cobden Club. "If the woolen mills arc being ‘tf-to-tally ruinated,’ as the McKinleyltea assert they arc, by the new tariff,” asks the Chattanooga Times, "how comes it about that these same mills have con■umed about 1(X»,000,000 pounds more wool, In the last six months, than they ever consumed |n an equal period before?” We cannot answer certainly, but probably the Cobden Club is supply-

1 Ing consumers with moßry to buy more woolen good* than they ever bought beforo Ju*t to hurt "the cauae of Amer lean protection." A*k the I'blladelpbte Pm*.- Sew* and Courier. "Hr* Similar Proceaa of Heaeoninß," Town Talk nolee a tendency of liepublican editor* on the I’aciflc coast to redlscuss the tariff and au attempt to make it the leading Issue in lri»’>. it think* thl* qmwtlou ha* It* disadvantage* and adds: "There 1* nothing that could pnaribly *ult the Democracy better than a redlacuaalen of the tariff l»*ue in the face of tlie returning prosperity and confidence that ha* come to u» under the Wlto :i tariff bill. The Republicans have asserted a* an Immutable principle that the tariff control* everything; that it 1* entirely re»t>on»ible for the proaperity or adversity which prevail* under It. Their strongest argument in the campaigns of isSb and W-" W»s to print to the general prosperity and development of the country under the high tariff that prevailed between 1861 and 18H0. All this prosperity and de veloptnent WUS. they claimed and still claim, the direct logical result of the tariff. By a similar process of reasoning they must be led to the admission that the depression which began with the passage of the McKinley bill and culminated in the jtanlc of I*W> wa* the result of the tariff then in force; and that the resuscitation of prosperity which began with the passage of the

Wilson bill and is still in progress is the result of the beneficial operation of that measure.” Itouble-Dealing protectionists. Finding that the Wilson tariff is likely to yield abundant revenues this year . the Republican organs which a short | time ago denounced it on the ground that in the first year of its operation 1 there was a small deficit, are now charging that it takes from the people ’ more taxes than did the McKinley tariff. The New York Tribune publishes ■ statistics to show that while in the last j year of the tariff of 1890 the amount of duty per capita was $1.90 for the first year of tne present tariff the amount was $2.36 per capita. This typical protection trick will not | deceive any citizen who knows why the Tribune selected 1894 as the year for i estimating the average taxation under the McKinley tariff. In that year the boasted Republican revenue-producing tariff yielded over $70,000,000 less of revenue than in the previous year, and over $85,000,000 less than in 1891. To be fair the Tribune should have compared the revenue during the first year of the McKinley law with the first year of the Wilson tariff. This would have shown that the per capita tax on each man, woman and child was far higher under protection than under tariff reform. First the Republicans blamed the Wilson tariff because It did not raise enough revenue. When that argument failed them they turned around and complained that it Is raising more revenue than the last year of the Me-' Kinley tariff. And yet they seriously claim to be a party of principle. 200,000 Tons Per Week. With the duties on pig iron reduced 17 per cent, by the Wilson tariff the 1 weekly production of ail the furnaces now working has reached the tremendous figure for Oct. 1 of 291,414 tons.' This is the largest production in the history of the country or of any other country, and is a complete answer to the false prophets of protection who claimed that the iron industry would bo Injured by lower duties. At this rate the total output for the next year will amount to 10,000,000 tons, nearly a million tons more than In any previous year. That the present unprecedented prosperity in the iron Industry is not merely a temporary boom, is shown by the large orders, already amounting to 150,(XX) tons, given for steel rails by leading railways for delivery in 1896. The demand for all kinds of steel, especially for building purposes, continues in excess of the supply, and there is no indication of a falling off In orders. The McKlnleyltes will not receive much support from the centers of the iron industry this year. Conjuring with Lincoln's Name. The son of the great Lincoln takes quite kindly to the mention of his name among the Republican candidates for next President. As the tariff issue declines McKinley, Reed and Harrison decline with it in the political market, and the Republican leaders look about for more available Presidential material. Thus the shadow of a famous name looms up among the rest. The question is. Will the name of Lincoln do to conjure with?—Philadelphia Record.

HUSTLING HOOSIERS. —tMS OATHCntO FROM OVER THE STATE- *• lßt*r**tla< ot th* Mor* Important t»«»o»<s «t Our N»l|hbor* -WfhU din*. *n>t Dantha trim**. Catualilns, and i.eurrol Indian* Mew* koi**. Hallie Goto. When administrator J. C. Lewtnan and the appraiser* visited th* house ot Sallis Lewtnan, tlie eccentric spinster who left *50,000 and no Will, at Jeffersonville, they found 15.7U0 in gold and pater money I sticking in the crack*, under the carpet, tn old fruit cans, ami 11.000 in the celler. A nine-years-old cts-ik on a local bank was found between the leave* of a book. The house had item ransacked and hundreds of dollars doulitlew taken. Much of the money wa* found lying on the floor, three packages having been torn open. Everyone in the neighborhood knew Mi«* Lewman’* ecwntricille*. and were aware that she had money hidden about the place. The searchers are worked up to a frenzy. and every meh ot space about the house is being carefully scrutinized. So great is the excitement in the surrounding country that guards have to be placed around the premise* to prevent the place being invaded and torn down by person* eager to get some of the money, Minor Mate Items. The postolHceat Berlingtou has been discontinued. Danville ha* contracted for an electric light plant. Michigan City's sand mountain is about to be sold to a brie k manufactory. Henry Huntington, aged 72, of Shelbyville. was fatally stricken with paralysis James Humphrey fell into a fire cistern at Wabash, and wa* dangerously injured. The Odd-fellows of Logansport are forming a company to build a *i>J.ftV temple A new Sunday paj-er wa* sprung at Hichmond, Sunday, called "Tlie Day Betwixt." John Ward, an old resident of Edinburg, committed suicide by drowning himself in Blue River. Charles Morris, aged 23. fell from a tree near Lafayette, Sunday, and was almost instantly killed. Connersville wants a street tailroad. It will cost *300,000 to build it and *5,000 of the amount ha* been subscribed. Frank Crawley, aged 15. of Mt. Carmel, HI., attempted to jump on a train at Vincennes. He fell and his head was cut off. Farmers al-out Elwood say they will continue to burn flambeaux on their farms and will fight the Mate gas inspector in he courts. Vital statistics of Wayne County for the three month* show that there were a total of 146 deaths, birth*. 64 marriages and 172 eases of contagious diseases. At Hagerstow n. Wayne County, another gas well has been drilled in by the local gas company. Its capacity is about equal to the several others drilled there. Tlie laying of the gas line by the Chicago pipe line company has been stopi>ed in Grant County by the Sheriff. He says the company ha* no franchies in that County. The attempt to raise *IOO.OOO to be added to the endowment fund of Earlham College is meeting with success, and over *SO--of the amount ba* already been received. Natural gas from the Indiana field has been brought through the new pipe line of the Wabash Fuel Company to Wabash. This give* Wabash competition with the Dietrich syndicate, and as long as tlie supply holds out will insure low rates. M. C. McWhinney. superintendent of the Marion Street Railway, was fatally injured recently. He was holding a chisel for a workman as the latter struck it with a sledgehammer. A chip was broken from the hammer piercing McW hinney’s neck Otto Myer, while hunting in the country near Fort Wayne, was shot by the accidental discharge of his gun. He reached up to knock an apple off a tree with the butt end of his gun. The hammer encountered a limb and the charge entered bis abdomen. He lingered through the night in agony. Government Surveyor Shanks and a force of men are surveying White River in Daviess County, with a view to cleaning out the river and making it a navigable stream. The river will be cleaned from Shoals to Indianapolis, byway of Maysville, four miles south, and locks will be built to force tlie waler where there is a fall. Work has progressed quite rapidly on the addition to the Eastern Indiana Hospital for the Insane, located at Richmond, and it is expected that it will be ready for occupancy by Jan. 1 ami that it wuj" enable tlie management to remedy the overcrowded condition of the institution. The new addition will be used as an assembly hall, general-dining-room and kitchens. The Humane Society at Richmond some month* ago a-k.-d the Board of Metropolitan Police Commissioners to appoint a Human Inspector, but they declined to do to. The case was then apjiealed to the Circuit Court, and Judge Comstock decided against the society, on the ground that tlie law governing the case applied only to cities of is.ooo inhabitants or over. The Supreme Court lias overruled the petition for a rehearing in the fee and salary law case. Tlie cause referred to the compensation of County Treasurers, and was brought by th.- Treasurer of Vigo County. Tlie petition wa* based upon alleged error* of tlie Court in making its former ruling the effect of which wag to uphold the legality of the fee and salary law. Magistrate Epli Keig win of Jeffersonville has been buncoed out of *75 by aconfidence woman claiming to be Mrs. Joseph Bullah of W ilmington, Del., and a member of the First Presbyterian Church of that city, of which Rev. Albert Keigwin, brother of the ’squire, is pastor. She Induced the magistrate Vi identify her at the bank, and cashed a check drawn on a Wilmington bank, which came back unhonored. The heirs to the famous Antrim estate in Ireland, of which there are about . twenty-five in this state, have received ■ word that the alleged *60,000.000 estate never existed and that the supposed heir* I in this country have no show whatever of I securing any part of the small estate left. A clerk in a Fort Wayee music store known as John Smith has received official notice that Ins brother, Baron Von Seckendorf, had died in Pommen, Prussia, and th>-title and estate, which is worth millions, goes to him. Smith will leave for Germany at otice. He state* that he left home because his brother took a dislike to him.

NOTES AND COMMENTS. Tn* Spaniard* “T »>“ th - Cuban rebel. do nri plav W'- Tl * v likely I- g<> »“'> hurl Th* mania for mauufacturing thing out of paper d<*» »ol Icweto Gloves, hamlken Idris, tie*- !u J ' whole stoek-lndrade of the average b.-ier b no* being knitted fi»m I«l*r yarn*. A Ctucaoo religious journal advocate a ! head tex of *IOO on every American go. I' ing to Europa to spend r gold, if that i« s'teb a terrible thing for 1 toe eouutrv. how alxmt tto*e marriage* ot iMdre***. to foreign title*, which takeaway in bulk in -me cases a* much a* 10. gw ordinary traveler* »uend in the course of a tcaiM>n ? Ox* of the curiosities ot the cable ' <»de i! metli'xl of semitog information is • h< ’* n In a recent message announcing the I<** 11 by tire of a ship at sea. The whole me*1 1 gage »'*• conveyed in three words ot 1 Scott's cable code; “Smoriderd, hurrah 1 balb-lujab I” • fmouldcre.l" J* [ •the ship has beeu destroyed by J*re: I "hurrah’’ tor “crew saved by boat*, and I “hallelujah” for “all band* saved—inform wires and sweetheart*.” Twa law passed by tlie last Wi—onsin legislature for the treatment of habitual i drunkards at public expense ha* so far cost tI’.OOO This *um will pay f»r 13< treatments. In only twenty-five of the seventv counties of the Stale have Hie i judges availed themselves of the provision* of the law. Some judges believe the law to be unconstitutional, aad will not a< l upon it. In a large majority of cases the treatment is reported to have been esI fective. I Tux trade newspaper, Hardware, has I solicited tlie opinion* of tlie leading bicycle ' 1 manufacturers of the country as to tlie number of bicvcle* manufacture 1 in i America during 1H95. and the probable i output for ISbd. The response*, which are from the leading manufacturer* of the country, place the output for 1897 anywhere from 400.(WO to 750.0 *O. and that of IS9O from 600.000 to 1,000.00). A fair average of these opinions would bring the prophecy for 1*96 to near 750,- , 000 wheels. Exbxrt* report that it is impossible to tend a telegraphic dispatch through the Hoosic Tunnel, four and one half mUes from North Adams. Mass. It has l*en tried with aU kinds of wires, and with a cable such as i* used under the wean, but in vain. The telegraph wire* in consequence of this curious condition, have been carried over the surrounding mountains. A careful exploration of the tunnel has been made, but no magnetic or other ore has been found to interfere with the transmission of a message. Tux St. Paul Pioneer Press gives a summary of the recent State census, wbk h -hows that the present population of Minnesota is 1,573.350, a gain of 271.524 since 1890. The greatest percentage of gain is shown by those counties in the pine forest* of the northern part of the State, and in the Sixth Congressional District generally, the district showing a gain of 44 per cent. The agricultural section, embracing the western half of the State, and comprising the Second an 1 Seventh i Districts, shows a gain of about 25 per I cent. Henry Miller and Charles Lux. cattlemen, of San Francisco, confess to owning more than 14,000.000 acres of land in three Mates. As the San Francisco Examitier puts it, this makes an estate equal in area to the States of New Hampshire, Massachusetts, Rhode Island and Connecticut together. It is half the size of New York cad three times the size of New Jersey. It is about the size of West Virginia and an eighth the entire area of California. It is as large as Greece with the lonian Isles, ot which Byron wrote. It is four times the area of Alsace-Lorraine, over which France and Germany fought. It is but little smaller than Ireland and half again as large as Switzerland. It is twice as large as Belgium and one-third the size of England and Wales together. These two remarkable men are natives of one of the Rhenish provinces of Germany. Thx new army rifles are now being distributed among Uncle Sam's soldiers. Eventually 25,000 of them will be delivered to the War Department from the Na- j tional Armory at Springfield. To make them has taken a year and a half, and not all of them are finished yet. These modern small arms are wonderfully different ' from the guns carried by our troop* hitherto. The clumsy old 45-caliber has been replaced by a wea|*>n that ahoot* as fast as I a man can pull the trigger. It i* effective at the distance of a mile, and the lead bul- i let, clad in a steel coat, leaves the muzzle | at a speed of nearly half a mile a second, i The idea cf the up-to-date rifle is to I throw a small and very bard projectile with enormously increased velocity to a , i much greater distance with greater precit sion than formerly. Ax aggregate area of about twenty mil- i lions of square miles of the earth's surface • is as yet quite unexplored, according to i an address by Professor I. Logan Tobley ; to tlie Ix>ndon Geographical Congress. ! This aggregate is made up as follows: Africa, 6,500.009 square mile*; Australia. ; 2,250,000; North America, 1,500,090; ! South America, 500,000; Asia, 250,000; islands, 600,000: Artic regions, 8.500,000; Antartic region-. 5,00 1,000. 1 his e-ti- j | mate leaves out of account the very im- ! perfectly known regions of Central Asia , and the interior of the northern parts ot I both North and South America, as well as the similar areas of Africa and Australia. When we add not merely the enormous areas of these only partially explored regions, but also those that, though explored, are not accurately surveyed, it will be seen that the field for further exploration and research is abundantly wide. A Grxsd Rapiim paper says that the folding bed is pas-ing; even as tlie round I table passed. And it is not to be regretted, ■ adds Truth, when one considers tlie risks | one takes of being folded up again«t the picture on the wall in and by one of them when be wishes to lie folded only into rosy, refreshing dreams. To pull one’s bed out like a drawer or an accordeon or down like an awning, in itself savors of artificiality not pleasant to the lover of I nature, who would predict from tlie sue. i cem of such a Contrivance that other com- ■ binations, such as folding pianos and fold I ing refrigerators, would follow. And so it I i» refreshing to know that it is passing

away never to re torn Wdtof not . u *pert It of bring what it I* lie will know When looking ala m niece that the va«c* are o>>t l«d leg*, Lal the matlrr- ami other ‘‘•'“H crammed up Hie of*” *" pulled out al the hour of retiring. Pt aiicariosri the result* ri tlie Hteto <rn«u* .d Ma«a. bu»rtt» »bow* a »te»dy 7rift of lepulatton toward the title*. £ the total gam of 553.264 io population in lIM . U,t dc aile. about ’.70,000. near!) one half. U ing made by the eilie. and town, immediate!) around Burton. A* th* S« » of other cilice of the Hute w 230.000. only a Hide more than 53,900 teleft to be ewiited to the 3 9 town* or township*, and >® 143 or nearly one-half, of these Hie population ha* decline.!, and Ju «**»*•’ J™ other town* the gain Im. been les* than IQO The return* thus »bow tli»t tn nearly two-third* of the township* tlie population ha* decreased or t» at a standrtill. ami that nearly four-fifth. of the entire population of the Mate te taataed in town* and cities having 8.090 or more inhabitant*. The showing tea .tattling one in the proof It give* «< G'« •’’‘G’" l "* ,lM! depletion of the country, and although exceptional cause* mav account for it in *>me instance*, such as the removal of a great industry or the exhaustion of farming land*, .ey are insufficient to explain it a* a whole. A CROW ON TRIAL. The iStory of a Voeacioue Western New Yorker. There are few men who would dispute a otateinent made by John C. Level, of Niagara Falla. Mr. Level usually tell* hi* tales in away to carry conviction with them, and his late experience in Canada is one that will doubtless interest every one interested in ornithology. John was serious as he recited the tale to a party of Buffalonians several evenings ago. He said that he would like to have had with him some one interested in birds when his attention was taken by the action of a lot of crows. As is his custom. Mr. Level went through the Canadian peninsula on | one of his periodical trips, looking for horses for friends in this city, and, as his horse was cantering along easily toward the Falla, he was sur-1 prised to find a dark cloud suddenly come over his buggy. He was astonished to find that it was a flock of crows. Some of them flew so close to the ground as to cause them to swerve from his buggy in order to avoid a collision. ’ ‘I was so much taken up with the actions of the crows. ’’ said Mr. Level, "that I reigned up the horse for the purpose of finding out the cause of : ths congregation of birds. To my surprise, the crows alighted in a large open field, where one of them adghted on a knoll. He was soon surrounded by several of the others, and was apparently holding court, i Before him stood a dejected looking ; crow, with head bowed, and it appeared that there was some kind of a trial going on. There was a chattering, and, apparently .every one ot the crows in the party took up the refrain. as in a few moments one could hardly hear his own voice with the noise made. It ceased as suddenly as it began, and one of the birds seetned to address itself to the one which held court on the knoll. When it finished it seetned as though all of the flock were saying something. Two of the members of the partv had a struggle with the one which appeared to be under arrest, and in a few moments the entire flock flew away. When the flock started 1 noticed that one of the birds, the one which appeared to be on trial, was still on the ground. After the rest of them had flowr. he raised himself, and, in a wobbly way. followed them, staying in their rear and lower than the rest of the birds. “1 have an idea that the crow did something wrong and that the trial wa* had in the open field, where three of the wing feathers were taken from the bird as punishment, and he was ordered to follow in the wake of the flock. In order to find what had been done with the bird as punishment, I went into the field where the contest had been had. and there found three wing feathers which had apparently been plucked from the criminal.” Battle Between Shark and Crocodile. A remarkable battle between two leviathans of the deep was witnessed by a number of people in a canoe some two Sundays ago. at the mouth of the lagoon here, writes a corres pondent from Madagascar. A largo shark having crossed the bar and disporting himself in the brackish waters fell foul of a crocodile simillar.y. though in a less boistrous manner enjoying himself on the sandy shallows. The weather and water being calm, the men in the canoe hud a capital view of the whole encounter and 1 am indebted to a friend for the account Time after time the shark attacked the amphibious reptile, who was able to protect himself and appeared fairly all right as long as he was able to keep his tail on the “ ed r ‘ ver J bu > shark.knowng this drove him little by little into deep water.and eventually .after a senes o assaults,got him off the bottom, an,! jlunging underneath him ripped the crocodile from stem to stern wounding him fatally. Having played about with his antagonist? , I '’ r quests The n T Ch ° f fre#h conquests. Ihe natives in the canoe iEome” T e! °’ S gladiator «hore, w ien some laimoros cut the body up and carried it away for food I can vouch for the accuracy of this bvMh fOr 1 haV ° had Ifc corroborated by other w.tnesses, and I am told this is the second time a similar fight

THE JOKEIt'S Hri M ; h JESTS AND YARNS BV MEN OF THE PRESS Explained--But Old M« E, t Pl*-*A New Peril Cruelty-- Eto., Eto. ■XrLXIXEI*. ••Did the jury find th- priroee rn| ., hiquirtsl a man concerning a but S ! w “No, sir." r<«|*aided tlw pj.,,.. “They didn't find him at all. jj, •way." bit mu in i*r tiik nil “Thl* pie." be said, dyspeptics!* not at all like the pita they uwl me at home." “No," the answered in a very, very gentle. “1 take a gr-g 2 of pride in my pie*.” v And tlien lie changed Hie dubjecs M tried to be a gentleman. * Btw FKIUI. ••Y«k" Mid little Jhn to hi* friend, “I’m gointer run borne." “And fight Indian*)" •!l don’t know about that Bo; [. Win’ to get away from wh.it j <3s I’ve had paw’* trousers cut down to S: > an’ never found fault. But sines got a wheel and te weariu’ taking no more chances." HEARTLESS CBriLTY. “I utterly refuse your pr • t . marriage! Do I not make a- ?" « “Nature ba* forestall-1 you,* taw getting in bis work with dea’liy effect REAL Dtmct LTV. Mr. Blobb*—lt is strange that a e man like you cann<X get work. The Tramp—Well, yer see. mum, > pie wants reference* from me last ea* . er, an’ he’s been dead for twenty yeir. uard to stit. “I gtiejs you didn't sell no pants to : a man that just went ou*. did you? T u the hardest feller to suit 1 most ever« Him an* me board* al the same pl*a. ii wouldn't eat bi* aigs this moruiu* 'co they wa* both fried on one side .. wanted one fried on one side an’ oat 2 the other. Why wouldn't be take a pant.*?" “Stripes all run the same way. S*gk wanted ’em to run down one iegudg the other.” Till BUTCHER'S MIKE. Customer—Can’t you wait upo* ® I've been here for nearly au hour. Ti pound* of liver, please. Butcher—Sorry, but there're ifiret • four ahead of you. Surely you don't *ts your liver out of order • PRAWN BATTLE Jazkms—Bloozin and Blazler maiti match the other day to see which com clean a carpet first. Blogzer—How did it result? Jazkius—Couldn’t come u> any le - nient. Blogzer -Why not? Jazkins—Well, you see both of tut beat. * FINE BOOT. “Marry you?" she said, provoking “Why, you are nothing but a child'" • Then I can have you arrested.'« said. “Arrested' For what?" “For cruelty to children." be *»id. w she collapsed. CAUTIOUS CAMI’AIONISO. !*What principles are you going to» Vocate in the next town.” asked tbs paigner’s private secretary. “I dunno. You get the next traiiuef •nd find out what their views are.” HER BZFLT“What would you do. Miss, if I ste-s attempt to give you a kiss?” “I should certainly set my face - it, sir." BEST HE COULD DO. “Do you guarantee the pbotogrsptoj give satisfaction ?" demanded toe cwj eyed man with the pug nose and nent jaw. “Well, no," said the eonscientiow P-J tographer. • ‘but I can guarantee » •’ | likeness." BOTH IN THE SAME B"X“I thought I was bright enough w* I be taken in again like that," said silver dollar as it dropped into ter -ro drawer. “Well, Pm older than you are, ’’ dilapidated ten dollar bill, “and I’’ ■■ ten times as much cents, yet I g« ! ■‘*’l in that way myself.” WINKERS SUCCKKUEO. Binken—Has Winker* succeeW ■ teaching bis daughter to ride her S 1 cycle yet? I Minkers—Yes, she te out r. iiag 00 ■ Binkers—ls Winkers with her? Binkers—No, he's in a lio*pit«FALL OPEMNO. Mr*. Bloozin—Have you beeu t* *».' | the fall openings, my dear. Mrs. Buzbuz—Not exactly. I'.J * T| Wed into a coal hole the other <!*»■ A MATTER OF Mt A Third street man's nei-* J bought a new piano, and the daug ll been banging away on it ever siuce • s been in the house. ~ -jR “Got a new piano,l bear.' sau ■ | over the back fence to lii* neigh w ■ ' “Yes. Got it on the instabueu I■ “Is that so? Wonder if y our ", L |S ‘® can’t let us have the music from same way." THE PEACOCK'S TIUIX- E Tlie peacock's train i* IH,t jl tail, but a coronal of leathers J|| tail. The true tail consist* feathers beneath the coronal , is provided with a curious sy s ■ cles by which it can be erected NOT A PIIEXOMESON. ■ •‘You see the gentleman "bojj* ,■ yonder? His hair turned pen’ w I in the course of a single mon ‘ c “A lot of trouble and anxie y> “No, he gave up dyein.?-