Decatur Democrat, Volume 50, Number 41, Decatur, Adams County, 13 December 1906 — Page 7

[practicalmarriage| [Original.] There is no element In a man’s life that contributes more to his success or failure than the woman he chifosee for a helpmeet Ralph Bawnard married a girl who thought more of her present comfort x than keeping her husband in those channels for-which he was .fitted. No sooner did he begin to win a compe- I fence in one field than she proceeded | to remove him to another. She dis- I liked the country, so she made his life ' miserable till he pulled up stakes and went to the city. Then she took it into her head that she preferred to live in the same place with his mother, and they moved again. A rolling stone I gathers no moss, and the Bawnard j family gathered only debts. One day a young woman of pleasing appearance called at Bawnard’s office to collect a debt of long standing. Bawnard asked her if she knew where he could borrow the money ($100) on his note. “At what interest?” asked the girl. “I’ll pay as high as 3 per cent a month,” was the. reply. “For how long?” “Oh, as long as you likethree years.” The girl thought awhile* then said she would lend him the money herself. “Give me your note for SB,” she said, “and we will be square.” Bawnard asked her what she meant. “The amount loaned is SIOO, the interest SIOB. You will owe me $8 and get no money.” Bawnard was taught a lesson that he never forgot. Five years passed. Bawnard was a Widower. From the tim,e of his wife’s death he managed his affairs with proper care and got them in fair condition. He was very lonely, but he was untrammeled, and It was possible for him to remain in one place and accumulate. The only drawback finan-' cially was that he had no one to attend to the buying of household supplies, which needed constant attention, since prices were rising with frightful rapidity. His capital was still limited, and he was not yet very quick pay. This kept him from that financial good standing which enables a man to get on. One day the same woman collector who had called upon him before caipe to his office to collect a debt. She looked tidy and thrifty, and what little she said was to the point. Bawnard kept her talking as long as he could. He had the money .to pay with, but he did not care to pay. He was thinking what a valuable woman the collector was. Bawnard chatted with her good naturedly and drew her into commonplace- affairs, quietly drawing her out. He soon made up his mind that she was a very practical as well as attractive young woman. Thus he won her sympathy by telling her his troubles, assured her that he was doing * the best he could and ended by offering to pay up the Indebtedness by installments. If she would call every Saturday afternoon he would pay something on account till the matter was settled. To this she agreed and took her departure. ■ The next Saturday she called, and Bawnard in addition to the installment bad a few flowers for her, an acknowledgment, he said, of her kindness, her trouble and her patience. She accepted them gladly and warmed to the donor. The next Saturday after that a buggy was standing at the door, and he invited her to take a drive. He said she would oblige him by doing so; that be was not very well, he needed recreation and had no companion Unless she would go with him. To show her that he was not using money that should go to pay his account he gave her a double installment. During the ride he told her that he had two nice little tots at home, but I had no suitable person to take care of them. She pitied the poor widower and said she would like to see them. He gave his home address, and during the next week she went in and spent .an hour with them. Then followed some toys. On her next coming to the office she gave him an invitation to •call upon her. Bawnard called and was impressed ' With the pleasant appearance of the home, which was under the care of the young woman herself. He was especially struck with the homemade curtains, tablecloths—indeed, all articles that could be produced without being paid for. He made several calls and with each call was still more of the opinion that some young man who considers merely a pretty face and coy ways the proper attributes for a housekeeper was losing an opportunity. The next Saturday afternoon when the collector called Bawnard, being alone in the office, handed her the remainder of the money due and took her receipt for the account in full. Then he said to her: - , “Since our acquaintance began with , r / a matter of business I wish it to continue as a matter of business. Usuhlly affairs between men and women begin with love and end with business. That is the reason why* marriage is said to be a lottery. I have observed thqt you are a sensible, frugal woman, with ’ good business qualifications. I offer 1 you the position of wi£e and housekeeper. If you accept you may be sure •qf my love. The offer was accepted, and Ralph married his second wife. In her he found a helpmeet who instead of retarding him assisted him in getting on. His children were well taken care of “and, If they did not receive a mother’s affection, did not lack for all that could be expected from one who was ®ot their mother. The Improved financial •condition of the father was certainly to ’their comfort. , HARRIET CAWLEY.

Stacking Contest*. "Smoking contests are as old as the hills,” said an antiquary. "Go to Brittany. take in a Breton ‘pardon,’ and you’ll see a smoking contest-sandwich-ed in between the dancing matches and the wrestling bouts.” The old man took out his notebook. “The first smoking contest of which we have any authentic record,” he said, “came off at Oxford, the English seat of learning, in 1723. The conditions were that you should smoke three ounces of tobacco without’ drinking or leaving the stage, the person first finished to get a prize of 12 shillings. | “Hearne says—l copied it down here: “ ‘Many tryed. and ’twas thought that a journeyman taylor of St Pe-ter’s-ih-the-East would have been the victor, he smoking faster than and being many pipes before the rest, but at last he was so sick that ’twas thought he would have dyed, and an old man that had been a builder and smoked gently came off the conqueror, smoking the three ounces quite out. and he told me that after it he smoked four .or five pipes the same evening.’ ” A German Duel. A young officer quarreled with a friend who was a solicitor. Hot words were exchanged, and the officer .struck his friend. Here the matter might have ended—there was something to forgive and regret on both sides. But the officer’s regiment heard of the affair, and a court of honor decided that he must challenge the civilian. So a duel by command took place, and the young lawyer fell mortally wounded by his friend. When the officer returned home he was arrested on the information of the president of the court of honor which had forced him to fight. He was tried by an ordinary tribunal and sentenced to three months’ imprisonment. The president of the court of honor knew he was urging the officer to gn illegal deed when he Insisted 6n the duel, but honor, as he understood it, must be satisfied at all cost.—Berlin Letter. The Cigar Mouthpiece. A rich Russian banker had been discovered murdered in his house in St. Petersburg, says a writer in the Green Bag. There was no clew, but in the room there was found a cigar mouthpiece containing part of a cigar of such an expensive kind that it was supposed the banker himself had been smoking it just before the crime had been committed. On close examination the mouthpiece was found to be worn away by the teeth of its owner, but the dead man’s teeth did not fit the indentation. The servants were one by one examined, and it was then found that the hollows of the mouthpiece cornpared exactly to the formation of the frqnt teeth of the cook, to whom no suspicion had been attached. He afterward confessed to the murder. England’s “Fiery Dragons.” In the year 1532 various parts of Great Britain were visited by a remarkable meteorological phenomenon, which *the old authors refer to as “the visitation of the fire drakes or dragons.” The author of “Contemplation of Mysteries” says; “In ye letter parte of ye yeare (1532) ye fieri dragons appeared flying by flocks or companies in ye ayre, haying swines’ snowtes, and sometimes were they seene foure hundred flying togither." In speaking of the fire dragons in another portion of his work he says, “Common people thinke Are drakes to be spirits which watch over hidden treasure, but the philosophers affirm them to be ye result of poisonous vapors which are spontaneously lighted in ye ayre.” . r > .. Ireland** Coast Cliffs. The finest oliff scenery In the United Kingdom is on the coast of the county of Donegal, at the northwest of Ireland, facing the Atlantic, where the variety and grandeur of the cliffs are most thrilling and impressive. Slieve League, south of Glen Columbkille, Is a superb Introduction to Donegal’s coast splendors. In less than half a mile from the sea the mountain rears its height of nearly 2,000 feet. In the Island of Achill, off the west coast of Ireland, the cliffs of Croghan, at Achill Head, rise sheer from the water’s edge to the dizzy height of 3,000 feet.—London Standard. Smoked Glass. Murphy—Well, this bates the mischief. Dooley tole me that if I shmoked a piece of glass I’d be able to see the sphots on the sun. Sure, ain’t I fairly kilt wid thrying to make me pipe draw? ’Tis the way, I’m thinking, that either 1 haven’t the right kind Os glass or else Dooley’s been fooling me. —London Tit-Bits. ah Took Wind Out of Their Sails. Addressing one of his southern audiences, Sam Jones once", requested all the husbands present who had not spoken a harsh word to their wives for a month to stand up. He shook hands with those who arose and then introduced them to the rest of the audience as the “twenty-seven biggest liars in Tennessee.” Honesty and Ability. Uncle—You see honesty is absolutely necessary, but ability is equally Indispensable. Nephew—That may be, but what end does .honesty serve? Uncle —To maintain your obligations. Nephew—And ability? Uncle—To avoid having them.—ll Mondo Umoristico. la Mau a Harder Proposition t i Mrs. Benham—The snake tempted Eve first. Benham—Yes, I suppose he wanted to begin on something easy.— New York Press. Necessary ‘Limitations. Physician—l would suggest a diet Patient—Well, it will have to be some- ' i thing that agrees with the cook.—New ’ York Sun. ' j

A Dead Easy Thing [Copyright, 1906, by C. H. Sutcliffe.] Mr. Adelbert Yonge, as we will call him, had been voyaging in eastern seas with his yacht. He was a young man of twenty-four and- a resident of New York, and while he was known among his set as a good fellow he was also known as a conservative. When the yacht got around to a certain port in Spain the'owner went off one day to view the leading cathedral by himself. As a matter of fact, the other three had said that they -would rather see one bullfight than ten cathedrals, and they were left to themselves in their own way. Mr. Yonge saw the cathedral from the outside and from the in. While he was visiting the interior two ladies passed him, and one deftly slipped a note into his hand. He made out that the note slipper was a girl and the other her duenna. His heart gave several jumps ere he got outdoors and found opportunity to read the note. “You are an American,” read the note, “and I appeal to you as an American. Five years ago an uncle of mine who desired to get possession of my fortune had me shut up in the convent called the Sacred Heart. I have been a prisoner ever since, and it has been given out in America that I am dead. Once a week I am, allowed to visit the cathedral, but am always closely watched. I saw you a week ago and determined to appeal to you. For heaven’s'sake, rescue me from this living death. If you can place a ladder against the northwest corner of the wall surrounding the convent at 10 o’clock on the night of the 14th, I can persuade Sister Mary to permit me to pass into the grounds and thus escape. Bring a rope twenty feet long yvith you. Bring horses or a carriage. There is no way you can answer this except in person. Some conservatives would have stopped to analyze a bit, but Mr. Yonge didn’t. There was an American girl in distress, and it was his duty to rescue her. He would mount the wall, pull her up with a rope and then take her aboard his yacht. He would then steam away, and who was to catch him? He had it all planned out before his impulsive companions got back from the bullfight They did not see the matter as he did. When Mr. Ydnge had announced in cast iron tones that he intended to rescue the girl single handed if his friends were afraid to tackle the job with him they could do no less than offer their services. One of them was'sent to buy a rope, another to look for a ladder and the third to survey the Yonge himself saw to the provisioning of the yacht and the overhauling of her machinery. He would steam out of port the minute the damsel was aboard. When the night of the 14th came all was in readiness. A vehicle was purchased outright instead of hired. Nothing had transpired to arouse the suspicions of the people in the convent, and it was looked upon as a dead ftasy thing to make the rescue. The night was dark and rainy. It was the night of all nights to rescue an American damsel from a Spanish convent. Yonge had only two companions. One drove and was to act as lookout, and the other was to hold the foot of the ladder and help the rescued girl to descend without breaking her neck. Not a dog bayed or a cat meowed as the angle of the wall was reached. If Sister Mary had done her part and if Miss Britomarte. had not fainted away while waiting, then five minutes would see her out of that and-laying plans to give her uncle a surprise party. There was a feeling of the heroic about him as Yonge mounted the wall. The water ran down the back of his neck and filled his side pockets, but he was not discouraged. He wgs on top of the wall fishing with a rope and trying to locate the damsel when half a dozen dark lanterns flashed at the foot of the ladder and six strange men appeared. 11 They had not come to assist in the rescue of Miss Keith, but were in the uniform of the police and spoke with commendable frankness. Mr. Yonge was ordered to descend or take a bullet from a revolver, and a minute later the handcuffs were slipped on thejtrio. There were two other carriages close by, and presently the three vehicles set out and made a drive of six or seven miles to a stone barn in the ebburbs of the city. Here the prisoners were put through the third degree in great shape. When the sergeant of police got through detailing the enormity of the offense they were white as milk and thin as water. The least that any of them might expect was an hour on the rack and twenty years in a dungeon. The average American has a commercial mind. These three men had. They began to •dicker for their lives. To their great joy the sergeant was willing to listen. He finally admitted that if the convent were heavily reimbursed, the police paid for their time and if the yacht would put to sea instanter the ends of justice would be subserved. It must be cash on the nail, though, and no shaving down. As Mr. Yonge had got his friends into trouble, it was up to him to getMbem I out. He made a draft on his Spanish banker for $6,000 and handed it over, | and as soon as it was cashed the prison-! ers were turned loose and told to “git.” They got. The yacht was a thousand miles away when they heard some news. They heard It from two other owners of American yachts. Miss Bri-, tom arte Keith wa s an English girl who was In with a gang of blacklegs. She was not an inmate of the convent. She had no uncle. She was not watched, j She simply marked down her victims. . and the gang arrived in time to catch I them redhanded. M. QUAD.

Diady'i Wardrobe, 1714. The burglary of a dandy’s wardrob* ' meant a serious loss when it compris- ' ed, as in John Osheal's case in 1714, “a scarlet cloth suit laced with broad gold lace, lined and faced with blue; a fine cinnamon cloth suit, with plate buttons, the waistcoat fringed with a silk fringe of the same color, and a rich yellow flowered satin morning gown lined with a cherry colored satin, with a pocket pn the right side.” There is something a little more manly perhaps in the dress of the gallant of KOO, ‘ pictured in one of Rowland’s epigrams: Behold a most accomplished cavalier, That the world’s ape of fashions doth appear, Walking the streets his humors to disclose In the French doublet and the German hose. The musses, cloake, Spanish hat, Toledo blade, Italian ruffe, a shoe right Flemish made. There seems to have been no foolish prejudice against foreign made goods In 1600.—London Chronicle. The Betel Nut. Chewing the betel nut in Siam, being a common habit, at every little distance as you go through the bazaar of Bangkok may be seen petty merchants busy making and selling the preparation so universally masticated. The leaves in which the prepared mixture is wrapped are from a vine known as the chavica betel. The nut is from the arica betel palm, which reaches a height of about sixty feet, whose branches bear several large bunches of nuts which harden and redden as they ripen and which resemble somewhat the bunches of fruit on the date bearing palm. The dealers cut up their green leaves into the proper triangular form, crack the nuts and with wooden spatulas work the . tumeric 'stained juice into a paste. It is amusing to see how skillfully they form the pieces of green leaf into pointed, cone shaped cups, into each one of which they place a portion of the ingredients. Turks and Meerschaum. According to the best authorities upon the subject, the idea of using white talc in the manufacture of pipes is of comparatively recent date compared with the age of the h’abit of smoking, and what is still more curious is the fact that in the oriental countries which produce white talc, or meerschaum, as It is called, and where the use of tobacco forms part of the education of the faithful the people never dream of making this substance into, pipes. They make bowls and goblets of it; but no pipes. It may be that the long pipestems which allow the smoke to cool and lose its acridity before reaching the mouth leave the oriental smoker quite Indifferent in regard to the quality of the bowl. At all events, one never sees a Turk with a meerschaum pipe. Enormous Lifting; Power. The shelless limpet pulls 1,984 times its own weight when in the air and about double when measured in the water. Fleas pull 1,493 times their own dead weight. The Mediterranean cockle, Venus verrucosa, can exert a pulling power equal to 2,071 times the weigbt«-of its own body. So great is the power possessed by the oyster that to open it a force equal to 1,319.5 times the weight of Its shelless body Is required. If the human being possessed strength as great in proportion as that of these shellfish average man would be able to lift the enormous weight of 2,976,000 pounds, pulling in the same degree as the limpet. And if the man pulled tn the same proportionate degree as the cockle he would sustain a weight of no less than 3,106,500 pounds. Two Poor Ones. During one of Edwin Forrest’s engagements in Boston a poor artist called several times to see the great actor at the old Winthrop House. Each time he brought a picture which he had painted. He finally left it with a note stating that he Was in needy circumstances. Forrest read the note and took the wrapping from the picture. It proved to be a painting of himself as Spartacus. Forrest gazed upon it a moment and then ejaculated to the clerk: “Give him $lO. If he is as poor as his picture, he must be on the point of starvation.” One Way of Saying; No. Beerbohm Tree was once endeavor.ng to get a well known actor back into his company. Tree received the man in his dressing room as he was making <jp. “How much would you want to come back to me?” inquired Mr. Tree, busy with his paint pots. The other .named an exorbitant salary, to which Tree merely retorted as he went on making up, “Don’t slam the door when you go out, will you?” Two Thoughts. “I want a business suit now,” said Slopay. “I was thinking of something in the Way of a small plaid.” “And I,” replied the tailor, “can’t help thinking of something in the way of a small check.” — Philadelphia Ledger. ’ Wasted Advice. A beauty adviser says, “For tender eyes make an infusion of”— Oh, bosh! j Every girl knows how to make tender i eyes without advice from any specialists.—Minneapolis Tribune. The Signal. Tommy—Does your ma hit your foot under the table when you’ve had enough? Tommy—No; that’s when I haven't had enough. When I have she sends for the doctor.—Harper’s Bazar. We know accurately when we know little. With knowledge doubt increases. ■—Goethe.

| A RIDE FOR LIBERTY | [Original] Kentucky is famous for its pretty girls and fine horses. This is a story of both. The horses would not be interesting without the girl, and without the horses there would be no story. Charlotte DeForest is the girl in question, and she was the belle of the blue grass region. She could ride and shoot and dance and flirt and was a constant terror to her father and mother lest she be thrown from some of the wild horses she rode or get shot while hunting or, worst of all, make a match with some undesirable party. Her father, however, gave her a free rein in everything except marriage. So long as Charlotte was fancy free her father’s statement did not interest' her, but one day came Hall Dangler, a young Tennesseean who had every trait to make him unacceptable to old people and every trait to make him acceptable to the young. He had lately inherited a plantation near Murfreesboro, with a fair bank account, besides stocks and bonds. This he was proceeding to ran through as rapidly as possible and had already got away with a full quarter of it. He was handsome as a picture, reckless, generous, brave—in short, just the man to capture a girl of nineteen. Dangler made short work with Charlotte DeForest’s, heart. But Charlotte, knowing that her father would disapprove of him, said nothing about her love and would not permit her lover to ask for her hand. Her parents took fright the moment Dangler appeared on the ?cene; but, as he put in no claim for their daughter and their daughter did not admit apy partiality for the young scapegrace, there was no excuse to keep tl’ie two apart. The best the parents could do was to make a new rule that Charlotte should not in future leave the premises with any young man without other company. Against this Charlotte protested without avail. Both she and her lover knew well that it was directed against them, and from that moment they act- < exl as prisoners eager to secure liberty. They began by deliberately breaking the rule, riding away together. Mr. DeForest sent a servant to recall them. Affairs had not yet gone so far that Charlotte would disobey, but it was not long before she knew that certain of the household had been deputed to watch her. Then she learned that her father had so far perfected a system of espionage that it would be impossible for her to get away with her lover even if she desired to do so. Just as soon as she discovered this she made up her mind to break through the cordon placed about her at the first opportunity. One morning Mr. DeForest was in a field near the house trying some horses. His stablemen were showing their paces before him. Charlotte and Hall Dangler went over to take a look at the stock. Charlotte had her own saddle brought out and insisted on trying one of the horses. When she dismounted, Dangler asked permission to mount another. Then the two made motions to mount at the same time, but Mr. DeForest ordered his daughter to desist, and Dangler rode off alone. ' More than an hour was spent trying the horses. Dangler mounted a number in succession and under pretense of testing their speed rode them till they were well nigh exhausted. Miss DeEqrest after, having been checked by her fathqr , jvoiild not mount again, but stood pouting, looking on; holding her horse- by < the bridle rein. There was .one horse called Simon that Danglerlpronouuoed incapable of any speed whatever, 'find the' animal was left with his bridle rein thrown over a fence post. Presently, after a few whispered words between the lovers, Charlotte mounted and rode toward the house. All except Dangler were too preoccupied to notice that she passed the house and was soon lost to view down the road. Then suddenly Dangler mounted Simon and dashed after her. “Mount! Quick!” shouted Mr. DeForest. “Five hundred dollars to the man who catches them!” There were three stablemen and six horses, all in the stable having been brought out. Two of the horses being saddled, two of the men mounted and rode away, while the remaining man saddled one of the remaining horses. This Mr. DeForest mounted himself. He was too old to join in the race, but wished to follow. The two men in advance pushed on with fair speed for awhile, but it was not long before they discovered that their horses’ freshness had been worn out by Dangler in his pretended efforts to test their speed. Miss DeForest’s horse had not been used at all, and Siihon, ridden by Dangler, was fresh as a daisy. The plan, which was not premeditated, had simply been to show the old people that they could not control the young one’s movements. The only premeditated thing about it was Hall Dangler’s wearing out the horses so that the couple could not be pursued to advantage. First one follower lagged, then the other, and when Mr. DeForest came up he found both out of the race. The couple had gone free. The old man rode on a short distance and saw the young couple halted, facing each other, Dangler talking earnestly. Here was a crisis. Had the father ’ : maintained his equanimity all might , have been well. Instead he hurled | anathemas at Dangler and threatened to shoot him if he ev.er came near his home again. Then he reproached his daughter in no paternal terms. Dangler seized his companion’s bridle and drew her away. The couple were eventually forgiven. I GERTRUDE GOWAN. <

' ■ ' .—llliSoar as a Mefflciae. “When I was a boy,” said the oMF man, “they often made me take a little soap as a medicine. It did me good. “Soap was prescribed in the village for cramps, for sick headache, for & half dozen complaints. The people admitted that it was a nauseous dose, but on the other hand they pointed to its efficacy. “When I was taken down my mother would cut from the cake of yellow soap in the kitchen a chunk about *a big as a chestnut. “ ‘Now, sonny,’ she would say, ‘swak let this,’ and she’d hold the yellow morsel in thumb and forefinger close to my lips. “I’d begin to whimper. The smell of it and the idea of the lather that would form in my mouth—the lather I’d have to swallow—would fill me with despair. But my mother was inexorable. With stiff lips I’d take the soap into my mouth, I’d chew the soft and slippery stuff a little and then, with a groan and a dreadful gulp, I’d swallow it. Horrors! “Horrors!” said the old man, smiling. “I can still taste those doses of soap that were so common in the village in my boyhood.” Jewish Thrift. The Allgemeine Rundscau, Vienna, in an article on the Jewish question and anti-Semitism, has this to say as to Jewish thrift: “If we could only induce our own lower class to acquire the Jew’s thrift, his industry, his sense of order, his scrupulous exactitude, his religious loyalty and love for his family the Jew on his darker side would appear far less dangerous to them than is at present the case. If one Sunday, byway of interesting experiment, one were to conduct an inquiry into the station, wealth and religion of visitors to the various public houses, the following result would transpire: A large number of the guests would be Christians who would do far better to save than spend their money in alcoholic refreshments, gaming and tobacco. There might be a few Jews, but at the most they would content themselves with a cup of coffee.” An Ancient Hebrew Bible. The highest amount ever offered for a single volume was tendered by a number of wealthy Jewish merchants of Venice to Pope Julius 11. for a very ancient Hebrew Bible. It was then believed to be an original copy of the Septuagint version made from the Hebrew into Greek in 277 B. C., careful copies of the Hebrew text having been prepared at that date for the use of the seventy translators. The offer to Julius was £20,000, which, considering the difference between the value of money then and now, would in oar day represent the princely sum of $600,000. Julius was at that time greatly pressed for money to maintain the holy league which the pope had organized against France, but in spite of his lack of funds he declined the offer. Weight of a Lion. “What does a lion weigh?” Ask that question of any acquaintance and see what he will say. Those who best know the look of the king of beasts and how small his lithe body really is will probably come furthest from the truth. About 300 to 350 pounds Is a usual estimate. But this is below the mark. A full grown lion will tip the scales at no less than 500 pounds. Five hundred and forty pounds Is the record for an African lion. His bone is solid and heavy as ivory. The tiger runs the Hon very close. A Bengal tiger killed by an English officer scaled 520 pounds. A tiger of this size has, however, considerably greater muscular strength than the biggest lion. Millers’ Beat Customers. The forty odd million sacks of flour consumed yearly in the United Kingdom are mainly eaten in the form of bread. In the houses of the rich and in the best hotels bread is sparingly eaten, but among the middle classes and in workmen’s homes it forms a considerable portion of the diet. As the latter class predominate and as their families are the most numerous, it is not improbable that the children under sixteen consume about threefifths of the total flour sold In the United Kingdom. In a commercial sense, therefore, the children are the millers’ best friends.—London Milling. Rale the “Roost” or “Roast?” Steuen Gardener, an under cooke in the Cardinal Wolfe Wolsey hys house, and afterwardes allowed of kynge Henry the eyght to be a master cooke, and hys principall cooke for a longe tyme, ruled the roste in ye kynge’s house as boklly and as as hys maister dyd before him, as ye blowe upon his cheke that my Lorde of Warwyke gave him may bare wytnes.— Spirituall Physic, 1555. Big Differences. “What!” said the judge. “You expect me to send your husband to prison when you acknowledge that you threw five flatirons at him and he only threw one at you?” “Yes; that’s all right, judge,” said the irate woman, “but, then, the one he threw hit me.” Counterfeits. “They bill and coo a good deal.” “That’s all a bluff.” “Then you think they are only mock turtledoves ?”—Louisville Courier-Jour-nal. Tonics. Willie—Pa. what’s a tonic? Pa— It’s something you take to brace yon up. Willie—Well, what’s teutonicsomething to brace you too much? Look beneath the surface. Let not the quality of a thing nor its worth escape thee.—Marcus Aurelius.