Decatur Democrat, Volume 37, Number 13, Decatur, Adams County, 16 June 1893 — Page 3

V ■ 'M A prond Welih boy at school, hearing that an English duke employed (lx men cook* daring the period that he kept open house, or rather open castle, in the , north, sneered at the alleged tnagnlfl* cence. "My father doos better than that," said the youth. “At our very last party before I left home we bad twenty-four men cooks, all employed In dressing the supper!" i The true state of the case was revealed later, when a companion announced to his school-fellows that, although the Welshman had spoken truly, the comfianf at the supper to which he had eluded consisted of twenty-four of his I near relatives, and every man toasted his own Cheese. The North Pole and Equator An not more widely distinct than the standard tonle, stimulant and alterative, Hostetter’s Stomach Bitten, and the cheap and fiery local bitten which unscrupulous venders foist upon the unwary as medicated preparations with remedial properties. The latter are usually compound in the main of half rectified alcoholic excitants, with some wretched drug combined to disguise their real flavor, and an perfectly ruinous to the coats of the stomach, Hostetter’s Stomach Bitters, on the contrary, has for its basis choice spirits of absolute purity, and thia is modified and combined with medicinal extracts of rare excellence and botanic origin, which both Invigorate and regulate the bowels.stomaoh and liver. They effect a radical change la the disordered physical economy, which Is manifested by a speedy Improvement in the general health. Superstition. In the church of an agricultural parish, within twenty miles of London, there stood, the other Sunday, at the dismissal of the congregation, a poor woman holding a plato. The object was to obtain thirty pence from as many unmarried men. to be exchanged for half-a-crow n, also by an unmarried man; the half-a-crown thus obtained to be carried to a silversmith, and made Into a ring, to bo worn on one of her fingers, for the cure of epileptic fits, to which she had been long subject. This piece of incredible foolery was gone through with tle knowledge and sanction of the clergyman! ; How’s ThlsT We offer One Hundred Dollars Reward for any ease of Catarrh that cannot be cured by taking Ball's Catarrh Cure. r. J. CHENEY & CO., Props., Toledo. 0. We. the undersigned, have known V. 3. Cheney for tlx> last fifteen years, and believe him perfectly honorable in all business transactions and financially able to carry out any obligations made by their firm. West £ Truax, Wholesale Druggists, Toledo, 0. Waldimo, Kinnan & Mabvix, Wholesale Druggists, Toledo, O. Hall's Catarrh Cun Is taken Internally, acting directly upon the blood and mucous surfaces of the system. Testimonials sent free. Price 76c per tattle. Bold by aU Druggists. Sure to Be Badly Bone. First Artist —Well, old man, how's business? Second Artist—Oh, splendid! Got & commission this morning from a millionaire. Wants his children painted very badly. First Artist (pleasantly)—Weil, my boy, you’re tho very man for the job. Beecham's Pills will cure constipation, keep the blood cool and the liver in good working order, price 25 cents a box. It seems to do every man good to occasionally threaten to go to hell.

Hood’s Cures •I cordially recommend Hood’s Sarsaparilla to all who may be suffering with indigestion, imrure blood, hnmore, loss of appetite, or run down, or out of order generally. It will surely help you if there is any help for you. I have found it a very S-eat benefit for malaria, chills and fever, rheuma»m. kidney complaint and catarrh, even when I considered myself llncurable.” Hknrt 8. >ostxb, Scarborough, N.Y. N.B. Be sure to get Hood s. Hood’* Pills act easily, yet promptly and efficiently, on the liver and bowels. 250. - KNOWLEDGE Brings comfort and improvement and tends to personal enjoyment when rightly used. The many, who live better than others and enjoy life more, with less expenditure, by more promptly adapting the world’s best products to the’needs of physical being, will attest the value to health of the pure liquid laxative principles embraced in the remedy, Syrup of Figs. Its excellence is due to its presenting in the form most acceptable and pleasant to the taste, the refreshing and truly beneficial properties of a perfect laxative ; effectually cleansing the system, dispelling colds, headaches and fevers ana permanently curing constipation. It has given satisfaction to millions and met with the approval of the medical profession, because it acts on the Kidneys, Liver and Bowels without weakening them and it is perfectly free from every objectionable substance. Syrup of Figs is for sale by all druggists in 50c and $1 bottles, but it is manufactured by the California Fig Syrup Co. only, whose name is printed on every package, also the name, Syrup of Figs, and being well informed, you will not accept any substitute if offered. BEST polish in THE WORLD. DO NOT BE DECEIVED with Pastel, Enamels, and Paints which ■tain the hands, injure the iron, and burn red. The Rising Sun Stove Polish is Brilliant, Odorless, and Durable. Bach package contains six ounces; when moistened will make several boxes of Paste Polish. HAS AN ANNUAL SALE OF 3,000 TONS.

DR. TALMAGE PICTURES THE FELICITIES OF FUTURE LIFE. Bow Mon Go Through God’. Thrashing Maohlne—Tlio Bruits of Trial and Tribulation Are Eternal Joy and I’eaoo la Uie BUssTul Hereafter. The Tabernacle Pulpit. Rov. Dr. Talmage chose as the subject for this sermon "The Thrashing Machine,” the text being from Isaiah xxvlll, 27, 28, “For the fitches sre not thrashed with a s thrashing Instrument, neither is a cart wheel turned about upon the cummin, but the fitches are beaten out with a staff and the cummin with a rod. Bread corn is bruised became he will not ever be thrashing It.” There are three kinds of seed mentioned—fitches, cummin, and corn. Os the last we all know. But it may be well to state that the fitches and the cummin were small seeds, like the Carraway or the chickpea. When these grains or herbs were to bo thrashed, they were thrown on the floor, and the workmen would come around with staff or rod or flail and beat them until the seed would be separated, but when the corn was to be thrashed that was thrown on the floor, and the men would fasten horses or oxen to a cart with Iron dented wheels. That cart would bo drawn ■round the thrashing floor, and so the work would be accomplished. Different kinds of thrashing for different products. “The fitches are not thrashed with a thrashing instrument, neither is a cart wheel turned about upon the cummin, but the fitches are beaten out with a staff and the cummin with a rod. Bread corn Is bruised because he will not ever be thrashing it” The great thought that the text presses upon our souls is that we all go through some kind of thrashing process. The fact that you may be devoting your life to honorable and noble purposes will not win you any escape. Wilberforce, tho Christian emancipator, was in his day derisively called “Dr. Cantwell.” Thomas Babington Macaulay, tho advocate of all that was good long before he became the most conspicuous historian of his day, was caricatured in one of the quarterly reviews as “Babbletongue Macaulay.” Norman McLeod, the great friend of the Scotch poor, was industriously maligned in all quarters, although on the day when he was carried out to bis burial a workman stood and looked at the funeral procession and said, “If he had done nothing for anybody more than he has done tor me, he should shine as the stars forever and ever.” All the small wits of London had their fling at John Wesley, the father of Methodism. If such men could not escape the maligning of the world, neither can you expect to get rid qf the sharp,keen stroke of the tribulum. All who will live godly in Christ Jesus must suffer persecution. Besides that thsne are the sicknesses, and the bankruptcies, and the irritations, and the disappointments which are ever putting a cup of aloes to your lip. Those wrinkles on your face are hieroglyphics whloh, if deciphered, would make out a thrilling story of trouble. The footstep of the rabbit is seen the next morning on the snow, and on the white hairs of the aged are the footprints showing where swift trouble alighted. Cloud. With Sunshine. Even amid the joys and hilarities of life trouble will sometimes break in. As when the people were assembled in the Charlestown theater during the Revolutionary war and while they were witnessing a farce and the audience was in great gratulation the guns of an advancing army were heard and the audience broke up in wild panic and ran for their lives, so outlines while you are seated amid Che joys and festivities of this world you hear the cannonade of some great disaster. A|l the fitches, and the cummin, and the corn must come down on the threshing floor and be pounded. My subject, in the first place, teaches us that it is no compliment to us if we escape great trial. The fitches and the cummin on the thrashing floor might look over to the corn on another thrashing floor and say: “Look at that poor, miserable, bruised corn! We have only been a little pounded, but that has been almost destroyed.” Well, the corn, if it had lips, would answer and say: “Do you know the reason you have not been as much pounded as 1 have? It is because you are not of so much worth as I am. If you were, you would be as severely run over.” Yet there are men who suppose they are the Lord’s favorites simply because their barns are full, and their bank account is flush, and there are no funerals in the house. It may be because they are fitches and cummin, while down at the end of the lane the poor widow may be the Lord’s corn. You are but little pounded because you are but little worth, and she is bruised and ground because she is the best part of the harvest. The heft of tho threshing machine Is according to the value of the grain. If you have not been much thrashed in life, perhaps there is not much to thrash! If you have not been much shaken of trouble, perhaps It is because there is going to be a very small yield. When there are plenty of blackberries, the gatherers go out with largo baskets, but when the draught has almost consumed the fruit then a quart measure will do as well. It took the venomous snake on Paul’s hand, and the pounding of him with stones un'til he was taken up for dead, and the Jamming against him of prison gates, and the Ephesian vociferation, and the skinned ankles of the painful stocks, and the foundering of the Alexandrian corn ship, and the beheading stroke of the Roman Sheriff to bring Paul to his proper development. It was not because Robert Moffat and Lady Rachel Russel and Frederick Oberlin were worse than other people that they had to suffer. It was because they were better, and God wanted to make them best. By the carefulness of the thrashing you may always conclude the value of the grain. God Tempers Our Trials. Next my text teaches us that God proportions our trials to what we can bear. The staff for the fitches. The rod for the cummin. The iron wheel for the I corn. Sometimes people In great trouble say, “Oh, I can’t bear it!” But you did bear it. God would not have sent it upon you if He did not know that you conld bear it. You trembled, and you swooned, but you got through. God will not take from your eyes one tear too many, ner from your lungs one sigh too deep, nor from your temples one throb too sharp. The perplexities of your earthly business have not in them one tangle too intricata You sometimes fool as if our world were full of bludgeons flying haphazard. Oh, no! They are thrashing Instruments that God just suits to your case. There is not a dollar of bad debts on your ledger, or a disappointment about goods that you expected to go up, but that have gone down, or a swindle of your business partner, or a trick on the part of those who are in the same kind of business that you are, but God Intended to overrule for your immortal help. "Oh,”you say, "there is nc need talking that way to me. I don’t like to be cheated and outraged.” Neither does the corn like the corn thrashes, but after it has been thrashed and'febrfiowed it has a great deal better opinion of winnowing mills gud corn thrashers. “W«n," you say, “if I could choose my

would not’be iron! You won Id e hr" »s« something that would not hurt, and unless it hurts It does not got sanctified. Your trial perhaps may be childlessness. You are fond of children. You say, "Why does God send children to that other household whore they are unwelcome and are beaten and banged about, when I would have taken them in the arms of my affections?” You say, “Any other trial but thia” Your trial perhaps may be a disfigured countenance or a face that Is easily caricatured, and you say, "Oh, I could endure anything If only I was good looking." And your trial perhaps is a violent temper, and you have to drive it like six unbroken horses amid the gunpowder explosions of a great holiday, and ever and anon It runs away with you. Your trials Is the asthma. You say, “Ob, If It were rheumatism or neuralgia or erysipelas, but it is this asthma, and it is such an exhausting thing to breathe.” Your trouble is a husband, short, sharp, snappy, and cross about the house and raising a small riot because a button is off! How could you know the button is off? Your trial is a wife ever in contest with the servant!, and she Is a sloven. Though she was very careful about her appearance in your presence once, now she is careless because she said her fortune is made! Your trial is a hard school lesson you cannot learn, and you have bitten your fingei nails until they were a sight to behold. Everybody has some vexation or annoyance or trial, and be or she thinks it is the one least adapted. “Anything but this,” all say, “Anything but this.” Fault Finders Rebuked. Oh, mv hearer, are you not ashamed to be complaining all this time against God? Who manages the affairs of this world anyhow? Is it an infinite Modoc, or a Sitting Bull savage, or an omnipotent Nana Sahib? No; it is the most merciful and glorious and wise Being in all the universe. You cannot teach Omnipotence anything. You have fretted and worried almost enough. Do you not think so? Some of you are making yourselves ridiculous in the sight of the angels. Again, my subject teaches us that God keeps trial on us until we let go. The farmer shouts “whoa!” to his horses as soon as the grain has dropped from the stalk. The farmer comes with his fork and tosses up the straw, and he sees that the straw has let go the grain and tho grain is thoroughly thrashed. So God. Smiting rod and turning wheel both cease as soon as we let go. We hold on to this world with its riches and emoluments, and our knuckles are so firmly set that it seems as if we could hold on forever. God comes along with some thrashing trouble and beats us loose. We started under the delusion that this was a great world. We learned out of our geography that it was so many thousand miles in diameter and so many thousand miles in circumference, and we said, “Oh, my, what a world!” Troubles came in after life, and this trouble sliced off one part of the world and that trouble sliced off another part of the world, and it has got to be a smaller world and in some of your estimations a very insignificant world, and it is depreciating all the time as a spiritual property. Ten per cent, off, 50 per cent, off, and there are those here who would not give 10 cents for this world—for the entire world —as a soul possession.

Friendship. We thought that friendship was a grand thing. In school we used to write compositions about (friendship, and perhaps we made our graduating speech on commencement day on friendship. Oh, it was a charmed thing, but does it mean as much to you as it used to? You have gone on in life, and one friend has betrayed you, and another friend has misinterpreted you, and another friend has neglected you, and friendship comes now sometimes to mean to you merely another ax to grind. So with money. We thought if a man had a competency he was safe for all the future, but we have learned that a mortgage may be defeated by an unknown previons incumbrance; that signing your name on the back of a note may be your business death warrant; that anew tariff may change the current of trade; that a man may be rich to-day and poor tomorrow. And God, by all these misfortunes, is trying to loosen our grip, but still we hold on. God smites us with a staff, but we hold on. And He strikes us with a rod, but we hold on. And He sends over us the iron wheel of misfortune, but we hold on. There are men who keep their grip on this world until the last moment who suggest to me the condition and conduct of the poor Indian in the boat in tho Niagara rapids coming on toward the fall. Seeing that he could not escape, a moment or two before he got to tho i verge of the plunge he lifted a wine hottie and drank it off and then tossed the bottle into the air. So there are men who clutch the world, and they go down through the rapids of temptation and sin, and they hold on to the very last moment of life, drinking to their eternal damnation as they go over and go down. Oh, let go! Let go! The best fortunes are in Heaven. There are no absconding cashiers from that bank, no failing in promises to pay. Set your affections on things above, not on things on the earth. Let go! Depend upon It that God will keep upon you the staff, or the rod,or the iron wheel until you do let go. No Tears In Heaven. They never cry in Heaven because they have nothing to cry about. There are no tears of bereavement, for you shall have your friends all around about you. There are no tears of poverty because each one sits at the king’s table and has his own chariot of salvation and free access to the wardrobe where princes get their array. No tears of sickness, for there are no pneumonias on the air, and no malarial exhalations from the rolling river of life, and no crutch for the lame limb, and no splint for the broken arm, but the pulses throbbing with the health of the eternal God in a climate like our June before the blossoms fall, or our gorgeous October before the leaves scatter. In that land the souls will talk over ! the different modes of thrashing. Oh, the story of the staff that struck the ■ fitches, and the rod that beat the cummin, and the iron wheel that wont over the corn! Daniel will describe the lions, and Jonah leviathans, and Paul the elmwood whips with which he was scourged, and Eve will tell how aromatic Eden was the day she left-lt, and John Rogers will tell of the smart of the flame, and Elijah of the fiery team that wheeled him up the sky steeps, and Christ of the numbness and paroxysm and hemorrhages of the awful crucifixion. There they are before the throne of God. On one elevation all those who were struck of the staff. On a higher elevation and 1 amid the highest altitudes of Heaven all j those who were under the wheel. He I will not ever be thrashing it. Not a Sunset. “Why, how unlikb this' place Is from what I thought when I left the world below. Ministers drew pictures of this land, but how tame compared with the reality! They told me on earth that death was sunset. No, no! It is sunrise? Glorious sunrise! I see the light now purpling the hills, and the clouds flame with the coming day!” Then the gates of Heaven will be opened, 'and the entranced soul, with the acuteness and power of the celestial vision, will look ten thousands of '■tiles

a' river oTshlmmering splendor—and will cry out, “Who are they?” And tho angel of God standing dose by will say, “Don’t you know who tbey are?" “No," ■ays the entranced soul. “I cannot guoss who they are.” The angel will say: “I will tell you. then, who they are. These are they who caulk out of great tribulation or thrashing and had their robes washed and made white In the blood of the Lamb.” Ob, that I could administer some ot these drops ot celestial anodyne to those nervous and excited souls. If you would take enough of It, it would cure al) your panga The thought that yon are going to get through with this after awhile, all this sorrow and all this trouble! Wo shall have a great many grand days in Heaven, but I will tell you which will be the grandest day of all the million ages of Heaven. You say, “Are you sure you can tell mo?” Yes, I can. It will be the day we get there. Some say Heaven is growing ipore glorious. I suppose It is, but Ido not care much about that. Heaven now is good enough for ine. History has no more gratulatorv scene than the breaking In of the English army upon Lucknow, India. A lew weeks before a massacre had occurred at Cawnpore, and 260 women and children had been put in a room. Then five professional butchers went In and slew them. Then the bodies of the slain were taken out and thrown into a well. As the English army came Into Cawnpore they went into the room, and, oh, what a horrid scene! Sword strokes on the wail near the floor, showing that the poor things had crouched when they died,and tbey saw also that the floor was ankle deep In blood. The soldiers walked on their heels across it lest their shoes bo submerged of the carnage. And on that floor of blood there were flowing locks of hair and fragments of dresses. Despair Turned to Triumph. Out in Lucknow they had heard of the massacre, and the women were waiting for the same awful death; waiting amid anguish untold; waiting in pain and starvation, but waiting heroically, when one day Havelock and Outram and Norman and Sir David Baird and Peel, the heroes of the English army—huzza for them!—broke in on that horrid scene, and while yet the guns were sounding, and while cheers were issuing from the starving, dying people on the oue side, and from the travel worn and powder blackened soldiers on the other—right there in front of the King's palace there was such a scene ot handshaking and embracing and boisterous joy as would utterly confound the pen of the'poct and the pencil of the painter. And no wonder, when these emaciated women, who had suffered so heroically for Christ’s sake, marched out from their incarcerations one wounded English soldier got up in his fatigue and wounds and leaned against the wall and threw his cap up and shouted, ‘Three cheers, my boys, for the brave women!” Oh, that was an exciting scene. But a gladder and more triumphal scene will it be when you come up into Heaven from the conflicts and incarcerations of this world streaming with the wounds of battle and wan with hunger, and while the hosts of God are cheering their great hosanna you will strike hands of congratulation and eternal deliverance in the presence of the throne. On that there will be bonfires on every hill of Heaven, and there will be illumination in every place, and there will be a candle lu every window—ah, no: I forget, I forget. They will have no need of the candle or of the sun, for the Lord God giveth them light, and they shall reign forever and ever. Hail! hail! sons and daughters of the Lord God Almighty.

Paid in Hls Own Coin. — Gath tells a good story concerning a New York millionaire who owns a big stock-farm in Now Jersey. He has put in force strict rules about the admittance of curiosity-seekers, and if one happens to get in he is soon hustled off. One day a neighboring farmer called on business. He had never been on the place before, and entering at a gate he found open was stroHing around looking for the Superintendent, when the owner, who happened to be there, encountered him. Supposing him to be merely an idler or prying person, he asked him what he was doing there. The farmer, taken aback by such an address, replied: “Nothing.” The owner said: “Do you know at which gate you came in?” “I do,” said the farmer. “Well, then,” said the owner, “get out there as soon as you canand the farmer walked out. Shortly after the Superintendent came up and inquired if neighbor so-and-so had been there. He was the only one anywhere about who had timber they wanted very much, and they wanted it immediately. He had promised to come that morning to see about the sale of it. “Well,” said the owner of the farm: “I shouldn’t wonder if I had just sent him off with a flea in his ear. I found a man strolling about here, and supposing him to be one of these stragglers I cleared him out. Where does he live ? I will drive over and see him. ” Off he started at once. Reaching the farm-house he drove in, and seeing him began an apology, but was cut short by the farmer, who inquired if he knew at which gate he came in. He said he did. “Then,” says the farmer: “I want you to get out as quick as you can”; and the owner of the stock-farm was obliged to depart. Mystery of Missing Men. One of the best men I ever knew here—a man of 65 years, who loved his home and family dearly, and who had no reason for eccentricity—slipped away one afternoon, went to Boston and then to Washington, and for two years drove a cart there, remaining away because he thought his wife would manage his affairs better without him. He never intended to return, but was seen by chance, arrested as a lunatic and given his choice to be confined in an asylum or to do his duty as a man. He ca'm« back, and, after two happy years at home, died in his wife’s arms. In another case that I remember, a gentleman was supposed to have committed snicide by jumping from a steamboat. His wife "made no fuss, but kept the matter quiet, because she alone never gave up the idea that his suicide was a sham, and for three years she hunted him down, and finally restored him to his home and business. A third case of which I had personal knowledge was that of a dry goods merchant who was absent twenty years, and who returned wealthy, made himself known to his wife, who had been married in the mean time, sought out his’Son and gave him SIO,OOO, and then went his way as he had come. He said he had left -home becaiise he wanted to; had not married or cared for another home, and liked the life of a wanderer much better than any domestic ties. These instances go to show tlipt the case of alleged mysterious disappearance may sometimes be accounted for withottany necessity of presupposing robbery and murder.— Philadelphia Record. o - Florida is' said to contain a mysterious and unknown region never yet visited by white men, and inhabited by a remnant of the Seminolee, as yet untaiute il by civilization.

Do You Wish the Finest Bread and Cake? It is conceded that the Royal Baking Powder i? the purest and strongest of all the baking powders. The purest baking powder makes the finest, sweetest, most delicious food. The strongest baking powder makes the lightest food. That baking powder which is both purest and strongest makes the most digestible and wholesome food. Why should not every housekeeper avail herself of the baking powder which will give her the best food with the least trouble? , Avoid all baking powders sold with a gift lor prize, or at a lower priQe than the Royal, as they invariably contain alum, lime or sulphuric acid, and render the food unwholesome. Certain protection from alum baking powders can be had by declining to accept any substitute for the Royal, which is absolutely pure.;

Not a Cale ot Forgetfulness. •‘Did you stamp and mall that letter for me, Henry?” she asked. “No, my dear,” he replied. “Forgot it, I suppose.” “No, my dear. My intentions were all right and my money was all right, but you know it was rather bulky.” “Yes, I expected that the postage would be 6 or 8 cents.” “And you wanted a special delivery stamp on it, too.” “Yes.” " “Well. I sent the office boy for some stamps, and he got 1 cent Columbia stamps, and after I had put them and the special delivery stamp on the letter it looked like a theatrical advertising board, and —and—” “And what?” “There was no room lor the address. I’ll try again to-morrow with a larger envelope and 2 cent stamps.” A Lost Precept Black Sammy is a noted boy in the Sunday-school (says the Boston Budget). His teacher one day was trying to make the class see the advantage of living a good life. These moral remarks were occasioned by a strong wad of chewed paper that happened to strike the benevolent Superintendent on the cheek. Sammy was evidently the cplprit, although his black skin showed no sign. “Now, children, you must be better. Such actions as those tend to drag you downward, and if you do a bad deed once, the second time you do it more easily. It does not pay to be bad, tor you can not go to Heaven.” Then Miss Goode straightened her glasses and looked into Sammy’s shining eyes. “Sammy, what kind of boys go to Heaven?” Sammy shuffled his feet. “Dead boys,” he said. Crestfallen. Dumas, the great chemist, had a just opinion of his value to the world, and nothing annoyed him so much as being mistaken for the novelist. On one occasion. a lion-hunting English lady, after praising him in the most effusive language, and observing that she knew every line of his writings, from “Monte Cristo" to the “Mousquetaires,” added: “I hope you will allow me to send you a card for my next soiree.” “Madam, 1 am in no wav connected with the writer you allude to,” said the savant, with a cold disdain that no asinine, snub-proof coat-of-mail could resist. “Oh, I thought you were the great Mr. Dumas!” exclaimed the bewildered lady. Gilliam’s Wit. When Judge Bond, of the United States Circuit Court, was holding a term once at Raleigh, N. C., he was invited to meet several members of the bar at a dinner —among them the late Hon. Henry A. Gilliam, with whom the Judge was very sociable, butw'ho was just then out of humor at some rulings his honor had made against him. In a sportive humor, the judge placed a hog’s bead, which happened to be in front ot him, and of which Gilliam was known to be very fond, on a plate, and sent it to Gilliam with his compliments. Gilliam received it with great complacency, and.Jtaking it by one ear, while he went to work on it with bis knife, remarked, with a bow: “I am glad that I have at last got the ear of the court." His Retort. English speaking people of the thoughtless or autocratic order are inclined to underrate the intelligen.ee of “foreigners” who cannot grasp the intricacies of our mother tongue. An English officer, failing to make a Maltese understand what he meant, called the poor man “a fool. ” Understanding this much, the man,who had traveled about agood deal, though he did not understand English, replied by asking: “Do you speak Maltese?” “No.” “Do you speak Arabic?” “No." “Do vou speak Greek?’,’ “No." “Do you speak Italian?” “No.” “Then if I be one fool, you be four fools.” No Wonders-Ring-Master—Madame Leo says that she will not go in the lion’s cage for her performance to night. Manager—Why not? Ring-Master—She savs that there is a mouse in the cage.—Club. There are so many things people can’t do that they’ve got to do.

V’T BE FOOLED by the dealer who brings out something else, that pays him better, and says that it is L “just as good.” | Doctor Pierce’s I Golden Medical i Discovery is guarI anteed. If it don’t -benefit or cure, in ~every case, you'

D 0»

have your money back. No other medicine of its kind is so certain and effective that it can be sold so. Is any other likely to be “just as good ” ? As a blood-cleanser, flesh-builder, and strength-restorer, nothing can equal the “Discovery.” It’s not like the sarsaparillas, or ordinary “spring medicines.” At all seasons, and in all cases, it purifies, invigorates, and builds up the whole System. For every blood-taint and isorder, from a common blotch or eruption, to the worst scrofula, it is a perfect, permanent, guaranteed remedy.

Miss Larcom’i Girlhood. •»■ Miss Larcom was one of the oldest ot our women writers, but time dealt very kindly with her. She says, in her story of her girlhood: "I was born while my mother-century was still in her youth, just rounding the first quarter of her 100 years. We used tallow candles then and oil lamps, and sat by open fireplaces. We had no matches at that time, but there was always a tinder box in some sa/o corner, and fire was kindled by striking flint and steel upon tinder. What magic it seemed to me when I was first allowed to strike that wonderful spark to light the kitchen fire. There was a "settle’ in the chimney corner,and I and my sisters used to sit there and talk or dream, as the logs burned on the and.-irons —two continental soldiers in uniform stiffly marching, one after the other —and look up through the chimney at the square of blue sky. or sometimes catch a snowflake on our foreheads.” FREE TO HOME-SEEKERS. The Northwestern Home Seeker is the name “of a newspaper just issued, giving valuable information regarding the agricultural, mineral and other resources of South Dakota. This new State is enjoying a wonderful prosperity and any person looking for a desirable location, or interested in obtaining information concerning the diversified resources of South Dakota, will be mailed a copy of this paper free of charge by sending their address to W. A. Thrall. General Passenger Agent North-Western Line, Chicago. More Profitable. “Hello, Bill,” said the Chicago crook who had strayed into the restaurant, “have you gone out of the burglar business?” “Yep. I’m a now. It’s more profitable an’ Aafer an’ just as congenial.”—Exchange. Map of tbe United States. A large, handsome Map of the United States, mounted and suitable for office or family use, is issued by the Burlington Boute. Copies will be mailed to any address on receipt of fifteen cents in postage by P. S. Eustis, Gen’l Pass. Agent, C., B. & Q. B. R.. Chicago, HL Proof Against It. “Do vou think cigarettes make a man proof against epidemics?” “I do." replied the physician; “they don’t wait to give the epidemic a chance.” —Exchange. J. F. Smith & Co.. New York City: Gentlemen—l find Bile Beans Small to be perfection, and eannot get along without them in the house. Please find enclosed 50c„ for which kindly send 2 bottles Mbs. A. A. Tobias. Caverdale, Cal. Tnen He Discovers. “A man never realizes how much furniture he owns until he tries to walk rapidly through his house in the dark.” — Puck. In making Dobbins' Electric Soap (ten cents a bar) for twenty-six years, discoveries have been made out of which has grown Dobbins’ new Perfect Soap. 5c a bar, worth double any 5c soap made. Try it No Homely Ones at Home. “When a baby is so homely that a mother can’t see any beauty in it, it is some other woman’s baby, sure,” —Somerville Journal. Are vour lungs sore? Hatch's Universal Cough Syrup will cure them. 25c. The office never seeks the man because it can't push its way through the crowd of politicians. N. K. Brown’s Essence Jamaica Ginger will cure dyspepsia. None better. Try it. 25 cents. When a little woman wears glasses, she always looks fierce.

j EWIS'9B LYE I Powdered and Perfumed. KSfßk -it* MB (PATENTED.) The strongest and purest Lye made. Unlike other Lye. it being a fine powder and packed in a can with •removal le lid, the contents are tiSSSvB always ready for use. Will make the best perfumed Hard Soap in *2O minutes without boiling. It is the MM best for cleansing waste-pipes, ■ ■ disinfecting sinks, closets, wash* V JL bottles, paints trees, etc. PEXNA. SALT M’U’G €O< WfinhfittnMi Gen. Agts., Phila., Pa. i find nnn acres of land |,UUU,UUu for sale by the Saint Paul a DCLCTU RaILKOAD Compact in Minnesota. Send for Maps and Circulars. They will be sent to you FREE. Address HOPEWELL CLARKE, Land Commissioner, St. Paul, Minn. efi From to ?5 ibs gas - O. W. F. SNYDF.R, M. !>., Mail Dept. 4, McVicker’s Theater, cmcajjo, 111. flUllSSSMorphino Habit Cured in 10 I Consumptives and people who have weak lungs or Asth- M ma. should use Piso’sCure for Consumption. It has cured ■! thousands, it has not injur* ■ ed one. It is not bad to take. K 3 It is the best cough syrup. gg Sold everywhere. «sc. ■ T" ■

jfllllg Ito v Flower” “One of my neighbors, Mr. Join Gilbert, has been sick for a long time. All thought him past recovery. , He was horribly emaciated from the inaction of his liver and kidney*. It is difficult to describe his appearance and the miserable state of his health at that time. Help from any source seemed impossible. He tried your August Flower and the effect upon him was magical. It restored him to perfect health to the great astonishment of his family and friends.” JohnQuibell, Holt, Ont The Davie Hand Cream Separator and Feed Cooker Combined. Completes! of outfits for a dairy farmer. machine has an attachment which, when the bowJ has been taken out, is dropped into the Separator a» that a belt can run to the churn. Write for further particulars. Davis* Kankln Bldg, and M Ir. fco., 240 to 254 W. Lake St., Chicago, 111., Manufacture all kinds of Creamery Machinery and Dairy Supplies. (Agents wanted in every county.) THERE IS HOPE For every one who has blood trouble, no matter in what shape or how long standing, provided none of the vital organs ha c been so far tmnaired as to render a cure impossible. 8. 8. S. goes to the root of the disease, and temorvee th* cause, by expelling the poison from the body.and at the same time is a tonic to the waole systexk. However bad your case may be, there is nope FOR YOU, sa Cured me of a most malignant typ* ■NWNb Os chronic blood trouble, for which > <l. j use ,i various other remedlM without effect. My weight increased, and Uw health improved in every way. I consider B. 8, S. the best tonic I ever used. „ “S. A. Wright, Midway, Ga.” Treatise on blood, skin and contagious bloodpoison mailed free. SWIFT SPLCtIICCO-, r Atlanta, GaEly’s Cream Balm 1 WILL CURE I Price 50 Cents. I —l Apply Balm into each nostril. ELY 8808. S# Warren BL N. Y. JS9 j— DO YOU LIKE TO TRAVEL I READ THIS ABOUT CALIFORNIA! The WABASH RAILROAD has placed on sale low rate single and round trip tickets to all principal Pacific coaat. points, giving a wide choice of routed' both going and returning, with an extreme return limit of Nine Months. Stop-overs are granted at pleasure o*round trip tickets west of St Louis and tho Missouri River, and by taking theWABASH but one change of cars is necessary to reach Los Angeles, San Francisco, San Diego, Sacramento and Portland, Ore. Remember the WABASH id the peoples favorite route and is the only line running magnificent free Reclmin* Chair Cars and Palace Sleepers in all through fast trains to St Louis, Kansas City and Omaha. For Rates, routes* maps, and general information, cal) upon or ad< ress any of the undermentioned. Passenger Agents of the Wabash Systent R, G. BUTLER. D P. A, Detroit, MichF. H. TRISTRAM. C. P. A., Pittsburg. Pa. P. E. DOMBAUGH. P. A T. A., Toledo. Ohio. R. G. THOMPSON P. & T. A., Fort Wavne, Ini. J. HALDERMAN. M. P. A., •201 Clark St., Chicago, HL G. D. MAXFIELD. D. P. A., Indianapolis, Ind r. CHANDLER. G. P. A T. A.. St. Louis, Ma nfp 3 SPRi n I • _=> . j 1 . . La* For SECOND-HAND PRINTING MACHINERY and allow liberal prices for the same in exchange for new. Our stock of Cylinder Presses, Jose Presses, Paper Cutters and Gas Engines is tbe largest to be found in the State. If you wish to trade or buy let us hear from you. We have bargains to offer. FORT WAYNE NEWSPAPER UNION, For* Wayne, Ind. jpj REVERSIBLE —l— COLLARS &CUFFS.—~ The best and most economical Collars and Cuff> worn. Try them. You will hke them. Look well. Tit well. Wear well. Sold for ‘25 cents fora box of Ten collars or Fiv» pairs of. cuffs. A sample collar and pairof cuffs sent by mall for Six Cents. Address. giving size and style wanted. “Ask the dealers forthem. Reversible Collar Co.. 21 Kilby St. Boeto*. POLISH F,r Ladies’ar.d CUfirtT I Children's MULa I Has received the highest. I awards of merit ever I to a Shoe Polish. SiNw ■ Medals at Boston. 1884 Ukff ■ 1887. Highest Awards, New ■ Orleans. M»»; Buffalo, 1888; ■ Barcelonia. Spain, 1 888. ■ Ladies who use it ones ■ will never use any other. ■ Manufactured by ■ M. S. CAHILL & CO,, 94 Lincoln St ■ For sale by all Shoe Dealers. Boston, MaW» fl WESTERN FARM LANDS!] A pamph’et descriptive of the farm lands of braska. Northwest Kansas and Eastern with sect.onal map. mil be mailed free to any dress on application to I', s. |;i STI s. General sender Agt.C.,B.&Q.R.R, Chicago, 111. M H ||C,nihliWlW Washington, D.C. M fl ■ 3yrsiul4»tw»r, aUyauMJtb. K| * are re! lef a ernw ■ KIDDER 8 PASTILLES■ ■a ■ S ■■ - Ffirmelee’c Pile S u ■5 9 9 J O Quick Kelief and I’onii ivr ('"ure |w I I !■ X Ka.\v to urn. Sold by I 9 11 er peatpaid. **»<•. I I fesaa V Parmelee Med. €•.. r. W. N. U No. When Writing to Advertiser*, say caw tne Advercueuiem m thu papar*