Decatur Democrat, Volume 35, Number 19, Decatur, Adams County, 31 July 1891 — Page 2

democrat decatur7ind. * BLACKBURN, ... Publish**. There is no more dangerous guide than inclination. A man is not good to others if he complains that others are not good to him. | The time spent in mourning for the dead might be used iu making the living happy. A man’s opinion of people is as much .I. a test of his character as people’s opinion of him. The Montreal General Hospital refused to admit female students to the privileges of the institution. Evert man occasionally says: “Spare no expense; I care nothing for money, ” but none of them ever mean it. A man may sin a life time, but if he has been repentant a week, he will hold himself up as an example for others to follow. Basic steel is popular in the South, but basic steel catches the whole country while the national game season is on. Os ail the disagreeable men in the ■world, the one who is always trying, and never accomplishes anything, is the most unpopular. There is a mocking bird in Eatonton, Ga., that can talk and whistle “Johnny, Get Your Hair Cut,” and in fact, any simple tune which any one hums or whistles to it as an example. ’ The British steamer Sykro, 1,500 tons, from Gibralter to London, was •wrecked off the Spanish coast on April 26, by striking, it is supposed, a “live” 5 torpedo that was floating about. A new mineral has been discovered, to which the name sanguinite has been given. It is bright-red in color by reflected light, and upon analysis is found io contain silver, arsenic, and sulphur. Bull-fighting in Mexico is almost a thing of the nast. This is due, undoubtedly, to the superior civilization, culture, and refinement of Texas. Let us hear no more of the disparagement of Texas. When the postal officials sent to Adrian, Mich., the pay due a young man who was killed in the recent Lake Shore accident near Cleveland, they deducted 25 cents for the unfinished part ■of the run. A student in Edinburgh University, •who was fined a guinea for disturbing his class, paid the sum in half-pence, and a quarter of an hour was spent in counting them, whereat his fellow students were greatly amused. One-third of the students in Europe, it is said, die prematurely from the effect of bad habits acquired at college; one-third die prematurely from the effects of close confinement at their studies, and the other third govern Europe. The attempted revival of the trailing skirt for street wear is meeting with such resolute objection from society leaders that the fashion in this country is likely to be confined to what are known as “rich and shoddy” people, and when that is understood there will be no more street trains. Dr. Oliver Wendell Holmes should gould go further with his exposition of the effect of foods upon the characteristics and tell us how far the peculiarities of the Bostonian are due to a diet of beans. There are some Boston characteristics which the world wishes to avoid, and if beans are responsible for them, beans shall go if our heart«strings ■nap. An esteemed statistician (careful you don’t stub your tongue on those words) has figured it out that “the average newspaper writer makes 4,000,000 strokes with his pen each year.” He does not tell us, however, whether this includes the sundry and divers small due bills given when the aforesaid a. m w. has to quit the game to go and d write his scathing denunciation of English society and its reprehensible baccarat habit. A noteworthy woman is buried in New York City. She is Mrs. Mary Mason Jones, aged 91. Fifty yeark ago her house was the resort of the most distinguished people in New York. She was of great wealth, her estate being valued at $4,000,000. She was the daughter of John Mason, founder of the Ghemical Bank. She was related by blood and marriage to many well known families in many parts of the country, among others the Pendletons, of Virginia; the Allstons, of South Carolina; the Chases, of Connecticut, and the Masons, of Virginia. Dr. Mary Fulton, writing in “Woman’s Work for Women,” makes an appeal for ear-rings: “Just your earrings is all we ask. Your ear-rings will help to send more physicians,more medicine, erect hospitals, support Biblereaders, buy Bibles and tracts to dis- ' ’ tribute for a light amidst the heathen darkness.” As ear-rings cannot be turned into medicine, etc., without selling them for other women to wear. Dr. Fulton’s plan suggests the ancient story of the woman who,in a religious ecstasy, ~ took off her jewelry because it was dragging her to perdition and turned it over to her sister.' A well-known Holyoke business man, says the Springfield Republican, ameived a telegram a few days ago, fearing the signature of his brother-in-law, asking him to send him SSO, as he was “strapped* at Chicago. The tele* Cram did not give the Holyoke man's ftdl name, but it named his business

and business address. After thinking the matter over a few moments he concluded that it was a bunko game, and sent a telegram to his brother-in-law in St. Louis asking if he< was at home. He soon received an affirmative reply and the invitation “Come and see me.” It was a shrewd game, but it did not work. The repeal of the Massachusetts law compelling the patrons of saloons to sit at a table while draining their cups has not, it seems, conferred the right to drink in any attitude they please upon the Boston topers. It restores to them the privilege of standing up to the bar and taking their drinksi but the iw portant question has arisen whether it does not make it an illegal act to drink while sitting down. The guzzlers at the Hub, while as a rule preferring the standing-up-to-the-bar plan, do not want to be denied altogether the right to practice the sedentary method. Indeed, the/ demand unrestricted freedom in their ways of taking their liquor. They are amply able to drink in any posture that was ever conceived by Delsarte or Edmund Bussell, and a measure which implies the right to restrict their choice of drinking attitudes hardly strikes them with favor. • At the annual meeting of the Connecticut Medical Society Dr. Melancthon Storrs, the President, in the course of his address, spoke as follows of the educational value of happiness: “A child should be made happy. Happiness causes the heart to beat full, the eye to brighten, and the whole physical condition to improve. Some teachers look upon the mind as an entity to be cultivated entirely separate from the body. The process of memorizing is absolutely harmful. Too often some of the brightest minds are ruined for any future work by undue study. Long lessons, preparing for competitive examinations, etc., are productive of incurable brain disorders.” There is a volume of wisdom condensed in this paragraph, and it would be well if all teachers and parents would study and profit by it. A few years ago intestinal surgery was hardly dreamt of. In eur Civil War, for instance, an abdominal wound penetrating the viscera was believed to be necessarily mortal, and no effort was ever made to save the life of a soldier who had sustained such an injury, so utterly hopeless was his case considered. The practicability of successful operations on the intestines has since been demonstrated, and it is mainly to American surgeons that progress is due in this delicate and little known branch of surgery. Dr. Brokaw, the eminent abdominal surgeon of St. Louis, conducted experiments which proved that by uniting a broken intestine end to end the patient had even chances for life. Dr. Shimwell, and others, rejecting the end-to-end operation for general application, adopted a process of overlapping, and obtained far better results. A series ol experiments on dogs lately conducted by Drs. William E. Ashton and J. M. Baldy, conclusively proves that the best results are to be obtained by overlapping where possible. Once facility of manipulation was obtained, ninety per cent of the operations were successful. Thus the net result of the investigations to date is that the patient has nine chauces in ten of recovering, where a few years ago not the faintest hope could be held out Silhouette’s Economies. Stephen de Silhouette, a French writer, became comptroller general of the finances somewhere in the middle of the last century. Already he perceived the direful cloud hanging over France, and tried to avert the tragedy to come by schemes of reform and economy, which Louis XV and his extravagant court turned into ridicule. Silhouette’s name became very popular, and was appended to everything. The courtiers, pretending to be economical, discarded their costly snuff-boxes of gold and enamel for plain wooden boxes. To the same end, the men wore coats very short, sometimes made without sleeves; and instead of exquisite portraits set in gilt frames, or miniatures hung from gold chaines and set in diamonds, they gravely presented to their friends funny little outline portraits, black profiles drawn in solid black, or cut with scissors from black cloth or paper. All these absurd fashions they called the “Silhouette style”—everything was a la Silhouette while the fun lasted. This was not very long, for the poor man’s plans made him so unpopular that after eight troubled months he was glad to retire into private life and console himself with the writing of books. The Wicked Bosom-Pin. As every one knows, in the early days of methodism a considerable degree of strictness was maintained in regard to wearing of jewelry or costly attire. An eminent divine of that chnrch gives an amusing incident. A preacher had just gone to his new charge and was in the midst of his sermon when a woman rose and went out, slamming the door with unnecessary violence. Os course he supposed he had said something which gave offense, but on making inquiries he learned that the woman left because “the minister wore a bosom-pin.” The fun of it was that he had driven to the service over bad roads and one drop of mud had settled on his immaculate shirt bosom, deceiving the tender conscience of the good sister. — PFide Awake. A. Canine ;N«wiboy. A newsboy in the City pf Mexico has taken a partner into his business in the. person of a large and intelligent dog, the animal follows his owner about, carrying several papers in his mouth, and will walk up to a prospective purchaser and present a paper, wagging his tail in a sociable sort of way that generally succeeds, and if he makes a sale he brings back the money to his associate promptly. The Leason He Was Taught. A Chinaman of Omaha, Neb., received a postal-card bearing a polite invitation to attend chnrch, and stating that he would never forget the lesson he would be taught- He went to ehurch, and returned home to find that inhia ah. sence he had been robbed of property worth $75. The postal-card had been sent by the robber for the purpose of luring his victim away from "tB

AaEWM’KINLEY TRUST. THE TABLE CLASSWARE MEN HAVE ORGANIZED. A Trust to Enjoy McKinley Spoils—McKinley’s Big Advance of Duties Gives the Trust a Good Thing—Our Exports of Glassware Prove the Duty Not Necessary.' The makers of table glassware have completed the trust they have been building ever since last Decembers McKinley gave these men such a handsome increase of duties that they at once determined to “get together” and appropriate the good things which McKinley had so generously placed in their power. Even before the famous McKinley bill became a law it was said that the manufacturers had in view a combination of some kind. This fact was stated during the debates in Congress last year; but the McKinleyites went ahead in defiance of such information, regarding It as but another “free trade attack on American industry,” and made a large increase in the duties. Here is a table giving the old and new rates of duty on articles made by this McKinley trust: McKinley Old rate. rate, Glassware. cent. $ o mt. P1ain...40 60 Cut, decorated, etc4o 60 Lamp chimneys....4o 60 Bohemian4s 60 Shades...4s 60 Tubes 45 60 But these figures do not bring out the full protection of the McKinley law. The customs-administrative law, which went into effect on the Ist of last August, assesses the same duty on the boxes or crates containing goods as on the goods themselves. The packing makes a considerable item of expense in handling glassware. Furthermore, the same law requires that no allowance be made for articles broken in transit, unless the broken articles amount to 10 per cent of the shipment in which case the Government takes the broken or damaged articles, sells them at auction, and pockets the proceeds. In the shipment of glass and glassware a considerable portion is always broken; and the losses, thus entailed form an additional protection to the domestic manufacturer over and above the high rate of duty in the McKinley law. The additional protection in these items amounts to at least 10 per cent., making the full protection granted the trust by McKinley about 70 per cent. There was no need whatever for increasing the duties, since our imports amount to only fifty or sixty thousand dollars’ worth per annum, while we export at least ten times as much. In the report of Mexico’s imports for 1889 it is seen that that country took from ius $243,000 of glass and china, from Germany $164,000, from France $159,000, and from England only $16,000. If we can compete so successfully in Mexico, even without reciprocity, with the “pauper-made” glassware of Europe, there is clearly no need for McKinley’s high duties to protect our manufacturers in the home market Even the New York Tribune admits that glassware “can be produced in the United States as cheaply as in Europe. ” It could have been easily foreseen that McKinley’s high duties would give rise to a trust; and sucHfoas been the result. After much preliminary work during the past six months the glassware men have at last gotten their trust fairly launched. The high tariff New York Tribune, which holds the queer view that the McKinley law is “a trust-killing tariff, men and brethren,” has recently printed the following dispatch: glass manufacturers combine. Pittsburg, July 15.—Ata meeting of the table glassware manufacturers of Pennsylvania, Ohio and West Virginia in this city to-day, the plants were consolidated and an association formed under the name of the United States Glass Company. D. C. Ripley, of this city, was elected President. The company comprises eighteen firms, with a capital of §1,000,000. The object of the combination is said to be to systematize and to harmonize the workings of the several plants and to secure such economies in cost as may result from a consolidation of Interests. The headquarters will. be in Pittsburg. The report that the price of glass fruit-jars has been recently raised by a trust is evidence of what this infant combine can do in the way of bleeding the masses of our people. Where is the family which does not use glassware? Nearly every table in the land has its tumblers, goblets, butter dishes, salt cellars, and numerous other articles of glassware. Poor, indeed, is the housewife who is not concerned in this McKinley tariff trush The organization of this trust calls attention once more to the fact that trusts have been springing up like mushrooms in a wet summer ever since McKinley’s high tariff went into operation last October. McKinleyism and trusts go hand in hand. The Fore’gn Market Willing. A protectionist trade paper says: “Foreign countries are turning their eyes to the United States for their bread supplies, and will buy everything in that line which -we can offer them. This means the turning of a wide stream of gold into this country and a corresponding increase in the prosperity of all branches of trade. ” This is the confession of a protection journal thirty years after the Republican party began to build up a home market for the farmer, in which, as it promised, all his products would be consumed “right at his doors.” But the attempt to build up such a home market is further than ever from realization, and our farmers must find a market for $600,000,000 or $700,000,000 worth of their produce. This year, with abundant crops here and unusually short crops in Europe, the prospect is that our farmers will have £800,000,000 worth of their products for export. The farmers are intelligent enough to see the enormous value to them pf so large a foreign demand for what they raise, and to see, too, the importance of promoting our trade with foreign countries by a free admission or foreign goods into our ports.. To suppose that foreign countries can for any great length of time pay us for our farm products and manufactures in gold or silver is absurd. There is not a sufficient quantity of the precious metals in those countries to stand such a drain. If we wish, then, to sell to foreign countries, we must necessarily buy their products. Even the organ of the American Protective Tariff League has made the following sweeping admission: “Probably no common law is more rigid than that a nation's imports must in the long run be paid for by its exports. ” In other words, the more goods we buy abroad the greater the foreign demand for our products. Why, then, all this noise about the tin plate that we import? Why not encourage the Welshman to send us double the quantity we now take, since we can thus open a market for “another bushel of wheat and another barrel of pork?” Labor and Commodities. The system of protection is defended upon the ground that it will create more labor. Here is a favorite protectionist maxim: “The best system for a country is that which secures for it the greatest amount of labor. ” But labor is not an end in itself; we labor solely fcr the sake of the commodities we peed. Moat people of ordinary common sense think that the best system is that which secures the greatest MnSMMt of oonunedMes. They are quite Ml',.

content to save their labor, and win even invent curious and cunning laborsaving machinery in order to spare themselves unnecessary toil. If the protection theory is sound then Elias Howe, the inventor of the sewing machine, was a great foe to women, since he made it possible for one woman to do the work of tan; find the inventors Os the self-binding reaper did great harm to the farmers by making it possible to reap their grain with one-tenth of the labor needed under the old system. No; the best system is not that which gives us more labor, but more goods, more food and clothing. The shortest road to these is the system requiring the least labor. When men are let alone they take that road of themselves; protection only steps in to make men take the longest road, since in it they will have to take more steps in order to reach the same point. “European Interest” and Tariff Reform. One of the cheapest and efforts of protectionists to create a prejudice against the tat iff reform movement is to point out how Europe sympathizes with the Democratic party and is anxious for its success. Thus Hon. John S. Clarkson, who recently returned from Europe, said at a banquet given in his honor in New York: “A thing that strengthens the faith of the Republican visiting Europe is the plain expressions of hope heard in many quarters that the Democrats may return to power in the United States and reverse the American legislation, in European interest.” If Clarkson would apply this protection wisdom to his private affairs he would have to boycott every merchant with whom he has been in the habit of trading. He must refuse to buy sugar from his grocer, since this worthy citizen is anxious to sell sugar; and it would be equally impossible to have a coat made, for the tailor” is always keen for a job. If tne great Republican “headsman” of the Postoffice Department is con* sistent and will refuse to buy from paople who are anxious to sell, he will go naked and hungry. * Nobody of even the lowest intelligence will be deceived by this favorite “argument” of the Clarksons, the McKinleys, and the lesser lights of Republican statecraft. The fact that Europe wants to trade with us is no evidence of hostility to our prosperity—no more so than the demand of our farmers for a market in Europe for “another bushel of wheat and another barrel of pork” means that they are seeking to cripple European industries. In the long run all trade must yield a profit to both buyer aqd seller. It is extremely silly to suppose that we are going to suffer loss at the hands of European traders because they want to sell to us; and still more silly to pass laws to keep our people from buying wherever they find sellers with wares which they want. Lead Smelting and McKinleyism. Mexican silver-lead ores were taxed by McKinley almost to a point of exclusion under the pretense of helping Colorado lead producers. Now the Mexican ores are being smelted in Mexico, largely by American capital driven out of the country by McKinley, and the prodqct, in the shape of crude lead bars is being shipped direct'y to England. Formerly the ore came into this country free and gave employment to many laborers in our smelting establishments. Being used for smelting the “dryore” of Colorado, the Mexican ore acted as a direct encouragement to the development of our numerous mines producing these “dry ores.” The owners of the so-called “carbon ore” mines in Colorado, however, had the “pull” on the Republican tariff maker, and, since the carbon cured did not need Mexican siiver-lead ores to mix with their own in smelting, they demanded a high duty to practically exclude them. The result of this protectionist jugglery is thus stated by the New York Engineering and Mining Journal: “Everyone knows that the ‘dry ore’ miners have been paying for the exclusion of Mexican fluxing ores, and everyone knows that tne only people who have gained are a few owners of high grade or ‘irony’ lead ores, and some of the railroads. Our miners are worse off than before.” > . ' In the meantime, what are the consumers paying for lead itself? The price of lead in the New York market is now 4.40 cents a pound, against 2.68 cents in London, the duty being 2 cents a nound. Early last year, before McKinley got in his work, the price of lead here was as low as 3.80 cents per pound; but as soon as his tariff bill passed the House “lead jumped to 4.40. ” These are figures which anybody can verity from market reports in the trade journals, however violently the protection organs may deny the existence of any such thing as “McKinley prices. ” Taking Back-Water. The Republicans of Massachusettes are trying to run away from McKinleyism. The Republican Club of that State has recently sent out a circular to all its members to get their opinions as to the issues to be made prominent in the campaign next fall. One answer was: “Touch very lightly upon protection;” and another: “The McKinley bill is not a final settlement of the controversy, but Republicans are ready to amend the law as the evils incident to it become apparent.” Says a third: “It is the duty of the Republican party, while protecting our industries, to correct any parts of the tariff laws which, after a fair trial, are found to work injustice to the masses of the people." Others still go further. “An attitude looking toward free raw materials for New England” is demanded by a Westfield correspondent. A Boston letter is even more emphatic. - “No further development of the theory of high protection,” it says, “but an extension of the free list and a careful and equitable reduction of the existing duties, as well as a practical cessation of a further addition to the list of dutiable articles, with the understanding that a foreign market is a desideratum as well as a home market ” Not a Money-Making Fair. Ex-Congressman Ben Butterworth, who kicked so vigorously against the McKinley bill last year, is now in London. Speaking there of the Chicago World’s Fair, of which he is Secretary, he is reported to have said: “Besides a successful show, we intend to have a gathering of nations and to promote commerce. You may think it strange to talk of promoting commerce when we have built a wall across the road with the McKinley bill. Anyhow, we think the Exposition will lead to a better entente. It is not a dollar-making business." But Butterworth will hardly find any European manufacturers who will go to the trouble and great expense of exhibiting at Chicago except as “a dollar-making business ” Europeans will have no patriotic sentiment such as moves us, and it is certain that the only European products found at the Chicago Fair will be such as appeal to the taste of the rich, who are able to buy costly articles of luxury despite the high-tariff wall “across theioad. ” , Europe makes a thousand and one articles which the poorer and moderately well-to-do people of this country would like to buy, but it is safe to predict that very few of these will be seen at Chicago. j It teems that a hen that ' lays two eggs a day must neglect soma othes dutiaa.

OUR HOOSIER SOLDIERS. THE ANNUAL ENCAMPMENT OF STATE MILITIA. Splendid Shewing Made by the Three Regiments of the Indiana Legion—Some Features of Camp Life Described by Our Special War Correspondent. [special correspondence.] Ft. Wayne.—The Indiana soldier boys pitched their tents within half a mile of this city in a field of green oats that had been condemned for their use and entered upon their annual encampment. The Morning Gun—Bang! Clear and sharp was the morning greeting of the 10pound Parrott, as it spoke the first word of the day. A few minutes later the sweet strains of the reveille music from the regimental bands was heard, and as the boys rolled out of their blankets they forgave the grim-visaged brigade cannoneer for so rudely interrupting their morning dreams. Sunrise, viewing the camp from the guard-house, was a study in gray and white. The atmosphere of the beautiful picture was a misty gray, yet with singular kindness it made the field of tents a snowy white that could not have been made clearer by a dark contrast. The fleecy gray of the sky, harmonized by a misty softness and the white tents, needed only the slowly tramping guards to make a scene to be remembered. Like sentinels

/ i J\ / n A I’ ’B ' I' h vM hi "■•XBRIGADE HEADQUARTERS.

over all, the black guns overlooking the field held your eye for a moment, for they were grand and noble on account of the years of service they had given their

A, A ASECTION ON THE CAMP.

country and the many loud shouts for patriotism they had howled from their iron throats. A Camp Bath.—Good-morning! Have you used Pears’ soap? No, thanks, I

€ 1 7/ W - 'WI THE COLOR LINE.

bathed in the brook and scrubbed off with a handful of sand. Sometimes, you see. the water-works does not start as early as the morning brigade buzz, and water is pretty scarce! The Inspector Going the Rounds “Halt! Who comes there?” “Friend, with the countersign.” “Advance, friend, and give countersign.” This is a captain accompanied by the Inspector General on the grand rounds. He is to be seen everywhere, and is making note of all things that are not exactly according to Uncle Sam’s ideas. He is not wholly given to criticism, as his duty is to call attention to what is regulation and what is not. The War Department takes a lively Interest in the condition of the State troops and demands of the inspectors detailed to their annual encampments a

I 'll •'WliiiSBTiK

THE HOSPITAL CORPS. , lengthy statement as to the conditions of the troops. He must know how many soldiers are enlisted, and something of their physical condition and character. He wants to know how well the officers understand their business; how much the boys are paid while in camp. What inducements are held out to them to come; where' they get their uniforms. guns, and other equipments, and what they cost; bow many new men and old men comprise each regiment, are some of the things the inspector must tell the War Department. And then he must answer many questions which appeal to his judgment, such as to how good soldiers they are, as he would estimate from their work on the drill ground; deportment in camp; thoroughness at guard duty, and from their general appearance. Making an Orderly.—Would you ask bow they secure this Parisian delicacy of

PREPARING TOR INSPECTION.

finish fat the young manthat does duty for the Colonel? Then let a little bird whisper It to you. Whisper, little bird, to the pretty wife or fond sweetheart of this handsome young orderly and their friendsl Whisper how hel» polished and groomed and brushed before being officially born at guard •

Two are at his feet chasing away each speck on his shoes with vigorous rubs, another is applying a whisk broom piost Industriously and taking the most minute dust particles from the blue, another is giving a solid dead polish to his leather belt, and the last man is looking after the

MESS TENT.

brass buttons. Not in a minute do they do this brushing, but by the half hour do they toil over their pet, who is to be displayed in front of the Colonel’s tent. If he possesses a mustache it must be curled, exquisitely and coquettlshly, and the face must be powdered and a little pink put on the cheeks. The Troops in a Rain Storm.—lt Is raining. Now we are proud of our State troops. The water descends in torrents, but those slowly moving sentinels neither quicken nor slacken their soldiery tread. It surely cannot be fun to be heedless of that drenching rain. No great£hardship, of course, but so unpleasant that only a sense of duty can keep him there. How like a real army is that glorious blue overcoat! The cape is thrown over his head and the skirts fall to the knees. “Armed for native land” comes thrilling over you as the words of the silent gun that stands obliouely skyward from his shoulder. With military precision he paces back as he came, and grand and noble is this slowly marching man. simply because he is a soldier doing his duty. He does it perhaps because there will be fun in camp, good times at the armory at home and at picnics, but now he is doing for duty sake, just the same as he would do if he were facing the black guns and warlike front of a real instead of an imaginary enemy. Patching Military Trousers.—Patching pants is one of the domestic details of playing soldier, as well as real war. It does not make a heroic picture. At least

the interior of one of the tents of the National Guards did not impress me as being heroic, when I saw the rear portion of a private’s trousers being patched by a corporal. The private was too lazy to take off the trousers, and was in a position over a trunk, much as a young man would take at a boarding-school, just as he was about to be spanked. Sometimes he would yell as though an abortive attempt was being made to electrocute him. The sewer didn’t seem to mind, as he remarked coolly: “Oh, never mind, Charlie, that- slipped.” An admiring crowd was watching the operations, and finally Charlie’s pants were patched to perfection Running the Guard.—lt is part of the amusement of the camp to bother the sentries late at night. I saw a very ingenious scheme for running the guard. A half a dozen boys advanced unseen, and when the sentry got to the farther end of his beat one of them ran up with a four-foot club in his hand. He took position on the line, brought the club to his shoulder as he would a gun,

AN UNDRESS PARADE.

and marching as though doing guard duty. The sentry saw him, and when the other fellows ran up to the confederate and were challenged he thought it all regular. They advanced to the man with the club, whispered something, and skipped to the tents as though they had given the countersign. The sentry did not discover that he had been “bamboozled” by some mischievous fellows until they let out a howl of derision. The Grand Review.—The scene .on the parade ground during dress parade each day is always inspiring, but the grand review before the Governor and his staff on Governor’s day made a picture that wks truly a brilliant one and well calculated to impress the beholders with the power that lies behind the civil authorities. There were perhaps 2,000 well-armed, well-drilled and well-officered men in line accustomed to obeying every order given them, and they may safely be relied upon to protect

BJ: A BARGAIN COUNTERSIGN.

George (with an attempt at military discipline and dignity even with her) —Advance, friend, and give the countersign. Millicent (from the dress goods dept.) —Why, it’s “Thirty nine cents, was seventy five,” isn’t it, Gawge? the persons and the property of citizens in any emergency likely to arise. A Pbivati. [Written while in the guard house.] Facts and Fancy. “Miss McGinty” has met a deserved death. There are 13,000 kinds of postage stamps. Thebe is no doubt of Queen Vic’s greatness now. She is a great' grand--mother. A mahogany tree lately cut down in Honduras made three logs which sold in Europe for *II,OOO. t It is figured out that each inhabitant of this country consumes forty-three pounds of sugar per annum. In 1861 there were 8,636 pensioners who received *1,079,461; now there are 489,793 pensioners who receive ,*89,181,968 annually. A DISCHARGED chorister in an Ohio town took revenge on the congregation by sitting in a pew and purposely tinging out of time.

OH, DAT WATERMELON I Bow to Tell the Perfect Fruit Without tho Gastronomic Outrage of Flagging. What hoi ye old-fashioned family physician! Take down from the drug shelf and dust off the “ready relief” and “pain-killers” of last year; refill the Jamaica ginger bottle and get ready for the coming gripe season, for the watermelon is at hand, and the mignight wail of the small boy will be heard throughout the land. Not that there is any positive danger from eating the heart of a ripe watermelon. Bless you, no. • But in his greed for more, says a New York Herald writer, the youth is likely to eat too close to the rind and thus get himself into trouble. But who can blame him, for who has ever eaten enough of this glorious fruit at any one time? The eating of watermelons is an art learned only by long and varied experience. It isn’t a fruit with which to begin one’s breakfast, or for that matter to begin or end one’s dinner— that is, il one expects to eat other things. By itself alone ? Yes! yes I yes 1 Eat it at any time and at all times, and may the Lord forgive you if accused of gluttony or of greed. Good watermelons are not yet plentiful, but will be in a few weeks. Those now in the market are from Florida and cost $9 a dozen. Wait till they are $lO a hundred and then——! From now until frost expect to read a great deal of watermelon literature. Be prepared to hear sung the praises ol the plugged melon. Be calm, however, when listening to the advocates ol brandy or claret soaked melons and say to yourself such ideas could only emanate from a diseased brain. No one in his right senses, unless possessed ol a vitiated palate, could possibly make such a pernicious suggestion. The Bill Brown banquet was a culinary poem in comparison to the outrages gastronomic proposition of filling a perfect melon with spirits of any kind. It is quite an art to select a choice melon without cutting a small hole through its fat green sides, but it can be done; the same as an expert can tell a counterfeit from a genuine bill—by the feeling and general appearance. The dark green of the melon should be the color of English ivy leaves; the yellowish spot underneath caused by its contact with the earth should be tested with the pressure of the finger. The spot should havp a springy resistance, and the indentation thru made should not be noticeable when the finger is removed. If it remains the melon is too ripe and likely to be watery. If no depression can be made the melon is not ripe enough. The most delightful bottle of champagne I ever tasted was taken out o1 the case, then buried in ice for twe hours and served in long, slender stem glasses. The most satisfactory manner of cooling a melon is to bury it in ice two hours before serving, wipe it dry and cut it into longitudinal slices. Neither champagne nor watermelon ii improved by a slow cooling process, which is the method generally pursued. Our Dead Boy. I saw my wife pull the bottom drawer of the old bureau this evening and 1 went softly out and wandered up and down untU I knew she had shut it and gone to her sewing. We have som« things laid away in that drawer which the gold of kings could not buy, and yet they are relics that grieve us until our hearts are sore. I haven’t dared look at them for a year, but I remember each article. There are two worn shoes, a little chip hat with the brim gone, some stockings, pantaloons, a coat, two or three spools, bits of crockery, s whip and several toys. Wife, pool thing, goes to that drawer every day ol her life and prays over it, and lets hei tears fall on the precious articles, but J dare not go. Sometimes we speak ol little Jack, but not often. It has been a long time, but somehow we can’t get over grieving. Sometimes when we sit alone of an evening, I ,writing and she sewing, a child will cry out in the street as our boy used to do, and we will both start up with beating hearts and a wild hope only to find the darkness more ol a burden than ever. It is still quiet now. I look up at the window where his blue eyes used to sparkle at my coming, but be is not there. I listen for his pattering feet, his merry shout, his ringing laugh, but there is no sound. There is no one to search my pockets and tease me for presents, and I never find the chairs turned over, the broom down, or ropes tied to the door-knobs. I want some one to tease me for my knife; to ride on my shoulders; to lose my axe; to follow me to the gate when I go and be there to meet me when I come; to call “good night” from the little bed now empty. And wife, she misses him still more. There are no little feet to wash, no prayers to say, no voice teasing for lumps of sugar, or sobbing with pain from hurt toe, and she would give her life almost to wake at midnight and look across the crib and see our boy as he used to ba So we • preserve our relics, and when we are dead we hope strangers will handle them tenderly, even .if they shed nc tears over them. A Hird Without a Name. It is a curious fact that a bird which is more distributed over the surface ol the earth than any other kind which is better known to man, and more useful to him than any other, has in our language no distinct name. This defect in nomenclature seems still more strange when we remember that this favorite bird has half a dozen cousin species, every one of which rejoices in a name that is all its own. The nameless bird is the—well, the barnyard bird about whose capabilities for broiling, roasting and the like we usually care a great deal more than we do about what we shall call it But isn’t it queer that we have no name for it ? Commonly we call the bird chicken. That is clearly a misnomer, unless we are alluding to the little fellows that have lately emerged from the shell. An adult of this species is as far from being . a chicken as a man is from being a f baby. When we want to be specific about the adult of this species we Americans call the male bird a rooster and the female a hen. But these terms apply equally to many other species of birds. Probably the most favored word for the species is fowl; but that is shooting very-wide of the mark. Webster’s definition of fowl is “a vertebrate animal having two legs, and covered with feathers o* down—a bird.* Shakespeare usea the simile, “Like a flight of fowl,* and the Bible speaks of “the fowl of the air.*— PittatavyA Dispatch. “Who is that standing with young Bucksonf “That’sWsaßishop.* “At yes I She is Tory religious, isshenok?* "Oh, yea, indeedl Why, teal week she played 'Camilla 1 for the benefit tb» Bible Society."