Decatur Democrat, Volume 35, Number 17, Decatur, Adams County, 17 July 1891 — Page 2

©he i DECATUR, IND. < IL BLACKBURN, ... Pubxibhbb, ' A man will wait ten years to get even; a woman will forget that you offended her in ten minutes. ?' 1 I You will justify any man in his : opinion that you haven’t much sense if ( -you refuse to take his advice. Women are very forgiving. When ' the meanest man in the world dies, his ‘ -wife will have it said on his tombstone ( that he was “a loving husband." A man regrets more on a hot day that < his ancestors sinned, than at any other time. An apparel of fig leaves would < make life so much more endurable. i Dr. Hinckle, of Americus. Go., has a piece of chinaware 782 years old. The date, 1109, is plainly stamped on the bottom, and its only flaw is a broken handle. Within three days forty sponge vessels arrived at Key West with large 1 catches of fine sponges, but there was not a buyer in the market. Their cargoes were valued at SBO,OOO. A woman was recently summoned as , a juror in St. Louis. She took the : matter philosophically and attended court, only to receive the apologies of , all concerned in the blunder. When a woman raises a family of children and her mind becomes weak from the trouble they give her, the children pronounce her crazy, and hurry her off to the insane asylum. There is more true human significance in the wedding of Elaine Goodale, cultured Anglo-Saxon, and Charles Alexander Eastman, cultured Sioux, than in the union of any couple of the elect “400.” < Your friends may think lots of you, but bill for burying you is preseuted while they are still crying, they will refuse to pay it. Undertakers’ bills are said to be the hardest bills on earth to collect. “No, sir,” said the man with the dyed whiskers, “I never go boat-riding Sunday. If I want any Sunday amusement Igo to the parks. One may be just as bad as the other, but if the Lord wants to punish me for Sabbath breaking he can’t get at me half as easy on land as he can if I’m in a sail-boat.” Many a young girl will weep over the imaginary trials of a heroine in a novel, who is too utterly unacquainted with the human nature and life experiences of those around her to observe that many a romance more strange than fiction is being enacted in the livds of her nearest and dearest friends. After a man has passed 40, he begins to “break” somewhere. If his health has been perfect before, at that age some little trouble will develop that will cause him trouble the rest of his life. You will seldom see a man who has reached 50 without having received warning in what shape his death will come. Several Italian peanut men in Philadelphia run their roasters with electricity and may therefore be held to be the most enterprising citizens of Pennsylvania’s Sleeping Hollow. Perhaps for the sake of the life they impart to the old town Philadelphia might do the rest of the country a favor as well as herself by absorbing the present tide of Italian immigration. By a recent Coloradd law a man who is caught carrying concealed weapons anywhere in the State is liable to be fined fifty dollars or to be jailed for thirty days, and what is more, if an ■officer, when notified, fails to search a person carrying such forbidden arms, the officer is liable to be fined two hundred and fifty dollars, one-half of which shall go to the informant, and one-half to the school fund of the district The good and brilliant Dr. Talmage is a severe critic of modern religion. In a sermon he said: “I must confess that a great deal of the religion of this day is utterly insipid. Who wants a religion woven out of the shadows of the night? We want more cinnamon and less gristle. Why go growling on your -way to the celestial enthronement? Oome out of that cave and sit down in the warm light of the sun of righteousness.” The two bicyclers who exhibited the red lights on their machines before a last express train on the Bound Brook road, as a practical joke, richly deserve a sound whipping on the bared back. There are many men in the world who have no wit, no readiness of speech, no culture, and endeavor to supply the place of all these by the stupid and insulting practical joke, but it is not often that they go to such extremes as did these persons. . Walt Whitman gets even in a droll way with various American publishers •who do not always think him the poet he may really be. In his forthcoming volume, entitled “ Good-bye, My Fancy,” he mentioned certain pieces that were rejected. For instance, “Eidolons” was sent back by Doctor Holland of Scribner’s Magazine, with “a lengthy, very insulting, and contemptuous letter.” ""To the Sunset Breeze” was rejected by Harper’s as being an “improvisation” ■only, and “On Ye Jocund Twain” was • returned by the Century as “personal The London busmen, immediately ■after going on a strike, sent for John .Burns, the notorious agitator, to head their movement Burns proved any- > thing but a Moses. He could give them no help financial or otherwise, and managed,to get himself arrested by the .police as the easiest way out of the

difficulty. Large bodies of hard-work-ing men who rely on the false prestige of one professional agitator for encouragement in a strike do not get much satisfaction thereby. When professional agitators are made to work for their living there will be fewer strikes. Why is it assumed on all hands that the proposition to make young ladies church ushers necessarily carries with it the idea that the young ladies designated to act in that capacity shall ■ be pretty ones ? Is the plain church-go- I ing girl to be discriminated against? It is not fair. Some of the homeliest men on earth are acting as ushers in churches and are filling the position with entire acceptance. Let no girl be passed over or neglected because she may not be as handsome as some others. Such discrimination would be contrary to the spirit of the age and the principles of the Declaration of Independence, not to mention the Civil Rights Bill and the Inter-State Commerce Law. It is gratifying to hear of one man in this money-getting world who is so satisfied with his accumulations that he is about to retire permanently from business. Men are given to saying that when they acquird a specified amount of wealth they will give up the pursuit of money and-- devote themselves to the enjoyment of what they possess. As a matter of fact, when they do attain the limit of their early desires, the limit is commonly found to have enlarged; they want more, and are only contented in the effort to make more. It will be interesting to note what millionaire Bloom, of Chicago, undertakes to do with his leisure and his surplus. Unless he is unlike most men of great wealth he has not cultivated a liking for occupations apart from business, and time may hang so heavy on his hands that he will return to his broker’s office in self-defense. Such things have been known. Police Magistrate Gripp, of Pittsburgh, recently-had a wife-beater before him and was so moved by the testimony against the brute that he declared a whipping-post should be at once established for all wife-beaters. Police Magistrate Gripp was right and his suggestion will meet with the general sympathy of all decent men. There is nothing that would appeal more powerfully and effectively to these scoundrelly wretches than punishment in kind, and nothifig that would be more likely to save defenseless women from their cruelty than the prospect of a sound flogging. This method of punishment also has the advantage of being adequate, for either fine or imprisonment tends to deprive the wife and children of support The whipping-post is used in Maryland and Delaware for this class of brutes and it has been found to work admirably as a deterrent of wife-beating. The infliction of the flogging is left at the discretion of the judges, who do not usually order it for a first offense unless the cases are very barbarous. The mere promise of the lash is sufficient to prevent a repetition of it There are signs that our country is awakening to a sense of its position among the manufacturing nations as first in activity, wealth, and population. It is beginning to recognize that the 1,300,000,000 people outside its own boundaries represent a vast potential commerce, and that 1,000,000,000 of them live in non-manufacturing countries. The nations of Europe have been struggling for this trade, fully aware of the enormous value of the commerce which has built up the wealth of England, but they have been handicapped and unable to make a winning fight against that powerful and astute adversary. There are many evidencs that we are about to enter this field of peaceful combat. What are the elements of strength that make victory probable ? The vividly energetic character of the people, educated in activity by a commerce unobstructed over a continental area, gives promise of a momentum hard to resist. The American celerity of thought and tendency to prompt action, the spontaneous ingenuity in adapting means to ends, in seizing every new discovery and elaborating it for the uses of man with bewildering swiftness, all make for continuous and rapid progress. The recent expansion of the uses of electricity is a striking example of this. Potentially every American is an inventor, always searching for a better way. “Uncle Sam.” Here is a sketch of the origin of the term “Uncle Sam” as applied to our government ? Farmer’s “Americanisms, Old and New,” and Bartlett’s “Dictionary of Americanisms” give this origin of the term, crediting it to Frost’s “Naval History of the United States:” Just after the last declaration of war with England, Elbert Anderson, a contractor at New York, went to Troy, where provisions, beef, pork, etc., were concentrated. He purchased a quantity. The inspectors of these articles were Ebenezer and Samuel Wilson, the latter known as “Uncle Sam.” They employed a number of workmen, and one of them marked the cask of goods bought by Anderson, “E. A.—U. S.” When asked what it meant, he replied he did not know unless it stood for “Elbert Anderson and Uncle Sam,” referring to Wilson. The letters U. S. for United States were at that time almost unknown to them. The joke took, and later when some of these same workmen went to the frontier to meet the enemy and get some of the provisions they helped store, it followed them and was soon recognized in every part of the country. Origin of the Bedouins. The following legend accounts for th* origin of the Bedouins: To Adam were given three sons—a farmer, a hunter, and a Badawi To the latter, for his livelihood, Adam gave a camei The Badawi came to Adam and said: “My camel is dead. What shall I do now for a living?” To whom Adam said: “Go thy way, and live off what thou oanst filch from thy brethren,”

FIGHTING FOR PROFITS. THE STEEL RAIL MAKERS AND THEIR METHODS. How They Put Up Prices When Many Railroats Are Building—Using the Tariff Duty to Squeeze the Railroads—A Case for Domestic Tin Plate Gunners. One of the best known among all the laws of trade is that a large demand for any commodity will cause prices to rise; and it is equally well known that a light demand will cause prices to decline. A familiar case in point just now is that of tin plates. As soon as the McKinley bill became a law last fall, with its increased duty on tin plates after July 1, 1891, our dealers began at once to lay in enormous stocks. The large orders received by the Welsh manufacturers showed them that consumers were determined to have tin plates, even at higher prices; and hence prices began to rise. But prices do not move themselves; they are the result of the conflicting interests qf buyer and seller. The buyer beats prices down to the lowest possible point; the seller demands all that he thinks the buyer will give. There is no question on either side of benevolence or of favoritism; it is purely a matter of self-interest—a struggle for the pound of flesh. But the rise in price of tin plates in Wales has had a peculiar effect upon the protectionist mind in America. Our high tariff tin plate organs and our prospective tin plate manufacturers hasten to point out to us that we are exposed to the tender mercies of a foreign monopoly. Prices, they tell us, are fixed by this grasping foreign monopoly, and are always screwed up to the highest possible point. Such is is the picture that our protected manufacturers and their newspapers see in cases where foreign trade is concerned. Why do they fail to see that in the home market precisely the same state of things prevails? Why do they strain at a foreign gnat and swallow a home market camel? They even pretend that there is a tin plate trust in Wales, though such a thing has never existed there. But why do they raise their hands in holy horror at a phantom tin plate trust in Wales, while our own blessed home market is overrun and trampled upon by trusts as no other land on earth? In pointing out how the foreign tinplate makers have raised prices under the influence of a brisk demand from this side, they overlook the fact that American manufacturers, that all manufacturers, are governed by the same rule in their business. If these people really have such a righteous indignation against the foreigner, they might find an even more worthy object of their wrath in our steel-rail industry. For many years our rail men have been in combinations to control both prices and output. Whenever there has been much railroad building, they have shoved prices up and made enormous profits, lowering prices again when times were dull, and contenting themselves with smaller profits. At present they are selling at prices fixed last January (s3l at Chicago, S3O at Pittsburg), and firmly adhered to ever since. The steel rail combination has always pursued the policy of raising prices when railroad building was most active. In fact, they have often made use of their combination for the purpose of squeezing the largest possible profits out of the railroads, bleeding them to the full extent which the high duty would permit Thus about ten years ago there was a tremendous boom in railroad building. The demand was so great that our domestic' mills turned out in the three years, 1880-’S2, "an average of 1,106,000 tons per year, and an average of 178,000 tons per year were imported in addition. The duty on rails was then S2B per ton, and the average price of domestic rails was for these three years $28.67 above the likq) average in England, the price here averaging $59. During the preceding three years the domestic manufacturers had to content themselves with a much lower price, the average being $44.50 per ton, or only $17.50 per ton above the English price. Again, the two years, 1884-’BS, were years of depression, and the demand for rails fell off to 980,000 tons a year. During these two years our rail-makers had to take $29.60 on an average for their rails, or only $6.47 above the English price. In the two years, 1886-’B7, there was another boom in railroad building, the yearly consumption rising to 1,836,000 tons of domestic and 89,500 tons of foreign rails. The tariff had meanwhile been lowered to sl7 a ton, and the enormous profits already noticed were no longer possible. Still the rail-makers succeeded in squeezing out nearly the last drop of profit there was in the new duty, the average price for the two years being $35.80 a ton, or $16.60 above the price in England. In view of these facts it is clear that our rail makers use the tariff to get as much profit as the market will bear. The price of rails has been manipulated in a very arbitrary manner, and has varied much more than tin plate prices have. Notwithstanding this fact our high-tariff organs deny even that there is a steel-rail combination in America, and go gunning rather for a mythical tin-plate trust In Wales, although the srices5 rices in plates showed an almost unroken downward movement until the McKinley law was enacted. The apologists for the rail makers may claim that the great rises and falls in rail prices are due to a varying cost of production. But this will not do. A varying cost of production there undoubtedly is; but the price of rails does not rise or fall with the cost of making. Indeed, the contrary is often the case. Thus, in February and March, 1887, the cost of making rails at one of our largest mills, as shown from its books, was $29.93 a ton, and the selling price was $39.50, a net profit of $9.57 per ton. In December of the same yera, however, the cost of production had risen to $30.83, while the selling price had fallen to $32, a profit of only $1.17 per ton. The conditions of the market had changed, and rails could not be sold at the former large profits. >The manufacturers were forced to adjust themselves to an unfavorable market and tempt it with lower prices, when naturally some protectionist organ would rise and remark, What wonders protection hath wrought! What Free Raw Materials Do. The high tariff advocates spurn the idea that with free raw materials, and notwithstanding the higher earnings of American mechanics, we can compete without a tariff in the markets of the world with any country in the world. Occasionally, however, their organs admit the truth. The only important industry in this country which, before the putting of raw sugar upon the free list, has enjoyed the benefit of free raw materials is that devoted to the manufacture of boots and shoes. What American genius and skill has been able to accomplish in'making boots and shoes is shown by an editorial in the July issue of the Boot and Shoe Recorder, as follows: “Foreigners who have visited us, and who, by the way, are thoroughly posted in the details of shoe manufacturing, declare that we lead the world in the combination of cheapness and style In footwear. We do not repeat this in a spirit of braggadocio, but simply as a means of leading up to an important

point Several practical English shoe men, who recently visited Boston, are now writing letters to the trade papers in their country, in the endeavor to impress upon the British manufacturers the superiority of American methods of work. One of these writers states that in the manufacture of medium to cheap boots and shoes the cost of labor per pair is considerably less than half the cost of similar goods in England, when the spending value of the dollar is taken into account Another of our English visitors, writing on the American system of shoe manufacture, asserts that he is so favorably impressed with American made boots and shoes that he should have no hesitation in opening a large store in London for their sale. “ Our large exports of leather goods confirm these statements. What we are already doing is shown by a correspondent of the New York Tribune, writing from Jamaica, as follows: “During my stay in Jamaica, I have conversed frequently with Captain D. F. Murphy, an enterprising American merchant, who, in a short period, has established a large and profitable trade not only with the island but with Hayti and Central America. Beginning with his own specialty, Captain Murphy says that while shoes of English and German manufacture below 75 cents are cheaper than American goods, the condition is reversed for all above that price. At 75 cents and up to $1.25, a pair of American shoes will average 10 per cent less than foreign goods; from $1.25 to $1.75 the average cost will be 15 percent, less; and from $1.75 to $3, English, German, French and Austrian shoes will cost 20 per cent, more than New England shoes. ” With free wool and free iron why could we not do the same with woolen goods and manufactures of iron and steel. That our manufacturers of such merchandise shall be allowed a trial is the aini of those who demand free raw materials. Higher P: ices for Fruit Jars. There will be an enormous fruit crop in most parts of the country this summer, and as untaxed sugar is very low there will of course be a great deal of canhing done everywhere by farmer’s wives. Under these favoring circumstances the glassware trust has just decided to advance the price of g ass fruitjars. ‘ The trust evidently thinks that with abundant fruit and cheap sugar the housewife will stand some imposition in the matter of jars. No reason is given for the advancerin prices? There are no indications that it has become more expensive to make jars now than it was last year. But it is a little too much for the housewife to demand of the manufacturers that prices remain unc hanged. Has she not heard that the good Maj. McKinley raised the duty on her fruit jars from 40 per cent, to 60 percent.? That increase of duty could have had but one object, viz: To enable the home manufacturers to charge higher prices. At any rate, the good Maj. McKinley defended his tariff bill on the ground that “where merchandise is cheapest men # are poorest;” and he added, “we want no return to cheap times in our own country.” Neither do the glass manufacturers. They simply take you at your word, form a trust, and straightway proceed to raise prices and enjoy the “benlicences” of your tariff law. There was absolutely no excuse for McKinley’s higher duties* on glass jars. There is ample evidence to show that the manufacturers of these wares make from 25 to 50 per cent, on their capital every year. They ought to be satisfied with that, but they are not. There never yet was a protected industry that did not squeeze as much as possible out of the consumer. McKinley, the gushing patriot, the jar manufacturers a better chance than ever. Why should they not make profits of 60 or even 75 per cent ? Meanwhile the housewife should not complain. She is only a consumer; and consume-’ have no rights which tariff makers a •> bound to respect. Purpose of the Potato Duty. The New York Press, a very simpleminded protectionist organ and yet recognized in the protectionist camp as one of the leading protection phonographic machines of the land, has performed one excellent service for the country. A correspondent has recently written to the Press about the duty on potatoes. He is much puzzled, being a city working man, to know just how the duty on potatoes helps the working people of the cities, since it adds 75 cents a barrel to the cost of imported Scotch potatoes. To this stupid correspondent the Press, somewhat peevishly and with superior protectionist wisdom, answers: “Have we had one full farming or potato season since the McKinley bill became a law last October? Os course not How then can you reasonably expect an increased duty, intended to increase home production and reduce prices, to do its work before the first harvest under the new law?” This was for the consumption of New York City readers. Let the farmers note the innocent frankness with which this protectionist organ avows that the potato duty was intended not to raise prices, but to make him work harder to produce more potatoes, and then sell them at reduced prices. Behold the beautiful truthfulness of the high tariff advocates in the city. Universities of the World. : a Among the prominent nations of the wprld the United States ranks first in the number of educational institutions and students who attend them. There are in this couptry 360unbersities, 4,240 professors, and 69,400 students. Norway has one university, forty-six professors and 880 students. France has one university, 180 professors and 9,300 students. Belgium has four universities, eightyeight professors and 2,400 students. Holland has four universities, eighty professors and 1,600 students. Portugal has one university, forty and 1,300 students. Italy has seventeen universities, 600 professors and 11,140 students. Sweden has two universities, 173 professors and 1,010 students. Switzer! aad has three universities, ninety professors and 2,000 students. ’ Russia has eight universities, 582 professors and 6,900 students. Denmark has one university, forty professors, and 1,400 students. Austria has ten universities, 1,810 professors and 13,600 students. Spain has ten universities, 280 professors and 16,200 students. Germany has twenty-one universities, 1,020 professors and 25,084 students. Great Britain has eleven universities, 334 professors and 13,400 students; to American labor” has nowhere failed more dismally to make laborers contented and happy than in the great coke and coal industry of Pennsylvania, where a long strike of some 15,000 men has only recently been settled after a loss of millions of dollars to both sides. But the evil star which presides over the destinies of the coal Industry seems to follow it to the remotest West The protected coal operators of the State of Washington are able to export considerable quantities of coat, bi* they have just been having a genuine Pennsylvania quarrel with labor, terminating at length In a riot Now, however, there will be peace. It has

just been announced that, "The presence of militia, it is thought, will prevent any further bloodshed. “ ALARMED ABOUT WOOL. FALL OF PRICES FRIGHTENS THE M’KINLEYITES. A “Dlatlngniahed Congressman” Gets a Letter—Low Prices of Wool Hurting the G. O. P.—Sharp Words of a Protection Paper—Wool Tariff Matters— ’* Crassly Ignorant.*’ The fact that wool prices are so much lower now than before McKinley’s increased wool duties took effect is alarming the souls of the faithful. “A Western man who Is interested in wool” has recently written a letter on the subject to “a distinguished Western Congressman who helped to frame the present tariff law”—evidently Hon. Julius C. Burrows of Michigan. The writer calls attention to the marked decline in prices, and says “they bid fair to touch a lower level than at any time under Mr. Cleveland’s administration, or even when the Mills bill was pending. ” Prices have dropped still lower since this was written. The effect of this upon the g. a p., as the writer points out, is rather discouraging. “It is so contrary to general expectation, ” he says, “and so damaging to all argument or effort in favor of protection, that the friends of protection, and those who have advocated that side of the issue before the farmers, may be considered well nigh dumfounded at the situation. ” He further says: “There has been nothing in the long fight of protection vs. free trade, or tariff for revenue only, that his been so prominent an issue for years, that is likely to be as effective a weapon lor free trade to use as this. ” This letter has been commented upon in the papers, and that sturdy exponent of protection, the Boston Commercial Bulletin, has been moved to admit that “the McKinley wool schedule is the great piece of botch-work which has given the opponents of protection their strongest argument against thetariff.” This wool schedule, the Bulletin says, “was framed by men grossly and crassly Ignorant of th© ordinary conditions of the market, and indeed of everything except the belief of the ignorant that legislation is a cure for every ill. ” Alas! that is all very hard on the good McKinley. Our Western Congressman was not able to answer the letter quoted; it presented too grave a problem to his “crassly Ignorant” mind, and hence he sent it to a prominent firm of protectionist wool dealers in Philadelphia. In its answer, this firm laid the chief blame on the decline of prices of Australian wool in outside markets. But this explanation will not hold water. The Bulletin admits that “Australian wool has declined abroad, and that the English manufacturers are paying less for it to-day than a year ago.” But that decline has had nothing to do with the fall of American wool prices, for this eminent commercial journal says: “Our buyers are paying the same that they paid a year ago (for Australian wool), and the additional duty of a cent a pound on grease wool makes the scoured cost to the American mill of Australian combing about 2 cents a pound more than a year since (80’s quality merino were 78 cents then and are 80 cents now), while Ohio XX "fleece costs in the grease 3 cents and scoured 6 cents a pound less than at that time.” “Ohio wool.” says the Bulletin, “is a slowly vanishing industry. The Ohio farmer finds that other crops pay him better. ” But what are the Ohio political shepherds to do When their occupation is gone? They will be of all men most miserable when they must “cease from troubling” and the weary public is at rest A Youny Inventor. Don’t be discouraged, boys, because you are young. That is something that will soon remedy itself. And you can be of use to the world even now. Did you ever hear of William W. Rosenfeld? Perhaps not, but if you were an engineer you would have heard of him, for, although he is now only 23 years old, he is a very well-known man among engineers, because of his inventions. And the first and greatest of these he made when he was but 15 years old. He was a New York boy, and when traveling up and down on the elevated railroad he noticed the difficulty which the trainmen had in opening and closing the gates to keep people from jumping on the trains when in motion. Many thousands of boys probably noticed the same thing, but he did more, he thought of the matter till he had discovered away to remedy it, and now the compound lever that he Invented is in use wherever there is an elevated railroad. Now, at the age of 23, he has perfected probably the most efficient and comprehensive railway signal system known. By this system an alarm will be sounded in the cab of a locomotive when it gets or. the same block with another train, when it approaches a misplaced switch, an open drawbridge, a broken rail, or a rail lying across the tracks. Not only will the alarm be sounded, but if desired the air brakes may be turned on by the same signal, providing for the safety of the train even against the engineer’s carelessness or possible incapacity. Mr. Rosenfeld has secured the American patents on this invention and has applications filed in Europe. Now, there was a boy who used his ideas to good advantage. A prominent protectionist organ prints the following as a “balance sheet on sugar”: Amount of duty taken 0ft560,000,000 Amount paid planters for duties 9,000,000 Balance to the credit of Republican legislation'.ssl,ooo,ooo Whereupon it remarks: “There is nothing slow or small about that showing.” Then the removal of the tax, which we are always told that the foreigner pays, is to the “credit of Republican legislation!” The tariff is no “burden” to the country—only the wicked freetraders say that—but the removal of the sugar tax makes a net saving to the consumer of $51,000,000! Constantinople has fifty newspapers; nineteen of them are daily, five semiweekly, seventeen weekly, three semimonthly, eight monthly. In nationality five are Turkish, seven Armenian, eight Greek, six French, two French and English, one Italian, two Hebrew, two Bulgarian, one Arabian, one Persian, one German.'. A prominent manufacturer of tinware says that the increase of prices for tin plate, caused by the passage of the McKinley law, amounted up to July Ito $7,000,000. On that date the McKinley duty took effect, and during the first year of its existence it may be safely said that this McKinley tax will cost the consumer at least $15,000,000. Last year the McKinleyites set out once more to make the country prosperous by means of a high tariff, but. the failures in business during the first six months of this year were 6.087, against 5,446 in the same time last year. Like a good general the cow always fights flies successfully by many flank movMMßta. e W

THE ARIZONA KICKER. Inside and Outside of a Great County Weekly. . <F\ s TT New Depature.— J. U an “dividual 11 we P^ u ß around in I a fashion to please ourselves, and though we own the jgg onl -v shirt in this town which but(p—i S* tons behind, no hI II one can charge us HI || with ever trying to ill gBO ••*-*■'“*'' ding on scallops 'll gw over hoys. JB \%j, ' Strangers have taken us for a Digger Indian oftener than for the editor of a great weekly paper, but our feelings have never been ruffled. As many mean things as our jealous minded contemporary has said of us, he has never—no, never—dared charge us with weiring a regular night-shirt or hankering after four-in-hand ties. But as an editor—biff! We are right on the hustle. Nothing is too good for our readers. We spare no pains in keeping at the head of the procession. We feel that we can’t pay too many dollars to make the Kicker all that the most critical subscriber can expect. In pursuance of this latter policy we have added an engraving department to our already liberal plant, and are now ready to fill orders for illustrated Bibles, books, novelettes, school books, etc. We shall, of course, have our own engraving done under our own roof in future. The specimens presented in this article are no criterion of what our artist can do. He was drunk all the way from Chicago to this town, and is now trying to sober up. 'He will have to get used to our climate, our whisky and our ways, and will then shake the hat in a way to astonish the would-be artists of this section. We are now boss of a weekly newspaper, a meat market, a gun shop, a shoe store, a grocery, a real estate agency, an insurance bureau and an intelligence office—all under one management and under one roof. “Come West, young man.” A Failure.—Our third attempt within the year to establish an agricultural department in the Kicker has, like those before it, proved a fatal failure. We have been deceived and humbugged until we are almost ready to abandon the idea. True, the only" ag- , ricultural products of this vicinity are confined to jackass-rabbits, Piute halfbreeds, cactus plants and wire grass which cuts a mule in two lengthways within a month, but an agricultural department always gives a weekly a fin- ’ ished expression of countenance. An old monkey-wrench came along about four weeks ago and claimed to have run the Agricultudal Department at Washington for four years. He could talk ruta-baga and subsoil plowing faster than you could shoot buckshot at an Indian dog, and he wanted a sit with us more to break down ' the Bureau at Washington than for any salary expected. We put him on at $3 per week, calculating to raise him as he 1 proved his merits, but the only raise he got was when we raised him out of the i sanctum for trying to kiss us while piaudlin drunk. , We ask our readers to excuse the i blunders this fellow made in his de- ! partment last week. We supposed he > could be depended on and did not read > the proofs. For “3,000 bushels to the acre,” read 40 bushels. For “sixty perch of subsoil,” read ' sixty perch of stone. For “alluring dispositions,” read alluvial deposits. For “sectional irritation,” read susceptible of irrigation. For “forty tons of top-dressing per [ hog,” read one ton of top-dressing per i acre. The next galoot who comes along here and claims to have done the agri- • cultural for the New York World, Cleveland Plain Dealer, Pittsburgh Dis1 patch, Rochester Chronicle and Chi- ' cago Times has got to have some cer- . tificate besides a led nose, a cataract in his left eye and his toes out to the weather. The Truth of It.—Our lop-eared contemporary down the street, with his 1 usual disregard of truth and fact, came out yesterday with a double-leaded article headed: “AT LAST!” , “The‘Kicker Man’ Gets His Dose!” > “A Good Job. Well Done.” 1 “he struck a man he couldn’t bluff!” “Now what is the truth of it? We went over to Bush Valley on a cayuse i kindly loaned us by Major Weatherhorn for'the occasion. Our object was to secure subscribers, and we picked up* thirty-twe of them among the boys—about half the circulation of our contemporary. While we were riding over to CoL Jones’ ranch we met Buck Pedro. Buck hasn’t had any love for us since we - - - furnished the rope which soared him out of this town. He commanded us to halt. “We halted. “He requested us to throw up our hands. “We complied. “He then indulged in some very ungentlemauly language mixed with very bad grammar and wound up by ordering us to git. “We got "We’d have been a fool not to. We went fast We wanted to go faster still, but the cayuse couldn’t gain on it. We reached home safe and sound and right side up, and immediately entered the thirty-two names on our subscription book. That’s the truth, the whole truth, and all there was in it. Give us a fair ehow and we are generally in

it, as our private graveyard proves. But when a man like Buck Pedro looks over a Winchester on a line with your left eye, and is all ready to shoot before we’ve seen him, we humbly cave and follow directions. We are do relation to the man who haltered a grizzly bear for a calf.”— N. Y. World. He Was Absent-Minded. There is a young man in Brooklyn so absent-minded that he is likely to'slide down the banisters of time along with the man who forgot his own name. He is very sensitive on the subject of his weakness and endeavors to conceal it, but it leads him into many scrapes, and recently he had a very vivid illustration of the disadvantages of abstraction when indulged in too freely. In a rare interval of observation, so the tale runs, he lost his heart to a young woman whom he met at a reception. The young woman reciprocated and the love affair progressed’ smoothly for a time. Then, unaccountably, the fair one ceased to smile upon the young man as of yore, and slowly froze him out Explanations were sought, but none were given, and after a painful search through an apology of a memory for the cause of the sudden change the young man gave up the conundrum and went on his absent-minded way. Not long ago he had occasion to don his dress suit, neglected since the evening from which he dated his decline in the young woman’s favor. Something in one of the pocket attracted his vagrant attention, and when the something was dragged into the light of day it proved to be a well-filled purse. Finally the recollection of how it got there can?e back to him, and he remembered slyly abstracting it from the pocket of the young woman, with the intention of having some innocent amusement at her expense when the loss was discovered. But he was net an adept in this particular kind of abstraction, and the young woman was perfectly aware of what he was doing, and it was only because she was deeply engrossed at the time with a thrilling scene on the stage that she failed to protest. Her conclusion, when weeks elapsed and the young man had failed to return the money, was uncomplimentary, but natural. The young man’s explanation when he returned the purse was accepted. To his disgust he found that his rival had been accepted also. The Chinaman’s Purchase. The Chinese are not supposed to have much talent or liking for humor, but a litt’e story related by the author of “Three Years in Western China” shows that they are not altogether deficient in that respect. It may be taken also as an illustration of the truth that a man may be given to some form of wickedness and folly, and yet be capable of wise conduct in other directions. Several of my followers were opium smokers, and one of my bearers had contracted a great craving for the drug. He was somewhat disreputable in appearance, but a willing worker. His baggage consisted of the clothes on his back, and a small bundle containing his opium pipe and the necessary paraphernalia for smoking. On leaving a certain village I noticed that the bundle had assumed larger dimensions, but my speculations as to its contents proved to be wide of the mark. A few miles to the west of Yang-lin a halt was called for rest, and the cakes on the roadside stall were quickly bought and devoured. The . opium-smoker, meanwhile, sat apart on the edge of the stone road. “How is it that you are all eating and drinking,” said he to one of his comrades, “and I haven’t a single cash to follow your example ?” The other man put his thumb to his mouth, and pretending to inhale, pronounced the single word, “Opium,” at which the smoker smiled and was silent. On the following day we were suddenly overtaken by a short rain-storm, and when the other bearers were searching for shelter, the smoker solemnly produced his bundle, gravely undid the cover, and proceeded to unfold and put on a first-class water-proof coat which he had wisely purchased in the village to which we have referred. The astonishment ou the other men’s faces, and the look of triumph in which the smoker indulged, were a study. Bear and Cabs. The surgeon of a vessel sailing from England to Hudson’s Bay, in 1812, made this entry in his journal for July 25th. Os course, what the doctor calls the silver bear must be the white polar bear of Arctic regions. This day, while sailing through straggling ice, one of the men on the quarterdeck observed, at a few yards’ distance, a silver bear and her two young cubs. The captain immediately ordered the jolly-boat to be lowered, and muskets, etc., to be got in readiness; and all things being prepared, the first mate, with three or four men, set out in pursuit We were all leaning over the deck, waiting with the greatest anxiety for the interesting scene that we expected to witness. They had not got many yards from the vessel, when I beheld a very affecting sight The mother, observing their approach, and aware of their intention, set up a most doleful cry, and presently clasped her two young ones within her two forepaws. First she would look at one, then at the other, and again resume her piteous cry. Seeing the men come still nearer, she got the cubs on her neck and dived under water to a considerable distance; when exhausted, she made to the ice for shelter- This she did several successive times. The men who went out for the purpose of shooting her were so justly affected at the sight that they humanely returned to the ship without discharging their muskets. Still, however, the poor bear apprehended danger, After getting on a detached piece of ice, she again clasped her yonng ones with the greatest tenderness, and continued her heart-melting cries.— Youth’s Companion. Why Wolcott Beoame a Senator. “Wolcott owes his election to the Senate,” said a gentleman (who knows him well, “to a sensational account of his winning a large stake at faro ’at Long Branch a few years ago. Wolcott won something like $20,000 on one plav, and the story was sent from one end of the country to the other. He had no idea at the time of seeking political preferment But the publication of this gambling story touched Wolcott’s pride. He determined to prove to the country that he was some* thing more than a faro bank plunger, and he did it That is the true story of how Wolcott came to enter politics. * The authority for the above is CoL Thomas Porterhouse Ochiltree, so U must be true.—St Louis Republic. kt ■■ V