Decatur Democrat, Volume 35, Number 13, Decatur, Adams County, 19 June 1891 — Page 3

T»E WABASH LIME. H-andsome equipment. E-legant day coaches, and W-agn er palace sleeping cars A-re In daily service B-etween the city of St louis A-nd New York and Boston. S-paoious reclining chair oars H-ave no equal E-ike those run by the I-ncomparable and only Wabash, N-qw trains and fast time E-Very day in the year. From East to West the sun's bright ray. Smiles on the line that leads the way. MAGNIFICENT VESTIBULE EXPRESS TRAINS, running free reclining chair cars and palace sleepers to St. Louis. Kansas City, and Council Bluffs. The direct route to all points in Missouri, Kansas, Nebraska, lowa, Texas, Indian Territory, Arkansas, Colorado. Utah, Wyoming, Washington. Montana, and California. For rates, routes, maps, etc., apply to any ticket agent or address F. Chandlbb, Goa. Pass, and Ticket Agent, St Louis, Mo. Poor Shooting. No record of the work of the big guns on the big ironclads of Europe is allowed to be published, but the gunners admit that the big cannon are so unwieldy that an enemy a mile away might be fired at twenty times before being hit by accident. The 1 best of gunners further declare that the mania for big guns has been run to foolishness. "All is not at hand that helps.” In othei words we cannot foresee whence help may come to us, but every sensible housekeepei should know that every grocer sells SAPOLIO. Marriage may be a civil contract, but many behave in a very uncivil manner after entering into it. ' In the train of diseases that follow a torpid liver and impure blood, nothing can take the place of Dr. Pierce’s Golden Medical Discovery. Nothing will, after you have seen what it does. It prevents and cures by reaapving the cause. It invigorates the liver, purifies and enriches the blood, sharpens the appetite, improves digestion, and builds up both strength and flesh, when reduced below the standard of health. For . Dyspepsia, “ Liver Complaint,” Scrofula, or any blood-taint it’s a positive remedy. It acts as no other medicine does. For that reason, it’s sold as no other medicine is. It’s gtiaranteed to benefit or cure, or the money is refunded. “German Syrup” “We are six in famA Farmer at ily. We live in a place where we are Edom, Texas, sub j ect to v j olent Says: Colds aid Lung Troubles. I have used German Syrup for six years successfully for Sore Throat, Cough, Cold, Hoarseness, Pains in the Chest and Lungs, and spitting-up of Blood. I have tried many different kinds of cough Syrups in my time, but let me say to anyone wanting such a medicine —German Syrup is the best. That has been my experience. If you use it once, you will go back to it whenever you need it It gives total relief and is R quick cure. My advice to everyone suffering with Lung Troublesis —Try it. You will soon be convinced. In all the families where your German Syrup is used we have no John trouble with the Franklin Lungs at all. It is • the medicine for; this country. ® JoneS ’ G. G. GREEN, Sole Man’fr,Woodbury,NJ, ENJOYS Both the method and results when Syrup of Figs is taken; it is pleasant and refreshing to the taste, and acta gently yet promptly on the Kidneys, Liver and Bowels, cleanses the system effectually, dispels colds, headaches and fevers and cures habitual constipation. Syrup of Figs is the only remedy of its kind ever produced, pleasing to the taste and acceptable to the stomach, prompt in its action and truly beneficial in its effects, prepared only from the most healthy and agreeable substances, its many excellent qualities commend it to all and have made it the most popular remedy known. Syrup of Figs is for sale in 50c and $1 bottles by all leading druggists. Any reliable druggist who may not have it on hand will procure it promptly for any one who wishes to try it. Do not accept any substitute. CALIFORNIA FIG SYRUP CO. , CAM FHAMCIBCO, CAI. LOUISVILLE. KV. MEW VOCK. LLf>

A BIRTHDAY WISH. BY LILIAN ■WHITING. X. What can I wish for thee. O friend of mine I In all the bloom and beauty of the May? Thou, -whose fair life the poet's word portray, Wearing the white flower with its breath divine. n. Wealth, power, and honor do I ask for thee; Yet not the wealth that's counted but in gold; The riches of right doing—purpose told In deeds that stamp thy life with majesty. Power, not to use but for thyself alone, But power to strengthen hands that else were weak, And power to bring high thought to them that seek And lead from all that's known to the Unknown. IV. The honor that must come from being true Unto the Heavenly Vision—which shall shine Ever upon your way—its light divine Transfiguring all old meanings into new. v. This do I ask for thee in these May days. That dawn with bloom and light and sweetness rife; Wearing the white flower of a blameless life. Your footsteps set in his appointed ways. MARRIED AND PARTED. “I wonder why she nqver married. She is a beautiful woman still. What must she have been when she was young ? That chestnut hair of hers is more than tinged with gray, but the blue eyes are still bright and beautiful, and that pretty color of hers still comes and goes like a girl’s. And how well she dresses! There’s poetry and grace in every movement If I didn’t know she was an actress, I should take her for some great lady; she walks like one, she talks like one, and she looks like one.” “And you wouldn’t be sc very far out, Nibbs, after all.” Thus said Sir John Protocol, K. C. 8.. formerly of the diplomatic service, to Nibbs, the back writer. Both of them were elderly men; they had been schoolfellows, and Nibbs had married Sir John’s sister when that gentleman was a boy at Eaton, and, being brothers-in-law and having known each other all their lives, strange to say, they were still friends and cronies. “Ob,” said Mr. Nibbs, “she’s a woman with a history, then?” and the old man’s eyes began to sparkle till he looked like a dissipated vulture. “You’ll have to tell the story, Jack, my boy. You couldn’t have a better place to tell it in than this,” said Mr. Nibbs, with a smile at the ceiling of the smoking-room of the Sarcophagus club. “Well, if you want it,” said Sir John, “I suppose you must have it. It was common property thirty years ago. It was in 1856 that I first saw her —the year after the prince imperial was born, and Napoleon was at the zenith of his power. We all went to the Odeon from patriotic motives, for there was an English debutante who was about to make her first appearance that night, and Pugsley, the chancellor, had told us that she was desperately good looking. Her name was Sylvia Seton then, and she’s Sylvia Seton now. It’s a wonderful thing, isn’t it, Nibbs, that she an’t married?” And then Sir John chuckle: “We’d none of us seen her. When I say ‘we,’ I mean the fellows at the embassy, from the second secretary down to me, and I was junior unpaid attache at the time. ‘She came into the chancellerie,’ said Pugsley, ‘herself and she left a dozen programs of her debut with' me. That slip of a girl walked into the office as though she were a queen. And so she was,’ he added, ‘in the matter of beauty.’ And then he began to rave about her eyes, and her hair, and her little pouting lips that were ruddier than the cherry, and the two little dimples that came into her cheeks when she smiled. ‘And she is as good as gold, you know,’ said Pugsley, ‘for she wore darned gloves, and when a girl wears darned gloves you may swear that she’s as good as gold.’ “We all went to the Odeon, partly from patriotic motives, because Sylvia Seton was an English girl, but principally on account of the enthusiasm of Pugsley, who was a judge of beauty, and we were all amateurs of that article in those days,” said Sir John Protocol with a sigh. “I can’t for the life of me remember the piece,” he continued, “but it was something pastoral, poetical, and pretty; the debutante was charming, sir—she was a dream of loveliness, was Sylvia Seton; and the little English girl scored in the great, gloomy house that they call the second Theatre Francais; and she signed a six months’ engagement that very night with Botiboi, the manager of the Porte St. Martin. But she never played at Porte St. Martin, and the next thing we heajd of Sylvia Seton was that she had married the Prince of Roxanbloxanfels. Now the Prince of Roxanlloxanfels was a serene highness, and vphen his father died he, being the eldest son, would become a grand traifcparancy, a reigning monarch, and an elector of the German Empire. |3ut the Prince of Roxanbloxanfels wal a brute —an ill-mannered, boorish lif, who, if he had ever had any mindfat all, had had it drilled out of him. (He was a big man—a sort of a tailor's lay figure of a man. He was perfectly miserable in the society of respectable women, and he was engaged to be married to the only daughter of the Prince of Roulettenburg. He was a fair man, with cold, cruel, blue eyes and a retreating chin, and if anybody in Parisian society at that time had been asked to name the most disappated man in the French capital he would undoubtedly have selected Conrad, Prince of Roxanbloxanfels. “The way that “fellow persecuted poor little Sylvia Seton was monstrous. He sent her bouquets, he sent her diamonds, but his diamonds came back, and every night he used to turn up at the Odeon to glore like a hungry ' tiger at the charming little English ingenue. Sylvia Seton wouldn’t have anything to do with the Prince. Then he tried to abduct her, and of course the matter was hushed up —equally of course it got into all the papers, and everybody knew perfectly well who Prince X. was, and how Mlle. Z., as they called poor little Sylvia, had boxed his ears in indignation. “That would have been enough to have choked off any ordinary man, but it didn’t choke off Prince Conrad, and one day, to our intense astonishment, we heard that he had married her; and the pair appeared everywhere, and none of us were surprised to see that she looked very miserable, indeed. But everybody said that she played her cards wonderfully well; and the women all envied her diamonds, and tho men all envied the Prince of Roxan«loxanfels. For my own part, being young and romantic at the time, I pita t the poor little English girl, for I k»f ■ that her husband was a drunken L.tite, a cruel, heartless ruffian, who would be sure to treat her badly sooner or later.

•Within three months the Prines, her husband, left her, and he left her without a penny in the world. She didn’t go back to the stage. She waited on in obscurity, living with her mother, and she made no sign until the approaching marriage of Prince Conrad, her husband, with Princess Amelia, of Roulettenburg, was formally announced. And then she came to ask for advice at the legation. She told Pugsley, our Chancellor, that a Catholic priest had married them in her mother’s lodgings; she didn’t know the name of the priest; she had no certificate of marriage. Pugley gave her good advice. “My dear young lady,” said Pugsley, “you are either legally married to Prince Conrad or your marriage to his serene highness was a mere sham; in which case, as I am strongly inclined to suspect, the Prince will have brought himself within the French criminal law. Should your marriage have been a legal one, Prince Conrad would not be so foolish as to go through an empty form of marriage with the Princess of Roulettenburg. The best thing you can do is to bide your time. Should this marriage take place you can set the criminal law in motion, aud as a British subject you would have every assistance from the embassy here.” “And then if I succeed in proving my marriage, sir, I should ruin the life of the unhappy lady whom Prince Conrad is about to lead to the altar. Diplomacy is a machine that it takes a long time to set in motion, Mr. Pugley, and I shall go to Roxanbloxanfels to complain.” “ ‘They’ll probably have to buy you off in the end, mademoiselle?’ “ ‘Perhaps I have failed to make myself understood, Mr. Pugsley,’ said the lady. ‘You are speaking, sir, to the wife of Prince Conrad of Boxanbloxanfels.’ “ ‘Quite so,’ said Pugsley, angry at being snubbed—the lady whose husband is about to be united to the Princess of Roulettenburg. Even princes,’ he went on, ‘don’t, as a rule, commit bigamy in this nineteenth century, Mme. la Princesse.’ “I could have kicked that brute Pugsley. But she never noticed the insult. “ ‘Mr. Protocol,’ she said, ‘will you take me to my carriage?’ And, as she said the words, whether she was a serene highness or only a little English player-girl, she looked a very queen—not a queen of the footlights, mind you, but the genuine article. “Then she favored Pugsley, who looked very foolish, with a condescending bow, and I gave her my arm and took her out to her carriage, which was a common hack cab. She evidently believed she was married to that triple brute, the Prince Conrad. “ ‘Have you any further commands, Princess ?’ I asked. ‘AU of us here, with the exception of Pugsley—who, between ourselves, is an ass—are your devoted slaves. There’s nothing we wouldn’t do for you, and if you are in any difficulty or trouble we hope you will make use of us, for, Princess, we all love you for your talent, for your beauty, and for your pluck, and above all things, madam, because you are our countrywoman.’ “She thanked me and her lovely eyes looked all the brighter for the tears that stood in them as she did so. “That night Sylvia Seton and her mother left Paris for Roxanbloxanfels. “Now, the reigning monarch of Roxanbloxanfels was the father of his people. He was a tremendously virtuous monarch, and at the time lam speaking virtuous monarchs upon the continent of Europe were very rare. Every Sunday morning it was the custom of the reigning Prince of Roxanbloxanfels to appear publicly on the broad walk that ran in front of the palace, and the Roxanbloxanfelsers, his loyal subjects, and the English tourists who were stopping at the neighboring baths at Klein Kohlwasser would come to see the sight. Nobody ever spoke to the reigning Prince as he headed the procession, the Princess upon his arm, or the royal family of Roxanbloxanfels. Behind him, two and two, came the sixteen' members of the royal family, eight Princes and eight Princesses, and all of them were virtuous—all except Conrad, the affianced husband of Princess Amalia of Roulettenburg, who, as you know, was a very bad one indeed. “Now, Albrecht, reigning Prince of Roxanbloxanfels, was ambling along the center of the great gravel walk—his consort, the Princess Wilhelmine, who was fat, fair, and fifty, upon his arm. «, “ ‘The dear Conrad is feeling ill,’ said the Princess Wilhelmine to her august spouse; and certainly the dear Conrad looked exceedinly unwell, for he had suddenly turned very red, then he had grown very pale, and, still remaining white as a ghost, he looked, if possible, more foolish than usual. “The monarch turned to his son, the procession stopped, and Prince Albrecht was about to inquire after his son’s health, when Sylvia Seton stepped out from the crowd, made Prince Albrecht a low courtesy, and placed a paper in his hand. “ ‘Permit me to introduce myself, Your Majesty, as the wife of your son, Prince Conrad,’ she said. Thereupon the reigning Princess Wilhelmine fainted in the arms of her august husband, and gave a gentle scream; and the eight princesses, as one girl, each gave a little squeal and fainted in the arms of their eight princely brothers. “ ‘Bocksbeutel! Where is Baron Bocksbeutel?’ shouted his serene transparency, the Prince Albrecht. “A little old man in a cocked hat, looking like the pictures of Baron Munchausen and covered with orders, stepped forward, saluted, and stood at attention. “‘Present, Majesty f cried Baron Bocksbeutel, chief of the secret police of Roxanbloxanfels. “ ‘Bocksbeutel,’ said His Majesty wihtl a melodramatic gesture, indicating Sylvia Seton, ‘I commit this unfortunate lady to your charge. Poor thing, she is as mad as a hatter,’ said His Majesty in a loud voice for the benefit of the bystanders. “By this time the Princess Wilhelmine and her daughters had come to, and then His Majesty gave the word of command. ‘Vorwarts,’ he cried, and the royal party moved on. When they reached the royal apartments Prince Conrad was placed under provisional arrest, and after he had dined (they always dined at 1 at Roxanbloxanfels, because they were so virtuous) His Majesty Primje Albrecht sent for the crestfallen Oqprad. “ ‘Conrad,’ said his majesty in a terrible voice, ‘ is it true that the eldest of my sixteen august children has disgraced himself ?’ “ ‘Aas si beta,’ answered Prince Conrad, who was very proud of his french; ‘we were married—ma loi, it was but a comedy, little father. The priest who performed the ceremony was my confi iential valet,’ and the prince chuckled

and smiled, and tagged- at hb great straw colored mustache. “For a whole minute his serene transparency the Prince Albrecht was lost in deep thought. “ ‘You deceived this young girl, then,’ he said. ‘Son Conrad,’ said the monarch, firmly, ‘I am known as the most moral sovereign in Europe; that title is very dear to me. Mirerable boy, you must be married at once.’ “The luckless Prince Conrad fell upon his knees. He begged, he prayed; he vowed that the Princess Amalia of Roulettenburg was dearer to him than life. But his majesty was not to be moved, and he rang the bell for the court chaplain. The prime minister was sent for, and the British envoy resident at the court of Roxanbloxanfels was hurriedly summoned. Within half an hour Sylvia Seton was married to Prince Conrad in the private chapel of the palace of Roxanbloxanfels. “Bride and bridegroom parted forever at the altar rails. Sylvia Seton was now a serene highness, but she declined to have anything more to do with Prince Conrad. She refused the handsome provision ofiered her by her royal father-in-law. She left for Paris the same night. Within the week Prince Conrad committed suicide. I was going to say he blew his brains out 3 but that was impossible; but he did shoot himself through the head. The thing was a nine days’ wonder. “As for Sylvia Seton, she is Sylvia Seton still. That’s her story. Her sad dream of love and ambition was over, and from that day to this, Nibbs, that woman worked like a slave. She might have married well half a dozen times had she pleased, but she will remain Sylvia Seton to the end of the chapter. Her story has been forgotten long ago.” “You’re not asleep,: Nibbs?” asked Sir John Protocol a little anxiously. “Asleep, Jack, my boy!” answered that gentleman. “Your story was most interesting and absolutely new to me. I know most of your stories, Jack,” he added with a littie yawn. “By the way, is their a word of truth in it ?” “Look in the ‘Almanach de Gotha,’” said Sir John dryly. “Let’s have a brandy and soda,” said Mr. Nibbs, “and drink her health.” And so they did.— St. James’ Budget.

_ How He Broke the News. You say that I’m pale and flustered, and shivering in my shoes; I’ll be hanged if you wouldn’t shiver if you had to “break the news.” 1 suppose you have heard how Quimby is stretched on a bunk down there, with a pint or more of his own blue blood mixed up with his auburn hair? Well, they made me a joint committee to go to his house and tell his wife all about the scrimmage and what to her man befeL I went to the house up yonder, not mashed on the job, you bet, and my classic and blueveined forehead was bathed in a quart of sweat. The woman was in the kitching, a-singiag a plaintive song, but she dried up when she saw me, for she knew there was something wrong. Then I coughed and I hemmed and stammered, and “madam,” said I, “be brave! your husband is now a-lying—” Oh, Lord! what a shriek she gave! And she walked up and down a-moan-ing and wringing her furrowed hands, and her hair fell down like sea-weed adrift by the ocean sands. “0h Heaven,” she cried, “my husband! They’ve taken my love from me,” and the way that she reeled and staggered was a sight for a man to see; “so brave, so kind and so noble! So loving, so grand and strong, and now must I wait his coming in vain all the dark day long? And his children will wail in sorrow, and never again in glee troop down in the misty twilight and cluster about his knee.” And so she went on raving; her screams for a block were heard; and I like a graven image stood there, without saying a word. It seemed like my tongue was frozen or glued to my pearly teeth, and hardly a breath came upward from the paralyzed lungs beneath. But I braced up all of a sudden, and “madam,” said I again, “I am sorry—l’m deuced sorry—to have caused you this needless pain; let up on your frenzied screaming; you don’t need to weep and wail; yonr old man ain’t dead by a long shot; he’s only locked up in jail,” She glared at me for a minute—for a minute or two, and then she said: “So the darned old loafer is down there in jail again ?” Then she picked up a tub and smashed it all over my princely head, and I saw she was getting ready to paint the whole landscape red. So I skipped through the gate and moseyed so fast that I tore my shoes; and they don’t make me a committee in the future to break the news.— Lincoln Journal. A. Dead Cat Mine. It was the man on whose land natural gas was first struck in the Findlay (O.) district, says the New York Sun, and he was telling some of us about it as we waited in the depot at Columbus: “Wall, you know,” he began, “my son Bill was a great hand to read. One day he laid away a book he had been reading and says to me: “ ‘ Dad, I’ve been reading up on minerals and I’m going to find sunthin’ right here on our farm.’ “ ‘Shoo, Bill,’ says I, ‘but you won’t strike nothing outside of the coblestones and worms.’ “But he went at it, and begun to dig, and bore, and fool around and leave me to hoe the corn, and one day he struck sunthin’. There came sich an infernal smell that both of us was drove to the house, and then the smell got so bad that we was drove to a neighbor’s, and we had to let the hogs out of the pen or they would have keeled over. “ ‘BUI,’ I says, when I got where I could breathe again, ‘you said you’d strike sunthin’ and you have. You’ve wasted three months’ time gittin’ down to whar Christopher Columbus buried about a thousand tom cats and we’ve all bin driv off the farm in consekence. It’s my turn now to strike sunthin’ and you kin get ready for the all-firedest lickin’ a boy ever got.’ “I give it to him, gentlemen, and then I went spookin’ around to find somebody who’d buy the farm at about the cost of the barn. A feller who seemed to have catarrh and didn’t mind the smell closed up a deal with me, and I had to grin as I walked off with his money under my arm. I kept on grinnin’ fur about a week, but then I heard some news that stopped me, and I guess it’s three years since I’ve opened my mouth sideways. Them dead cats was worth SIOO,OOO to me, and I sold ’em for SBOO and walked around patting myself on the back fur bein’ so all-fired cute.” Office Boy (with high literary and oratorical ambition) —Mr. may I ask you to maintain yonr eye on my lunch basket a few moments? Old Employe—Certainly. Office Boy—Thanks. I will retaliate. “Sitting on ice” is a theatrical phrase for a bouse that does notap* pland.

Beardtag-Bouee Portraits, This vision of female loveliness is the landlady’s daughter. The picture represents her in the act of telling an eligible boarder to “step this way into the parlor, sir,” where she will play a tune for him on the upright piano, and sing a song which begins and ends with the line, “Meet me where the flowerets droop.” After an eligible gentleman boarder has listened to the mocking bird sing once or twice, so to speak, the landlady asks for a private consultation. She tells him that under ordinary circumstances, owing to her aristocratic birth and associations, she would have to refuse him the hand of her daughter, but that she is a mother, and what mother will not sacrice her feelings, her pride, her everything, rather than blast her daughter’s happiness for life ? The eligible young man is surprised, and endeavors to explain, but, with a winning smile, she says she, too, has once been young, and she will not keep him from the side of his inamorata (she invariably drops into foreign languages when she is confidential). There is a tableau, <sf course, but next day, and forever afterward, the place that knew that eligible young man knows him no more. He has skipped. This is the picture of a widow who lives at our boarding-house. She, according to her account, has seen better days. She tells how different things were with her before the war, how many negroes her husband owned, and what a dreadful thing she would have considered it in those days to have had to live in a boarding-house, and how painful to her it would have been to have been compelled, as she is now, to dine at the very unfashionable hour of 1 o’clock. She and our landlady exchange reminiscenses of the past, and of the pedigrees of their ancestors, at the table, when strangers are present, and the very forward young man who sits at the foot of the table says that they often go off together into a closet and weep over the landlady’s plate. This is the boarder, but he is timid, poor, and although ineligible, is deeply in love with the landlady’s daughter, notwithstanding his affection is not reciprocated by either. He is never asked into the parlor to listen to the vocal music. If he sends up his cup for more coffee the landlady scowls, and rattles the silver spoons in the tray. He is never asked if he will not please take another piece of the breast of the chicken, or another piece of pie. He is as willing a little creature as ever lived, but he is never asked to fix a day for the nuptials, though he occasionally screws his courage nearly up to the sticking point. He believes all the landlady says about her aristocratic antecedents, and respects her accordingly. He has not a particle of doubt but that the silverware is really solid. He also believes that the curls and teeth of tlss landlady are genuine. He is the most profitable boarder she has, for the reason that, being in love, he does not eat much, while he pays up promptly, and even makes advances, not only to the daughter, but also to the mother, the advances to the latter being of a pecuniary character, and yet he is treated like a dog.— Texas Siftings. “Dinner for Two. Appetite for One!” Said a dyspeptic to the waiter, ordering for self and friend. And, suppose he nad had an appetite, it would have agonized him, subsequently, to gratify it. OI the abominable pangs that even a little meal causes the confirmed victim of indigestion. Purgatory on earth—no less. Altogether unnecessary, though. Begin at once, systematically, a course of Hostetter’s Stomach Bitters, ye unfortunates with refractory stomachs. In saying this we merely echo the recorded experience of thousands who have used the great stomachic to their lasting benefit. For the inaction of a sluggish liver, and for tardy or irregular action of the bowels, both very apt to accompany dyspepsia, this fine regulator is equally efficient. Malarial complaints, kidney trouble, rheumatism, and neuralgia depart when a resort is had to the Bitters. A Formidable Cradle. Perhaps the most formidable cradle in Europe is that in which the German Emperor, his brothers and sisters, and all his Hohenzollern ancestors since 1722 have been successfully rocked, or at least enthroned during the court procession which adds splendor to each royal christening. This ancient couch is a clumsy structure of old oak, richly carved; and round its four sides is cut, In large Roman characters, the text, “He hath given His angels charge over thee, that they keep thee in till thy ways.” Four of a Family Buried Together. Four members of the family of Adam H. Sconce, living about fifteen miles from Salem, Ore., were buried side by side Sunday, all having died of la grippe. A young daughter died at 12 o’clock Friday night; at 1:20 her mother followed. The next night at 11 o’clock the father died, and at 1:20 o’clock his mother passed away.— San Francisco Bulletin. A. M. PRIEST, Druggist, Shelbyville, Ind., says: “Hall's Catarrh Cure give the best of satisfaction. Can get plenty of testimonials, as it cures every one who takes it." Druggists sell it, 75c. Music, In the class in physiology, a bright boy was being questioned to bring out his general knowledge of the subject. “What is the nose?” asked the teacher. “The nose,” said the boy, “is an organ.” “What is an organ?” “An organ is an instrument of music.” “Ha! And what leads you to suppose that the noseis an instrument of music?” “When Mr. Dash snores, in meetin’, sir!” ' Best, easiest to use and cheapest. Piso'a Remedy for Catarrh. By druggists. 50c. Wardrobe for Two. Wise —I can’t go with you. The girl has gone out. Husband—We can lock up. You are not obliged to stay at home because the girl goes out. Wife—N—o, but she’s borrowed all my street clothes.— Street <fc Smith’s Good News If afflicted with Sore Eyes, use Dr. Isaae Thompson’s Eye Water. Druggists sell it 2Se> No Use for Eyes. She (at the theater) —That blind man in the next row seems to be enjoying the playing as well as the rest of us. He (seated behind a high hat) —Y-e-s, just about, just about— Street & Smith’s Good News. A Good Appetite There is nothing for which we recommend Hood's Banaparills with neater confidence than tor loss of appetite, indigestion, sick headache and other troubles of dyspeptic nature. In the moat natural way this medicine gently tones the stomach, and makes one feel “real hungry." ladies in Delicate Health, or very dainty and particular at meals, after taking Hood's Sarsaparilla a few days, find themselves longing for and eating ths plainest food with unexpected relish and satisfaction. Try it MiWiuiNHHs Hisnas by <x i. hood * <xk. lawn. Mms 100 Dooes Om Bsßb

■evtogake Home Happy. A wife, whose husbaoa has a bulging brain and a homely face, used to try to make things pleasant at home by expressing her admiration of his talents and giving him the pet name of “Brains.” Her delicate flattery did not seem to have much influence upon him, though she kept it up for a whole year after their marriage. One time, not long ago, when she was in a happy frame or melting mood or meditative state, she expressed her admiration of his comely countenance and at last went so far as to say she would give him the pet name of “Beauty.” He smiled as she repeated the word with a full consciousness that she had touched his weak point. And now, whatever be his mood or mind or the vississitudes of life, that word dispels all other thought and the twain are happy.— N. K Sun Distinguished Humbugs. There is a good deal of bumbug in the loudly expressed aversion of many distinguished men to the attention of the public. They say they want to be let alone, but I do not believe chat is what they want at all. They want the bores to let them alone, but they would be very sorry if they received no attention at all from the public. The trouble is that there is no way of regulating this attention. Naturally enough, it is disagreeable to know that a crowd of tourists is peeping at you over your garden wail, or taking “snap shots” at you with a kodak at the most inopportune moment?, but you deed not tell me that your pride is not gratified by the plaudits of the judicious.—Critic. A Companion. A little girl who is just learning to read short words, and, consequently, takes great interest in the big letters she sees in the newspapers. The other evening, after she had kept her mamma busy reading the advertisements in the newspapers to her, she knelt down to say her prayers. “Dear Lord,” she lisped, “make me pure,” then she hesitated, and went on, with added server, a moment later, “make.me absolutely pure, like baking powder.”— Jackson Mich.,Courier. Thousands of cases of female disease have been treated by Mrs. Pinkham, and every fact recorded. Those records are available to suffering women, private correspondence solicited. Accepted, or Hustled for It. It sounds very easy and graceful to say that a man has accepted a position in some establishment. How much more truthful it would be if it were said instead, that after hard work, and waiting, and fighting with about fifty other applicants, he had finally secured a job. The Cincinnati, Hamilton and Dayton Railroad will sell excursion tickets at greatly reduced rates to Middlesborough, Ky., that marvelous city, illustrative of Southern progress. The tickets are good going June 17 and returning till June 22. On sale at all C. H. & D. ticket offices. For pamphlets and full information address, E. O. McCormick, General Passenger and Ticket Agent, Cincinnati. That's the Way. “The way to get rapid transit in a town is to get it,” says a Buffalo paper. That’s correct, except that we don’t know what they do with their old hearses and worn out rails, unless they send ’em to Detroit.— Free Press. Beecham's Pills cure Sick-Headache. Building a House. A man who sets out to build a 83,000 house, after fie gets through with it usually begins to wonder and figure how In Texas he had to pay out 84,500, and bills coming in yet. FITS.—AII Fits stopped free by Dr.Kllne's Great Nerve Restorer. No Fite after first day's use. Marvellous cures. Treatise and *2.00 trial bottle free to Fit oases, bend to Dr. XUne. KI Arch St- Phihu Fa. Money on call may be easy, but the collector who has to call for it forty or fifty times doesn’t find it so.

PROMPTLY CURED -Bl? Cures Also! Neuralgia. Lumbago, Sciatica, Sprains, |y Bruises» Burns, Wounds, |y Swellings, So reness, lr«»w|| Frost-bites, 811 ff n ess, All Aches, Wl the Shaß. k VogelerCo., llmbsdsbwH Baltimore, Md. ~ T

I AV '/JSk I Diamond Frame, Steel Drop Forging,, Steel Tub- WF ■ I f'S- eSsWVS ' n ß‘ Adjustable Ball Bearings to all running Parts * ■■■ M I , - including Pedals. Suspension Saddle Finest mateZ Vjf/ , '** n,o, '*y ean buy- Finished in Enamel and Nickel X J STRICTLY HIGH CRAPE IN EVERY PARTICULAR. S . ____ Send six cents In stamps for ourloo-page Illustrated CatalOfue at z JREE. Guns, R|H e », Revolvers, Sportin; Goods el Ail Kinds, rtc.| ( I > JOHN P. LOVEIX ARMS CO., Mfrs., 147 Washington Street, BOSTON, MASS. * 4 XpUNCH’says* JSggT *— Ought ston ds for nothing IPS! Thebouse ought to be vrifh-Scrp ofzo.TryACAkeinyour And be convinced <*TFrTVOTI A TVOTI of the law excuses no man,” and ignorance is no excuse for a dirty house or greasy kitchen. Better clean them in the old way than not at all; but the modern and sensible way is to use SAROLIO on paint, on floors, on windows, on pots and pans, and even on statuary. To be ignorant of the uses of SAPOLIO is to be behind the age. ‘ ■ piSO’S REMEDY FOR CATARRH.—Beat. Easiest to use, ■a Cheapest. Relief la immediate. A cure Is certain. For Cold in the Head it has no equal. • • c , ■ .3.3

I * X A WOMAI BEST UNDERSTANDS A WOMAN'S ILLS. The experiments of Lydia E. Pinkham that years ago gave to the world that blessing, the Vegetable Compound, were made through a feeling of sympathy for the afflicted of her sex. She discovered that nearly all the diseases of woman have a common origin, and therefore may have a common cure. That cure is known in all parts of the civilized world, and an average of 100 letters per day are received from grateful women. LYDIA E. PINKHAM’S Compound I I is sold by all Druggists as a standard article, or sent by mail, in form of Pills or Lozenges, on receipt of 81.00. Send stamp for " Guide to Health and Etiquette,*' a beautiful book. Lydia E. Pinkham Med. Co.. Lynn, Mata. The Soap that Cleans Most is Lenox. I The Soft Clow of The TEA ROSE Is Acquired by Ladles Who Use POZZONI’S MEDICATED COMPLEXION Tutt’s Pills enable the dyspeptic to eat whatever he wishes. They cause the food to assimilate and nourish the body, give appetite, and DEVELOP FLESH.' Office, 39 A 41 Park Place, New Yeitf « PAID Me—’Twiii PAY You Plain directions by which anybody, any where can make from 125 to *2,500 per year. ’Twin not interfere with, but will improve any business. Send Name, Postoffiee and State, enclosing *I.OO. Addreas, H. CONGDON. Nunda. 111. ■■APr ILLUSTRATED PH ELI. ULr CATIONS, WITH MAPS, H— Rm r describing Minnesota, North Dakota. Montana, Idaho. Wash- ■**»: n e d G°o7: T lime eminent and Cheap I■ 11 111 11% NORTHERN PACIFIC R. R. JJAXIUD Best Agricultural. Grazing and Timber Landa now open to settlers. Mailed FREE. Address CHAS. B. UMBOIIN, Liad Gen. 8. f. 11, St Nil, Iflaa. Package makes 5 gallons. Delicioua, aparklinf and appediinf. Sold by all'dealera. A beautiful Picture Book and Cards sent free w any one sendinf tbeir address to Ths C. B. HIRKS CO., Philed 1 * C \ X\/ I jremedies. No starving, noinoonveniraql • ' ‘and no bad effeete. Strictly confldentiaL Stundto. for circulars and testimonials. AddrMsDn O.WJM>rYME.MoVickers Theatre Bldg. Chicago, IU, JOHNWTMORRIS? Ee IM O I Iw Washington, D. Os Successfully Prosecutes Claims Late Principal Examiner U. 8. Penekm Buraa* PWjrWIONS-Dne aU SOUtIEBSt J 4 disabled. *2 fee for increase. 2S years experience. Write for Laws. A..W. MoCobmick A Sons. Washin«ton, D. C. <t CincxmnaTl, <X