Decatur Democrat, Volume 35, Number 11, Decatur, Adams County, 5 June 1891 — Page 2

©he democrat decatubTind. H. BIiACKBURNj - ’ - . Publishes. The ideal Bostonian mast refer to Sitting Ball as Mr. Sedentary Taurns. -f : Ip foot-ball becomes a craze what Will the average crank kicker do to maintain his individuality? Mb. Cleveland has lost seventy-five pounds in weight, but he could well spare it and is more robust than ever.J^ » Let this be your constant maxim, that no man can be good enough to neglect the rules of prudence. Vice President Morton is said to oonsidcr presiding over the Senate the hardest work he ever did in his life. It is a task that made him nervous and timid. The roller-skating craze is having a run in the East, and some believe it will come West again. It may be about the only kind of skating possible in this section. A theater is to be opened in Paris for the benefit of the deaf and dumb of that city, who are said to be very numerous. The plays will all be given in sign dialogue. M. Blowitz, who travels as the “Man of Iron,” breaks a 4x4 oak'timber across his arm, and takes an ordinary 3x14 oak plank and splits it from one end to the ether with his hands alone. ’ EllEn Terry’s son is a handsome young fellow of 20, who wears spectacles and has hair like his mother’s. He plays the part of a younger brother to his mother in “Ravenwood,” and is said to play it well. " If you want a man to enjoy a good meal, it is safest to invite him without his wife. Ten to one she will be the kind. of woman who is afraid all the time that her husband will eat something that will not “agree” with him. The Supreme Court of Ohio will have to decide on two cases of interest to newspaper men carried up within the year. The first is whether a per-Bon’-s marriage is public news, and the second, whether his divorce is any business of the public’s. The glory of Italy is not her in her eye, but in her skies. She has 3.000 beggars for every person worth $5,000, seventeen criminals for every 1,000 population, a professional brigand for every church, and five corrupt government officials for every honest man. Take fifty students of Yale, Harvard, and Princeton who start out this year as football kickers, and in eighteen months the list will show forty-five sufferers from ruptures, piles, bursts, and strains, ■to say nothing of the bones which have been broken and mended again.

By due process of law in New York last year 100,000 people who could not pay their rent were set out into the street without a place to go to. There isn’t a spot in America where the landlord doesn’t want his rent, no matter how hard up the tenant is. A tombstone maker in an Ohio town has sixteen children and fifty-two nieces, nephews and other relatives living right around him, and yet none m os them have died to give him a show to put up a stone with a lamb on the top. Good intentions are often queerly thwarted. A Brooklynite worth $70,000 has for several years been borrowing his car fare from an acquaintance and never paying a cent. The other day he was sued for $27, and the creditor brought his book into court with the date of every nickle he had loaned. He said his limit, even to a friend, was $25. A tramp, who fell asleep behind a kitchen stove in a house in Ohio, began to talk, and a boy picked up enough of his words to put an officer on his trail and have him run down for a big robbery committed fifteen years ago. When a tramp who is guilty of anything goes to sleep in a strange place, he should pad his mouth. When a Spaniard eats a peach or pear by the roadside, wherever he is, he digs a hole in the ground with his foot and covers the seed. Consequently, all over Spain, by the roadside and elsewhere, . fruit grows in ' the greatest abundance, and ’may be picked and eaten by anybody. The salary of some railroad officials eannot be figured down fine, any more than the pay of a hotel waiter. At Christmas time, if he is the right sort />f a man, he can arrange to be “surprised” over a purse or a dinner set from employes who sometimes contribute when they cannot afford to, but who fear to decline. & Thebe are two things a full-blooded Indian cannot learn to do—box or wrestle. He is all right as a runner, jumper, and rough-and-tumble, but anything like science puts him out. His way is to bite and kick and pull hair and he ean’t be broken in to stand up and take one on the nose. A retired army officer says that if the entire Indian question was turned over to the War Department there «• would be no lying, stealing, cheating or rebelling. Army officers acting as Indian agents, he says, would be honest and just and the Indian would be looked after so feharplv that any outbreak would be nipped in the bud. " r ~ Brigham Young did not possess the fabulous wealth that was credited to He left just $1,200,000 when he died, and this sum was divided accordinf to the strictest laws of equity among ms eighteen wives and their children.

Amelia Folsom, Brigham's favorite spouse, is still alive, and is a most charming woman. Platinum and silver can teach be drawn into wire many times smaller than a human hair. The former has been drawn into wire so fine that twenty-seven of them twisted together into a hollow of a hair; that is, if a human being or human-made * machine could be found minute and precise enough for such a delicate undertaking. The Emperor of Austria lives very simply in his palace in Vienna. He is very abstemious, and he is most happy when seated at the worktable in his private study with a fragrant cigar in his mouth. He is still a good sportsman, and when clad in his court dress he presents a picturesque and manly fighre. In state matters he works hard and carefully. At Mehama, Oregon, a few days ago, when George Terrell’s little daughter went to the pasture to drive up the cows, she found a pretty 2-year-old deer feeding with them. She drove the cows to the barn-yard and the deer ran -along “as sportive as a calf on a June morning.” When the cows were all secure in the barn, the deag was caughtr with but little trouble, and is readily submitting to domestication. In speaking of the minute parasites which are found in the hairy part of a tiger’s foot, a scientist says: “They constitute one of the most wonderful curiosities I know of in the animal world. The parasites are so small as to be almost invisible to the naked eye, and yet each is a perfect counterpart of the tiger; head, ears, jaw, legs, claws, body, tail, all are there. You may think that this is a big story, but look the subject up and see if il is not so.” It is related that the word “sucker” originated at the Galena Mines in Illinois in the fall of 1622, at a time when there was a groat exodus. A large returning party while boarding a steamer at the Galena wharf was asked, “Wher’ ye goin’?” “To hum,” was the reply. “Well,” was the rejoinder of an old miner, “ye put me in mind of suckers; they do go up the river in the spring, spa *vn and all return down ag’in in the fall.” One of the most prominent traits of the late Selah Chamberlain, of Cleveland, was his tender feeling for all his relatives, especially those who had not been so fortunate in business as he. He did much for those who needed help. Having no children of his own he was much attached to the children of his relatives. Miss Jennie Chamberlain, celebrated for her beauty, now Mrs. Naylor-Leylan, of England, is a grandniece. His affection for her was marked and tender.

Maj.-Gen. O. O. Howard has undertaken mission work in New York since he was stationed at Governor’s Island in command of the United States troops. He and his son have been teaching Bible classes in a miserable room over a stable in Elizabeth street. He is now trying to buy a deserted church in Chrystle street for the use of the school and for services for adults. The General contributes SI,OOO, and asks the Christian public to help him raise the balance, about $17,000. A sketch which has just appeared of the life of the well-known electrician, Emile Berliner, refers to the progress which has been made in the development of the gramophone. The gramophone differs from the phonograph in that whereas in the latter the sound is recorded on a wax cylinder, in the former it is etched on a metal plate. A company has been formed in Europe for introducing a small-sized gramophone, suitable for general use, which will be sold for $lO. By taking a celluloid casting of the sound etchings any number of reproductions of them can be made. It is proposed to have depots from which the voices of celebrated vocalists and the music of celebrated orchestras can be sent out on gramophone discs all over the world for social and public entertainments. Laboratories have already been established in Berlin and other large cities in Germany, and it is intended to establish in every city a gramophone office, where voice records can be cut in solid metal and copies furnished in the same manner as photographs are now made. All-a-Rtght. She was just a little clerk in a store, a novice at the work, but very willing to be taught, courteous and obliging to everybody, and with one phrase that seemed to fill all places and conditions. When she made one of those trifling mistakes which the new clerk always makes, and was reprimanded for it by the general manager, she would listen carefully aud when he,, had finished would nod her head, and answer pleasantly, “All-a-right” Not knowing our speech well she was chary of using it, and although she smiled on all her fellow clerks she had little to say to them. They liked her and were at pains to tell her the rules of the house, and Bhe would listen and in the sweetest way imaginable utter a soft “tank you.” For the crowds of shopping women who handled her goods and kept her taking down ba es and bales of them for their inspection,, she had always the one happy phrase, even when they told her they did not want the goods: “All-a-right.” One day there was an accident. Going home at the noon hour, the girls stepped under a scaffolding that came crashing down upon them. Only one hurt. The ambulance was soon there, and loving bands prepared to lift her tenderly into it, although all knew that her hurt was mortal. But she, brave little woman, looked with wide-open, far-seeing eyes into the '.blue noon Bky, and as her whitening lips moved, and a smile settled on her face, they heard the qnaint old phrase, her last words on earth; “All-a-right.”— Free Press. Trap, but never weary-—ft wheel.

FLOWERS FOR BOTH. A UNIQUE MEMORIAL. SERVICE IN BROOKLYN TABERNACLE. Or. Taimage Preaches a Sermon Abont the Soldiers of the Civil War, and Oilers a Garland for the North and One lor the South. Dr. Talmage’s sermon, last Sunday, was from the following text: Isaiah xliii, 6 —“ l will say to the North, Give up, and to the South, Keep not back.” Just what my text meant by the North and South I cannot say, but in the United States the two words are so point blank in their meaning that no one can doubt. They mean more than East and West,for although between those last two there have been rivalries and disturbing ambitious and infelicities and silver bills and World’s Fair controversies, there have been between them no batteries unlimbered, no intronchments dug, no long lines of sepulchral mounds thrown up. It has never been Massachusetts Fourteenth Regiment against Wisconsin Zouaves; it has never been Virginia artillery against Mississippi rifles. East and West are distinct words, and sometimes may mean diversity of interest, but there is no blood on them. They can be pronounced without any intonation of wailing and death groan. But the North and the South are words that have been surcharged with tragedies. They are words which suggest that for forty years the clouds had been gathering for a four years’ tempest which thirty years ago burst in a fury that shook this planet as it has never been shaken since it swung out at the first world building. ° I thank God that the words have lost some of the intensity which they possessed three decades ago; that a vast multitude of Southern people have moved North and there have been intermarriages by the ten thousand, and Northern colonels have married the daughters of Southern captains, and Texas rangers have united for life with the daughters of New York abolitionists, and their children are half Northern and half Southern and altogether patriotic. But North and Soilth are words that need to be brought into still closer harmonization. I thought that now, whim we are half way between presidential elections, and sectional animosities arc at lowest ebb, and now just after a presidential journey, when our chief magistrate, who was chiefly elected by the North, has been cordially received at the South; and now, just after two Memorial Days, one of them a month ago, strewing flowers on Southern graves, and the other yesterday, strewing flowers on Northern graves, it might be appropriate and useful for me to preach a sermon which would twist two garlands, one for the Northern dead and the other for the Southern dead, and have the two interlocked in a chain of flowers that shall bind forever the two sections into one; and who knows but that this may be the day when the prophecy of thetoxt made in regard to the ancients may be fulfilled in regard to this country, and the North give up its prejudices and the South keep not back its confidence. “I will say to the North, Give up, and to the South, Keep not back.” But before I put these garlands on the graves I mean to put them this morning a little while on the brows of the living men and women of the North and South who lost husbands and sons and brothers during the civil strife. There is nothing more soothing to a wound than a cool bandage, and these two garlands are cool from the night dew. What a morning that was on the banks of the Hudson and the Savannah when the son was to start for the war! What fatherly and motherly counsel! What tears! What heartbreaks! » What charges to write homo often! 'What littlo keepsakes put away in the knapsack! j The crowd around the depot or the [ steamboat landing shouted, but father 1 mother and sister cried* And how lonely the house seemed after they went home, i and what an awfully vacant chair there was at the Christmas and Thanksgiving table! And after the battle, what waiting for news! What suspense till the long lists of the killed and wounded were made out! All along the Penobscot, and the Connecticut, and the St. Lawrence, and the Ohio, and the Oregon, and the James, and the Albemarle, and the Alabama, and the Mississippi, and the Sacramento, there were lamentation and mourning and great woe, Rachel weeping for her children, and refusing to be comforted because they were not. The world has forgotten it, but father and mother have not forgotten it. They may be now in the eighties or the nineties, but it is a fresh wound, and will always remain a fresh wound.

Coming down the steep of years the hands that would have steadied those tottering steps hav# been twenty-eight years folded into the last sleep. The childlessness, the widowhood, the orphanage—who has a measuring line long enough to tell the height of it, the depth of it, the infinity of it? What a mountain, what an Alps, what a Himalaya of piled up agony of bereavement In tho simple statement that three hundred thousand men of the North were slain and five hundred thousand men of the South were slain, and hundreds of thousands long afterward, through the exhaustions there suffered, going down to death! I detain from the top of the tomb these two garlands that lam twisting for a little while that I may with them soothe the brow of the living. Over the fallen the people said: “Poor fellow! What a pity that he should have been struck down!” Wo did not. however, often enough say: “Poor father! Pool mother! Poor wife! Poor child!” and so I say it now. Have you realized that by that wholesale massacre hundreds of taousands of young people at the North and the South have never had any chance? We who are fathers stand between our children aud the world. We fight their battles, we plan for their welfare, we achieve their livelihood, we give them the advice o*f our superior years. Among the richest, inssings of my life I thank God that my father lived to fight my battlesvuntil I was old enough to fight for myself./ Have you realized the fact that our civil war pitched out upon the farmfields of the North and the plantations of the South a multitude that no man can number, children without fatherly help and protection? Under all the advantages which we had of fatherly guidance, what a struggle life has been to the most of us! But what of the children, two and five and ten years of age, who stood at their mother’s lap with great, round, wondering eyes, hearing her read of those who perished in the Battle of the Wi derness, their father gone down amid the dead host? Come, young men and women, who by such disaster have had to make your own way in life, and I will put the garland on your young and unwrinkled brow. Yes; you have had your own Malvern Hill, and your own South Mountain, and your own Gettysburg all along these twenty years. Come! And if I cannot spare a whole garland for your brow I will twist in your locks at least two flowers, one crimson and one white, the crimson for the struggle of your life which has almost amounted to carnage, and the white for the victory you have gained. Before I, put the two garlands lan

twisting upon the Northern and’ Southern tombs I detain the garlands a little while that I may put them upon the brow of the Hying soldiers and sailors of the North and South, who though in variance for a long while are now at peace and in hearty loyalty to the United States Government, and ready if, need be to march shoulder to shoulder against any foreign foe. The twenty-six winters that have passed since the war, 1 think, have sufficiently cooled the hatreds that once burned northward and southward to allow the remark that they who fought in that conflict were honest on both sides, The chaplains of both armies were honest in their prayers. The faces that went into battle, whether they marched toward the Gulf of Mexico or marched toward the north star, were honest faces. As chaplain of a Pennsylvania regiment and a§ a representative of the United States Christian Commission I was for a while at the front, and in those hospitals at Hagerstown and W.illiamsburg, and up and down the Potomac, where all the churches and farm houses were filled with wounded and dying Federal and Confederates, I forgot amid the horrors to ask on which side they fought, when, with what little aid I could take them for their suffering bodies and the mightier aid-I could pray for their souls, I passed the” days and months amid scenes that in my memory seejn Itke a ghostly dream rather Shan possible reality. • When a New Orleans boy, unable to answer my question as to where he was hurt, took out from the folds of the old garment that had not been torn off him in the battle a New Testament marked with his own life blood, and I saw the leaf turned down at the passage, “My peace I give unto you, not as the world giveth, give I unto you,” it read just as though it had been a Northern New Testament. And when I sat down and took from a South Carolinian dying in a barn at Boonesville his last message to liis wife and mother and child, it sounded just like a message that a Northern man dying far from home would send to his wife and mother and child. And when I picked up from the battle field of Antietam the fragment of a letter which I have somewhere yet, for the name and address were torn off, I saw it was the words of a wife to her husband, telling him how the little child prayed for their father every night that he might not get hurt in the battle, and miuht come home sound and came home well, but that if anything happened to them they might meet again in the world where there are no partings. It read just as a Northern wife would write to a husband away from home and in peril, conveying the messages of little chidren. Oh, yes; they were honest on both sides, and those who liyed.to get home and are living yet were just as honest, and ought they not for the suffering they endured have a coronal of some kind? Yea, there was courage on both sides. They who were at the front know that. When the war opened the South called the Northern men “mudsills,” and the North called the Southern men “braggarts” and “pompous nothings,” but after a few battles nothing jnore was said about Northern “mudsills” and Southern “braggarts.” It was an army of lions against an army of lions. It was a flock of eagles mid-sky with iron beak against another flock of eagles iron beaked. It was thunderbolt against thunderbolt. It was archangle of wrath against archangel of wrath. It was Hancock against Longstreet. ’ It was Kilpatrick against Wade Hampton. It was Slocum against Hill. It was O. O. Howard against Hood. It was Sherman against Stonewall Jackson. It was Grant against Lee. And the men who were under them were just as gallant, and some of them are here, and 1 detain the two garlands that I have twisted for the departed, and in recognition of honesty and prowess put the coronals upon these living Fedorals and Confederates. North and South, we will make a great fuss about them when they are dead.

There will not be room on their tombstones to tell how much wo appreciate them. We shall call out the military and explode three volleys over tneir graves, making all the cemetery ring under our command of “Fire!” We will have long obituaries in newspapers telling in what battles they fought, what sacrifices they endured, what flags they captured, in what prisons they suffered, but all that will come too late. One word in the living ear of praise for their honesty and courage will be worth to them more than a military funeral two miles long, or a pile of flowers half a mile high, and ten bands of music playing over the grave “Star Spangled Banner” or “Way Down South in Dixi6|” Now, while they are in their defining years, and their right knees refuses to work because of the rheumatism they got sleeping on the wet ground on the banks of the Chickaqiauga, or their digestive organs are off on a furlough because of the six months of prison life, in which their rations were big slices of nothing, and their ears have never been alert since the cannonade in which they heard so much that they have been able to hear but little since—in these cases I call upon the people of North and South to substitute a little antemortem praise for the good deal of post-mortem eulogium. These two garlands that I twisted for Northern and Southern graves shall not be put upon tpe grass of the tomb until they have first encircled tho foreheads of the living. I will let the front of the wreath come down over the scar of a scalp wound made by the sword of a cavalryman at Atlanta, and drop a little over the eye that lost its luster in the mine explosion at Petersburg. Huzza for the living! Calla lilies and camellias and amaranths and palm branches for the living! But we must not detain the two garlands any longer from the pillows of those who, for a quarter of a century, have been prostrate in dreamless slumber, never oppressed by summer heats or chilled by winter’s cold. Both garlands are fragrant. Both have in them the sunshine and the shower of this springtime. The colors of both were mixed by Him who mixed the blue of the sky, and the gold of the sunset, and the green of the grass, and the whiteness of the snow crystal. And I care not which you put over the Northern grave and which over the Southern grave. Does any one say: “What is the use? None of them will know it. Your Decoration Days both sides Mason and Dixon’s line are a great waste of flowers.” Ah! I see you have carried too far my idea that praise for the living is better than praise for the departed. Who says that the dead do not know of the flowers? I think they do. The dead are not dead. The body sleeps, but the soul lives and is unhindered.

These August throngs gathered this morning in these pews and aisles and corridors and galleries are insignificant compared with the mightier throngs of Heaven who mingle In this service which we render to God and our country while we twist the two garlands. Hail, spirits multitudinous! Hail, spirits blest! Hail, martyred ones come down from the King's palaces! How glad we are that yon have come back again. Take this kiss of welcome an<fr these garlands of reminiscence, ye who languished in the hospitals, or went down under the thunders and the lightnings of Fredericksburg and Gold Harbor and Murfreesboro and Corinth and Yorktown and above the clouds off Lookout Mountain. Among th/S thousands of gatherings at the North and at the South for Decoration Days lam conscious that this serv* *

ice is unique, and that it is the only one in which there has been twisted two garlands, one for the grave of the Northern dead and the other for the grave of the Southern dead. O, Lord God of the American Union, is it time that we bury forever our old grudges? My! My! Can we not be at peace on earth when this moment in Heaven dwell, rn perfect love, Ulysses S. Grant and Robert E. Lee, William T. Sherman and Stonewall Jackson, and tens’of thousand of Northern and Southern men who, though they once looked askance at each other from the opposite banks of the Potomac and the Chickahominy and the James and the Tennessee, now are on the same side of the river, keeping jubilee with some of those old angels who near nineteen centuries ago came down one Christmas night to chant over Bethlehem, “Glory to God in the highest; on earth peace, goodwill to men!” And now I hand over the two garlands, both of which are wet with many tears—tears of widowhood and orphanage and childlessness, tears of suffering and tears of gratitude,. and as the ceremony must be performed in symbol,there not being enough flowers to cover all the graves, take the one garland to the tomb of some Northern soldier who may yesterday have beem omitted in the distribution of tho sacrament of flowers, and the other garland to the tomb of some Southern soldier who may a month ago have been omitted in tho distribution of tho sacrament of the flowers, and put both the wreaths gently down over the hearts that have ceased to beat. God bless tho two garlands! God. save the United States of America! Washington Forty Years Ago. Washington was, in 1843, the greatest slave mart in the United States. Within sight of the Capitol, not far from the lower gate, and near, if not upon, the land where the public garden now is, was a building with a large yard around it, inclosedjffith a high fence. Thither slaves were brought from all the slaveholding region, like cattle to the Chicago stockyards, and locked up until sold. There were regular auction days for those not disposed of at private sale. The Chicago fire destroyed a hard cracker which I had preserved as a specimen by-. which purchasers tested the age of slaves. And to this day, if there is anything that the average Southern negro does not know, it is his own age. The slaves were placed upon a block, and when a question rose as to age, the auctioneer requested them to bite from a cracker which all slave auctioneers kept for such occasions. The theory was that while a slave could masticate well he could work. Nearly all the labor of Washington was performed by slaves, many of whom were hired from the neighboring States. The slaves were expected to collect their wages monthly and take them home on some Saturday night. One morning I missed my boots, and when I went for the bootblack he was missing also. After a few days I saw a procession of captured slaves, who had sought their liberty in a Potomac schooner, chained two-and-two, conducted toward tlie slave-pen; and there I noticed my bootblack trudging along in my boots. I had made a successful canvass for Congress in those boots, but they failed the slave in his canvass for freedom. He was sold for the Southern market, as was customary with captured fugitives, and my boots went with him. But whether they were worn out by him upon some sugar, rice or cotton plantation, or by his new master, it was useless for me to inquire.— Hon. John Wentworth. The Language of the Face. The faculty of truth—that is, the love of it—is indicated by the muscle which surrounds the eye, causing folds and ■wrinkles. Justice is indicated by the muscle which causes perpendicular wrinkles between the eyebrows.. Fullness and wrinkles under the * eye, for which some persons are remarkable, indicate the love of mathematical accuracy ; and curving upward from the lower angle of the eye and eyebrow indicate probity or personal truthfulness. There are three degrees of the faculty of justice. The first is a kind of exactness or strict accuracy in small money matters, which some people would call closeness, and is indicated by a singular perpendicular wrinkle or line between the eyebrows. The second is a disposition to require justice in others, and is indicated by two perpendicular lines or wrinkles, one on each side of the center— a very common sign. The third degree is conscientiousness, or the disposition to apply the rule of justice to one’s self, and is indicated by three or more wrinkles, onlines, especially noticeable, extending above the eyebrow when tho muscle is in action. The love of command is indicated by one or more short, transverse wrinkles across the root of the nose, exactly between the eyes. It may be seen in great military commanders, in masters and teachers, and in those generally who are fond of exercising authority. In those who are wanting in the power to command, and have no desire for responsibility, this sign is absent. The faculty of eommand frequently acts with that part of justice which reprimands or requires others to do right, and both together produce that frowning and lowering brow which is so terrible to evil-doers or to those who love to be approved rather than condemned.— Phrenological Journal. Winter Health Resorts, The Sanitarian gives some commonsense advice to invalids with chronic pulmonary disease in search of a home for the winter. Cease troubling yourselves, it says, about the range of the thermometer, the height of the hills or mountains, or with the certificates of persons who wish to say a kind word for this or that hotel, or the kindly treatment received. Study the weather charts; and the place which has the largest proportion of clear days—places which will admit of outdoor exercise daily, are the best. Clothing will do the rest. Cold climate and clear weather, in clean places, free from dust, and sufficient woolen clothing, are only equaled—not surpassed—by the balmy air of a Southern resort, with only an equal proportion of clear days. Not the northern or the southern location, but the clear weather and clear atmosphere of a place, are the conditions most favorable to such invalids. For this latitude, in conjunction with agreeable conditions, invalids will do well to consider the advantages of Newport. For persons who, in the opinion of their physicians, or from supersensitiveness to cold, require a warmer climate, the Bermudas offer unsurpassable attractions. Florida and the gulf coast from Galveston to New Orleans also present a delightfully balmy winter beat for both sportsmen and invalids, who would be much out of doors. For a drier atmosphere, go to. the high .lands in the interior of the Carplinas and Georgia; and for those who would go farther, New Mexico and Southern California offer conditions of healthfulness equal to any in the world. Tn first and last: end of man U to get boxed—first by fattier, then by the undertaker.—Cart PntiKi't WetM*. I . : i I * v ‘v - :

THE AWKWARD NOT ALWAYS ‘SIMPLE. An Over-Confident Man Bays a Little Experience. An awkward-looking man walked somewhat timidly up to the hotel clerk and asked if Armand Withersbee was in his room. “Armand Withersbee?” replied the hotel clerk. “Don’t know him.” “Hasn’t he a room here?” asked the man. “No.” “Not Parlor D, on the second floor?” he gasped, as he mopped his face with a handkerchief and produced a check for SIOO, payable to “Armand Withersbee,” drawn on the Fourth National Bank. “Did he tell you he lived here ?” asked the clerk. “Yes,” answered the man, “and he promised to be here at 7 p. m. sharp, to repay me the S4O he borrowed from me!”, “Been lending him money, eh?” “Why, yes, but he gave me good security. I wouldn’t lend money to a man I had only known for a few hours without good security. He gave me this check for $100." “How much did you lend him on it?” “Forty dollars.” 1 * “The bank was closed and he had to get the money somewhere at once, to meet a pressing claim, eh?” “Why, yes, that was it exactly. How did you know it ?” “Hear of them everyday,” replied the clerk, “and see their victims.” “Victims?” “Yes, victims. You’re one of them.” “How’s that?” “You’ve been swindled.” , “Me swindled?” “Yes, you. You ought to know better than to lend money to casual acquaintances you may make in this great city. You must learn to keep your eyes open and read the newspapers. It’s a pretty rank greenhorn that would be taken in by that old dodge.” “I’ll thank you not to call me a greenhorn, sir,” replied the man in an angry tone; “I’m no fool, I can tell yon. i can read character in the face. This Mr. Withersbee struck me as an honest man and I’m sure he’ll come here to redeem his check.” “Bet you he doesn’t,” said the clerk. “I’m not a betting man,” replied the other, “but going to sit here awhile and wait for Mr. Withersbee.” “All right” answered the clerk. “Sit down.” The man sat down and kept his eyes steadily on the door for about half an hour. “Still think he’s going to come, eh?” sneered the clerk. “Yes; I ain’t going to abandon my faith in human nature yet. He’ll coine.” “Bet you $lO he don’t,” said the clerk tantalizingly. “Well, I’ll risk it,” replied the man. Who’ll hold the stakes?” “The elevator boy,” said the clerk. Two $lO bills were put up and the man sat down to wait again. Before ten minutes had elapsed, a man bustled in, went straight up to the clerk and threw down a card, on which was engraved, “Armand Withersbee.” “Has anybody been asking for me?” he said. Then without waiting for an answer he turned about and let his eye fall on the man who had the check. With an exclamation of pleasure he saluted him, excused his lateness, produced S4O in crisp bills, handed them over, procured his cbwpk for SIOO and invited the lender to <STnk. The clerk Bulked oh in amazement, while the awkward man reached for the elevator boy, got the S2O, declined to drink, took the arm of Mr. Withersbee and marched out with him. triumphantly. As they passed out they had an indescribable, but unmistakable, air of comradeship about them that made the clerk kick himself and exclaim angrily: “Done again, by jiminy! Pals, of course! I might have known it!”— N. Y. Tribune.

“Walt in the Hall.” In London it is not considered "good form” (for a gentleman to carry through the streets a parcel, however small or elegantly wrapped. He may carry a book, if it is not too large and is not wrapped up; for a book is a book, but a parcel may be a pound of cheese or a dozen red herring. The restriction is a foolish one; a form of olass dictinction that is inconsistent with the highest civilization, in which every man will be a gentleman if he is thoroughly considerate of i others, whether he is a laborer or rides in ‘a carriage. The author of “England, Without and Within” gives an anecdote of an easy-going English gentleman, who was not bound by the absurd law against parcel-carrying. A shoemaker had missent to him a a pair of shoes intended for a neighbor, and had probably sent to the neighbor the shoes that should have been sent to him. As he had no prejudice agaiust carrying bundles, he went with the shoes to his friend’s house. On arriving at his friend’s door he asked to see Mr. Dash, but was understood by the servant to ask for Mrs. Dash, and was ushered into her presence. m The lady, who had never seen him before, looked up and curtly asked: “What have you there?” “Mr. Dash’s shoes,” replied thg gentleman. , “Oh, yea; it’s all right. Mr. Dash is out, but he’ll be in soon, and if you want to see him you’d better take a Beat in the hall, and wait till he comes.” “But, madam—” began the gentleman, who was a baronet’s son. “Nevermind, never mind; it’s all right. Step out in the hall, please, and wait for Mr. Dash.” The gentleman, of course, appreciated the situation at once. But he was too well-bred aud had too keen a sense of humor to explain, whioh would have both mortified the lady and prevented him from enjoying her mistake. He stepped into the hall, intending to give the shoes to a servant and leave the house. Bat meeting his friend coming in, he gave him the shoes and, after a few words, bade him good morning. Though pressed to remain, he refused, knowing that his return to the wife’s presence would cause her embarrassment. His consideration for the feelings of another person would have made him a gentleman if he had been a hod-carrier. —Youth's Companion. Those Dreadful'Young Men. Infaot, the young man in politics is a very independent individual, and he wili go ahead voting with the party that offers the most practical and businesslike plans for conducting the publio service rather than with a party that undertakes to discipline him* The time has gone by when the test of political patriotism consisted of trotting about IS O. < ... aj& ;li%L. l. .

with a torchlight procession in the wake of a brass band and doing violence to the lnnga in open air meeting. The voter of to-day is not swayed bs excitement and the blare of a brass horn. On the oontrrry, the average American voter has become very tired of political buncombe and is doing considerable thinking.—Washington Post. Bug With Two Stomachs. At the April meeting of the Natural History society, says the Trenton (N. J.) Gazette, Dr Thomas S. Stevens entertained and instructed the members by an illustrated paper on a rotifer, a microscopic animal that is among the rarest in the group . It was first discovered by a Russian microscopist, next found twice in Philadelphia, once in Illinois, and some years ago in Trenton. It has nowl been rediscovered here. The creature is unique in several particulars that would be of but little interest to the general reader, but which fill with inexpressible joy the heart of the devoted microscopist, who is happy when he is prying into the little brain or the larger stomach of the animal. The little creature is blessed above the human beast in having two stomachs, which it can fill with other animals and apparently enjoy itself by digesting them in spite of their wiggling. But in connection with one of the animal’s stomachs a discovery has been made in Trenton that has never before been made ip any part of the world —otherwise It would not be a discovery. This pdach is internally lined witb a dense and woolly coating of vibrating hairs. These strange internal appendages appear to be unknown in jmv other than the Trenton rotifer, and are therefore of great interest in a scientfic way. Another pleasing point, pleasing both to the animal and to the microscopist, is, that the rotifer has no means of seeking its food nor of creating currents in the water that shall bring food to its double stomach. It can only rest on a small leaf or other object, hold its mouth widely open, and wait for Providence to fill it by means of some wandering animal that shall bluader into the trap and be done for, because once in those jaws there is no escape. He Was “Porter.” Etiquette i 3 after all so intangible a thing that it is necessary to learn it anew for each situation in which one is placed, and there are often instances where there is a strong temptation to laugh at the whole scheme of social distinctions. Not long since a gentleman who has traveled much, and has acquired the habit —which certainly is a questionable one—of calling every waiter John, chanced to be in a parlor-car between New York and Boston, and to wish to a3k some service of the porter. “Look here, John!” he began, “I wish ” But the porter interrupted' him with the utmost gravity of manner. “On this car, sir,” he said, “it is etiquette to call me ‘porter,’ and that I will answer to. You have not an acquaintance with me that/warrants your calling me by my Christian name, although,” he added, feeing that the stranger was staring at him in undisguised amazement, “if you really want to know my name I will give you my card.” The passenger muttered something incoherent and then went meekly away to sit down and try to recover his moral balance. Tempting Providence. “Wharyou gwine at?” screamed a Croghan street colored woman to a ragged half grown boy as he started out the door. “Gwine down to Miss Smif’s.” “What you got in dat bag?” “Dar’s a pillar slip full ob feathers outen dat ol’ tick what Miss Smif done tol’ me fetch back to her.” “Does she spec you kin caihv them to her in broad day light ?” “Cose I kin.” “ Cose you caint do no sich a thing, you ig’nant nigger. You doan know dis yer town’t all,, honey. Jis lay dat piller slip in dar on de baid tell hit gets dahk an’ den tote um erlong to Miss Smif.” “Whaffur?” “Doan’ yon be axin’ whoppers. Es you knowed yo’ own haid sum a punkin, chile, you’d know dates dese yer ossifers ob de law was to ketch de angel Gab’ei gwine erlong .wid a bag ob. feathers on his pusson, and Gab’ei was as brack as you is, dey’d ’rest him sho*n jedgment day. Das whaffur. Now you leave dem feathers war dev is, an’ doan’ go roun’ heah temptin’ Providence. You heah me.”—Free Press. Will Vs. Circumstances. A writer in the New England Farmer makes the following interesting comments concerning the power of will owetJ circumstances. Last summer I chanced to find an old schoolbook which probably had ne\er been opened since its ownei', a girl student, died forty years ago. The book was filled with loose sheets of paper, covered with hand-writing, uniform and beautiful. There were drawings of / plants and their separate leaves and flowers; there were carefully written notes of lectures; copies of poems which were fresh then, but have now become standard selections. Some difficult mathematical problems were also worked out, and the whole was the work of an earnest student. \

My oonclnsion was, as I reverently S ' laid aside the book, that will is stronger than circumstances. i The high-school girl of to-day, bright as she is, cannot show better work than t this New England farmer’s daughter, of what our girls would term “long ago.” Modern Cookery. , Ignorance of American institutions, , on the part of English people, is not unnatural, perhaps, but it is none the [ less amusing. , A rosy English girl who sat beside a » bright young American in the dining ' saloon of a Cunard steamer, as the story is told in the Albany Press, suddenly , put American politeness to the test by , propounding the inquiry, “Can you , make clams ?" “Clams?” answered the bewildered ( American maiden. “Yes;they’re a kind of bread or biscuit, aren’t they?” What KUlod Him. 1 A typographical error is thns ao- ’ counted for by the Whiteside Herald: Compositor—That new reporter spells [ “victuals” “v-i-t-a-l-s.” ■ Foreman—Yes, he’s fresh. Make ft right, and put the item in here. We must get to press in just three minutes. The item was put in plaoe, and this r is the way the public read it: ( “Theverdiot of the Coroner’s jury , was that the deceased came to his death | from the effeots of a gunshot wound in his victuals." Tommy— Paw, what is “fame?* Mr. i Figg—Fame, my son, is something a man makes money out of after he m i dead.