Decatur Democrat, Volume 35, Number 9, Decatur, Adams County, 22 May 1891 — Page 6

®he democrat M. BLACKBURN, •. - . Ptnuian. Be virtuous and you will be happy, M well as odd and eccentric. The submarine cable lines of the world stretch 120,000, miles and cost *200,000. ooa Diphtheria caused the death of three sons of Andrew Gilbertson, within thirty-two hours, in Hudson, Wis. - The State of Montana is increasing more rapidly in wealth than any other State in thd Union, according to population. Conscience is a coward, and those faults which have not strength enough to prevent it seldom have the justice to accuse ' Throughout France gardening is practically taught in the primary and elementary schools. There are about *28,000 of these schools. If you ever ncticed, it is the people who have no future greatness to look forward to, who boast the most about their ancestry and their past. To secure uniformity in the painting and varnisLing of their passenger and freight cars some railroads employ ex; pert chemists to analyze the paints and oils used. Sons practical German has made up a compound of sugar and condensed milk and tea, from which a cop of tea can be had by simply pouring on boill:g water. A dusting powder for the socks in ease of sweating feet, can be inade of fifteen parts boracic acid, twenty-five parts oxide of zinc and sixty parts of French chalk. Changes in the forms of matter are continual, but absolute destruction is impossible, for this in the end wouid Annihilate all ' matter. Will the world comb to an end? In Africa the number of missionaries exceeds 500, and the number of converts 400,000 increasing by ’about 25,000 a year. During the ppst five years Africa has furnished more than 500 martyrs. The United States has a mile of railway for each 400 of population and each twenty-two miles of area, while the balance of the world has a mile for each 7,500 of population and 227 miles of area. - ■ You girls who are getting the bride look in your eyes; ifyou want to be lucky and happy all your life, see that your wedding outfit has in it, “Something old, something new, Something borrowed, and something blue.” A sentimental beggar closed his written appeal for a pair of cast-off trousers with these touching words, “So send me, most honored sir, the trousers, and they will be woven into the laurel crown of your good deeds in Heaven. ” Experiment has proved that, if a delicate piece of lace be placed between an iron plate, and a disk of gunpowder, and the later be detonated, the lace will be annihilated, but its impression will be clearly stamped on the iron. ' A man was recently arrested in Baltimore on suspicion as he was attempting to sell some antique pearl jewelry. It proved on examination and inquiry that he had stolen the property from a case in the Smithsonian institution in Washington. A skillful cork-cutter can produce from to 2,000 corks a day, his only tools being two sharp knives with broad blades. Machines have been made which turn out about 2,000 corks an hour, but they are useless for the cutting of the finer verities.

For the past 400 years men have been seeking for a preventive of sea siekness, but up to date, although a thousand things have been tried, there is nothing which can be guaranteed to protect a voyager from the awful feeling. It is like having a leg broken—he muet get hardened to it. * £ One of the German explorers in Africa s-ays that if a chief should become converted to religion every other chief would at once take advantage of his change of mind to attack him and divide his kingdom. Unless about twenty of them can be converted in a sort of job lot there is no show for a missionary. A Pennsylvania man says he knows of a spot where at least 5,000 serpents are together for the winter. There are no fancy snakes among them, but just common, every-day snakes, such as blue racers and rattlesnakes, and he asks no particular credit for his discovery. ) Boston has decided that the brushboy in the barber shop is no more or less than a blackmailer, and he is being crowded out of all the leading shops. It is the business of the barber who shaves a man to brush him, it beii g tacitly understood that such service is in the contract. A Kentuckian who had arrived at majority offered his first vote the other day, but so great was his excitement that he fell in a heap in a dead faint and could not sit up for an hour. After he has run for office and got laid out he will have nerve enough to even vote twice, if they will let him. IdL Marky has succeeded in photographing the movements of an animal under water, taking proofs at the rate Ct fifty in a second, with exposures from 1-2000 to 1-3000 of a second. A set of twelve photographs gives all the phrases of the undulations which the medusa impresses upon its umbrella of a locomotor apparatus. Another series ex-

hibiis a aquid leaping out of the water. A ray has been taken in profile while waving the edges of its flat body and the curious mode of progression of a comatula has been taken. * An eminent physician declares that a stiff hat is the cause of catarrh and baldness, and another eminent physician says that a soft hat is the cause of baldness and cataarh. These two expert opinions might puzzle us, were it not that another authority on health declares that men will never be healthy until they stop wearing any hat. ; A Chicago drummer attended a spelling school in Missouri and spelled everybody down. He expected to be congratulated over his victory, but .instead of that a crowd of young men got after him and ran him three miles through ‘the woods and left him for dead. He’ll know more if he lives through it. At a recent meeting of the geological society, London, a model of the largest gold nugget yet found in Western Australia, known as the “little hero,” weighing 330 ounces, eight pennyweights, ' found at Shaw’s Fall, 200 miles from Roebourne and eighty miles from Nullagine,at a depth of eight inches was exhibited by Harry Page Woodward, F. G. S. Two van loads of stolen property was found in a house in Cincinnati, taking three large rooms to store it, and yet the owner of the house called upon Heaven to witness that he hadn’t the slightest idea how a single stick of it got there. The only theory he could give was that it was put there while he was asleep and by some one having false keys to the house. The Bell telephone patent monopoly in England has expired. The patent there was granted for fourteen years. Cheap telephones will now prevail in England the same as in Germany, where Bell failed to obtain a patent. In this country the Bell patent will expire March 7, 1893, having been originally granted March 7.V1876, for a term of seventeen years. A London magistrate one day had a little boy as a witness in a case before him, and he thought fit, according to the usual practices, to test the boy’s orthodoxy by first asking, in a paternal way, whether he knew where bad people went to after they were dead. His lordship was very much disconcerted by the ready answer: “No, I don’t; no more don’t’you; nobody don’t know that.” , The estimate of the population of the United States for the year 1900 by Hon. Carroll D. Wright, Superintendent of the Department of Labor, gives as the approximate figures 76,639,854. This is the result of a careful consideration of the estimates made by several other reliable individuals, the known rate of increase, and the various circumstances that bear upon the growth of population. Mr. Henry Savage Landor, the artist, who recently made a professional trip through remote and savage districts of Japan, is the grandson of Walter Savage Landor.» He penetrated as far as Yezo, the extreme northern limit of the Japanese empire, and, though subjected to mucf privation and even to dangers, secured 300 sketches and a great deal, of valuable information.

The Pharmaceutical Era tells of five ways to cure a cold: 1. Bathe the feet in hot water and take a pint of hot lemonade. Then sponge with salt water and remain in a warm room. 2. Bathe the face in very hot water every five minutes for an hour. 3. Snuff up the nostrils hot salt water every three hours. 4. Inhale ammonia or menthol. 5. Take four hours’ active exercise in the air. A ten-grain dose of quinine will usually break up a cold in the beginning. Anything that will set the blood in active circulation wil] do it, whether it be drugs or a bucksaw. _ Unusual proceedings followed the discovery of a corpse in a Western town. A stem judge, while looking for documents that might lead to the man’s identification, discovered a pistol in his pocket. He promptly fined the body S3O for carrying a concealed weapon, and deliberately took the money from a roll of bills he met in an inside pocket of the man’s vest. He saw that the eyes of the spectators were keenly contemplating his actions, and the honest judge, perhaps reluctantly, returned the rest of the money. The coroner, to whom the body was then formally turned over, siezed. what was left of the money, very shrewdly claiming that the dead man might have stolen it. While the Electric Lights Were Out. A story comes to me from Athens which is almost too good to be true, but quite too good to be withheld. The Privy Council had a meeting in the room set apart for them in the glaring, white, stuccoed palace. It was evening, and the president had just risen to address his colleagues, laying according to custom, his gold watph on the table in front of him, so that he might mark time. Suddenly the electric light went out, but after a short interval returned. Then the president discovered that his watch, which was a present from his Royal master, was missing. He lamented, and invited 'his colleagues to replace the watch, but there was no response. He reminded them that the door was locked and that the watch must be in the possession of one of them. He next put each member on his word of honor to say that he had not it; which little performance was promptly got through. The president then remarked that the situation had become enfbarrassing; but as he wished to make things easy for the culprit, who had doubtless yielded to temptation in a moment of weakness, he would order the lights to be again extinguished in order to give him an opportunity of restitution. This was done; and when the lights were turned out the president found that not only had he no watch, but that he bad also lost his silver ink stand.-" Vanity Fair, London.

TABERNACLE PULPIT. DR. TALMAGE PREACHES A SERMON ON MENDING NETS. Christians Should Look to It That Their Nets for Souls Are Kept in Good Order—Some Hints That Will Be of Value. Dr. Talmage’s text was Matthew tv. 31; “James the son of Zebedee, and John his brother, in a ship which Zebedee their father, mending their nets.” “I go a-fishing,” cried Simon Peter to his comrades, and the most of the apostles had hands hard from fishing tackle. The .fisheries of the world have always attracted attention. In J the Third century the queen of Egypt had for pin money four hundred and seventy thousand dollars, received from the fisheries of Lake Moeris. And if the time should ever come when the immensity of the world’s population could not be fed by the vegetables and meats of the land, the sea has an amount of animal life that would feed all the populations of the earth, and fatten them with a food that by its phosphorus would make a generation brainy andintelluctual beyond anything that the world has ever imagined. My text takes us among the Galilean iiishermen. One day Walter Scott, while hunting in an old drawer, found among some old fishing tackle the manuscript of his immortal book “Waverly,” which he had put away there as of no worth, and who knows but that to-day we may find some unknown wealth of thought while looking at the fishing tackle in the text? It is not a good day for fishing, and three men are in the boat repairing the broken fishing nets. If you are fishing with a hook and line and the fish will not bite it is a good time to put the angler’s apparatus into better condition. Perhaps the last fish you hauled in was so large that something snapped. Or if you were, fishing with a net there was a mighty floundering of the scales, or an exposed nail on the side of the boat which broke some of the threads and let part or all of the captives of the deep escape into their natural element. And hardly anything is more provoking than to nearly land a score or a hundred of trophies from the deep and when ypu are in the full glee of hauling in the spotted treasures through some imperfection of the net they splash back into the wave. That is too much of a trial of patience for most fishermen to endure, and many a man ordinarily correct of speech in such circumstances comes to an intensity of utterance unjustifiable. Therefore no good fisherman considers the time wasted that is spent in mending his net. Now the Bible again and again represents Christian workers as fishers of men, and we are all sweeping through the sea of humanity some kind of a net. Indeed, there have been enough nets out and enough fishermen busy to have landed the whole human race in the Kingdom of God long before this. What is the matter? The Gospel is all right, and it has been a good time for catching souls for thousands of years. Why, then, the failures? The trouble is with the nets, and most of them need to be mended. I propose to show you what is the matter with the most of the nets and how to mend them. In the text old Zebedee and his two boys, James and John, were doing a good thing when they sat in the boat mending their nets.

The trouble with many of our nets is that the meshes are too large. If a fish can get his gills and half his body through the network, he tears and rends and works his way out and leaves the place through which he squirmed a tangle of broken threads. The Bible weaves faith and works flight -^together,; the law and the Gospel, righteousness and forgiveness. Some of the nets have meshes so wide that the sinner floats in and out and is not at ayy moment caught for the heavenly landing. In our desire to make everything so easy, we relax, we loosen, we widen. We let men after they are once in the Gospel net escape into the world and go into indulgences and swim all around Galilee, from north side to south side and from cast side to west side, expecting that they will come back again. We ought to make it easy for them to get into the Kingdom of God, and, and as far as we can, make it impossible for them to get out. The poor advice nowadays to many is: “Go and do just as you did before you were captured for God and Heaven. The net was not intended to be any restraint of any hindrance." What you did before you were a Christian, do now. Go to all styles of amusement, read all the styles of books, engage in all the styles of behavior as before you were converted.” And so through these meshes of permission and laxity they wriggle out through this opening and that opening, tearins the net as they go, and soon all the souls that we expected to land in Heaven before we know it are back in the deep sea of the world. Oh, when we go a-gospel fishing let us make it as easy as possible for souls to get in, and as hard as possible to get out. Is the Bible language an unmeaning verbage when it talks about self-denial and keeping the body under, and about walking the narrow way and entering the strait gate, and about carrying the cross? Is there to be no Way of telling whether a man is a Christian except by his taking the communion chaliceon sacramental day? May a man be as reckless about his thoughts, his words, about his temper, about his amusements, about his dealings after conversion as before conversion. One-half the Gospel nets with which we have been scooping the sea have had such wide meshes that they have been all torn to pieces by the rushing out into the world of those whom a tighter net would have kept in. The only use of a net is to keep the fish from going back to where they were before and taking them where they could not have been taken by any other means. Alas, that the words of Christ are so little heeded when he said, “Whosoever doth not bear his cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.” The church is fast becoming as bad as the world,and when it gets as bad as the world it will be worse than the world by so much as it will add hypocrisy of a most appalling kind to its other defects. Furthermore, many of our nets are torn to pieces by being entangled with other nets. It is a sad sight to see fisherman fighting about sea room and pulling in opposite directions, each to get his net, both nets damaged by the struggle and losing all the fish. In a city like this of more than eight hundred thousand, there are at least five hundred thousand not in Sabbath schools or churches. And in this land where there are more than sixty-four million people, there is at least thirty million notin the Sabbath schools and churches. And in this world of more than fourteen hundred million people, there are at least eight hundred million not in schools and churches. In such an Atlantic ocean of opportunity there is room for all the nets aud all the boats and all the fishermen and for millions more. Now I have noticed a man cannot fish and fight at the same time. He either neglects his net or his musket. It is amazing how much time some of the fishermen have to look after other fishermen. It is more than I can do to takd care of my own net. You see the wind is just right, and it is such a good time for fishing, and the fish are coming in so rapidly that I have to keep my eye and hand busy. There are about 200,000,®OO souls wanting to get into the King-

dom of God, and it will require all the nets and all the boats and all the fishermen of Christendom to safely land them. At East Hampton, Long Island, where I summer, out on the bluffs some morning we see the flags up, and that is the signal for launching out into the deep. For a mile the water is tinged with that peculiar color that indicates whole schools of piscatorial revelry, and the beach swarms with men with their coats off and their sea caps on, and those of uswhodonot go out on the wave stand on the beach ready to rejoice when the boots come back, and in our excitement we rush into the water with our shoes on to help get the boats up the beach, and we lay hold the lines and pull till we are red in the f Ace, and as the living things of the deep come tumbling in on the sand I cry out, “Captain, how many?” And he answers, “About 50,000.” And we shout to the late comers, “Hurrah, 50,000.” We must have an enthusiasm something like that if we are ever to take the human race for God and Heaven. Aye, we ought to have that enthusiasm of the beach multiplied a hundred fold and by so much as an immortal soul is worth more than a bluefish. Oh, brethren of ministry! Let ns spend our time in fishing instead of fighting. But if I angrily jerk my net across your net, and you jerk your net angrily across mine, we will soon have two broken nets and no fish. Do you know that the world’s heart is bursting with trouble, and if you could make that world believe that the religion of Jesuj Christ is a soothing omnipotence, the whole world would surrender to-morrow, yea, would surrender this hour? The day before James A. Garfield was inaugurated as President I was in the cars going from Richmond to Washington. A gentleman seated next to me in the cars knew me, and we were soon in familiar conversation. It was just after a bereavement and I was sneaking to him from an over-burdened heart about the sorrow I was suffering. Looking at his cheerful face, I said: “I guess you have escaped all trouble. I should judge from your countenance that you have come through free from all misfortune.” Then he looked at me with a look I shall never forget and whispered in my ear: “Sir, you know nothing about trouble. My wife has been in an insane asylum for fifteen years.” And then he turned and looked out of the window and intcT the night with a silence I was too overpowered to break. That was another illustration of the fact that no one escapes trouble. Why, that man seated next to you in church has on his soul a weight compared with which a mountain is a feather. That woman seated next to you in church has a grief the recital of which would make your body, mind, and soul shudder. When you are mending your net for this wide, deep sea of humanity, take out that wire thread of criticism and that horse-hair thread of harshness, and put in a soft silken thread of Christian sympathy. Yea, when you are mending your nets tear out those old threads of gruffness and weave in a few threads of politeness and geniality. In the house of God let all the Christian faces beam with a look that means Welcome. Say “good morning” to the stranger as he enters your pew, and at the close shake hands with him and say, “How did you like the music?” Why, you would be to that man a panel of the door of Heaven; you would be to him a note of the doxology that seraphs sing when a new soul enters. That man is a thousand miles from home, and he has just heard by telegraph that his child is sick with scarlet fever, and his boy at college has got into disgrace, and he has had business troubles and is so homesick he can hardly keep from crying. Just one word of brotherly kindness from you would lift him in a small heaven. I have in other days entered a pew in church, and the woman at the other end of the pew looked at me as much as to say: “How daFe you? This is my pew, and I pay the rent for it!” Well, I crouched in the corner and made myself as small as possible, and felt as though I had been stealing something. So there are people who have a sharp edge to their religion, and they act as though they thought most people had been elected to be damned and they were glad of it. Oh, let us brighten up our manner and appear in utmost gentlemanliness or ladyhood. The object in fly fishing is to throw the fly far out, and then let it drop gently down and keep it gently rising and falling with the waters, and not plunge it like a man-of-war’s anchor; and abruptness and harshness of manner must be avoided in our attempt at usefulness. I know a man in New York who is more sunshiny and genial when he has dyspepsia tham when he is not suffering from that depressing trouble. I have found out his secret. When he starts out in the morning with such depression he asks for special grace to keep from snapping up anybody that day, and puts forth additional determination to be kindly and genial, and by the help of God he accomplishes it. Many of our nets need to be mended in these respects, the black threads and the rough threads taken out, and the bright threads and the golden threads of Christian geniality woven in.

In addition to this we need to mend our nets with more threads of patience. It is no rare thing for a fisherman to spend one whole day before he can take a St. Lawrence pike or an Ohio salmon or a Long Island pickerel or a Cayuga black bass or a Delaware catfish, and he does that day after day without particular discouragement But what a lack of patience if we do not immediately succeed in soul catching. We are apt to give it up and say, “I will never try again.” Again, in mending our nets we need also to put in the threads of faith and tear out the tangled meshes of unbelief. Our work is successful according to our faith. The man who believes in only half a Bible, or the Bible in spots, the man who thinks he cannot persuade others; the man who halts, doubting about this and about that, will be a failure in Christian work. Oh, this important work of mending our nets! If we could get our nets right we would accomplish more in soul saving in the next year than we have in the last twenty years. But where shall we get them mended? Just where old Zebedee and his two boys mended their nets —where you are. “James, why don’t you put your oar in Lake Galilee, or hoist your sail and land at Capernaum or Tiberias or Gadara, and seated on the bank mend your net? John, why don’t you go ashore and mend your net?” No, they sat on the guards of the boat, or at the prow of the boat, or in the stern of the boat, and they took up the thread and needle, and the ropes and the wooden blocks, and went to work, sewing, sewing, tying, tying, weaving, weaving, pounding, pounding, until, the net mended, they push it off into the sea and drop paddle and hoist sail, and the cutwater went through amid the shoals of fish, some of the descendants of which we had for breakfast one morning while we were encamped on the beach of beautiful Galilee. James and. John had no time to go ashore. They were not fishing for fun as you and l do in summer time. It was their livelihood and that of their families. They mended their nets where they were, in the ship. “Oh,” says some one, “I 'mean to get my net mended, and I will godown to the public library, and I will see what

the scientists say about evolution and about *tbe survival of the filttest,* and I will read up what the theologians say about'advanced thought.’ I will leave the ship awhile, and I will go ashore and stay thfere till my net is mended.” Do that, my brother, and you will have no net left. Instead of their helping you mend your net. they will steal the pieces that remain. Better stay in the Gospel boat, where you have all the means for mending your net. What are they, do you ask? I answer all you need you have where you are, namely, a Bible and a place to pray. The more you study evolution, and adopt what is called advanced thought, the bigger fool you' will be. Stay in the ship and mind your net. That is where James the son of Zededee and John his brother staid. That is where all who get their nets mended stay. I notice that all who leave the Gospel boat and go ashore to mend their nets stay there. Or, if they try again to fish, they do not catch anything. Get out of the Gospel boat and go up into the world to get your net mended, and you will live to see the day when you will feel like the man who, having forsaken Christianity, sighed. “1 would give a thousand pounds to feel as I did in 1820.” The time will come when you will be willing to give a thousand pounds to feel as you did in 1891. These men who have given up their old religion cannot help you a bit. It is my opinion that the most of these ministers who gave up the old religion are in search of notoriety. They do not succeed in attracting much attention. They are tired of obscurity. They must do something to attract attention, so they sit down on the beach and go to tearing to pieces the fishing nets instead of mending them. Tbesiaid old denominations to which they belong do not pay them enough attention, so they attract attention by-striking their grandmother. They do not get enough attention by standing in the pulpits, so they go to work and break the church windows. These dear brethren of all denominations, afflicted with theological fidgets, had better go to mending nets instead of breaking them. Before they break up the old religion and try to foist on us a new religion let them go through some great sacrifice for God that will prove them worthy for such a work, taking the advice of Talleyrand to a man who wanted to upset the religion of Jesus Christ and start a new one, when he said, “Go and be crucified and then raise yourself from the grave the third day!” Those who propose to mend their nets by secular skeptical books are just like a man who has just one week for fishing, and six of the days be spends in reading Isaak Walton’s “Complete Angler,” and Wheatley’s “Rod and Line,” and Scott’s “Fishing in Northern Waters,” and Pullman’s “Vade Mecum of Fly Fishing for Trout,” and then on Saturday morning, his last day out, goes to the river to ply his art. but that day the fish will not bite, and late on Saturday night he goes home with empty basket and a disappointed heart. Meanwhile a man who never saw a big library in all his life has that week caught with an old fishing tackle enough to supply his own table and the table of all his neighbors, and enough to salt down in barrels for the long winter that will soon come in. In the time of great disturbance in Naples in 1649 Massaniello, a barefooted fishing boy, dropped his fishing rod, and by strange magnetism took command of that city of 600,000 souls. He took off his fishing jacket and put on a robe of gold in the presence of howling mobs. He put his hand on his lip as a signal, and they were silent He waved his band away from him, and they retired to their homes.. Armies passed in review before him. He became the nation’s idol. The rapid rise and complete supremacy of that young fisherman, Massaniello, has no parrallel in history. But something equal to that and better than that is an everyday occurrence in heaven. God takes some of those, who in this wor/S were fishers of men, and who toiled very humbly, but because of the way they mended their nets and employed their nets after they were mended, and suddenly hoists them and rotes them and makes them rulers over many cities, and he marches armies of saved ones before them in review, Massaniellos unhonored on earth, but radiated in Heaven. The fisher boy of Naples soon lost his power, but those people of God who kept their nets mended and rightly swung them shall never lose their exalted place, but shall reign forever and ever and ever. Keep that reward in sight. But do not spend your time fishing with hook and line. Why did not James the son of Zebedee sit on the wharf at Ctfna, his feet hanging over the lake and with a long pole and a worm on the hook dipped into the wave, wait for some mullet to swim up and be caught? Why did not Zebedee spend his afternoon try-, ing to catch one eel? No, that work was" too slow. These men were not mending a hook and line, they were mending their nets. So let the church of God not be content with having here one soul and next month another soul brought into the kingdom. Sweep all the seas with nets—scoop nets, seine nets, drag nets, all encompassing nets —and take the treasurers in by hundreds and thousands and millions, and nations be born in a day, and the hemispheres quake with the tread of a ransoming God. Do you know what will be the two most tremendous hours in our heavenly existence? Among the quadrillions of ages which shall roll on, a hat two occasions will be to us the greatest? The day of our arrival there will be to us one of the two greatest. The second greatest, I thing, will be the day when we shall have put in parallel lines before us what Christ did for us and what we did for Christ—the one so great, the other so little. That will be the only embarrassment in Heaven. My Lord and my God! What will we do and what will we say when on one side are placed the Saviour’s great sacrifices for us and our small sacrifices for Him—His exile, His humiliation, His agonies on one hand, and our poor weak, insufficient sacrifices on the other? To make the contrast less overwhelming, let us quickly mend our nets, and like khe Galilean fishermen may we be divinely helped to cast them on the right side of the ship.

Major Sehurx. Gen. Sherman had some shirts made at a furnishing store in Washington, and the cutter a few weeks later met the General with a friend walking down the avenue. The General remembered the face, but could not locate him, and the cutter greeted him with: “Good morning, General. How are yon to-day?” The General stopped, shook hands, and the cutter, perceiving that the General’s mind needed refreshing, said quietly: “Made your shirts.** • “Oh, I beg pardon," said the General quickly-, and, turning to the gentleman with whom he was walking, he said: “Ah, CoL , allow metointrvduce you to my friend, Mai. Schurs!" Mb. Goslow—Uppera,the shoemaker around the corner, has just married his fourth wife. Mrs. Goalow—You don’t mean to tell ma Well, I hope he will follow the adviea given to ghoemair era and stick to the last. f

ROBBED HIM OF ALL. Why Peeked Up ana Left Bast A deputy sheriff rode up to a cabin in East Tennessee and, calling an old fellow, who stood with a gun' in his hand, said: “Dan, you’ll have to stop your foolishness.” “What sorter foolishness?” “Why, every morning just as soon as you get out of bed you take up that old gun and begin to shoot at everything you see." “Wall, ain’t that right?” “Bight! Why, of course, it ain’t Yesterday you shot Anderson’s oolt and this morning you broke the hind leg oi old Mrs Tomlin’s cow.” “Now, look here,” said Dan. “Tht folks in this here neighborhood hav< set their hearts on makin’ a saint oi somebody and have settled on me. Some time ago a committee from thr church come and ’lowed that I wai drinkin* too much whisky to suit the brethren. Wall, I ’lowed I’d quit, as 1 didn’t want to cause no trouble, and 1 did quit although it was a powerful hare pull. About two weeks afterward here comes along a lot of women folks, 1 wondered what they could be atter, but I w’an’t long in findin’ out They saic that the sisters had come to the con elusion that I was chawin’ altogethei too much tobacco; that I was settin’ i bad example for the boys, and ’lowed, they did, that for the good of the community and the risin’ generation in par ticular, I must quit Wall, as I nevei did care to hang out against the interests of the community, I did quit II then went along all right for a while and I had begun to look on myself as t pretty accommodatin’.• sort of feller, when, lo and behold, another flock oi women called on me one day.” “ ‘What in the world can you want now ?’ I asked. “One of the women sorter simpered i little and fixed up her mouth in a shape that was good enough to bite, and ther said: ‘Mr. Dan, you have been might} accommodatin’ in the past and we de hope that you won’t disapp’int us thi> time,’ “ ‘Fire away,’ said L “ ‘Well,’she said, simperin’ agin, ‘we have noticed that you fish on Sun day.’ “ ‘That’s a fact,’ I answered, ‘bw Sunday is about the only time I have t< fish, and, to tell you the truth, lan powerful in need of water vidults.’ “She simpered agin—and blamed if 1 didn’t come mighty nigh grabbin’ hei and kissin’ her right thar, vidults or n< vidults—simpered agin, and ’lowed that it was powerful bad to fish on Sunday, She said that I was ruinin’ all the boyin the community and hinted that if 1 didn’t quit the work of the circuit ride) would be all undone. Wall, you see J didn’t want to be credited with no sucl wickedness as that, so when the little critter had simpered agin, I just jumpec up, popped my heels together aboui three times before I hit the ground, anc told her that I’d be blamed if it shouldn’t be as she said. “Now, Mr. Sheriff, it won’t take mud of a man to see how it left me situated. I was mighty fond of licker, but th< licker was gone; I was awful found oi tobacker, bui the tobacker was gone powerful hankerin’ after water vidults. but as I could only fish on Sunday.lanc had promised not to do that,*watei vidults gone. There was only one enjoyment left.” “And what enjoyment was that?” “Snatchin’ up my gun as soon as I got out of bed at mornin’, and shootin’ a! everything I could see movin’ about, and I do hope that the folks hain’t taker it into their heads to rob me of my last and most innocent amusement. lam t poor man, Mr. . Sheriff, and have nc great deal of fun, and I think the gocc people of this neighborhood should take some little pity on me.” “I sympathize with you, Dan, but you’ll have to stop that shooting.” “Wall, he said, scratching his ragged whiskers, “that leaves me out entirely. Mother, oh, mother (calling his wife), pack up the children and the othei duds. We’ll have to leave this community, and go where folks don’t tread a po’ man into the face of the yeth.— Arkansaw Traveler. A Good Parrot Story. Our next door neighbor, writes a cor respondent, owns an amusing parroi which is always getting into mischief, but usually gets out again without much trouble to herself. When she hat done anything for which she ought to be punished, she holds her head to one side, and, eying her mistress, says in i sing-song tone: “Polly is a good girl," until she sees her mistriss smile, then she flaps her wings and cries out; “Hurrah! Polly is a good girl!” She has been allowed to go free in the garden, where she promenades back and forth on the walk, sunning herself, and warning off all intruders. One morning a hen started out of the chicken yard and was quietly picking up her breakfast, when Polly marched up to her and called out "Shoo!” in hei shrill voice. The poor hen retreated tc her own quarters, running as fast as she could, followed by Poll, who screamed “Shoo!” at every step. A few days later, Poll extended her morning walk into the chicken yard. Here with her usual curiosity, she went peering into every corner, till she came to the old hen on her nest. The hen made a dive for Poll’s yellow head, but missed it Poll, thinking discretion the better part of valor, turned to run; the hen, with wings widespread, following close after. As she ran, Poll screamed in her shrillest tones, “O Lord! OLord!” A member of the family, who had witnessed the performance, thought it time to interfere in Poll’s behalf, as the angry hen was getting on her. He ran out, 'and stooping down held out his hand. Poll lost no time in traveling up to his shoulder. Then, from her high vantage ground, she turned, and, looking down on her foe, screamed: “Hello there! shoo!” The frightened hen returned to her nest as rapid y as she come.— The Ashland (It'is) item. Soaurwbw Mention. Newsraier notoriety is an evil not confined to the United States. A German paper reports this dialogue: Customer (reading a newspaper)— Here I see I am referred to in the paper again. Landlord—lndeed! What do they say about you? Customer (reading aloud) —At the close of last week Berlin numbered 1,573,421 inhabitants.” .1 am one of that? number. Would Save Boon More WondoifWl. New York newspapers are surprised that the first monument to Henry Bergh, a life-long New Yorker, was erected in The balance of the country would hare been struck dumb with amusement if New York had indulged in such a reckless bit of extravacaoco,—

’ THE WABASH LIVE. 11- and some equipment, R-legaßt day ooiicihiM. Mid W-agner palace sleeping care A-re la daily service B-etween the city of St. lx>uis A-nd Mpw York and Boston. B-pacious reclining chair oars U-ave no equal Ir4ke those run by the I-ncomparable and only Wabash, N-cw trains and fast time E-very day in ths year. From East to West the sun’s bright ray. Smiles on the line that leads the way. MAGNIFICENT VESTIBULE EXPRESS TRAINS. running free reclining chair cars and palace sleepers to St. Louis. Kansas City, and Council Bluffs. The direct route to all points in Missouri. Kansas, Nebraska, lowa, Texas. Indian Territory. Arkansas. Colorado, Utah. Wyoming. Washington. Montana, and California. For rates, routes, maps. etc., apply to any ticket agent or address F. Chaxdlxx. Gea. Paas, and Ticket Agent. St. Louis. Mo. A lady who allowed a dude and a poodle to take supper with her, said they were “purpy-two-at-tea.”—Aeicman Independent. It is said that Sullivan made some good hits on the stage.

CURES "pERHANEUTLr ■Rheumatism •> Sciatica *1 it is the Best. All The Year whether for spring weakness, summer faintness, autumn illness, or winter sickness, Take Only that medicine which has stood the test of years, viz., AYER’S Sarsaparilla Cures others, will cure you. SHILOH’S CONSUMPTION CURE. The succean of this Great Cough Cure io without a parallel in the history of medicine. AU druggists are authorized to sell it on a positive guarantee, a test that no other cure can successfully stand. That it may become known, the Proprietors, at an enormous expense, are placing a Sample Bottle Free into every home in the United States and Canada. If you have a Cough, Sore Throat, or Bronchitis, use it, for it will cure you. If your child has the Croup, or Whooping Cough, use it promptly, and relief is sure. If you dread that insidious disease Consumption, use it. Ask your Druggist far SHILOH’S CURE, Price locts., 50 cts. and SI.OO. If your Lungs are sore or Back lame, use Shiloh’s Porous Plaster, Price 25 eta, PURIFY YOURBLOOD. But do no! um the dangerous vlkaiiM and Mercurial preparations which destrop your nervous system and ruin tho dlgestho power of the stomach. Ths vegetable kingdom gives us the best and safest remedial agents. Dr. Sherman devoted the greater part of his life to the discovery of this ruliaNo and safe remedy, and all its iagrodieots are vegetable. He gave it the mum of Prickly Ash Bitters! ■ name every om can remember, and to the present day nothing has been discovered that is so beneficial for the BLOOD. for tho LIVER, ter tho KIDNEYS aad’fortho STOMACH. This remedy Is now so wefl and favorably known by all who have used It that arguments as to Us merits are useless, and if others who require a corrective to the system would but give it a trial the health of this country would ho vastly improved. Remember the namo—PRICKLY ASH BITTERS. Ask your druggist for H. PRICKLY ASH BITTERS CO- _____< LOUTH. MOl •ration. Ittaroritaeara«aditsatt«adeM*fc elefc hradnrbe. eourtipgU—l aedpa—,Slmß Tutt’s Pills kora become aofiuiMMM. They aet geotly •A the digestive «>■<■■■, gtvteg them too* . £ hod vigor withoat griptog orriewo. Me. EVERYBODY ESS’SSSSi Agente ■wealed, rnontf a Co. Mew H»vra,Co—. The Soap that Cleans Most is Lenox.