Decatur Democrat, Volume 35, Number 7, Decatur, Adams County, 8 May 1891 — Page 2

©he ' decaturjnd. < ». BLACKBURN, • - ~ Pubmshxb. New York City boasts of 10,000 iytists, In oonneotion with the club men they keep the town well painted. Previgs to the time of Elizabeth the only article to assist in eating was the jack-knife, which also served for sundry other purposes. Natural gas is reported to have been discovered at Cleveland, in Yorkshire, England, and the owners of the land refuse to sell at any price. At the present writing a ton of diamonds is worth $35,000,000. The pound on the hotel clerk’s starched bosom is worth $17,500 according to this. * A machine that will sew on 3,000 buttons a day has been invented. But it doesn’t wear gaiters, and is not so pleasant to flirt with tas the previous kind. A man in Missouri sues for a divorce from his wife because she would not go anywhere with him, but insisted on his remaining at home to take care of things. The imports of Victoria, Australia, last year were £22,952,000, against £24,402,000 in the previous year, and the exports were £13,227,000, against £12,734,000 in 1889. The superintendent of the Philadelphia mint, says‘that ten 10-cent pieces, instead of weighing as much as a silver dollar, as formerly, only weigh about nine-tenths as much. Five drops of oil of peppermint in a pint of hot shaken makes a peppermint vrater very soothing to I itching surfaces where the skin is unbroken, used with a soft sponge. Tre whole number of pSstoffices in the United States on Dec. 13, 1890, was 63,137, of which 60,393 are fourth-class offices. The State having the largest number of postoffices' is Pennsylvania, which has 4,617. The Lancet says that overwork is one of the bad habits of the present age and that the evil of it is apt to be first seen iin loss of appetite and sleep, which are warning signals that it is time to rest. A woman justice of the peace at Cheyenne complains that her husband and three sons, while\willing to help her in official duties, will not do the washing, ironing, cooking, scrubbing, and other work about the'house. A mover’s wagon, with a cow tied behind, and a. dog [under the wagon, passed through Attehison, going west. The man was in a liurry,_in order that he may have all his preparations complete by fall for moving back. / An English begging letter asking for a pair of cast-off trousers closed pathetically with these words: “So send me, most honored sir, the trousers, and they will be woven into the laurel crown of your good deeds in Heaven.” No government official has yet put • forth a denial of the public charge that v the Indians of this country have been • lied to and cheated and robbed in fifty different instances where the honor of the nation should have backed its signature. Can any denial be made? The secretary of the Indian has filed seventeen different charges against Uncle Sam, each one showing a breach of faith with different tribes, and the declaration is made that he has lied, swindled and robbed until history should blush for him. What has he to say in defense? A strange coincidence happened recently in Clayton County, Georgia. As W. A. Fulton, one of its oldest residents, expired, the old clock stopped, which for forty years had faithfully kept time in his house. Two days after his demise, the clock mysteriously disappeared. In the \alise of an English tourist to Greenland was a big red apple, and the custom house men, having never f-een one before, and being unable to find any one who had, took it for a bomb and made the Englishman sit down and eat. They were quite put out when he didn’t explode and shatter things. Canadian officers have arrested five different men on suspicion of being a thief wanted in Kentucky, and as they were wrong in each case-and as some of them had to come down with money to soothe lacerated feelings, they have got tired of the affair and propose to let the real person walk around with his hat on his ear. Here is a simple test for milk: A well-polished knitting needle is dipped into a deep vessel of milk and immediately withdrawn, in an upright position. If the sample is pure, some of the fluid will cling to the needle; but if water has been added to the milk, even in small . proportions, the fluid will not adhere to the needle. Princeton has made a move which other institutes of learning should not be slow to follow. She is spelling “Wooster” just as it is pronounced, leaving the “h” off of Pittsburgh, and knocking the “c” out of Tucson, Arizona. We’ve got enough to do in this country without fooling around with useless letters of the alphabet. Most of the hotels in South Dakota have had great trouble in pleasing their guests since a Deadwood paper announced the following menu as quite an ordinary matter at the county | jail. •Yesterday the bill of fare consisted of porterhouse steak, with onions, corn, potatoes, cabbage, stewed veal, tomatoes, with apple pie and rice pudding

for dessert. This was only an ordinary week-day dinner.” Not long ago a ship laden with oil was sunk off the coast of Folkestone, Eng. This has produced a strange effect upon the wild fowl; duck, teal, and other wild game are easily caught, as they seem to be unable to fly, because of their plumage being saturated with the oil which covers the water in the vicinity of the ship. A boy in Crawfordsville, Ind., while passing along the street, amused himself by rattling a stick on the fence surrounding the home of an irritable gentleman. The latter on hearing the noise, hurried out and fatally shot the youth with a rifle. Ke endeavored to justify his action by declaring that it not only annoyed him, but his fence had been newly painted. A New Orleans paper reminds the .Italian press that twenty-two English and American tourists have been captured by brigands in Italy during the last fifteen years, and of this number nine were murdered because they could pay no-ransom. The Italian Government moved not a hand in any one case, nor did England cr America make any threats. A remarkable hen is owned by Mr. LT. Bratton, of Brownville, Neb. It recently laid an egg which weighed 6| ounces, and measured 9x3| inches. Inside of this egg was a common-sized egg, the space between the two being filled with the ordinary white of egg.. Each egg had a hard shell. This is the fifth large egg she has laid, ranging from 4i to 6| ounces. The hen weighs 10J pounds . It is asserted that a Chicago gentleman has invented an electrical contrivance for stopping runaway horses. It is operated by a small battery located under the driver’s seat; when the horses become unmanageable, he or the occupant of the carriage presses a button, which causes a temporary paralyzing shock to the horses, causing them to suddenly halt A school-teacher in Bangor, Maine, had been annoyed by the inattention of one of his pupils, a young woman of 17, so he introduced the unique punishment of making her sit on the floor, flounces and all. A day or two afterward the girl committed another breach of discipline, and was again ordered to the same punishment. She objected because she had her best clothes on, but the teacher insisted. There was a scuffle, but he finally tripped her up, and compelled hes to again undergo her punishment. The teacher, who is a young man, is now called upon to defend a i lawsuit. After an absence of over a month, an escaped prisoner from the Baton Rouge i penitentiary recently presented himself ! before the Warden of that institution, saying that he wanted to serve out the balance of his term. It seems that during his imprisonment he learned of the illnes of his mother, and being desirous of seeing her before she died, he determined upon escape, and accordingly took the first chance that presented itself. He attended at his mother’s bedside, nursing her faithfully, until she became convalescent, and kissirig her good-by, went back to the jail to serve the rest of his sentence. The Island of Juan Fernandez, once inhabited by Alexander Selkirk, is now tenanted by a former Austrian officer, who, after being forced by the terrible wounds which he received at the battle of Sadowa in 1866 to leave the army, grew tired of the monotony of existence, in civilized Europe and determined to devote his fortune to a life of adventure. For fifteen years past he has been living on the Island of Juan Fernandes with a small colony of natives and of European deserters from civilization, and only communicating with the world once a year, when he sends his sailing yacht to Valparaiso for provisions and supplies. Williams College students of the past 3 quarter of a century remember Abraham Parsons, the local colored celebrity, whose well-known propensity for bunting gave him the name of “Abe Bunter.” The abnormal development of his frontal bone, amounting almost to a horn, combined with remarkable physical strength, makes it possible for him to break hard substances by striking them with his head. According to tradition he has Butted down a 2-year old.bull, broken a grindstone and opened the door of a burning store by making a battering-ram of his invincible head. Although over one hundred years old, he makes the round of Jthe college dormitories on warm and At such times the boys bring out their packing boxes and thick pieces of boards, which have been stored for the occasion, and Abe quickly “splits dem inter kindlin’ wood” by striking them against his forehead. This strange character was born a slave in South Carolina, and drifted to Williamstown about the time of the war. Baby’s Sleeping- Time. A writer in Babyhood says: I wonder if all mothers know that baby likes to be turned over after he had slept for an hour or two on one side? When he stretches and wriggles, and fin ally, perhaps, cries out, try turning him on his other side, or almost on his back, and see if he does not relapse into another sound nap without further effort on your part. Do not forget to turn the pillow over also sometimes. The one or two year old who wakes in the night and sits up in bed,rubbing his little fists into [ his sleepy eyes, feels, perhaps, hot and . uncomfortable. Try turning his pillow. I If he is like some children the writer i knows of, he will wait for the sound of the turning and then drop back on it into a renewed sleep. Remember, also, to keep a child’s clothes smooth under him. Drawing down the rumpled night ■ clothes and smoothing the cover has much to do with quieting the restless I tossings of the little sleeper. Death Is a wonderful mimic. He can take anybody.

TAXING. AN INDUSTRY. THE PIANO MAKERS AND THEIR BURDENS. How McKinley Taxed a Flourishing Industry—Greed of tho Makers of Keys. Strings, Pins. Felt and Actions—How These Men Prey Upon the Plano Makers. Pianos were first manufactured in this country nearly one hundred years ago. The industry has grown rapidly, the production last year being double what it was ten years ago. Last year we made about 72,000 pianos, and it is estimated that since 1820 we have made 1,210,000. It is estimated that we now have 200 factories engaged in turning out pianos or parts used in them—such as keys, wires, actions, etc. The estimated capital of these factories is $15,000,000, employing 10,000 workmen at wages of $6,500,000 a year, using $9,000,000 worth of material, and turning out a product worth $18,000,000. New York alone has about two-thirds of the factories, Massachusetts ranking next McKinley’s dealing with the piano industry affords an excellent example of how protection to minor industries may become very burdensome to more important industries. Our piano makers are so successful that they care nothing for protection for themselves; but they have a just grievance against McKinley for the great increase of duty which he placed upon the parts of pianos which are bought ready-made by many of the manufacturers. Such parts are the ivory keys, the wire used in making strings, the tuning pins to which the strings are fastened, the felt used in making hammers, and the actions which transmit the strokes of the fingers to the strings. There are only three establishments in this country engaged in making ivory piano keys. These establishments import their elephants’ tusks free of duty. Under the old law the duty on piano keys was 30 per cent. McKinley raised the duty to 40 per cent., and already it is said that a set of keys costs the piano manufacturer one dollar more than last year. The wire used in making piano strings Is made almost entirely by Washburn & Moen, of Worcester, Mass. By one of the familiar tariff tricks, the McKinleyites made it appear that they had reduced the duty on piano wire from 2>; cents aepound to 2J< cents on one size, and htfd made no change on ttie other size. But at the end of the wire schedules a paragraph was added placing a duty of 45 per cent, on all iron and steel wire worth more than four cents a pound. Now piano wire is worth from thirty to forty cents a pound abroad. Thus the old rates of duty, equal to an ad valorem of 11 per cent, on smaller wire and 14 on the larger sizes give place to a 45 per cent, rate, which means increasing the rates over 300 per cent, on the finer and over 200 on the coarser wire. Where the piano manufacturers paid 2>g cents a pound duty under the old law they now pay over 8 cents, and where they paid 3 cents they now pay over 12 cents. These higher duties were at once taken advantage of by the dealers. Just as soon as the McKinley law went into effect they changed their lists, and wire which had been sold to the piano manufacturers at 50 cents per pound was advanced to 70 cents. The firm of Washbum & Moen, the principal beneficiaries of the increased duties, were the moving spirits in the recent organization of the barbed-wire truat, they holding valuable patents which gave them a monopoly before the trust was formed. It is currently reported in the piano trade in New York that a large sum of money was corruptly used to secure the advance I of duties on music wire. Tuning pihs bore a duty of 25 per ; cent, under the old law. Although they have never been manufactured in America, this 'duty did not satjsfy the McKinleyites. The makers of piano actions came forward with a loud demand that the duty on “actions and parts of” be fixed at 50 per cent. These men did nert make tuning ;pins, but in drawing up their paragraph they made the language so sweeping as to include everything used in piano making. McKinley gave these men 40 per cent, protection, but the Senate struck out the paragraph and tuning pins were made I dutiable at 45 per cent. after the duty was increased the price of tuning pins was raised from $3.40 per thousand to $3.20. ' Another important item is the duty on the actions themselves. The old duty was 25 per cent., but the twelve actionmakers clamored for 50 per cent. Against this increase there was a vigorous protest from the smaller piano manufacturers, who do not make their own actions. In their petition to McKinley they said: “The undersigned pianoforte makers of the United States would protest against such an advancement of duty as being unjust, obstructive and fatal to the piano-making industry of this country. There appears to be no good reason for a higher rate of duty on pianoforte actions, since the manufacturers of this article in this country have been highly successful, having made large fortunes within a comparatively short time under the present protective duty. To raise the duty on piano forte actions would simply mean to create a monopoly for a few action-makers the expense of hundreds of piano-makers.” The action makers, however, got nearly all they asked for. Their protection was raised from 25 per cent, to 45 per cent. This increase was made despite the fact that only a very few actions are imported, and gives a complete monopoly to the domestic makers, two of whom manufacture one-half of all the actions used here. A beautiful tariff trick was performed in regard to tjie felt used in making piano hammers. There is only one factory engaged in the production of piano felt tn the United States—that of Mr. Alfred Dolge, of Dolgeville, N. Y.—the annual production of which, according to Mr. Dolge, is about 300,000 The only piano felt Imported into the United States comes from Germany, and amounts to from 25,000 to 30,000 pounds per year, so that only one-tenth of the felt used here is imported. Under the old tariff law piano felt was taxed as “manufactures of wool not otherwise provided for,” at 35 cents a pound and 40 per cent., this double duty being equal to 67 per cent The duty in this paragraph in the McKinley bill was made 44 cents a pound and 50 per cent. When, however, the bill was in the conference committee of the House and Senate, Mr. Dolge, acting through Senator Hiscock, had the three little words, “felts not woven,” put into the readymade elothing paragraph, bearing the highest duty of all the manufactures of wool—49J£ cents a pound and 60 per cent By this little trick Dolge’s protection becomes complete. Under the old tariff the duty paid on 100 pounds of felt was $122; under the McKinley law it is sl9l. Some importers have already raised the price of foreign felt one dollar a pound. The greedy Dolge had two objects in view with his tariff trick: (1) To shut out all foreign competition, and (2) being a manufacturer of hammers also, to drive out of business all the manufacturers here of piano hammers who have been using imported felt. The result is that he will be free from all competition whatever in the American market. At the same time he will continue to export felt to Germany as he has done in the past, on all of which felt drawbacks of duties will be paid by the United States Government T® compensate the piano manufactur- * ’*-• -v ’ •%.■ •£ ■' > v -

ers for having thus offered them as a prey to the greed of the makers of actions, keys, felts, and strings, McKinley raised the duty on pianos themselves from 25 to 45 per cent As the piano makers never asked for any protection at all, McKinley’s gift to them is but a shallow pretense. The piano industry is independent of . foreign competition, as our manufacturers export their instruments to the most musical countries of Europe. McKinley’s duty bn pianos can therefore dothem no good, while his duties on wire, keys, felt, and tuning pinscan only serve io increase the cost of manufacture, and to strengthen and enrich the monopolies engaged in making these articles. PROVING THE PUDDING. CLOTH EXAMINED UNDER THE MICROSCOPE. A Tariff Lesson—Cloth Made by High Tariff Manufacturers and by-Free Wool Advocates — High Tariff Makers of Shoddy Gfods. The, New York Dry Goods Economist, a pVotectioh|st trade paper which wants free wqpl, has hit upon a novel method of carrying on its agitation against the wool ’’there is in Philadelphia an organization called the Manufacturers’ Club, which is devoted to the high McKinley tariff with its high duties on wool. In New England is another organization called the Wool Consumers’ Association, a body of wool manufacturers who want the wool duty removed. The Economist has undertaken to analyze the cloth manufactured by prominent members of these two organizations to see if it can discover any reasons why they should differ so radically on the subject of the wool tax. The result of this examination is very interesting from a tariff standpoint. It shows that the men who want a high tax on wool use a large quantity of shoddy and cotton in making what they call woolen doth, and that the free wool men make good, honest woolen cloth with only a slight mixture of shoddy. The first examination made was on the goods manufactured by Thomas Dolan, the President of the Manufacturers’ Club. The Economist said that one fabric of this manufacturer, which was sold at $1.50 to $1.75 per yard, was found to bo “composed of a worsted warp made from delaine wool, which entirely composes the face of the cloth and constitutes 28 per cent of its weight. Tho filling makes the balance of 72 per cent, and is entirely cotton and shoddy, in the proportion of 92i- a ' per cent of cotton and 7X per cent of shoddy. “We have also before us,” the Economist goes on to say, “a finer fabric of the same order in a fancy trousering selling at $2.42J<, to all appearances a solid worsted fabric, both face and back. An examination, however, proves these appearances are deceptive. The fabric Is of a class known as a filling cord stripe, having a slight mixture ot silk twist between the cords. The worsted is ot three-eighths and delaine stock, yet ev >ry alternate pick of filling is cotton, as is also the warp between the filling cord and the back warp. Thus we have a cloth which every one but an expert would call an all-wool worsted cloth, yet cohtains 21 per cent of cotton and 79 per cent of worsted. The production of this mill is much superior to most of tho cotton-filled worsteds that are on the market ” Over against this is the report on the goods manufactured by Jesse Metcalf, one of the most prominent manufacturers of the Wool-Consumers’ Association. Two fabrics of this manufacturer were examined. The Economist says: “The low-priced fabric, at $2.25 less 5 per cent., contains 73 percent of delaine worsted, while 27 per cent of carded wool yarn containing a small percentage of shoddy is used for ba king. “The high-priced fabric sells at $2.75 less 5 per cent., and is a similarly built cloth to the lower one, but made of a somewhat finer grade of wool. The delaine wool is mixed with Australian, and of a worsted made from this blend the fabric contains 78 per cent, of its total weight. The backing composes the balance of the 22 per cent, and is made of a somewhat finer stock than the $2.25 grade. ” Another examination was made of the goods of the Camden woolen mills and the Weybosset mills. Tho treasurer of tho former mill is John T. Bottomly, who was appointed by the Manufacturers’ Club to assist in arranging tne wool schedule of the McKinley law. Mr. Bottomly was so successful in getting high duties put on wool that he was banqueted by his club. After examining the»goods of High Tariff Bottomly the Economist says: “An analysis of these goods brings us to the conclusion that wool is only used in a limited quantity. It is a safe assertion to make that the production of heavy-weight woolen goods of this mill contain at ledSt 70 per cent, of cotton and shoddy. ” Another specimen of fancy casslmere twill was found to contain 71 per cent, of cotton. William B. Weedom, of the Weybosset Mills, is prominent in the Wool Consumers’ Association. The goods of this manufacturer are reported to be “as well and honestly made as goods can be. ” “We have not come across a fabric in which a particle of cotton is to be found.” “Such an analysis," says the Economist, “is one of which any mill may be justly proud, and-is an analysis that should entitle the,mill making such goods to a Voice and a very loud voice in the framing of any legislation pertaining to woolens. ” This is a striking tariff lesson. The manufacturers who clamor for a high wool dqty are/cTßthing the people with cotton an'4_Sapddy;\those who want free wool are making solid woolen cloth. Choose ye whom ye will serve. Praising Free Sugar. ‘ The simplicity of the Republican organs in persistently pointing out the advantages of free sugar is beautiful to see. The Cleveland (Ohio) Leader says: “Every one of the 175,Q0Q grocers in the country and their 350,000 cferks are to-day informing their customers that sugar has dropped one-third in price ‘because the McKinley law abolished the duty on sugar on April L’ It is a big thing for the country—about $65,000,000 a year—and a big thing for the McKinley law. And the reduction will go right on advertising the beneficence of that measure until the Presidential election of 1892. ” In other words, the one strong, redeeming point in the McKinley law is where it gives practical free trade! But how is that going to make people believe in protection?. This organ points out that the removal of the duty on sugar lowers the price. But the familiar protection doctrine is that Increasing duties lowers prices. How can the removal of duties have the same effect? In these days when reductions of wages are so frequent, cases where wages are increased stand out in lonely prominence. One such case of higher wages has been reported recently in Ohio—but it was not in a protected industry. It was that of the trackmen of the Baltimore & Ohio railroad. Protection is not doing much in these days in the way of raising wages. Adam and Eve had no wealth, few clothes., no diamonds, no education, no ancestry, didn’t edit a paper, did not use Haviland china, ana ate with their fingers, yet they were one of the first families. ' IT.:.

AN AWFULLY FAT QUEEN. The Lonar-tNalled Ruler of SwaeUaud— Human Sacrifices. Swaziland, in South Africa, has recently been brought to the attention of the civilized world through the visit of an English commission to the Queen Regent of that country to settle questions of boundary and to arrange for a friendly understanding between the natives and whites.

THE QUEEN OF SWAZILAND.

Usibati, the Queen Regent, is enormously stout, and, as a sign of exemption from any kind of labor, grows her nails, both of the hands and the feet, to an extreme length. Her dress consists of a collection of dirty black skins, and she is a constant user of snuff. Although a personally good-tempered old woman, she resented with vehemence the suggestion of one of the commissioners that she abolish human sacrifices, which are quite common among the Swazies, and become wholesale slaughter immediately after the death of a member of the royal family.

Px RED WARRIOR AND HIS VICTIM.

“Killing off,” she declared, “was always practiced when the nation was mourning for a deceased ruler and for the reason that it was not right that the people should in any way pretend to mourn. So that they might have good reason to weep for a ruler they perhaps had never seen, it was usual to kill off one or two of the relations of such people, and then at once their weeping became sincere. As for fair trial, the people got that, for whenever it was considered desirable that a man or two should be killed, the whole village is turned out and made to sit round in a circle; the witch doctor then goes round and points out tjiose that are to die.” The executioner is known as Jokilibovo, or the Red Warrior. The monarch has deputed to four of the chiefs the power of sentencing to death. Should any man offend one of these, or the laws of the country, he is promptly asked to go for a Walk with Jokilibovo. The walk excites very little notice among the people beyond the culprit’s own immediate circle of friends. Its direction is always the same, and it ends on execution hill with a blow from Red Warrior’s club. There is a great knack in delivering the death blow aright, as the Swazi cranium is not given to being affected by ordinary knocks unless well planted at the base of the skull. A Woman’s Figbt With a Wolf. One day Uncle Jonas’ two cows disappeared from the opening in the woods' about his lonely home, and no trace of them could be gained. Aunt Molly as his wife was called, started to hunt them up next morning, as the men of the family were away, Leaving the children, and going iu a westerly direction, she wandered throughout the day in the dark,unbroken forest without a mouthful to eat except a few spruce buds and dried berries, with an occasional handful of groundnuts, whidh grew in great abundance in the low lands. The sun was fast sinking when to her great joy, she discovered the lost cows quietly grazing on a small grass plat near Crooked River, some four miles from home. With all possible haste she drove them along, hoping to reach home before dark, and, as she had no guide, not even spotted trees, she had to trust wholly to the instinct of the beasts. Their course often seemed to her exactly the opposite to right; till her practical knowledge taught her it was best to let them have their own way. When near what is now known as the Pine House, on a ridge covered by a growth of gigantic pine, both cows gave a loud bellow, as if from fright, and broke into a furious gallop in the direction of home, now half a mile distant Pausing to ascertain the cause of their fright, she was suddenly confronted by a wolf. The wolf at once made a spring for her face, no doubt intending to grab her throat. With the skill and fury of an expert boxer Aunt Molly dealt him a stinging blow with her brawney and hardened fist, which sentjiim back upon his haunches. Again and again the starving brute leaped for her throat but each time was met with both fists and feet with sufficient force to send him back several feet Knowing it was now life or death, this heroic woman found herself fast growing weaker, while the attacks of her savage adversary grew more fierce. Snatching her tattered shawl from her head, with a desperate leap she threw it over the head of the wolf with a dexterity which was not only surprising to the wolf, *but herself also. This piece of strategy had the effect to bewilder the wolf. He leaped wildly about, vainly endeavoring to rid himself of his inconvenient headgear, while Fft.. > •F' f “ "A . •:

Molly lost no time in climbing to the lower branches of a tree, and out of harm’s reach. When the wolf had rid himself of his temporary blindfold and sufficiently recovered his equilibrium, seeing his intended victim beyond his reach, he at once set up the most demoniac howls of rage and disappointment, occasionally venting his spleen by furious attacks upon the trunk of the tree and tearing the rough bark with his long, crooked fangs. Here she remained until the return of day, when he slunk away in the direction of the river. As soon as she thought him at a safe distance Molly, nearly famishing and bennmed by cold, hastened down and sped for home fast as the condition of her cramped limbs and chilled frame would permit! She found the children half frightened out of their wits, as the arrival of the cows in such great agitation had given them the idea that their mother had been devoured by some wild beast. —Lewision Journal'. Whom l>o Great Men Marry. Distinguished individuals show the same diversity of taste that is seen in the lower ranks, and on the whole make worse mistakes. They, however, show the same sense in choosing wives that they show in managing other people’s affairs whether they be good or bad.* Robert Burns married a farm girl with whom he fell in love while they worked together in the plough-field. He was irregular in his life and committed the most serious mistakes in conducting his domestic affairs. Milton married the daughter of a country squire, but lived with her but a short time. He was an exacting, austere literary recluse, while she was a rosy, romping country lass, that could not bear the restraint imposed upon her, so they separated. Subsequently, however, she returned, and they lived tolerably happy. Queen Victoria and Prince Albert were cousins, and about the only example in the long line of English monarchs wherein the martial vows were sacredly observed, and sincere affection existed. Shakespeare loved and wedded a farmer’s daughter. She was faithful to her vows, but could hardly say the same of the great poet, he showed too little discrimination in bestowing his affections on the other sex. Byron married Miss Milbank to get money to pay his debts. It turned out a bad shift. Benjamin Franklin married the girl who stood in her father’s door and laughed at him as he. wandered through the streets of Philadelphia, with rolls under his arms, and his pockets filled with dirty clothes. She had occasion to be happy when she found herself the wife of such a great and good man. Washington married a woman with two children. It is enough to say she was worthy of him, and lived as married | folks should—in perfect harmony. John Adams married the daughter of a Presbyterian clergyman. Her father objected on account of John’s being a lawyer; he had *a bad opinion of the morals of the profession. John Howard, the great philanthropist, married his nurse. She was altogether beneath him in social life and intellectual capacity; and, besides this, was 52 years old while he was but <ls. He would not take “No” for an answer, and they were married and lived happily together until her death, which occurred years afterwards. Peter the Great, of Russia, married a peasant girl. She made an excellent wife and sagacious Empress. Humboldt married a girl because he loved her. Os course they were happy. It is not generally known that Andrew Jackson married a lady whose husband was still living. She” was an uneducated but amiable woman,. and was most devotedly attatched to the old warrior and statesman. Edward Lytton Bulwer, the English statesman and novelist, married a girl much his inferior in position, and got a shrew for a wife. A Man to Have Fan. A negro Went into a dentist’s office and, after standing about, remarked that as he had not slept for five nights, he believed that he would have a tooth pulled. “All right,” said the dentist, “sit down here and I will fix you in a very few minutes.” “Yas, sab,” replied the negro, “but look yere, is dis thing gwine ter hurt ?” “Oh, it may hurt you some.” “But I doan want it ter hurt er talk De truf is dat I has suffered so much already dat lis ’tired. Es you kin pull it widout it hurtin’ I’ll be greatly obleeged ter you, sah.” “I don’t think I can do that without laughing gas.” “ Whut sorter gas ?” “Laughing gas.” “I nebber yered o’ dat sorter stuff, but es you’se got sutbiu’ yere dat will make er pussen laugh dat has got de tooth-ache, gimme and gimme mighty quick.” The dentist administered the gas and drew the tooth. The negro expressed himself as greatly pleased and after thanking the dentist started to go out. “Hold on a minute,” said the dentist. “You have forgotten something.” “I reckons not, sah,” he replied, looking around. “Yes, you have forgotten to pay me.” o “W’y, you ain’t gwine charge me nuthin’ is you ?” “Os cours, I am.” “Wall, lemme tell you boss. Er man dat kin hab ez much fun ez you kin oughten ter want no money. Take some o’ dat gas an’ laugh till you furgits de bill. Good day,” and he was gone. —Arkansaw Traveler. Anecdotes of Deaf People. Deaf persons make some very amusing mistakes. Here are a few that have been recorded from time to time. An old lady was asking her daughter about a young man who had called upon her. " , “What is his name?” “Augustus Tyler.” “Bust his Biler. Well, yon can’t keep company with any young man with such a dreadful name as that.” “Were you born deaf?” asked a man of one whose hearing was poor. “No*; I was born iu Ohio,” was the unexpected answer. “Close the door," yelled a grocer to a very deaf customer. “Clothes are poor? I didn’t come here to be insulted,” and he slammed out again. A gentleman attending a party where the hostess was very deaf. After paying his respects to her, and talking to her for a while in a high key, he was introduced to a charming girl with whom he walked through the conservatory. “What a relief,” he exclaimed, “I have been screaming at the top of my voice and am tired out.” There was no answering remark and he looked at his companion, who said: “You must speak loud as I am hard of hearing.”

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