Decatur Democrat, Volume 34, Number 25, Decatur, Adams County, 12 September 1890 — Page 3

HUMOROUS SELECTIONS. gathered by our patented reaper. Joke* of Preachers, Lawyers, Doctors, and Editors—some of Them Very Dry and Others Somewhat Juicy—They Will Aid Digestion If Perused After Meals—Do Not Dead Them Upon an Empty —-stomach. t The Widow Grangely had an important case in court. She knew that if she should win, her condition thereafter would be one of financial ease, and she had accordingly employed the most effective lawyer in the county. When yer saw that his road to success lay through the emotions of the jurymen. “Gentlemen,” said he, “look at this poor woman. Is she not enough to excite the pity of any beholder? Decrepitude has not spared her, and age is fast spreading its blight on her once fair face. She—” “■You stop right where you are!’ exclaimed the Widow. “I need the money that might come out of this case, but I’ll be hanged if you shall stand up there and call me old.” The lawyer hastened to her and said: "Why, madam, I must talk tha way or Jose the case.” ’ "I don’t care if you do have to talk that way, you sha’n’t. I’d rather lose the whole thing than to be called old. 1 am just as good-looking as I ever was, and I want you to understand that fact. Decrepit, indeed. I’ll bet I could gather you up and throw you over a ten-rail fence right now. If you want to talk about the law there is in the case, go ahead, but if you call me old again, we’ll fight, that’s all. — Arkansaw* Traveler. , Within the Law. “I want to,be posted in de law,” said a colored woman who called at the Gratiot Avenue station the other day. "Well?” replied the sergeant. “I’ve got a gal.” “Yes.” "An’she’s got a beau.” “Very likely.? “I can’t abear him, an’ I doan’ want him 'round de house. What co’se shall I I take?” 'J'' ' * .■ “Have you ever given him ahint?”| .“Lands, sail! but I jess tole him to J cl’ar outror I’d bust him to smash! I ' reckoZ dat\a hint. “Ipit he didn’t go?” “No,‘ sah. Now, den, I want to know how’ fur I kin go an’ keep widin de law. I’ve talked to him, frowed water on him-, hit him wid a club, called him names, made de dog bite him, an’ p’inted a pistil at him, but he won’t stay away. How much furder kin I go an’ not break de law ? I dun stun* in de yard and mow him across de legs wid~an old scythe when he cum up in de’da’k ? Could de pistil go off accidentally?” When advised to try peaceful measures, she indignantly responded: “Dat's what I did do on de very gooff. I took him by.de collar an’ frowed him ober de gate.”— Detroit Free Press. ' y- ■ A Fortuno. - “There is ,a fortune in this novel,” said an author, as he presented a manuscript to a publisher. “I don’t know about that,” the pub- - lisher responded. “Is its merit so striking as to attract attention everywhere?’’ "Oh, it has no merit particularly. “Thrilling, I suppose?” “No, 1 can’t say that it is.” “Something entirely new, then?” i?T don’t think it's so very new.” “Cohtains a striking theory, I suppose?” 1 <' “No, it has no-theory.” “And yet you say it will be a great success?” “Yes, bound to be.” “And why so?” “Because I have shown it to the postoflico authorities, and they declare it shall not go through the.mails.” The publisher seized the and - fondly kissed him. — Arkansaw Traveler. . - Very Deficient. Canvasser —I have here Prof. Blank’s latest and 'most ‘complete “History of the United States.” Business .Man (examining it) —Do I understand you to say that this is a complete history of our country up to» the present day ? Yes, sir. Busines’SyAlan—Then it is very deficient. Some of the most important i events in the history of the develop- / merit of this glorious nation have been completely ignored! Canvasser —What, foj instance? Business Man I can see nothing in it regarding the Sullivan-Kilrain fight, the world’s championship ganftes, nor in fact any of the recent important happenings. Indeed, Mr. Sullivan, Mr. Kilrain, Anson, Comiskey, and a number of other men whose names should - go down to. prosperity are not even Vientioned. I do not care for your book, ( rood day; sir. - --Munsey's. Weekly. . « , .Midtiiiiiinoi- Madness. Wagg Hello, Wallace, you're unite a stranger, Been away on a long trip West, ? Wallace Yes, my boy, I've had quite i a journey. I've been put. to Seattle. Wagg—You don’t say so. And was Attle glad te see you,,old man?--Som-erville Journal. - The Teacher Was to Blame. “ Well. Tommy, I'm glad to see you are getting along so much better at school,” said that young man’s uncle. “You gone a wliple week without being whipped,,haven t you'.'.” “Yes, sir; Teacher’s got a lame shoulder.”— lUrts/tt/ty ton Post. -The Jienson. Will —Ah, your new suit, ch?. Why on earth did you select such a loud pattern? . ■; . Bill Yes, the pattern is loud, but I didn’t s lect it. It was my brother, and he's slightly deaf, you know. Out West. ’Stranger—What a brutal prize fight! Whv doesn’t tlie marshal stop it? Native He ain’t sech a fool ns that. Why, he’s got a pile of money bet on the man that's gettin’ the best of the Hgbt. v t Evidence of the Truth. Horse Dealer—Count, you had certainly better buy that horse. He is perfectly sound. “I believe you. If he hadn’t been sound he would never have lived to such an age.”—F liege nde Blatter. , There to Stay. Presidents may change, trusts dissolve and monopolies melt away, bat when a woman says “No!” nothing bat dynamite can move her, unless a stray mouse happens to come her way.

• Result of the Conference. "Barthleson,” inquired a fellow reporter, “what have you been doing in the managing editor's room ?? “Been holding a consultation with him.” “What about?” “About the management of the paper.” “Any change in its policy contemplated ?” “Yes. That’s what the consultation was about. “What was decided upon, if you don’t mind telling me?” “It was decided,” said Barthleson, twisting his mustache gloomily, “that the paper didn’t nt»d me on its pay roll any longer.”— Philadelphia Press. Excelling the Ancients. ... Willie (coming home from church) —Papa, they hadn’t learned how to pray very well in Bible times, had they? Papa—l suppose, my son, people could pray then as well as they do now. . ; Willie (positively)—No, they couldn’t. The Lord’s Prayer is only a minute long, and our minister can pray for a quarter of an hour.— Pick-Me-Up. A Charming Time. “You’ve been on a visit to your sister, I hear, Mrs. Dooley.” “Yes, I’ve been to see her for the first time in seven years.” “Have a nice time?” “Oh, dear, yes; I had a delightful time. She had a new dress to make; the baby cut four teeth, and one of the neighbors had a brass band funeral while I was there. Everything was charming.”—-Kam's Horn. * Journalistic Chatter. Count Obrofski—l understand journalism is very libelous .in the United States. Isn’t it a great risk for the reader ? Emory Smithofl (deprecatingly)—Oh, I don’t know. Count Obrofski —Why, they tell me there’s one paper that liberally pensions the family of any man found dead with a copy!— American Grocer. An Enterprising Journalist. Country Editor—Jim, I understand ' that old stone building at the crossI roads is to be torn down. The Printer—Yep, they begin to- ! morrow. Country Editor—Well, just slip around and put a live toad in the wall. ■ We must have something to fill up with this week.— New York Weekly. But Others Had. He —You are the only girl I ever loved. ’ . ' She—And you are the only man I ever gave my heart to; He —I am not good enough for you. She—Please don’t say vhat. I am tired of those words. He —Why, 1 never Used them before. /"She— No— not you. Wasted Sweetness. “You see that girl over there—” she began, while the other answered: “Yes, | she lives opposite us. , She's deaf and dumb, poor thing.” “The idea. And there I sat behind her in the street car for four blocks and made remarks about that dowdy hat she has on all for nothing.”— Terre Haute Express. Something to Fonder Over. Me Wiggins—-Yes, I maintain that a really smart man will modestly make it a point to hide the fact as much as possible. a Mrs. McWiggins—Well, then I should say that you are certainly the smartest man on this earth, without a doubt. McWiggins mused. He Was Out. “This pitcher is over a hundred years old, and belonged to my grandmother’s days,” said Miss Aniigue. “Ah,” responded Sportbee, with the first interest he had shown in the bric-a-brac room. “I didn’t know they played base ball then ; were you fond of the game?’— Detroit Free Press. . Favorably Regarded. Tattle Boger—Mr. Aiello, Sister Gertie says she likes you because you are -1 can’t think what it is now though. , Mr. Mello —Try, try, Roger, that’s a good boy. Little Roger (after an interval of thought)—l know now—flush?* Time for All Tilings. ’ Miss Upton—Ma, Miss Flighty and Mr. Sapbead are to be married to-day. Shall I take some rice along to throw after them ? Practical Mother—No, my dear. Wait until they have run thfbugh what little money they have, and then give it to them.— New York Weekly. He Did Them Justice. She (indignantly)—I don’t thinKVou give us girls credit for thinking of anything else but dress. He (sauvely)—Oh. you- wrong me! Ido give yon credit for thinking of more than dresses. “Os what else ?” “Bonnets.”— 77te Epoch. Raking Up Old Recollections. > Mrs. Potts—Just to think of yoju talking to me in such a style. Yon, I who used to swear I was an angel. Mr. Potts— Look here, my isn't fair, yon know it isn’t. What is the use of twitting a man about the lies he told fifteen years apo?” — Terre Haute Express. A Capable Man. “I think I-will apply for that’ situation.” “Have yon -read the advertisement carefully?” • “Yes; why?” “Nothing, only I thought it stipulated that only capable men need plyHis Rival. Charlie—Yes, Mabel, I like you, but there was something about you last night that 1 didn’t like. Mabel—Why Charlie, what was it? Charlie —Fred Somers’ arm. It Makes No Difference. Father—Laura, you and that young man of yours must quit hanging on the front gate. / Daughter—All right, papa; the back gate will do just as well. . Nover Im a Hurry. A pistol ball in motion was recently photographed somewhere in Italy, and yet it still takes a woman as Jong to get ready to go somewhere as it did when Joseph was in Egypt. • It Wan Dangerous. Mrs. Gazzam— This cake isn’t good, bat I hate to throw it away. I believe I’ll give it to yoar dog. Gazzam (earnestly) — Indeed, yon won’t! Give it to the baby I

ODD, QUEER AND CURIOUS. The bicycle craze prevails at Denmark, and the ladies there ride them astride. The sum of £I.OOO was paid by a London photograper to Henry M. Stanley, to sit for his picture. Sixteen negro jockeys in the United States can earn salaries ranging from $2,500 to SB,OUO a year. Christine Nilsson has lost her voice, is partially deaf, and her chief delight in life is gambling. She risks heavily at Monte Carlo. A French scientist declares that the domestic cats of the world carry at least Thirty per cent, of the common contagious- diseases from house to house. In Norway Lake, Me.,- there is s floating island, comprising an area oi one and one-eighth acres. For years it has been a breeding-place for hens and ducks. A lover of literature in Boston objects to advertisements in the street cars, and wants to see the panels ornamented with quotations from the best authors. Typhoid fever is very rare in China. Sewers are unkhown in that country. The refuse and sewerage matter is collected in the cities by men who carry it in pails on a yoke, and sell it to the farmers. ~ . The British Museum has just received a Chinese bank-note, issued from the imperial mint 300 years before the circulation of the first paper money io Europe. The first real bank in Europe waa that of Barcelona, established in 1401. Forty years ago Mrs. Cole, of Fredericksburg, Va.,'swallowed a needle. It caused her no inconvenience or pain, and she soon after forget it. A few days since she was reminded of it by finding the needle projecting from her side. A London jeweler has invented ar automatic watch, which never requires winding, and is worn in a bracelet. The motive power being supplied au tomutically, the time-piece requires neither thought nor attention on the part of the owner. Miss Belle Curry, of Evanston, 111., is the superintendent of the telephone system in that city. When undergoing examination as to her ability to fill the position, she was asked, “Can you, climb a pole?” “Even that I can do, if necessary,” was her prompt answer. After spending an hour and a half in serenading a newly wedded couple in Saco. Me., and wondering that the groom did not appear to welcome the musicians, the groom’s father astonished them by imparting the information that the happy pair were in a neighboring village. Water that produces lather without soap forms Medical Lake, in Washington, our new State, near Spokane Falls. To produce the lather, all that is needed is to- violently agitate the water, or rub it quickly on the hands) or surface of the body. No fish or other living thing has been found in’ this lake. Smoking is so common in Japan that all of the men, and most of the ladies, smoke, the girls beginning when they are about ten years of age. The ladies have pipes with longer stems than the men, and if one of them wishes to show o a gentleman a special favor, she lights her pipe, takes a whiff, hands, it to hit and lets him smoke. It is thought that J. W. Funk, ox Hayworth,pHl. r has an excellent chance of winning the first prize of §125,000 by the Government of New Soutl Wales for the best rabbit trap. This trap is cheap, and is arranged on a* platform swung on pivots below a suspended bait. In one of his traps he caught fifty-seven rabbits in one night. The soprano of Dr. Paxton’s church, New Y’ork City, Miss Clementina De Vere, receives §4,590 a year for her'serv ices, or $112.50 each Sunday. This is said to be the highest salary ever paid to a choir-singer. Miss Jennie Dutton, soprano of the Fifth Avenue Baptist Church, draws §3,000 a year from the church, and earns §5,000 more from concert engagements. Mrs. Eva B. Hart, who died recently at Cicero Centre, N. Y., at the age of 113 years, was a remarkable woman in many respects. She was always accustomed to hard work,' was an inveterate smoker, was never sick a day, never took medicine, and had gray Haiti from the time she was 50 until she was over 110. Three years ago’ the gray hair beaan to drop out, and jet black locks,replaced it. Rothschild and the Commune. During the revolutionary period in Paris in 1848 a committee ot seven communists called at the Rothschild establishment and demanded to see the fain ous c banker, says the Chicago AYics.Rothschild appeared, as suave as you please. “Pray be seated, gentlemen,” said he, “and now what can Ido for< you ?” “Rothschild,” said the chairman of the committee, “our time has come at 1 last. The people are triumphant—the commune is on top.” “Good for tlte people—vive la commune !” cried Rothschild, gleefully. “The time has come,” continued the. chairman of the committee, “when each must share equally with his fellow citizen. We have been delegated to call upon you and inform you that you must: share your enormous wealth with your countrymen.” “If it is so decreed,” said Rothschild, urbanely, “I shall cheerfully comply. At how much' is my fortune estimated?” “At 200,000,000 francs,” replied the leader, boldly. *“And at what it the population of France estimated?” asked Rothschild. “We figure it at 50,000,000 was the answer. “Well, then,” said Rothschild, “it would appear that I owe each of my countrymen about 4 francs. Now, here, gentlemen,” he continued, putting his hand in his pocket and producing a lot of Hilver # *‘here are 28 francs for you. I have paid each of you, have I not? jPlease give file your receipt therefor, and so, good day to you.” The committee retired, and the comjnune never pestered the wary financier Wain. i One Conclusion. “Isn’t it a pity that Mr. Smoothy’s eyes are not straight, Julia? He’s the sweetest-mannered man in the world—the gentlest soul!” “Nonsense 1 How can you say so of a cross-eyed man ?” "Why, dear, what has his cross eyeu got to do with it ?” “Yon goose! Aren't the eyes tho language of the soul?” — Chicago Times. / —\ Let us be content to work to dq the thing we can, and not presume to freU because it is little. ' '

jg' The Cossabk Cavalry. The Cossack contingent is important part of the Russian army, numbering nearly one hundred and fifty thousand cavalry and several batteries of artillery. When ail mobilized there are 164 regiments of six divisions made of 128 men each. Cossacks have a decidedly barbaric taste for color, which they usually gratify by wearing shirts of amazing hue. The uniform is simply and even quaintly cut, but it is worn with a jaunty style that almost amounts to a swagger. In actual service they ■ wear a short frock coat of dark-blue cloth with ample skirts. The trousers, ■ also of blue cloth, are large and full, and are worn inside long boots. The cap is a flat-topped Russian one, like a sailor’s cap, with a leather visor, and is seldom worn straight on the head but < jauntily cocked on one side. As the ordinary Cossack has little means of gratifying his vanity by the ; adornment of his person, he is very par- ' ticular about the cut of his hair, which is combed back from the forehead and then trimmed straight and even around the base of the skull. The weapons consist of a Berdan carbine, usually slung across the shoulders in a leathern case, a saber of peculiar shape, having no guard for the hand, and entering the scabbard nearly to the top of the hilt, and a long lance, which is slung the right arm by a leather strap, and rests in a socket attached to the right stirrup. On a long march a halt is usually made, if practicable, about the middle of the day. -/The regiment is divided into sotnias, which correspond to our companies, and when the halt is made at noon each sotnia dismounts in double file, the lances are stuck upright in the earth, and the horses picketed to them. Two or three sheep have been bought or captured on the road, and the men kill them, cut up the flesh while it is still warm, and plunge it in the pots, or string it on great wooden spits to roast in front of the fire. After the customary prayer with uncovered heads, the men sit on the ground around the large kettles and pans, and a dozer, or more all dip in the same dish with their clumsy wooden spoons, or hack pieces of roasted mutton from the bones with their sharp daggers. . .. Cost of an Introduction Brown and Smith step into a saloon and meet Jones. Brown and Jones salute other and then Brown says, Mr. Smith, let me introduce you to my friend Mr. Jones. , Mr. Smith (who has had scverah-sjocial; glasses)—-Now. Brown, this introduction is not at all necessary. I’ve known Jones longer than you have. Jonesey, old boy, put it there! (They shake hands effusively.) A while after Brown and Smith go out and Smith says, ‘‘Confound it Brown, why did you introduce me to that man Jones? lie borrowed ten dollars of me.” “You said yon knew him better did,” returned Brown v “Oh, well, I said that just for effect.” “Well, it had its effect, you see.” “Y’es, and I am out ten dollars.”— ; Texas Siftings.'i ? Safety from a Pestilential Scourge. Protection from the disease, not a medicinal agent which merely checks the i>arox zsms, is the grand desideratum wherever the epidemic scourge of malaria prevails. Quinire does not afford this protection. Tho chief eason why Hostetter's Stomach Bitters has won such immense popularity is that it prepares the system to resist the malarial pest. This it does by bracing and toning the physical organism, regulating and promoting an equal flow and distribution of the animal fluids, and establishing digestion on a sound basis. Not only s fever an<L i > ague prevented, but the worst types of the disease are conquered by it. Such is the only conclusion to be drawn from the overwhelming evidence in its favor. It is equalb in dyspepsia, constipation, . liver complaint, general debility, and rheumatic coin plaint, and is a reliable diuretic and nervine. -•The Darnedest Nose You Ever Seed.” I was talking with one of the old settiers of Maine the other day, and he said: “Don't know lien Jones, do .you? iWall, when you see him you'll know him; he's got the darnedest nose on him you ever seed on a live being. T’other day I see Hen coming down hill into the village and he was driving horse with one hand and makin’ queen motions with t'other. When lie got up to me I seed what he was doin', lie was pickin’ up pebbies fronra pile in his wagin and was stonin’ mosquitoes off’n the end of his hose.” — Lewiston (Me.) Journal. F. J. CHENEY & CO., Toledo, O , Props, of Hall s Catarrh Cure, offer $lO3 reward for any casw of catarrh that can not be cured l>v taking Hall's Catarrh Cure. Send for testimonials, tiee. Sold by Druggists, 75c. Afraid to I-rAy. The New Minister —Do you mean to say, madam, that you fear to pray? Old Lady-—Y’es, I know tho prayers will be answered, of course, but they’re not answered with discrimination. For years and years my liusband had to get up before daylight jn order to reach his work on time: and the long,, si .w rides in street cars were injuring lite health. Well. I prayed that he might 1 e relieved of tins great trouble and danger and, in six months, a great, big, ugly elevated railroad was run up our street and I ‘haven't seen a ray of sunshine since.— Life. .. "Clean cockery is a good appetizer,” Good cooks clean their utensils with SA« POLIO. It is a solid cake of Scouring Soap. Try it in cleaning your pots and. oans. A Trained Servant. A. —Do you know where ! can get a trained man servant? B. —Yes; you can have mine. Thoroughly trained, is he? He ought to be; he goes off on the “train” reghlarly once a month. There is no record that the children of Israel suffered with soft corns. This was one of the missed-aches of Moses. Beecham’s Pills cure Sick-Headache. Why is a buckwheat cake like a caterpillar, Because it’s the grutt that makes the butterfly. y, J My Head Is Tired Is a Common Complaint Just Now. < Both Mind And Body Are Made Strong By Hood’s Sarsaparilla ADVICE TO THE AGED. Age bring, infirmities hucli aw sluggish bowels, weak kidneys and torpic liver. Tutt’s Pills haveaspecifipe®Bctontheee«rpans,«*!m- 8 ulating the bowaiM?*** dischargee, and imparts vigwj*® tha whole system. Oyaiulart wwr,

A GKJtiT mistake pernaps was mafia whea Dr. Sherman named his great remedy Prickly Ash Bitters: but it is presumed that at that time all remedies for the blood, etc., were called Bitters. Had he called it Prickly Ask “Regulator,” “Curative,” or almost anything but Bitters, it undoubtedly would have superseded all other preparations of similar character. The name Bitters is misleading; it is purely a medicine, and cannot be used a beverage. - Bard on Human Nature. Customer —How much is this wine? Clerk—That wine, mem. is a prime article, and I know you’ll like it. Everybody does. Is that your little boy? Fine looking lad; anybody could see that he was your son. Here. Charlie, don’t you want a cookey. This wine, mem, is worth $l5O a gross. Have it sent, of course? Customer —Oh, I only wanted a quarter of a pint. ' Clerk —Quarter of a pint? You'll find the homeopathic dispensary on the next street. Will you pay for that cookey, or will you have it charged? — Boston Transcript. Ladies Have Tried It. A number of my lady customers have tried “Mother’s Friend." and would not be without it for many times its cost. They recommended it to all who are to become mothers. R. A. Payne. Druggist, Greenville. Ala. Write Bradfield Reg. Co.. Atlanta. Ga., for particulars. By all druggists. Sleeping Under a Blanket. Jones—They say the nights are so cool at the White Mountains that the people sleep under a blanket. of the visitors could sleep under a blanket if they remained at home. “What kind of a blanket?” “A blanket mortgage.” Fob washing flannels, Dobbins’ Electrio Soap is marvelous. Blankets and woolens wasned with it look like nem. and there is absolutely no shrinking. No other soap in the world will do such perfect work. The Summer Girl Again. McCusick (at summer resort, pointing to young lady surrounded by six or seven admiring youhg men) —I say, Jack, isn’t that your affianced over there? Jack (gloomily)—Yes—that is—l don’t know. She was before I came here.— Texas Siftings. _____ Parents you do yourselves and your children groat injustice if you fail to give your children Dr. Bull’s Worm Destroyers. Many little lives are sacrificed by such neglect Where He Was Shot. Western Coroner (to the physician who examined the wounded man) —Where was he shot, doctor? Doctor—ln the lumbar region. Coroner —In the lumber region? Why, the policeman has just that he was shot in a coal yard.— Texas Siftings. Bronchitis Is cured by frequent amali doses of Plso's Cure for Consumption. Scripture rendered in the prevailing fashion of speech: “The lady tempted me, and 1 did eat.'* oraa ENJOYS Both tiielnethod and results when Syrup of Figs is taken; it is pleasant and refreshing to the taste, and acts gently yet promptly on the Kidneys, Liver and Bowels, cleanses the system effectually, dispels colds, headaches and fevers and cures habitual constipation. Syrup of Figs is the only remedy of its kind ever produced, pleasing to the taste and acceptable to the stomach, prompt in its action and truly beneficial in its effects, prepared only from the most healthy and agreeable substances, its many excellent qualities commend it to all and have made it the most popular remedy known. Syrup of Figs is for sale in 50c and $1 bottles by all leading druggists. Any reliable druggist who may not have it on hand will procure it promptly for any one who wishes to try it. Do not accept any substitute. ' CALIFORNIA FIG SYRUP CO. SAtt FRANCISCO, CAL LOUISVILLE. KY. NEW YORK. NJf. PURIFY YOUR BLOOD. But do not use the dangerous alkaline and mercurial preparations which destroy your nervous system and ruin the digestive power of the stomach. The vegetable kingdom gives us the best and safest remedial agents. Dr. Sherman devoted the greater part of his life to the discovery of this reliable and safe remedy, and all its ingredients are vegetable. He gave it the name of Prickly Ash Bitters! a name every one can remember, and to the present day nothing has been discovered that is so beneficial for the BLOOD, for the LIVER, for the KIDNEYS and for the STOMACH. This remedy is now so well and favorably known by all who have used it that arguments as to its merits pre useless, and if others who require a corrective to the system would but give it a trial the health of this country would be vastly improved. Remember the name—PRICKLY ASH BITTERS. Ask your druggist for it. PRICKLY ASH BITTERS CO., ST. GOUTS- MO. WM. FITCH & CO., * 103 Corcoran Building, Washington, D. C.. PENSION ATTORNEYS of over 25 years’ experience. Successfully prosecute pensions and claims of all kinds in shortest possible time, eg" NO FEE UNLESS SUCCESSFUL. 1 r IS USED by CHILwLZN’S C.UILDKEN. Thouunds of young men and women in this country owe their lives, their health and their happiness to Ridge’s Food, their daily diet in Infancy and Childhood having been Ridge’s Food. 3S cents up. Uy Druggists, WOOLKICH 4t CO.. Palmer. rAI Name this paper when you <mie. PFNQinNC! old claims r CIwOIUIhV Settled aster NEW law. Soldier., Widow., Parent, send for blank application, and information. Patrick O’FarreM, Pension A vent. Waahincton. P. C. - —, PLACE in America to get a BusiZness Education or learn Shorthand . A « « ,he Spencerian Business //l T College, Cleveland. O. Founded in KX ! IS4H, Elegant Catalogue free, time to the business. Spare moments my be profr itebly employed sJy>.

- -A-; F ;■ Copyright, 1890. AU on one side—the offer that’s made by the proprietors of Dr. Sage’s Catarrh Remedy. It’s SSOO reward for an incurable case of Catarrh, no matter how bad, or of how long standing. They mean what they say; they’re responsible, and the offer has been made for years. It’s all on your side—you lose your catarrh, or you’re paid SSOO for keeping it. But it’s safe for them, too —they know you’ll be cured. Dr. Sage’s Remedy produces perfect and permanent cures of Chronic Catarrh in the Head, as thousands can testify. “Cold in the Head” is cured with a few applications. Catarrhal Headache is relieved and cured as if by magic. It removes offensive breath, loss or impairment of the sense of taste, smell or hearing, watering or weak eyes, and impaired memory, when caused by the violence of- Catarrh, as they all frequently are. Remedy sold by druggists, 50 cents. ®ZjONEB\ / OF \ (BINGHAMTON) PE II Cln 11 C HEW LAW. 300,000 Bolffiers. Cll w IV H w widows and relatives entitled. Apply at once. Blanks an t instruction free. SOULES Ji CO.. AtVys. Washington, D. C.

Faw bml -a -a _ E YfaEi sHs ■—wjy«nguawsir y .vm TH E POSITIVE CURE. E3 Best Cough Medicine. Recommended by Physicians. Vlifl KbJ| Cures where all else fails. Pleasant and agreeable to the r? taste. Children take it without objection. By druggists. Ejl TiS pl&in t-haJ-a.cha.rmi.is ■ soTkfcake of scouring soap* Even the little pig in the picture is a more agreeable companion than a man with a dirty collar or a woman who presides over a tawdry house. But nobody wants the reputation of being a pig under any circumstances. M MAH UNACQUAINTED WITH THE GEOGRAPHY OF THE COUNTRY, WILL OBTAIN MUCH VALUABLE INFORMATION FROM A STUDY OF THIS MAP OF /M ONT Aif \ . Z-' V, Jhl v r S gons* i fK fT NEBBA nr • ! —dr A dTVnT ~ Great w dL. M/Fw ;/ T E R BY. ASK. Ulß.W'f .««<■. ! "el reno } * 11181 BLaß^?— OO I TEX ~*7 —1 jJ EL* PASO |PooU Bro*., THE CHICAGO, ROCK ISLAND & PACIFIC RAILWAY, Including main lines, branches and extensions East and West of th® Missouri River. The Direct Route ,to and from Chicago, Joliet, Ottawa* Peoria, La Salle, Moline, Rock Island, in ILLlNOlS—Davenport, Muscatine, Ottumwa, Oskaloosa, Des Moines, Winterset, Audubon, Harlan and Council Bluffs, in lOWA—Minneapolis and St. Paul, in MlNNESOTA—Watertown and Sioux Falls, in DAKOTA—Cameron, St. Joseph, and Kansas City, in MISSOURI—Omaha, Fairbury, and Nelson, in NEBRASKA—Atchison, Leavenworth, Horton, Topeka, Hutchinson, Wichita, Belleville, Abilene, Dodge City, Caldwell, in KANSAS—Kingfisher, El Reno, in the INDIAN TERRITORY—Denver, Colorado Springs and Pueblo, tn COLORADO. Traverses new areas of rich farming and grazing lands, affording the best facilities of intercommunication to all towns and cities east and west, northwest end southwest of Chicago, and to Pacific and transoceanic Seaports. MAGNIFICENT VESTIBULE EXPRESS TRAINS, Leading all competitors in splendor of equipment, between CHICAGO and DES MOINES, COUNCIL BLUFFS and OMAHA, and between CHICAGO and DENVER, COLORADO SPRINGS and PUEBLO, via KANSAS CITY and TOPEKA or via ST. JOSEPH. Through Coaches, Palace Sleepers, NEW AND ELEGANT DINING CARS, and FREE RECLINING CHAIR CARS. California Excursions daily, with choice of routes to and from Salt Lake City, Ogden, Helena, Portland (Ore.), Los Angeles and San Francisco. Fast Express Trains daily to and from all towns, cities and sections in Southern Nebraska, Kansas and the Indian Territory. The Direct Line to and from Pike's Peak, Manitou, Cascade, Glenwood Springs, and all the Sanitary Resorts and Scenic Grandeurs of Colorado. VIA THE ALBERT LEA ROUTE. Fast Express Trains, daily, between Chicago and Minneapolis and St. Paul* making close connections for all points North and Northwest. FREE Reclining Chair Cars to and from Kansas City. The Favorite Line to Watertown, Sioux Fails, and the Summer Resorts and Hunting and Fishing Grounds of lowa, Minnesota and Dakota. . . . THE SHORT LINE VIA SENECA AND KANKAKEE offers facilities to travel between Cincinnati, Indianapolis, Lafayette, and Council Bluffs, St, Joseph. Atchison, Leavenworth, Kansas City, Minneapolis, and St. Paui.' x For Tickets, Maps, Folders, 01 desired information, apply to any Ticket Office in the United States or Canada, or address E. ST. JOHN, * JOHN SEBASTIAN, General Manager. CHICAGO, IUL. Qen’l Ticket A Paaa Agmk I L il UIU 11 U I WM. W. DUDLEY. og»»»!ig LateOemm roiar of FaaaknaßHlMMlM. B. L| poasw UaaA<w<tenofi ta t&apepesk

i DR. OWEJTB ELECTRIC BELT ( JhJTD SUSPENSORY. / ftraciuAsc. 16, 1887, IMPMVES JULY 30.18 ML A ooWX&KI&NdO- 88. OWEN’S EXSCTBOGALVANIC BODY »LT X A2,D bUSFENSOBY ’till All Rheumatic C«mY y* ’ytjgKwlainta, Lumbago, General N* voua Debility, Kidney Nerveisaess. Trembling, Sexual Exhauation. Waiting «< Roily, vflgfe ease* caused by Tndiacretaag !■ Youth. Are ’klK- Married or Single life. tySIiITO RKSPONBIBLB PARTIES OS BO PAYS Ttuk 3U&VS ELECTRIC INSOLES Also an Electric Truss and Belt Combined. Bend Be. poetace for rua mut'd kook, J 24 pagea. which win bo MStyoa in plain sealed envelope Meatlon thia paper. AddreeO OWEN ELECTRIC BELT * APPLIANCE C& 306 North Broadway. ST. XjOUXB, MOL <B6 Broadway. NEW YORK CITY. < < I EWIS 98LYE! I poman and pxzmixß. (PATXNTXP.) The strongest and purest Lys HA W made. Will make the BEST Perfumed Hard Soap in twenty minutes without boiling. It is the bsst for disinfecting sinks, |W elosets, drains, washing hotties, ■w barrels, paints, etc. PENNA. SALT MANUFG. CO., Gen. Agts., PhUa.. Pa. n» Oldest Medicine in tie World is fretaSß. DR. ISAAC THOMPSON'S . BCrlption, and has been in constant use for nearly a century. There are few diseases to which mankina are subject more distressing than sore eyes, aaa none, perhaps, for which more remedies have besa tried without success. For all external inilammattoa of the eyes it is an Infallible remedy. If the directions are followed it will never fail. Wepartlculariy invite the attention of physicians to its merits. FOJ sale by all druggists- JOHN L. THOMPSON, SONS k CO„ Tboy. N7Y. Established GST, ~s I EUEDV DEnonu Can have small and I / EV tn I rtnOUR pretty feet by usinga I . / simple, natural method, the discovery ot a I A noted French chiropodist A lady writes: “I I / \ have used two packages of PEDINE, and I X A the result is wonderftil. I wear a No. 2 sboa I fl/J now with esse, although heretofore requiring ItiP ■ l*rge 3. It has exceeded my most sanguine 1 |J7 expectations.- If you are interested in the I Rl' subject, send for free Illustrated pamphlet, tod PEDINE is safe, harmless, and unfailing. By mall, securely sealed, 50 cents. THE PEDINE CO.. 258 BROADWAY, NEW YORK RIIRRFRI] 11 II I] F|| Guaranteed water-tight. ■ * ’F W W ■■ 11 Write for Book Circular. Sample mailed free if you am ww ww ■■ ■n a I STATE SIZE OF ROOF. Hflfl L I 111 S* t GEO. E. GLINES, nuUHNb 42 West Broadway. N. Y. ncN QI nN Q r LRulUru EKi'ns'sas I toon. J. B. CRkJLLE * CO-Washington.D.O. tawn ■ ■ mm Habit. The only eerteiai K I I BWI and easy cure. Dr. J. L. i IVN gtenhens. Lebanon. Okie.