Decatur Daily Democrat, Volume 62, Number 51, Decatur, Adams County, 29 February 1964 — Page 8

PAGE EIGHT

Specific Hefp For Friend In Trouble

By LOUIS CASSELS United Press International •If there’s anything I can do for you, be sure to let me know.” Most of us have rattled off that sentence many times. It’s the conventional thing to say to a friend who has been bereaved, or has, a serious illness in the family, or is in some other kind of trouble. But it’s usually an empty gesture. The offer sounds agnanimous. and It can be made with relative safety because few people are likely to take you up on it. If you really want to help bear the burden of a friend in trouble, you won’t stop with a vague offer to “do anything.” You’ll actually do something. What you do is less important than the fact you perform a concrete act of kindness. This advice comes frtßn an •extraordtoarily sensitive and thoughtful article published by Presbyterian Life magazine. The article is signed by “Joan Richsuds," which is the pseudonym of a great Christian woman who has suffered much in recent months because of the protracted illness of a loved one. . From her own experiences, “Joan Richards” has distilled several very practical, very specific suggestions on how to help a friend in trouble. This is what she says: —l. “Go —to —see your friend, especially if, because of illness, he is cut off from the world. It is generally better to telephone before you go. Don’t stay long. And don’t feel that you have to take flowers, books or jellied soup to be welcome. Such offerings are very nice, provided the containers don't have to be returned. But the best offering of all is your own sweet self.” 2. While you’re there, look around and see what practical needs the family may have that you are in a position to meet. Usually “you can spot helpful things you can do — running errands, sitting with the patient, inviting the children to a meal.” If you do, “make a specific offer to do them.” Not, “send the children over for dinner some night,” but “can the children come to my house for dinner Friday at —~ —' -y —■ YOU GET THE MOST WNEMYOU CALL FOR ¥ O S T READYMIX CONCRETE 10% Discount ON ALL READYMIX CONCRETE YOST GRAVEL READYMIX INC. R. R. 1, Decatur

«?” 3. “If you can’t go to call in person, check up on your friend by phone.” And if even that is impractical for some reason, “the next best thing is a note or card.’ Send a store bought card if you must: It’s better than nothing. But “a handwritten note is much better, especially when someone has died.” 4. Don’t stop with one thoughtful act: “Do it again.” In the first few days after tragedy strikes a family, many friends and neighbors are solicitous. But as time passes, most people forget Or they figure they’ve already made a sufficient of That is when the person in trouble really needs a friend—the kind of friend who understands that a cross doesn’t grow any lighter just because it has been carried for a long time. 5. Talk to your friend about his trouble. “You may find it awkward, especially if your friend’s grief is fresh, and you can see that you are shaking up his surface calm by mentioning it But it is better for the calm to be shaken now and then. And even though your friend may not think that he wants to talk about his trouble, underneath he is aching for the chance." C. Remember your friend in your piayers every day — and let him know that you do. “We have been much sustained over the months by people who simply call to tell us that they think of us and pray for us. Perhaps the prayers of our friends are sustaining us whether we know they are praying or not: Theologians could probably elucidate this question. All - I know is that the knowledge that a friend is keeping us in his prayers is very comforting.” 7. If you find that you can’t do anything for your friend, besides pray for him, don’t fret about it. “Not everybody in the world can help everybody else. For most of us, opportunities to help far outrun our funds of energy and time. We are weighed down with a burden of things left undone. Each time we think of some friend in trouble whom we have neglected, our conscience aches.” But your guilt feelings won’t help your friend. Instead of worrying about people you can’t help, invest your limited emotional capital in doing something for the ones you can help. Just don’t try to buy an easy conscience cheaply by saying: ‘lf there’s anything I can do for you. be sure to let me know.” Prevent Stains One of the best ways to prevent codliver oil and other medicine stains on the baby’s clothes is to slip him the stuff while you’re bathing him. Then the little scamp can squirm and dodge as much as he likes, because a little codliver oil won’t hurt the bathtub any.

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th HniSfiW m* —a I s k. ' : wMLa®A''' $Jr - W • ■■.:.®» mßßhmßi 1b Xi MMtIW ' I --mi M / lOfwfW MIO x|l ' a fla W 1 ■HR ~*' aIH SWORN IN—Stan Musial, right, is congratulated by President Johnson as he takes office as special consultant for the White House Physical Fitness Program. Musial is holding a picture which he autographed for the President In center is Herbert Miller, White House staff assistant.

You, Your Child And The School

By DAVID NYDICK S UFI Education Specialist g Parents naturally become up-g set when their child starts tog complain about attendingschool. The child may fake ill-S ness or cry. He may complain - that he is afraid of the teachers or that the teacher dislikes him.. • ♦ The parent’s first reaction may be that the teacher is at fault. Before reaching such a conclusion, however, it would be a good idea to do a little investigating. Try to find the reason for the child’s feeling. He will often react this way if he is afraid of a test or if he was punished. These situations are temporary. These are the kinds of problems children must learn to accept. For some children, the fear of going to school is part of a larger emotional problem. This requires early treatment by a psychologist. This more serious problam usually invoves ho|sterical crying and fighting against going to school. In school, the child will be tense and nervous. May Need ‘Bridge" The first step is to make sure that the child attends school. He may need a “bridge” from the home to the school such as the teacher or nurse meeting him and taking him into the classroom. The problem must be worked out with the school. There is always the possibility that, the teacher is involved. She can usually correct the problem if she is aware of it. Some parents may hestitate to contact the school. This is wrong. It is important to meet with the principal, who is in the best position to determine

THE DECATUR DAILY DEMOCRAT. DECATUR. INDIANA

S the causes. g Mr. and Mrs. Sands had a g problem with Jane, their first S grade daughter. She complained S that her teacher was mean. * Jane said that she was afraid - and did not want to go to school. This feeling had continued for an extended period of time. The Sands’ decided to meet with the principal and request a change of teacher. The principal listened to the story and asked the parents to give him a week to investigate the problem. During that week he observed Jane in class, checked her records, and talked with the teacher. He then made another appointment with the parents. Some Interesting Facts His investigation indicated some interesting facts. Jane had been a nervous child .in KINDERGARTEN. She seemed to gain confidence and relax during the last half of the year. She has average ability. She was not ready to learn reading when she entered first grade. The first grade teacher did not show the warmth and gentleness which Jane needed. There appeared to be a lot of pressure in the class. The principal worked out a plan to correct the problem. It required the cooperation of the parents and the teacher. The parents would have to take a positive attitude towards the teacher. They would have to encourage the child to enjoy school and the teacher. They

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would invite the teacher for tea some day after school. This would give Jane the feeling that her parents approve of the teacher and that they are working together. The teacher would have to reduce the pressure in class. A mid-morning recess would help. A few words of encouragement and a more relaxed attitude would also help. Everyone was enthusiastic. The results of the plan showed within two days. Jane expressed her like for the teacher and school. In most cases parents and school working together can correct problems. It is important they get together as soon as a situation develops. Parents should realize that their aims are the same as the school’s and a close relationship is most valuable. o : 0 Modern Etiquette By Roberta Lee o — 0 Q. Should a businesswoman rise to greet a man who enters her° office, and she is already talking with someone else? A. This depends upon circumstances. If seated at her desk with others around her, she would be unlikely to rise, but would merely motion to an empty chair. If however, all are seated casually,she could rise, shake hands, introduce him, motion him to a chair, then reseat herself. Q. May a girl ask a service man, who is a stranger in her city and who is to visit her, to stay in her home, or should she arrange hotel accommodations for him? A. If she is living with her parents, this is proper. And. it would be inhospitable to send him to a hotel if you have a spare room available.

Pornography Is Big Business In U. S.

By HARRY FERGUSON * C? United Press International WASHINGTON (UPD—Deal-. ers in pornography do a SSOO million annual business in the United States. Their products consist of pictures, books, magazines, phonograph records and movies, and much of it is delivered to American homes and addressed to children. This is what is known as “hard core pornography”—-smut for smut’s sake — and the material makes no artistic or literary pretensions. Obscenity and hard core pornography enjoy no legal protection. In numerous decisions the U.S. Supreme Court has denied to ob- i scenity the freedoms accorded to speech and the press, Use First Class Mail Producers of pornography are difficult to apprehend because so many of them use the refuge of the first class mail to distribute their wares. The Post Office Department has no authority to open and inspect first class mail. A common device of the pornography trade is to offer a toy airplane, a baseball or a doll. The advertisement is ready by children who write asking for the turn they receive in first class mail a nude photo or two along with a sales pitch that they can buy even more daring things if they will send some money., A conservative estimate is that - the names of a million children are on the mailing list of the pornographers. The newsstands in many cities are loaded with magazines and paper back novels that make “Lady Chatterley’s Lover” read like a nursery rhyme. The U.S. Post Office is flooded With letters demanding that the traffic be halted, but the writ-

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ers misunderstand the problem. That type of pornography is not under the jurisdiction of the Post Office because it does not move through the mail. It is shipped in trucks, chiefly from New York and Los Angeles. Enforcement Impossible It is an offense to move obscenity in interstate traffic, and the Federal Bureau of Investigation has jurisdiction. But the flood of pornography has swollen to such proportions that the FBI could not stop it even if it increased its personnel tenfold. What is obscenity: It is more than publishing a photograph of a nude. Playboy Magazine pubdishes pictures df undraped girls, but it also carries articles of general interest by well known authors, and it moves through the mails without restraint In the famous Roth case in 1957—the trial of a man caught sending pornography through the mail —the U.S. Supreme Court offered this definition to help determine what was obscene: . “Whether to the average person applying contemporary community standards the dominant theme of the material taken as a whole appeals to the prurient interest.” No Longer Censor The Post Office Department has developed a new approach _in its fight against pornography by trying to remove itself from the role of censor. It took a defeat in 1959 when Postmaster General Arthur Summerfield personally ruled that “Lady Chatterlye’s Lover” was “obscene and non-mailable.” Grove Press, the publishers, took the case into federal district court in New York and Judge Frederick Van Pelt Bryan ruled that the postmaster general

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 29, 1964

“has no special competence to determine what constitutes obscenity." He also ruled that the book was not obscene. The new approach of the Post Office Department Is to permit obscenity cases to be tried on the state and community levels with the local prosecutors doing the work. The department, if convinced it has an authentic case of obscenity, will assist the local prosecutor in any way possible including the production of evidence. If you or your children receive something through the mall that you regard as obscene, the thing to do is turn it over to the local postmaster or prosecuting attorney. That will set legal machinery in motion. Take Home Something Special! CHICKEN in-the-coop A Complete Dinner Only $1.35 <♦ To Order - - Phone 3-3355 FAIRWAY RESTAURANT Highways 27, 33, 224 Any Young Chicken Would jump through a hoop Shun the Soup And give a big whoop To End up as Chicken-In-The-Coop.