Decatur Daily Democrat, Volume 24, Number 126, Decatur, Adams County, 27 May 1926 — Page 7

BpLIAM “BILL” SIMPSON GAINS FAME WITH ESSAY ON, “HER MAJESTY, THE COW” Bl l ell-Known Decatur Man Jumps Into George Ade Class With Masterpiece Published In “Dalryland"; Gives Recipe lor Gaining In Weight And Mentality.

■ william Simpson, better known in Kjis community a« "Bill", of the HolBL ( l_St. Ixmfc Sugar Company, has t.ldenly Jumped Into George Ado class K tl d is now one ot the highest salaried writers for "Dairyland,” a monthly laublieation of the Clover Leaf CreamKry. of this pity. . If Hill's latest masterpiece Is entitled, ■•Her Majesty, The Cow." The article, Kir. Simpson says, came to his mind Kmc day, recently, when he was en|oying a dinner at the Peoples Restaurant. with Raymond Harting. Mr. Simpson stated today that he did most of his writing at nights; that h. used a Corona typewriter and ate a well-known brand of breakfast food each morning, thereby gaining in weight and mentality. Mr. Simpson has granted the Daily Democrat permission to reprint his latest article, which is as follows: •The cow is a female, quadruped with an alto voice and a face in which there is no guile. She collaborates with the pump in the production of a liquid called milk which is allowed to ferment and Is then agitated until it gives up its fatty content called butter. This fatty content is utilized by the cow’s master to lubricate the interior of his various physical organs. The cow provides the filler for hash, and at last she is skinned by those she has benefited, as mortals com- ' monly are. “The young cow is called a calf, and is used in the manufacture of chicken salad and club sandwiches. “The cow has two stomachs. The one on the ground floor is used as a warehouse and has no other function. ’When this one is filled, the cow ’modestly retires to some quiet place where her ill manners will occasion no comment, and devotes to belching. The raw material is thus conveyed for the second time to the interior of her face where it is pulverized and delivered to the auxiliary stomach where it is converted into chow. "The caw lias no upper palate. All of her t?eth are parked in the lower part of her face. This arrangement i - tfqrfqgk’d "by an offieleiHy x'xiw-r| to keep her from gumming things up. As a result she bites up and gums

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down. The tall of the cow Is mounted aft and has a universal joint. It is used! to disturb marauding flies, and has a tassel on the lower end which is of' unique educational value? Personal who milk cows and come often In' contact with this tassel have vocab-' ularies of peculiar and impressive 1 force. I "The male cow is called a bull, and is lassoed along the Colorado river, fought in Spain and south of the Rio Grande, and shot by all of our public office holders. "A slice of cow is worth Sc in the cow; 14c In the hands of the packer, and $2.40 in restaurants that specialize in atmosphere.” •————_o OBITUARY William Arnold, son of Erank and Susan Harger Arnold, was born in Adams county, Indiana. December 15, 1 Hj73, and was called from this life] on the evening of May 18, 1926, at the age of 52 years. 6 months and 3 days. In 1897, he was united in marriage to Anna May Hower, who preceded him in death, on March 17. 1900. To

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• DECATUR DAILY DEMOCRAT, Thursday, May 27, |’l2i

thia union were born two children,!. Homer Arnold, of Kirklund township i and Mrs. Mary Arnold, of Docatur, i Ind. On April 13, 1901, ho was again united in marriage to Sarah Jackson and to this unton were born four children, Mrs. Elsi e Andrews, of Mon- i roeviile, Ind.; Vernon, Glennys and Kenneth, at home. In early manhood, he began to fol‘low the steps of the Nazarene, and united with the St. Paul Christian I Union church in Washington towns ‘ ship. For the past year he has been [a regular attendant and supporter of ■ the United Brethren church ot this city and his membership was to be I transferred to the same this week. His religious life gave expression i in daily deeds to and for his fellow • man, and in the services of the church and home. Not only a fam- • Uy, and a community feel keenly the , loss, but the church again bows its • head in sorrow, but prayerfully says: “God's will bo done.” He has been a life long resident of this county, residing in Kirkland township, witli the exception of nine I years in Washington township. Be i has been one of the county's most ag- . gressive and influential farmers and -j won for himself a great host of i friends. Surviving, besides the widow and' ( children, are 5 grand children, three I I bi others, Albert. Charles, and Edwin, I > of Kirkland township; a half brother.

John Barger, of Craigville; two iters, Mrs. Frank Martin, of Washington township and Mrs. Walter Milroy of Akron, Ohio. Funeral iservices were conducted) from the United Brethren church in this city Friday forenoon at 10:3d o’clock, with the Rev. Cecil R. Smith, in charge, being assisted by the Rev. A. R. Fledderjohann. Nephews lof Mr. Arnold acted as pall bearers. The floral offerings were many and gave expression of a host of friends and neighbors. The body was laid to rest In the Decatur cemetery to await the morning of the Resurrection. Those who furnished the music were tlihse from his community, with whom lie has sung many times at the conventions and funerals, and one of the choruses they sang was: We say good night here, but Good morning up there, Where Christ fs the Light, Good morning up there. Where God hits no night. o— — Sen. Watson Makes Plea For Farm Relief Today Washington, May 27. — (United Press.)—“The time is here to give relief to agriculture,” Senator James

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———— E. Watson, assistant republican floor] leader, declared in tlie senate. "Thero Is a real farm problem and It must be dealt! with if the senate In faithfully to discharge Its obligation to the people of the land." ho said. “Agriculture has been lagging behind other industriea for many years." Watson endorsed the equalisation foe one of the main principles of tho Haugen bill which was defeated last week us one of the plans for agricultural relief. He said it was economically sound. —o Find Last American Buried In Earthquake Tokyo. (United Press) —The body cf D( itald D. Herr, an American engineer of Cleveland, Ohio, has been discovered under an earth slide at Onsen Mura, near Miyanoshlta, where tlie engineer was buried the day of tho great earthquake two and one half years ago. With the finding of tile body all foreigners missing in tlie earthquake have been accounted for. Herr was on a vacation in Myanoshita when the earthquake struck Japan Sept. 1 1923. His body lias been shipped to American for burial.

■MkaiMnMMinmWMBaSMMMMamMMWMMMMaMMMMMM ( ;= j—,— [Gov. Donahey Enters Race For Re-election Columbus, 0., May 27. — (United Press t —Governor A. V. Donahey who has served two terms as chief executive of Ohio today formally announced his candidacy for renomlnation and (dection. Tlie governor Is a democrat, if he Is successful, he will ' lie the only governor In tile history of Ohio to hold the office for three ' consecutive terms. * o Mary Maxine Brown Breaks Arm In Fall ' Maiy Maxine Brown, daughter of Mr. and Mrs. W. Guy Brown suffered ' a broke n arm in a fall last night at ’ the Brown home. Mary Maxine was 1 in the basement at tlie time of the accident. She stumbled and fell. ’ alighting on her left arm. She was 1 inn t ied to a physician where the In- ' jury was dressed, and slie is reported L to be considerably better today. Mary Maxine is ten years old, and is in tlie fifth grade at the Central ’ school. i o Get the Habit—Trade At Home, It Pays

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