Crawfordsville Review, Crawfordsville, Montgomery County, 30 December 1899 — Page 4

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The Review.

PETER PORCUPINE.

SEQU1TURQUE PATREM HAUD PASSIBUS /EQUIS.

The Grandson of His Grandfather

Finds the Old Han's Pen and Polishes It Up.

N"emo mc Impune Lacessit."

t'Onte there lived a man, a satirist and in the nitural course'mof time his friends slew him and he died.

The people came and stood about his corpse. 'He treated the whole round world as his football,' they said, 'and he kicked. it."

The dead man opened his eyes. "But always toward the goal he said.—Schwartz.

AGAIN

Divine philosophy of life, and only the fool will sneer at it. The wise jtnan when he sees the triumphs of that philosophy in the armistice of Briton and Boer in and around beleaguered Kimberly, Mafeking and Ladysmith, that all might celebrate the birth of their spiritual King, cannot but desire "More of His kingdom's sure increase, -r

More of His coming, Prince of I'euce."

I

NOTICE that the Sunday Star does not like the manner in which an Indianapolis printing concern walked away from this county with the contract for the county printing under the new law which lets it to the lowest bidder. I may be mistaken—if I am I beg pardon—but was not the Star enthusiastic for the passage of that bill by the legislature? But now the only satisfaction the local publishers can get out of the affair, is to enjoy the '•cussing'' of the county officials when their pen points clog with lint and fur from the poor material furnished them, and when they are in a hurry have the page look as though a spider had crawled upon it with inky feet. The bill will be repealed without a doubt as soon as it has been experimented with awhile, and the officials have chased loose leaves from the tax duplicates and records across the corridors and dragged them from the spittoons, and large bills for rebinding have been paid a few times. It does the public good to think they are reforming things occasionally. Label a thing "reform" and it goes, but experiments in public printing have tried often and they are generally costly enough to drop.

OVERbe

have we celebrated the

birthday of the Prince of Peace. Once more have the glad bells rang out the song of the ht-rald angels among the Judean hilis: "Peace on earth good will toward men." Christmas means a great deal, evidently, to the world. Faraway,on the soil of South Africa, drenched with the blood of Briton and Boer, with hostile armies facing each other an armistice was declared that bo^h armies resting from the work of death might celebrate the birth of Him who came that winte night in the long ago to the mauger of Bethlehem, in order to teach men anew and better way of life to teach them that the sword was more useful as a ploughshare, and the spear as a pruning hook. Under the cannon whose heated lips were so lately spitting death, but which were so silent now, in the calm bright light of Christmas morning Briton and Boer hung garlands on the stacked rifles, and over the new made graves of their slaughtered comrades sang "Gloria in Excelsis Dei." Of what use is it to preach a new philosophy in the face of cue which has such a hold on the heai is of men that greed, and lust, and power, aiid glory go to the earth befort the biithday of its founder? Why talk of Zoroaster, or Buddha, or Mahomet or Confucius, or Persian Magi, or modern philosopher in the presence of a religion which holds men in a grip like this, and whose cause has been consecrated under the cold stars in midnight flight from the leagued powers of earth and hell If is a

in Ohio, Gov. Bushnell sent to the State Prison a Christmas present in the shape of a pardon to deposited in the stocking of Mrs. Mary Garrett, the notorious murderess, once sentenced to death, but later had the sentenoo commuted to life imprisonment by Gov. Forakrr. This woman was convicted of the murder of her two step-daughters. The children were idiots, and growing tired of caring for them, she locked them in a room and theu set the house on fire, cremating them. This is the creature Gov. Bushnell has set free after only a few years in prison. Still we wonder at mobs. We are bound to have them just so long as we elect such fellows as Bushnell to the position of chief executive.

THE

northwestern portion of the county desires a candidate on the Democratic ticket for Commissioner. It is but fair that they should have one who is a resident of that section. Levi Thomas was the last representative the people of that sectiou have h..d, and they are complaining lustily over the neglect of their roads and bridges. There are many Democrats in that section of the county who would make excellent material for commissioner. I understand that they will make a selection of a man and present his name to the convention. There is no rivalry for place among them, but they simply want a candidate, and everybody will vote for him.

WHAT

a commotion can sometimes be stirred up by a very little thing. A Christmas entertainment down in Shelby

county broke up in a free fight, all because some evil-minded person had placed upon the tree a negro doll for a woman in the audience. The woman stepped forward and received the reminder of our nation's greatness represented by this inanimate child of Hawaii, and taking by the heels she walked down the aisle and cracked it over the head of another woman. The other woman's husband proceeded to knock the woman of the first part down, when the husband of the woman of the first part promptly knocked out the husband of the woman of the second part, and in a few moments some forty of the relatives of the various parties were in the mix up to their eyes. When the smoke of battle cleared away the field of contest was strewn with a varied assortment of false teeth, combs, false hair, whiskers, spectacles, torn stuff. calico and stuff not calico, blood and tears, garters, and the crushed fragments of the "nigger" baby which had caused all the trouble. The preacher who had attempted to act as a peacemaker was hanging, half clothed, from a chandelier in the center of the room. This is surely a novel way they ha/e down in old Shelby of celebrating the birthday of the Prince of Peace. But then they were alv\'ays a queer set down there. If you don't believe me, why just read a copy of the Shelbyville Jeffersonian and be convinced.

nEV.CHAS. SHELDON, of Kan\J sas City, has of late been turnip ing out books, and books, and books. He seems to be quite th'i fad of the hour among the book readers. There is very little in his books. One who stops long enough to do a little occasional thinking for himself can analyze them away into thin and ambient nothingness. I happened to be at New Albany not long since and having heard a great deal of the book "In His Steps," I purchased a copy at a bookstall and at once proceeded to read it. When I had finished the reading, I turned over to the flyleaf in the back of the volume and wrote as follows: "Summary—'Therefore, all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them, for such is the law and the prophets.'— Matt vii: 12." That was all that Mr. Sheldon had said in his 300 pages of printed matter, and it was said by some one else. Yet I understand that three million copies of "In His Steps" have been sold and eagerly devoured by those who have perhaps never read the fifth, sixth and seventh chapters of the Gospel according to St. Matthew. This is a pointer for the American Bible Society. Such dearth of information on the life of Jesus is distressing. People are so hungry to know about what He did, and what He would do that they buy three million copies of a book, written by a Methodist minister, uninspired and drawing a salary, just to discover what Jesus had said in one little terse sentence. That was not all that Jesus said by any manner of means. The three chapters of Matthew's life of Christ mentioned above contain much more than that sentence of wis* dom and truth. I would recommend to those who devour the hundreds of

•-it-

pages which come from under the swiftly moving fountain pen of Mr. Sheldon that they spend some time in perusing the short chapters I have named. They will find a revelation there, iir. Sheldon tells a pretty storv, aud into it he weaves impracticib.e theories of all sorts. He endeavors to show what Christ would do auiil the environment of to-day. That is no secret. We know that He would do many things in a different way from that in which the so-called Christian world does them. We know this without reading a love story to find it out. The world has gotten so in the habit of following the advice of David Harum: "Do to the other feller as he would do to you, but do it to him fust," that it has forgotten, if it ever knew, the advice of Jesus. If but one-half of the people would act on the advice of Jesus at all times and under all circumstances, this world would become an exceedingly hot place for the other half who acted on the advice of Harum. They would be treated either as imbeciles or be in the state's prison. There is no trouble for any man to be a good citizen if his neighbor will be the same. It is time for a new John Baptist to appear. He would perhaps meet with the same fate as the first one, but his blood would purify the moral atmosphere, and his headless body would become a preacher of righteousness. Books, books, "of the making of books there is no end," and too many of certain kinds are a weariness to the flesh."

A

BILL has been introduced iu Congress providing a penalty of a $50 fiue for desecrating the

Americau flag by printing on it the picture of any candidate for office, or for using it as a trade murk, or for any advertising purpose. This is all right, but there should be an adendum to the bill providing that any congressman who votes to make that flag the symbol of criminal aggression, or protection to Mohammedan polygamy and slavery, or an emblem of imperialism, shall be considered an enemy to the spirit of our institutions, shall immediately vacate his seat in that body, and be rendered incapable of ever holding office again in the republic. Defacing the flag is a very naughty thing. To print picture of a candidate upon it is piracy on the high seas. To use it as a trademark for a brewery or "embalmed beef" is a crime which calls for sudden death. But all of them combined is not the crime that it is to cause it to wave as a protection to an Oriental slaveholder and polygamist, or to carry it at the head of an army of conquest. I admit that it is bad enough to mar the beautiful face of Old Glory with the physiognomy of a candidate, as I have seen my Republican friends do at times, in their enthusiastic love for for the "old flag." In those days I have seen some noses that I considered very unrefined tooted right into the midst of the stars and stripes, but all this is more easily forgiven than to make the old banner tell a lie to the world.

W

HILE Republicans are to be barred from the Jackson banquet, I am of the opinion that the rules should be made elastic enough to let in the editor of the Crawfordsville Journal on a free ticket. If he is not allowed inside how in the world are those "thousand Demo cratic subscribers" of the Journal, who will not all be there, perhaps, and who take their wine of joy and peace, aud hope and truth unadulterated from its columns, and sleep with a copy under their pillows to scare away the nightmare of "prosperity," going to know what happens there unless the editor sees it? It will.never do to allow him to guess at the proceedings. If he does not see it with his own eyes the facte will "be mangled worse than if they had been treated to a bombardment by the Vesuvius. I consider it is best to hedge a little on this proposition, and not allow this accomplished guesser any ^excuse to rend his beard. Bismillah!

IT

is said that "poets are born, not made." Nature seems to exhaust herself in bringing forth one of these human songsters whose notes thrill and hush the world into quiet and solemnity, or raise it to the highest pinnacle of ecstacy, and then she rests for a long period of time. Once in a century arises one of the glorious tribe of men who mount the winged steed and traverse the awful heights of Parnassus where none but the boldest spirits dare to go. Mother Nature dare attempt no more, and the thing is "all off" for another century. The last star to shoot across the sky of poesy was born in Montgomery county, of humble parentage, raised between two rows of corn, was schooled in song by the wail of the whip-

poor-will, the song of the robiu, the shriek of the cat bird, the whistle of Bob White, the twit of the cricket, the hum of the bumble bee, the fiddling of the katydid, and the chorus of the little green backed frogs which gave nightly conoerts from the ponds which lay on the borders of his father's donjon keep. A tow-headed boy he stubbed his toes on the stones in the bed of the "crick" and fought the festive yellow jacket on his own ground, and the heroic bald hornet in his own castle. He attended school at what he so classically terms "the germ and nucleus of Alamo," and wrestled there with long elm switches in the hands of a brutal teacher, whose stupidity was too dark and dense to discover the latent spark which later was to set the world on fire with surprise, and literary njen on fire with envy. There he bumped up against English grammar and rhetoric much to their disturbance and the annoyance of the teacher, who was not. as a rule, poetically or classically inclined. Here he grew to man's estate, married, taught school, farmed mid sang. Trope and metaphor flowed in golden streams from his tripping pen. The press of his native county was not slow to recognize the fact that he was a past master in the line of prosody, and iu the face of all sorts of opposition from other and meaner votaries of the Muses it pushed him to the front aud over many obstructions, until the publication of his masterpiece, the immortal "ilonon Wreck" landed him high aud dry on the£Mount of Parnassus where he stands the peer of Tennyson, Swinburne, et al. He has lately published a volume of his poems supplemented by a sweet love story which remiuds one of the famous tale of Paul and Virginia, less the tragedy of Abelard and Heloise. He suddenly awoke to find himself famous from ocean to ocean and lake to gulf, while his portrait has appeared"! more papers and in a greater variety of attitudes perhaps than any other living poet save perhaps

The Sweet Singer of Michigan. This man is James B. E more, of Alamo. Rough hewn he may be. The ax marks may show all over him, but he has lain too close to nature's great heart for any scalawag critic to ever jerk the laurel wreath from his brow, no matter how he may ache to do so. It is understood that genius is peculiar and liable to do foolish things, but the only sign of mental abberation so far noticed in Mr. Elmore is his announced intention of abandoning the Democratic ship for a passage iu the leaky old Republican craft. But this may be taken as one of the idiosyneracies of genius.

EVERYman"

once in a while the ''meanest turns up somewhere. This time he has been found at Somerville, Mass. He borrowed a hen of a widow, pretending that he wanted her to set. Instead of that he broke her of setting and got her to laying eggs. She laid two dozen eggs which he sold for 80 cents and bought himself tw hens, returning the original one to the owner without so much as saying "thank you,"

A

ST. LOUIS man has applied to the courts for an injunction preventing a woman from making love to him. He has also applied to the Recorder not to issue him a marriage license, should he apply for one. He feels that he is being persecuted by the attentions of the lady, and that she has hypnotized him. If this is the power of the new art, no man is safe from the female hypnotist. The]frigid, woman-hating old bachelor may become a Benedick before he knows it, and spend the years in sorrow which he had contemplated with joy. What a boon of comfort the art will be to the numerous maidens who for years have exerted themselves to charm the skittish male acquaintance to the proposing point, and failed. Many are the possibilities, and when once they become known the correspondence school of hypnotism will do a land office business and the lazy "Professors" of the diabolical art will grow fat.

ordinary care on the part of the farmers the quail may be preserved by wanton destruction by sportsmen. The farmer who allows the quails on his farm to be destroyed is standing in his own light. These little birds are great destroyers of worms and bugs which prey on the growing crops. To be sure they pull up a little corn, but by their destruction of bugs and worms they make corn for the farmer. In|many sections of the State the farmers are uniting to protect the birds, and more especially quail, from destruction. Resolutions are passed in mass meetings and farmer's Institutes, and copies printed on muslin furuished every

111

JOHNSONBrigham

OUR

The people of Crawfordsville, Montgomery County and* surrounding counties will be interested in learning that Mr. Edward Warner has decided to go out of the Cloihing business. They will be vitally interested because it will effect their pocketbooks—because, before retiring, Mr. Warner intends to conduct the

Overcoats.

Vermont Frieze, worth 85 00 for I Black and blue beavers well worth $6 00 for Heavy Chinchillas, in blue worth $6 00 for Extra heavy beaver, in blue and black, worth §7 00 for.. Fine Covert cloth, made up in extra wide facing,satin bound fancy check black, sells every whece for §S 00 for Kersey beaxer in blucU, blue, and brown, satin bound,good value at $10 00 for Haw edged English Kersey, worth $12 00 for Extra fine English Korsey, elegantly tailored, worth 814 00 for Fine Kersey Beaver in blue and black, wide facing, satin yoke and eleevee, worth Slo 00 for Extra fine quality Krsey Heaver, equal to tinest merchant tailored garment, worth $20 for

1

Ever known in the history of Crawfordsville. A $35,000 stock of the finest

Clothing, Hats, Caps, Gents' Furnishings, Etc.,

Will positively be placed on the altar of low prices and sacrificed at absolute cost. Everything goes—counters, fixtures, etc.

HEBE AREA FEW OF THE PRICES:

2 2.-,

3.50

4.00

5.00

5.00

7 00

10 00

15.00

Underwear..

A large lot of odds and ends wall worth 50c at ,4' .25 Regular 50c Camel's Hair at .25 Best fleced lined 16-1 goods in blue and natural at .40 Balbriggai.s in blue and brown, worth 75c, ut 45 Sheard' all wool health un-t derweur, SI 25, at .80 very beet Australian wool in blue, tan and natural,

SI 50 goods, at 1.00

Men's Suits.

Men's Union, 60 per cent, wool suits, cheap at $5, go at Men's blue and black cheviots and clay worsted patterns, well worth $6, at.. Regular all wool caseimeres

8.00

We Want Your Trade.

One Price Clothier and Hatter.

farmer to post on his lands. The following neat reminder to hunters, and signed by some thirty of the largest farmers of Daviess county, has been posted in one township, according to the Washington Democrat: "We, the undersigned citizens of Maple Valley, Maysville and vicinity hereby notify all sportsmen and would-be hunters, that, while we are ever glad to meet you in a social capacity and should you visit us you will always find our latch-strings on the outside, our fire-sides inviting, our sociability unrestrained and our hospitality unstinted, we ask you to leave gun aud dog at home.

We regard the quail, especially, as our friend and guard him with jealous care. Robert White must not be killed if we can protect him. So with malice toward none, but a timely warning to all, we tender you this friendly notice —"No Hunting Allowed. This strikes me as about the proper thing, and I hope to see something of the same sort adopted by the farmers of this county, and notice served

Oil

the fellow with the shot gun and setter dog that the song and game birds of the county must be protected. Not that the hunter is loved less, but the birds more.

COUNTY lays claim to

being the birthplace of the first wife of H. Roberts. I have been waiting to see some enterprising Crawfordsville paper make the discovery that some of the Roberts push was born here, but our sensation monger has not looked well to his job, hence Johnson county has gotten in ahead of him. Thank goodness Elmore is ours, and he is the reigning sensation now, outside of Roberts and his harem.

President is preparing to take a 10,000 mile vote hunting excursion which will outdo the most elaborate thing of the sort ever before attempted. Inthisgigantic aggregation of railroad shows may be seen all the High Priests, Levites, Pharises, Sadduces, Samaritans, Moabites, Kenites, Gadites, prophets and apostles of the new dispensation of Imperialism. The main "squeeze" of this colossal affair tented in gorgeous

S 2.50

3.00

Durville and South Beud woolen mill goods, worth $3 to S10, at Weudel's celebrateu caBaiuieres, all wool, elegnntly made and trimmed, worth $0,812 and $14. at

12.0°

5.00

7.00 I

Pullman parlor cars, will of course be William McKinley, President of the United States, Emperor of the Philippines, Khedive of Guam, Chief Keeper of the Harem to His Majesty the Sultan of Sulu, Advance Agent of Prosperity, Caliph of Porto Rico, Avenger of_Cuba, Queen of Hawaii and King of Canton, Ohio. He will pass through Crawfordsville sometime in October, 1900. See advance courier, the Crawfordsville Journal, and small bills for particulars. He will make 73 speeches each day for six weeks. When his lungs fail he has a phonograph into which Chauncey Depew and Senator Beveridge have flung a few choice thoughts which will stir the hearts of the faithful and bind them to him with "hoops of steel." The machine will be turned at each stop by the Republican editor, who tells the truth in that town. Oh, it will be a show to make your hair curl.

Yours Observantly, PETER PORCUPINE, Jr.

Griffith's School for Dancing. No. 117J north Washington street, 'phone 532.

Adult beginners' class, for ladies and gentlemen, commences Monday evening, Sanuary 1st, at 8 o'clock p. m.

Juvenile beginners' class commences Saturday morning, January 6th, at 10 a. m. 2t

Shake Into Your Sboea

Al. 3

Foot-Case, a powder

f33t. It cures painful, swollen,s irtmg. vous feet, and instantly takes th3 sting out of corns and bunions. It's the greatest comfort discovery of the age.

Allen's Foot-Ease makes tight or new shoes feelj easy. It is"a certain cure for sweating, callous and hot, tired aching feet. Try it to-day. Sold by all druggists and shoe stores. By mail for 25c in stamps. Trial package FREE. Address ~Allen 8. Olmsted, LeRoy, N. tf

Beuath* Signitor*

To Oar* Constipation Forever. Tklte Cucarets Candy Cathartic. lOo orOO. C. C. C. fell to oure, druggists refund money: