Crawfordsville Review, Crawfordsville, Montgomery County, 9 December 1899 — Page 4

The Review. 1'ETER POKCUFINE!

S QUITURQUE PATREM HALD

PA SSI BUS /EQL'IS.

The Clrandsor of His Grandfather Finds the Old flan's Pen and

Polishes it Up.

-Ytw# mc Impune Lactssit "'hu.-e there Hoed a man, a satirist eixl in the natural •i-ourst'of time his fri*wis him and he died.

Thep&j&te came and stood about his corpse. ~He treat&l the whole round tnorld a. hi* football,' they said, 'and'Jte kicked it."

The dead man opened his ?y*. "But always toward the gixiF he sai'l.—S'.h jxi rt:.

THE

shipping of large quantities of champagne and unlimited quantities of plum pudding to the soldiers of Her Majesty in South Africa, while Oom Paul reads his bible so asiduously, recalls the condition of affairs just preceding the battle of Hastings. There the Sason feasted and caroused, and the Xorman fasted and prayed, and when the battle was over the history of the Saxon race was changed.

IT

is reported that Queene Vic is intending to send a box of chocolate to each man in the field as a Christmas present. Perhaps a can of unspoiled beef would be nearer the thing. It really seems that it is time for the dear old lady to abdicate and spend her valuable time in filling the Christmas stockings of the poor.

THE

Germans are planning to extend the Anatolian railway to Bagdad, on the Euphrates. It will cost SI00,000,000. Shades of Narum A1 Raschid! What pleasure 'can be found in the Arabian Nights if such a thing is done. When the iron horse drives out the patient donkey of tradition, romance too will have flown.

rf EN'ATOR DEPEW La- leased a mansion in Washington for his t) term of six years at a rental of ?o0,Q00. His aggregate salary will not nearly reach tnat figure. For his living and all the splendor pertaining to Senatorial dignity, the Senator must pay out of his private fortune When all this pomp and circumstance is become a necessary accomplishment of political life in this country, what "poor but honest" man has business in politics? We are long past the days of "Jeffersonian simplicity," which we like to boast of as one of the alluring prospects in this republic. It is not impertinent to ask ourselves, "are we growing old and rich and corrupt, as other nations have done, and in our prosperity more surely undermining the republic?" It is time to hark back to the simplicity. and sturdy honesty of the fathers, if' we would build as wisely for the future as did they. It is not well with a state when her public men are driven to outside means in making a display in office.

AT

last the fanner drops into line and organizes a trade's union. When the things get thoroughly spread over the land, our vegetables. milk, eggs and butter will all bear the union label, decorated with a plow and the letters "I. F. U." which represent the International Farmers' Union. The union started in Broome county, New York, and it is intended to hurry its organization all over the country.

S

|e

KANSAS soldier had expressed in a letter written from the Philippines an ardent desire for apple pie, such as his mother used to make. His fellow townsmen determined to honor him on hi* return. Other heroes had been given swords, but this man who said he would give four years of his life for an apple pie, should have pie he must have pie. So a pie was made for him five feet by two, and containing two and one-half bushels of •apples, and other ingredients in pro­

portion, and even the hero was satisfied—satisfied as was the King of nursery fame with the pie of four and twenty blackbirds, acd for ouce the apparently inappeaseable American appetite for pie wa£ satisfied, and even quenched as it wer.?. He did not eat the pie all at once, and be who had never quailed l« fore th»* fierce Filipino, fell back before tlr.it prodigious pie. declaring thnt he would sooner tackle Aguiualdo's army single handed hau to make an assault on that unparalleled piece of pastry. He has no more appetite for pie, and his dreams are haunted with visions of monster pies—pies that walk and fly. and creep and ru.i, with legs and wings, with whiskers and with eyes that wink and blink and grin in gouhlish glee, and out of which proceed all manner of abominable things of witches, imps, dragons of fiery breath and forked tongue, and imps of goblius damned. The returned warrior now realizes as never before the unmitigated evil of hasty and inconsiderate speech, and he will probably never again offer to barter away any portion of his existence for apple pie.

[NOTICEof

that my friend Enoch G.

Hogate, Danville, is receiving much notice as a Republican candidate for Governor. The Republican party could go a great deal farther and fare much worse than to nominate Mr. Hogate. He is man fully qualified for the position, is clean, and would add dignity to the office. He is a strong man in more ways than one, and would be much harder material for the Democrats to defeat than any the other aspirants for the nomination. If we are to have a republican Governor, Hogate is the man I would chose from those now in the ring. It is to be hoped, however, that such a calamity wil! be averted iu 1900.

WAV back yonder in the history of the human race it was said to uian:

ilBy

the sweat of thy face

shalt thou eat bread." Yet in some localities this edict of the Almighty is set aside by the trades unions and all Svork stops, just because some poor devil who does' not happen to carry a card tries to earn an honest penny. It appears now" that all work has come to a standstill on the new million dollar building of Marshall Field at Chicago, all because of 2u inch of granite which nobody is allowed to cut off. There is no granite cutters' union in Chicago, so the agent of the Vermont Granite Co., who carries a card for convenience. proposed to take off the offending inch from the blocks. No sooner had he commenced than the soft stone cutters' union raised a terrific howl, and sent the walking delegate out to learn particulars. When he got his ear full of information he declared that if the man did not stop work he would call every union man off the job. The contractors were thus brought into the muddle, and they informed the delegate that if he had any men who could do the work to send tiiem on. and he sent two men. Then the Vermont granite cutters union informed the contractors that if the Chicago soft stone cutters were allowed to continue their work, they would strike at the granite quarries and no more stone would be furnished. So this foolish, absurd, childish quarrel over a few days' work has stopped proceedings, and several hundred men are idle on account of it. I have no quarrel to make with labor unions. I lelieve in them, but I also belietfe in the exercise of a little ordinary horse sense at times in connection with them. There is only one animal on earth which will refuse to allow another of the same kind to pick up a living wherever it can. Says Will Scott: "No hog was ever hog enough, through Held and forest looting,

To try to stop another hog from ravenously rooting. And if some haughty hog would say, 'These premises are mine

Unless you want to root fo. me, don't trespass here ye swine.' And if some pig should disobey and ply his greedy snout.

Then would the other pigs turn in, and help to drive him out? Or Is there but one vertmbrute, from mastodon to bat.

That God has mad^so stupid that he's capable of «hat?"

But one has been discovered so far. Hogs of different breeds eat acorns from under the same tree, cattle of a dozen breeds crop the grass in the same pasture, Fishes of an hundred sorts swim in the same waters, dogs of a dozen varieties occupy the same kennels, but r»«en all made in the image of God cannot work on the same building together because they do not belong to the same union. They would rather be idle than to lose caste. This is the acme of foolishness, and is the great reason why labor unions hare not done as much for labor as they

might da Such business is too narrow to succeed. Narrowness will spoil anything, no matter how good it may 'be. Narrowness in politics has overthrown parties, and good parties too .Narrowness in the church has shorn it of i\s power to a certain extent. {Narrowness will kill anything. If trade* unions desire to become a pow-|grubbed er tLey must broaden out and put jiswny childish things. Their theory is ail right, but in practice the grove is too narrow often for benefit.

CCASIONALLY I hear a fellow roasting the churches, denying the existence of God, cursing the preachers and church members, and in many other ways showing their lack of common decency, and brains. I have but little patience with the fellow who is eternally crying "hypocrite'' at somebody who is stumbling as best he can through this vail of tears, living up to, perhaps' the very best light he has. It may be a dim oue, but it is all he has, and these fellows would snatch the candle from his hand, leaving him in total darkness. What if a man does fall, once in a while, far below our ideal. Consider the man, his capabilities and his environment, what his opportunities were, would you have been better had you been placed in his position and endowed by nature or cheated by it, as he has been? You must always place yourself in the position occupied by the other fellow, before you are a competent judge of what you would do. The man who quarrels with the church on account of its falibility is certainly a short sighted individual. These men they criticise, no matter how bad they may be, are better than their critics. They are at least making an effort, no matter how far they are falling below the ideal, while the critic is not. I have always noticed another thing, peculiar about this class of fellows, that is: when they come to die, they 999 times out of a thousand want some one to offer up a prayer for them to the God they had flouted and sneered at, and desire to be buried with the sanctions and ceremonies of religion. They are cowards at the last. Over all such there is no better funeral oration to deliver than that of Parson Bullin over the dead body of Sut Lovingood: "BRETHREN—We have m-t to bury this ornery cuss. He had bosses and he run 'em. He had chickens and he fit 'em. Let us remember his vartues, if he had any, and forgit his vices, if we can. for such is the kingdom of heaven."

0'

It is not a wise man who talks as some men do. They may not belong to the church, but that is no reason they should crown themselves with asses ears, in making attacks upon that which has survived the wreck of empires, and has builded strong and deep and wide the foundations of State and home. It is disgusting, such talk as this.

IT

is rather amusing to see a newspaper clamojing for harmony in the party in one breath and then reading men who belonged to the party before the editor was born, out of it in the next. I say this would be amusing if it were not pitiful. But then there are misfits to be found everywhere, but it does seem ihat one of them is out of place, attempting to operate" the only 12 page, patent inwards, kidney pill, bulletin of enlightenment which causes the Democratic party to contemplate suicide, when its blunders react. Harmony, indeed! when you go out with a bludgeon and knock democrats out of the ranks, not for anything they have done of a public character, but because they had more respect for the community than to make a school trustee out of certain parties who were as competent to fill the position as the Atlantic ocean would be for a cow pasture. We cannot spare any Democrats just a present. It is only disturbing elements in the party whose heads may be slipped under the guilotine.

THE

time of year has" come again when the improvident man hies himself to the office of the Township trustee and makes his talk for a stake. I do not refer to the unfortunate class, those whom accident or sickness has put upon the bounties of the public—and God knows there are plenty of such that need and deserve our charity—but to those fellows who would not work when work was plenty, because they "couldn't stand it," or because the wages were too little. I know big, stout men who passed by work on the Crawford hotel all summer hunting work, who never see the work going on on the new sewer, but are industriously hunting for work all the time. They are looking for snaps, not work, and now winter has caught them. They have not denied themselves a pleasure if they had to spend their last dollar to procure it.

They took the family to the circus and treated their friends to "cnickerjack" and red lemonade at the street fair, visited the "Jying woman," saw the trained animals, poked their noses into the art studio, and witnessed Esau devour snakes. They paid the 1 tax on a measley looking dog. have meals among their friends during the summer, visited among their "people" and had a nice time while the taxpayer was at work early and late to make the poor fund ready for their onslaught on it when December's snows fall.

PROPOS to the ending of the McCain-Cox slander suit and verdict rendered Miss Cox for §275 damages, one of our IrishAmerican citizens handed me the following. remarking that it would be iu order:

Tim Dolan and his wife wan night. Were drin'cin' of too eraytbur, Whin something started up a fight. An they.wint at It tight and right

According to th«ir nature.

O oraay nr.J mesilf stood near. Expecting bloody murther, Says be to me: "Le:s interfere,r But oi. tending not to heat, .VoTeloC a liltle further.

••l^ave you bru:e." 3ays he to Tim •'No mm would rtiirike a lady,-' But both the Dolaiis turned on him And in a whist (he two of thim

Were wollipin' O'Grady.

That night, whin Oi was home in bed, Kaymemberin' this tofcen, Oi took the notion In my head That the wisest wurred oi ever salu

Wa the that wasn't spoken.

WHENwancannotcomessome

the day that DrHurty find new scheme of sanitation or prevention or innoculatiou, that

day will noted as the coldest fon record. We have no doubt that Dr. Hurty is a competent man for the place. His great trouble is that he thinks the people of Indiana are made of money, that it grows on the hazel bushes, and is found by the pot full in pawpaw thickets. It is all right to use care and judgment and enforce the law, but don't crowd the mourners. It won't do these days of "McKinley prosperity," for suicide on account of starvation is as bad as anything the microbes can scare up. In fact most persons wouW rather face the consequences from microbes built like dragons and twenty feet long, than the contingencies arising from an empty stomach. Dr. Hurty's latest scheme to drive the tax payer insane, is a proposition that the state establish a "sanitorium for indigent consumptives'' and a labratory of hygiene at a cost of $10,000, and in connection he files his report with the Governor showing the deaths during the year from communicable diseases which as follows: Typhoid, 667: tuberculosis, 2.279 small pox, 1 cerebro spinal meningitis, 382: scarlet fever, IDS diphtheria, 423 diarrhoea! diseases, 37. This is a bad showing surely, and it looks as if something should be done, but will a state "sanitorium for indigent consumptives" meet the demand? All authorities agree that consumption is inherited, entire families being afflicted with it. One way around the difficulty which stares Dr. Hurty in the face, would be a staute absolutely prohibiting mar riage in cases of consumptives, or those affected in any way with scrofulous or syphilitic blood. Sentiment of course steps in to put up its pathetic plea, but it al^o' plays its part when an infected person is taken from a comfortable home to a pest house to die, by the law. I recommend to Dr. Hurty that he study this phase of the question more and give the"microbes a rest.

IITOW it is Peter Sells, the millionIll aire circus proprietor, who is 111 dead set on having a divorce from his wife, and has succeeded iu getting both his picture and hers iu the sensational newspapers, daubing the family name all over with slime, and kicking up a terrible dust. No one can tell just yet whether Peter is in earnest, or just advertising his '•irons.

rfo they put the harpoou into Mr. Roberts, of Utah, just as deep as the strength of Mr. Taylor, of Ohio, could thrust it, considering the foundation he 3tood on. The case seems to be an elephant. MrRoberts was duly elected by a big majority of Utahites. They evidently wanted him, and there is no question as to his legal election. I may be chronic in some things, but I never could bear to hear the kettle call the pot black. All the world is just as wel I satisfied that some of these Con* gressmen who are shying rocks at Roberts, have their catapults trained from glass domiciles. Many of them secured their seats by corrupting the voters. There may be a difference between "boodling" and polygamy, but there's very little distinction. I am not in favor of allowing polygamy any rope whatever, I believe in killing

it, but when a God and morality administration appoints some of these same polygamists to federal office, and enters into a compact with a fat Sultan with more wives thau Roberts ever thought of marrying, and taxes the people to support this South Sea harem and its keepers, it does not sound well for that party's representatives to howl so loud about Roberts. I am in favor of not only bouncing Roberts from Congress but of putting him in the Utah States Prison for his crime, and would vote to do it, but at the same time I would be ashamed to do so were I a Republican Congressman when I knew that my administration was paying out thousands of dollars yearly to support a Mahornedan harem in the Sulu Islands. They can burn all the Greek fire they please, but consistency is a jewel of the first water, just the same.

&

C(T. JACKSON'S day will be cele brated by the Montgomery county Democrats, with the regulation "dollar dinner" on January 8. If this scheme is carried out there should be perfect harmony. It should be attended to at once by those having the affair in charge, thgt.

--w

The people of Crawfordsville, Montgomery County and* surrounding counties will be interested in learning that Mr. Edward Warner has decided to go out of the Cloihing business. They will be vitally interested because it will effect their pocketbooks—because, before retiring, Mr. Warner intends to conduct the

Ever known in the history of Crawfordsville. A $3 5,000 stock of the finest

Clothing, Hats, Caps, Gents' Furnishings, Etc.,

.Will positively be placed on the altar of low prices and sacrificed at absolute cost. Everything goes—counters, fixtures, etc.

HEBE AREA FEW OF THE PRICES:

Overcoats.

Vermont Frieze, worth $5 00 for $ 2.2-j Black and blue beavers well worth $6 00 for 3o0 Heavy Chinchillas, in blue worth $6 00 for I.UO Extra heavy beaver, in blue and black, worth $7 00 for.. 5.00 Fine Covert cloth, made up in extra widefaeing,satin bound fancy check black, sells every whece for S8 00 for..... 5.00 Kersey beaxer in black, blue, and browD, eatin bound,good value at $10 00 for 7 00 Raw edged English Kersey, worth $12 00 for ... 8.00 Extra tine English Kersey, ele,3gantly tailored, worth $14 00 for lO 00 Fine Kersey Beaver in blue and black, wide facing,satin yoke and sleeves, worth #15 00 for 12.0® Extra fine quality K-rsey Heaver, equal to finest merchant tailored garment, worth 820 for 15.00

Underwear.

A large lot of odds and end9 wall worth 50c at .25 Regular 50c Camel's Hair at .2" Best fleced lined lG-lb goods in blue and natural at .40 Halbriggace in blue and brown, worth 75c, ut 4."i Sheard' all wool health underwear,.SI 25, at .80 very best Australian wool in blue, tan and natural,

SI. 50 goods, at 1.00

Men's Suits.

Men's Union, GO per cent. wool suits, cheapat $5,go at 8 2.50 Men's blue and black cheviots and clay worsted patterns, well worth gC, at 3.00 Regular all wool cassimeres

Darville and South Bend woolen mill goods, worth $S to 810. at 5,00 Mendel's cclebr«ieu cassimeres. hll wool, elegantlyV: niHfie anri triiumed. worth $", $12 ami $14. at 7.00

We "Want Your Trade.

One Price Clothier and Hatter.

4|We Are Exclusive Agents§

For Studebaker's Buggies, Surreys and Phaetons.

A. S. MILLER.

i'\Y v8

the only 12-page Kidney Pill Bulletin and Cuticura Resolvent Pronunciamento read back into the party the Democrats it has been so vigorously reading out of late. They should see that the lion and the lambs occupy comfortably the some nest, and that there is no danger. Harmony must prevail on Jackson's day. I rather like the idea of the Democracy getting together on a level, and talking about the glories of the party and resolving to put forward a united front, and thus meet a common'enamy. To resolve to bury all local tomahawks and work solely for the good of the party. To allow all selfish ends and petty personal quarrels to be buried in oblivion. I do not know whose idea this was, no one has spoken to me on the question at all. But then I am glad they are going to do it, and I'll help 'em all I can.

Yours Observantly, PETER PORCUPINE, Jr.

To Cure LaGrippe In Two Days

Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. All druggists refund the money if it fails to cure. E. W. Grove's signature on every box. 26c.