Crawfordsville Review, Crawfordsville, Montgomery County, 25 November 1899 — Page 4

The Review.

ETER PORCUPINE.

SEQUITURQUE PATREM HALD

PASSiBUS /EQUIS

The Grandson of His Grandfather

Finds the Old Han's Pen and

Polishes it Up.

Al'iiio me Intpune Lnrss/f."

"Once thre Ho a mnn. a satirist and, in the n-'itural course'of time 7iis frif.tuls dew him ami he died.

The people came and stood about his corpse. 'He treated the whole round world as hi.s football,' then said.'aiidjie kicked itr

The dead man opened his eyes.-, ''But always toward the yoal" he sa id.—Sch wart z.

If WORD of warning to tin- women II who chew gum, I would speak: tH Don't do it save in the most se1 eluded place. Don't go to church and make your jaws crack like a flax hackle. Don't chewj on the trains. Don't chew on the streets. In fact don't chew [anywhere. If you want to be a man and think chewing is one step, tackle a plug of "Jackson's Best." Besides it is dangerous. Miss Littie Stutzman. of Goshen, has had her month drawn up under her left ear by paralysis on account of continued mastication of gum. Some female clerks over at Indianapolis can't find time to talk to customers on account of the wag of the jaws on a hunk of gum. They have 'chewed until there are knots on their jaws as large as hickory nuts, and they resemble those of the man who lifts barrels full of water by his teeth.3?If there be any good in these observations think of them.

I

MET my friend and co laborer in the cause of mankind, Rev. Z. T. Sweeney, on a Panhandle train, the other day, and had a talk with him on various subjects. I tackled him for a pair of Chinese pheasants. He said he had bought every pair in sight and the dealers would not-sell him any more uutil next year. They had gone up and were now worth five dollars per pair. He only got fifty pairs of the birds, but had his order in for enough to stock the State fairly well, and he would send me a pair. He is very enthusiastic on the question. He tells me that they raise two broods per year and as many at a brood as a quail. They do not hunt in coveys but in pairs, and are as fine a game bird as the native phesant, though not nearly so wild.

WHEN

Congress meets there is going to be several train loads of red fire touched off, and our friend Landis has been pre­

paring a choice lot of oratorical pyrotechnics to burst in the skies above the national capital, all 011 account of Roberts of Utah, the Congressmen with three wives. I do not approve of Mr. Roberts having three wives. It would be far better and more according to the eternal fitness of things if he had but one. I would not hold up nor defend polygamy for an instant. I despise it. But that, is not the question. Was Mr. Roberts legally elected? Did he gain his seat by honorable means? Is he debareu from that seat by the Constitution of the United States? If all men who had fractured the moral law of the land ^vere turned out of Congress would that body be so large as it is? When we go into the business of unseating men in. the national Congress because they have disobeyed the moral code, written or unwritten, many seats in that body would be vacant. Many perhaps would better be. Congressman Roberts has three wives he does not deny it. Congressman Breckinridge did not have any wife, but he stands before the world as the self-confessed seducer of Madeline Pollard. Yet with a huge whitewash brush the Presbyterian church turned him out again from the confessional a whiled sepulcher, and he polled thousands of votes as a candidate for Congress again. How

many public men can we find who are notorious fortheir amours? These facts are known and patent to every one, yet they receive the support of the very men who howl so dismally over the fact that Roberts has three wives. He has three women and ho calls them "wives." How mauy nvu who howl like timber wolves sifc him, have only one wife, but whose disloyalty to her, is notorious and who are charged by common consent with the destruction of the seventh commandment of the valogue? Passing this: Is a corruptionist like Mark Hanua any better specimen to hold down a seat in the Senate than Polygamic Roberts in t'u House? If we place this thing on high moral grounds and demand a halo of sainthood to decorate the heads of our representatives, let us go down the line and carefully inspect the whole of them. Howling will do no good. A stream never violates the laws of nature by rising higher than its source. We cannot expect the Congress of the United Slates to be bet ter than the people which elected it. If they elect a profane swearer, a drunken sot, a libertine, a boodler, or a polyganiist, they elect him for the reason that he suits their tastes better than a decent man would do, and every congressional district in the laud reflects in its representative iu Congress the moral tastes, the honor, or dishonor of the majority which sent him there. I cannot but believe that all this hullabaloo about Roberts is to make cheap political capital for somebody. If Roberts was a Repub lican and they needed him in their business,' Mr. Landis would be so quiet on the wife subject that a pin falling 011 the floor at Delphi could be heard at Noblesville. If Mr. Roberts has three wives, he is committing a crime against the laws of the land, and can be put in the penitentiary. I would like to see him there. Once in the Utah state prison he would not trouble these agitators any further. But that is not what they want. It affords an excellent chance for a certain set of fellows to do some effective posing, it allows them to mount pedestals and act the part of Galatea erf she stepped from marble purity to be loved and lost. How manv fellows who are signing these anti-Roberts petitions are doing it knowing at the same time that they are disloyal to their own marriage vows, and have not even the semblance of ceremony to biud it, but deal on a strictly cash basis? W7hat the country needs is not so much to get rid of Roberts, the man with three wives, as to cleanse the Augean stables from cellar to garret, and the place to commence the cleansing is right among the people.

The Mormon feels no doubt that he is being outraged, when he sees over one million demi moude in the large cities of this nation, whose nefarious trade is supported by the Gentile public, the hands of which are raised against him and the women he calls "wives." Is it not better (if such thing must be done) to call them •'wives'' and support them as such, than to make of them "the eternal priestesses of society, blasted for the sins of humanity?"' Polygamy is a damnable crime against the laws of God and man, and Roberts should feel the bolt of outraged law deep in his soul but that does not lessen the obligation of those who condemn him, of cleansing society of a crime which outrages home, religion, government and the race just as badly as the other, aud which sunk into ruins every empire of the past, and which will at last sink our own. The annihilation of Roberts may be a sort of panacea for the corrupted public conscience, but it cannot bring to it the euthenasia it desires. There are other things needful. May we have the courage to "lay the ax at the root of the tree" which is poisoning our body politic and corrupting our whole people, after we have finished Mr. Roberts.

1

HAVE received a letter from Waynetown enclosing a clipping from my remarks in reference to the destruction of the "bloody shirt" and the consequent closer understanding between the different sections of our country. I have not been able to read all of this letter even experts have failed. But I got enough of it to discover that the writer who signs his name "John Quinn" has a very ill-defined idea of what patriotism is. By some peculiar argument he has reached the conclusion that there is no repentance for the man who has once drawn the sword against his country. According to his theology he would have had R. E. Lee, Jackson, Gordon and others die in chains in a Federal prison, and would have their remains buried under a pile of rocks, and a

curse pronounced over them by the whole people. I would like to have the writer, whoever he may be, to call and translate bis letter, I would like to talk to him and enlighten his seemingly darkened mind 011 the question* ul liberty, Christianity and pihotism.

AVERY

OVER

little thing sometimes

causes disaster. A little leak finally broke the dyke and drowned Holland away back yonder in her history. Now the great Admiral Dewey is about to go the way of all popular heroes. His cranky admirers aud a lot of peanut politicians, with chain letters, begging letters. florid appeals to patriotism, sickly sentiment, and general all around totnfoolism, raked the country as »vith a fine tooth comb for nickels with which to buy a home for Dewey. The "dear people" responded: they followed somebody's lead like a flock of sheep follows a bell wether, and they bought the home. It was the "gift of the nation" they said. It spraug from the grateful hearts of a great people to the great admiral who had sunk a fleet of Spanish tubs in the bay of Manila. Greater man than Nelson at Trafalgar! Greater than Perry on Lake Erie! Greater than Faragut at Mobile Bay or at Vicksburg! Greater thau Schley at Santiago! There was 110 naval commander living or dead comparable to Dewey. He was the "whole works." He got the home. He got him a wife, and the contributors to the "Dewey Home Fund" were happy iu watching the sportive old salt enjoy his honeymoon. But now the shock has come. The hero has fallen from the pedestal with a resounding crash, and a Washington audience has hissed when his name was mentioned. All because he has transferred his home to the wife of his bosom, aud she iu turn has transferred it to Dewey's son. It is even darkly hinted that all this was done to keep it in the family in case a certain Mrs. Kemp should file a breach of promise suit against the hero of Manila. Mrs. K. it seems was an ancient flame of the Admiral when he was a common Commodore, and she has threatened him with a dose o' the cold law. So the people who went against the nickel-iu-the-slot home buying scheme are kicking themselves, and take their revenge by hissing like geese at the gay old bridegroom. I have nothing invested and hence have 110 kick coming, but it is curious to watch the performance of the vox populi, aud with sadness study the lack of common sense with which a large portion of mankind is afflicted.

at the couuty seat of Hendricks they are kept busy remonstrating against saloons. There is a sort of unwritten law over there which forbids a saloon occupying hallowed ground. All the towns in the county are putting up the same sort of fight, and, incidentally, the question of drug store sales of whisky is beiug agitated. The agitation has become brisk, indeed, and the North Salem Herald, awakened by the mur der caused by too much drug store whisky in that town, is moved to leap upon the body of the prosecutor. The Herald thinks he's "only fooliu" when he makes threats of what he will do with these illegal joints, and says the people will be compelled to use different instruments than those they have been using if they get rid of these places. They have been using the law, but it has always been a failure and this "lip" of the Herald looks like mobocracy. It even goes so far as to say "you cannot bank on the officials doing anything definite in the way of enforcing the law—no, not so long as 'hush' money will work wonders." Verily Hendricks county has fallen into a sad plight if this be true. N. B. The county is reliably temper" ance for it hits -100 republican majority.

THE

New York Tribune the other day contained a cartoon which told a different tale from that it was intended to tell. It was a large iron safe upon which was emblazoned the word "Prosperity." on the side of the safe were the words "Banks of the U. S." and showing in figures the amouut of money on hand, while the door has been burstopeu and the bags of gold and bundles of bills are rolling in all directions, while Uncle Sam says, "The figures speak for themselves." Verily they do speak for themselves. How on earth a poor devil, without a dollar in his pocket, can shout "prosperity!" under such conditions, I am at a loss to understand. The banks are prosperous, but that does not make the country so. Money is idle it is doing nobody any good. Men cannot afford to borrow it to enter into business, for the trusts will squeeze him out. The fact of the

business is, the prosperity we bear so much about is a pure figment of the brain. The country at large is far from prosperous. Yet there area lot of fools over the country who think if the banks have plenty of money the country is safe. Some hundreds of thousauds of these dupes will some day have the great light shine on them they will understand. Then anarchy

CONCEITtooffense,

never kills it is only in­

tended work the public up to the killing point. It is a sort of criminal I know, to take the conceit out of a fellow who is bursting with it. To do so is almost as malicious as to stick a pin in a full blown bladder aud cause a collapse. The conceited individual, however, is as uuconsious as to what has been done to him as is the bladder" The editorial gyrations which occur occasionally on west Maiu street, are a fruitful source of public mirth while not dangerous, they are annoying just as the musquito is to the fisherman, the gadfly to the horse, the louse to the setting1 hen, or the little red pismire and ehiggerto the picnicer. This concern has had its pea shooter trained in the direction of this office for sometime and has rained spit-balls over this way quite rapidly, but subscribers continue to flock iu undaunted. This paper goes on its way, every day increasing its friends iu number, and does not know, until its -attention is called to the fact, that Fido is unchained. ThP little dog barks at tlia big rouml IUOOU. That ainiles in the oveuiuu sky, And the neighbors smite him with rooka and slioon But s'ill he continues his rageful tuuo And barks till his throat Is dry.

The little dog bounds like .1 rubber ball. For his anger quite drives bim wild Aud hesays: "I'm a terror, although I am small. And -'are you, you iiupudeut fellow", to^fall.'' Hut th'3 moon only smiled and smlied.

So the little dog barks at a terrible rate, Challenges the old moon in vain,J For as calmly and slow as the workings of fate The moon moves along in a manner MMlate, And smiles at the flste In disdain.

AT

Lafayette, the other day, the disgraceful suit known as the "Chase case" was settled. The case has occupied much space iu the newspapers for sometime. It was brought about by the attempt of Fred'k Chase to have his sou adjudged of unsound mind. This was fought by an aunt of the boy, and resulted in one of those disgusting kilkeuny cat fights so often seen in court over the disposal of au estate. The young man in question is a grandson of the late Moses Fowler. His mother is dead, and her portion of the Fowler estate, amounting to half a million dollars, went to her sou. It was over this that the unseemly scramble has occurred aud left the stain of greed upon tHlose for whom Moses Fowler worked and schemed all his life to lay up a fortune. These are finger posts, however, 011 the highway of life to show whither humanity is drifting. If they taught lessons they would not be entirelv in vain. But do thev?

NOTICE that the boom is 011 to make mv distinguished friend Governor Mount the republican caudidate for Vice-President in 1900. I am perfectly willing that this should be done. Montgomery county is a veritable Oliver Twist. She is very fond of official pap and is con' stantlv holding up her plate for more. I do not believe there is a citizen of Montgomery couuty, from General Wallace to the Hon. Peter Flynn. who would not take an office if he could gst it. Governor Mount seems, however, to carry about his person the only really genuine foot of the graveyard rabbit, leastwise he seems to the proclivities of Eli and "gets there." We had hoped to have the Governor with us, aud hear ouce more the squawk of shanghai roosters as he lifted them out of the wagon at the corner grocery to saturate our biscuits with the butter made at his farm home and hear his lectures to farmers on "How to Raise Dollars from Rhubarb Plants," but all these anticipated pleasures will have to be given up if his country calls him. Our selfishness must not stand in the way of our country's good. W7hile Teddy Roosevelt captured, single handed and alone (according to his magazine articles) the Hill of San Juau and ended the Spanish war iu the Antilles, so Jimmy Mount has met the trusts 011 the soil of Indiana, and busted thetn. Tearfully I am for Mount—sadly I am for Mount—patriotically I am for Mount. Hurrah for Mount! Bully for Mount!

JUST

how much longer the common man is going to be permitted to live on this globe is one of the perplexing questions which is troubling the minds of that very interesting class of individuals. He is very rapidly forging to the front as a superflous product of creation. Su-per-civilization is crowding him to

DR.chapeluniversity,

The people of Crawfordsville, Montgomery County and" surrounding counties will be interested in learning that Mr. Eilward Warner has decided to go out of the Cloihing business. They will be vitally interested because it will effect their pockebbooks because, before retiring, Mr. Warinr intends to conduct the 1—~i

Ever known iu the history of Crawfordsville. A $3f),000 stock of the finest

Clothing, Hats, Caps, Gents' Furnishings, Etc.,

Will positively be placed on the altar of low prices and sacrificed al absolute cost. Everything goes—counters, fixtures, etc.

HERE AREA FEW OF THE PRICES:

Overcoats.

Vortnont Frieze, worth $5 00 for Black and blue beavers well worth $6 00 for Heavy Chinchillas, in blue worth $6 00 for Extra heavy beaver, in blue and blar-k, worth 87 00 for.. Fine Covert cioth, made up ic extra wide facing.satin bound fancy check black, sells everywhece for .S3 00 for Kersey beaxer in black, blue, and brown, satin bound,good value at 810 00 for Raw edged English Kersey, worth S12 00 for Extra tine English K«rspy, elegantly tailored, worth S14 00 for Fine Kersey Beaver in blue aud

2 25

3.50

4.00

3.00

5.00

7 00

8.00

10 00

Liack, wide facing, satin yoke and eleeves, worth 815 00 for Extra fine quality rsev leaver, equal to finest merchant tailored garment, worth $20 for

12.0°

15.C0

HICKMAN, chancellor of De Pauw was in the city the other day and couducted exercises at Wabash college. The doctor found himself in the wrong pew, or else he forgot, in his enthusiasm, where be ''was at," as he offered up a very fervent prayer for the "young men and women of Wabash college." Many hope the day may soon come when the prayer of the Doctor may be all right, but he has antedated the time, we fear, several hundred years. At present Wabash college is a close corporation, with doors secured by time locks of the most approved pattern against the fair ones for whom the Doctor so fervently prayed. They are the "lost sheep of the house of Israel" to-day, unless picked up by some more liberal institution. It may be, however, that Wabash is correct, and that the higher education of woman along the scientific and philosophical lines which are its pride, is a farce, and tends to make woman something she was not intended to be, a competitor on the battle­

Underwear.

A large lot of odds and ends wtll worth 50c at .25 Regular 50c Camel's Ilair at .25 Best fieced lined 161b goods in blue and natural at 40 Balbriggais in blue and brown, worth 75c, ut lf Sheard'all wool health underwear, SI 25, at SO very beet Australian wool in blue, tan and natural,

SI 50 goods, at ,.1.00

Men's Suits.

Men's Union, 60 per cent. wool suits, cheapat 85,go at $ 2.50 Men's blue and black cheviots and clay worsted patterns, well worth $C, at. 3.00 Regular all wool easeimeres

Darville and South Bead woolen mill goods, worth SS to810. at..' 5.00 NVeoilel's eelebrhteu ca«si-.v meres, all wool, elf-gar,tly made and trimmed, worth 80, 812 and 814, at -,'7.00

We Want Your Trade.

One Price Clothier and Hatter.

the verge of a precipice which seems to overhang the bottomless pit of annihilation, He has conquered new worlds that are, iu turn, about to couquer him. Brains have been matched against brawn, and brawn has been defeated. He has fostered new wants, worked to supply them: grown weary of the task, invented machines to do the work, and thus left himself with­|right out a job. Farm and factory and workshop are now supplied with iron men of unwearied nerve and leatheru muscle that neither eat nor sleep nor feel the thirst of hunger, and the poor human mechanism is left with uo fire at his feet, no roof above his head, aud 110 meat for his board. So it goes on in endless cycle. Vet this should not be. The iron. ..man should be the helper of the one of flesh, aud not a demon without fear and without remorse, to feed upon him and his. Truly have we problems, grim and grisly, in the Occident that call for all the wisdom of our statesmen—problems so great and so pressing that are crying for solution, that we do not need to seek new fields in the Orient.

fields of life, where bread is won, aud as a home keeper she would fail to fulfill her mission. Man and woman are very different beings, created for diflferent purposes, aud one, it may be, cannot trespass upon the field of the other without both suffering, and tho tresspasser suffering the most. It is a great question and will gradually itself, no doubt, if let alone. \ours Observantly I PETER PORCUPINE, ,JR.

I The approaching marriage of Harvey W yncoop, ex-county surveyor, and Miss Wyman, formerly milliner at the

Trade Palace, is announced. Both are residents of Chicago.

Myers & Charni will sell you better Underwear for less money than anybody in the State. Look at their goods, get prices and you will be convinced you can get. bargains.

Crepons, tailor made suitings, chev-a rous, plaids, homespuns, cheviots, and all new weaves of dress goods in all the new shades at Myers & Charni's.

Vandalia Line Rates.|

O11 November 29th and 30th tho Vandalia line will sell tickets to points within 150 miles at one and one-third fare round trip, except no fare will be less than 2f cents round trip.

J. C.

HUTCHINSON,

Agent.

The old reliable firm of Myers & Charni have excelled their efforts in procuring for their customers the very best stock of Dry Goods ever offered to the public. It will be to your advantage to look through their immense stock when in need of dry goods, cloaks, capes, jackets, ready to wear skirts, underwear, hosiery, shawls, comforts, carpets, rugs, lace curtains men's suitings,and their splendid line of Yount's Woolen Goods.

S To Cure I.a Grippe In Two

Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. All druggists refund the money if it fails to cure. E. W. Grove's signature on every box. 25c.

Don't Tobacco Spit and Smoke Yonr Mfe Annj. To quit tobacco easily and forever, be magnetic. full of life, nerve and vigor, take No-To-Bac, the wonder-worker, that makes weak men strong. Ail druggists, GOc or II. Cure guaranteed. Booklet and sample free. Address Sterling Remedy Co Ctiicago or Now York