Crawfordsville Review, Crawfordsville, Montgomery County, 11 January 1890 — Page 4

Crawfordsville Review.

FORDSVILLE, INDIANA

UX not some humanitarian offer "es of cash prizes of great value ^congressmen who introduce the si bills?

.3 country has been extremely rat in the matter of pensions. As a rous friend of the soldier and of idow and his orphan, the Amerilic is indisputably first among ns of the world.

re merely nominal. Bruets are not eaten in Brussels, carpets are made in Glasgow, xminsters in Wilton. Copenwatches are made in Switzerand Paris hats in Danbury.

"rince of Wales'life is declared ger. He may not live as mother. Ho is not but he has enlarged the in the hour-glass and the have run rapidly. And the arises, Who will be his suo-

itement that there is nothing *er the sun has been so often that the expression itself is a

The stories which amuse ldren and maturer generation ay were not composed nor conyesterday. They are only

KB the new order of things in the Itural department of the country fuljefforJ^. are being made to develop Western resources ever made before. The deacifcnts no man's conclusions. experiments (elusions.

Jews are said to be rapidly ining in numbers, wealth and inence in New York. Four new syngues were recently opened within space of ten days, and the city now forty-seven of these places of worp, which is a larger number than be found in any other city in the

American spent two years in um and never saw an umbrella or ©r-proof of any sort When it in tlaat^Guntry the people either in under cover until the storm is or go out to get soaked. As a a rainy day has no effect on the le, though they do shelter their

sfON has become civilized. It is 'terary: The Hubbites yearn for flesh-pots of Egypt They are of beans and brown bread. They eary of being prim. Nothing strates this so effectually as the ding of an organization known as

Wharf Rats." The membership adt^ up of the greatest swe lis in

old story which Sidney Smith of an Irishman looking over his ulder while he was composing a *r, of his writing "I would say more an impudent fellow stands here 'ng every word," and of the Irishexclaiming, "Ye lie, I haven't a word." is said to be several dred years older than the New tament

ITHIN the memory of the older oration twelve hours was a day's ~r. There was a time when four, hours was insisted upon. The position to drop from twelve to ten urged by the employed and reted by employers as a dangerous -eeding, productive of great loss, certain to revolutionize the instries and all society.

Ay_eminent scientist has evolved the ory that water as an element to exniruish fires in large and high buildgs is a failure. He claims that wtion mbustion evolves a certain intense

riWicrpn which burns with frightful'

drogen whicn Burns witn irignuui

ry. This scientist sets up the theory

ture day.

MY BEST GIRL'S BIG PIE.

Billy Button Has an Awful Adventure— A Christmas Token.

Ths Misfortunes Which Attended His Attempt to Carry a Big Pie and a Little Fie Home in a Car Just to Please His Little

Girl

History of Cinderella' and her "r ia known to be old, but who believe that it is so old as tor been a chestnut in the time of tho thful days of tho first historian?

E great mass of Americans, loyal, iiest, intelligent, law-abiding, are who earn their bread by the of- their brow. They are farmhandicraftsmen, or unskilled rers.

and

population in ChiThe character of vastly diversified, part of Asia conass. Thousands of its on-English speaking and busands of them have vague I the rights of citizenship.

OSES HARRIS, of Charette Post, G. K., of Warrensburg, N. Y., is supto be the oldest Grand Army in the state. Harris is eightyyears old. He has seen twenty of army life, aud fought in four —Black Hawk, Seminole, Mexiand the war of the rebellion.

I O N S best giri is one of those nice little "home bodies" who thinks it must be aw

fully lonesome for a fellow to bo a bacehlor. If Billy was making a little more money he wouldn't be a bacehlor mnch longer.

It grieved her tender little soul as Christmas time approached to think that Billy would have no homemade pie, without which there can bo no proper celGbration of the day. She couldn't ask him to her house to dinner because her father disagreed with Billy even worse than the pie probably would. Ho allowed Billy to call once in awhile, but such a formal recognition as a Christmas invitation was not to bo thought of. So she determined to make a pie with her own fair hands, and let Billy take it home with him. Thus it happened that when Billy ventured to make one of those rare visits to her house he found her standing in her parlor waiting for him, holding the pie in both hands and gazing over its expansive upper crust with a look that went straight to Billy's heart It was an affecting scene. "Billy," she said, wit.h tears in her eyes, '-take this as a little token of my love."

It was a very big pie, for tho little girl had kept thinking how much she loved Billy all the time she was designing it, and every time one of his good qualities occurred to her she enlarged the size of the plate that the •pie was to be baked in, so that when it was finally executed and baked by stealth in the family kitchen it was about the size of a grindstone, and the filling had made a serious inroad upon the family stock of mincemeat Now, Billy loves this young lady to that extent that he would love pie or anything else for her sake, but she couldn't produce a similar effect on the pie, and he knew it. If there is one thing that Billy can't eat without dreaming of green dragons with skybluo tails, that thing is mince pie. But he Wouldn't tell her so oh. ao! Ho took the pie and set it on a table, and then he proceeded to admire it, and to tell her how hollow and unsatisfactory were ail restaurant pies, and how much he had longed for just such a great, glorious pie as that. But he ventured to suggest that it would be a difficult thing to carry home. The girl lives in tho far end of

Brooklyn aud Billy is a Now Yorkor.

He fell to praising tho pie again, and said that lie could hardly refrain from eating it right, then and there.

Then she said sho needn't break into that pie and spoil its personal appearance because she had a smaller one in the pantry that he could have right away. Poor fellow, he must as ok in in they didn't feed }iim well at his board-ing-house. So she hurried off to get the small pie, and Billy sat there wondering whether to lose his girl by refusing the pie or to lose his life by eating it. He finally decided that it would be gross egotism to hold his life of more importance than his love and when sho appeared with the smaller pie he was ready for the sacrifice. He ate it all and asked if ho couldn't keep right on and eat the big one but she smiled, as a woman always does when a man has complimented her cooking at the expense of his digestive machinery, and told him that his health was the subject of her eternal solicitude, and she couldn't on any consideration allow him to eat more th one mince pie aftor9 o'clock in tho evening.

They occupied tho remainder of tho time in wrapping up the large pie so that it would not give itself away and 'make foolish people laugh. Neither of them were very expert at doing up bundles, and their earlier efforts were

greo of beat the water thrown upon' over the top of the pie, and rolled up crust of the enormous pie around his flames emits a powerful volume ol1

the ond9

underneath so that the whole neck.

had the desired effoct of a

away

v.* ..i

put it down on tho vaoant seat beside him, steadying it against the back. Then he leaned his head against tho side of tho car and heaved a sigh of relief as he settled into a comfortable position.

He knew that pie whioh he had eaten was already sotting tho scenery for frightful nightmare pantomimes, but tho big pie had weighted heavier on his mind than the little one ha/3 on his ntomach as yet and tho ease with which ho was managing it soothod him wonderfully. Tho monotonous rattlo of the car wheels camo to his sloopy ears like a slumbar song, and beforo he knew it ho was dozing. Ho camo to himself with a start as the train slowed at a station, and was just in time to catch his "bouquet" sliding toward the floor. He replaced it more firmly and again lay back in his place.

Then it seemed to Billy that au altogether unnecessary number of people were boarding tho train. And everybody who came in eyed the mince pie. Several young men were particularly offensive. "Ha, ha!" said one of them, 'he thinks he's fixed that pie to look like a bouquet but I can smell the hard cider.

Then he poked his cane at the pie, and his companion barked. This insult to his best girl's mincemeat made Billy's blood boll, but somehow ho couldn't do anything to resent it While he was resolving to get vengeance a big man came along and sat down on the pie. Then he arose aud began to abuse Billy for leaving it in tho way. This was adding insult to injury, but Billy's bashfulness about the pie had sapped his courage and ho could find no words to reply. Instead, he grabbed the unfortunate pie and hurried into another car. This appeared to be full of pretty girls, and they all giegled in unison when Billy came in with his load. Every seat was occupied, and Billy had to stand up and be stared at The pie was so big that Billy had to hold it in both hands, so he couldn't hold on to the strap. Consequently, when the train went round a sudden curve Billy sat down in a girl's lap. Sho stuck a shawl-pin into his back, and he arose almost as abruptly as he had sat down.

He was about to ask her ironically if she wanted him tj, take that as a proposal when the train reached tho bridge, and everybody hurried out In the confusion umbrellas, canes and elbows innumerable were punched through the pis, and it was badly wrecked when Billy reached the bridge car. The crowd which had filed out of the train crowded the bridge car, and everybody appeared to have heard of Billy and his pie. Girls tittered and whispered criticisms abput the pieman as he walked aboard. It seemed an endless journey across, aud in the train on the other side things were i:o better. A series of grotesque and humiliating adventures attended, his progress up town, and when he alighted in Harlem he was in a condition half way between profanity and hysteria.

The street through which he had to pass had always been dark, but he never had known it so black as on this particuar occasion. He was glad to have the pie shrouded in this welcome gloom, but the unusual darkness suggested sandbaggers. The fear of these industrious but inconsiderate people had no sooner crossed his mind than he hoard whispering voices behind him: "Get onto de cove," said one. "Pipe de blooming bundle dat he's a-carryin' so careful. Must be full o' swag." "Le's do him up," said another. "I'll club de life out of him while you collar de boodle. See?"

Billy tried to run and struggled to get voice enough to howl police, but before ho could do either he felt the deadly sandbag Knock his hat to everlasting ruin and then he sank upon the pavement while the pie was wrenched from his hand.

A dizziness c.ime over him. He closed his eyes. There was a murmur of voices in his ears. Suddenly his eyes flew open again and ho saw, not the courtroom, but tho interior of the car on the Brooklyn line. A

not productive of good results either crowd of people were staring at him. to their tempera or to the pie, but at1 and ono of them supported the conlast Billy hit upon a great idea He ductor, who stood tlioro with his face put an enormous piece of paper right covered with mincomeat and the under

frantic "Young feller," said the conductor.

bou and in tbat form ho boro it aB ho wi the millcerneat out o{ hia

eyC(

..youMl

pay fot lhis 1Icre wajf

these fires must be treated in a dif- When he got on board the train trying to do you a favor by waking reot manner, and expresses the be* there wero few people in tho car, and you up at the bridge and you slammed I that gas will be the successful he congratulated himself accordingly. a thousand pounds of chopped dog Doctor: "Why, what's the matter? tween 250,000 and 500,000 barrels, anon with which to fight fire at aom«

the pie was formidable be ventured to "I tried to explain that 1 ha4J!een I myself."

dreaming on that confounded piece of pie which I had eaten," said Billy when he related this story to me, "but the conductor wouldn't have it I spent tho night in a cell and paid $10 and costs the next day. I

mind the fine if I hadn't broken that plate. The little girl will surely find out about it when I have to tell her I can't return tho plate. Sho wouldn't have known any other way, for of course I gave an assumed name at tho station, whore I was charged with drunkenness,disorderly conduct and assault and battory, but—" ,rf "Whoso name did you give?" "Why, the first one I thought of," Billy replied "yours, you know."— Howard Fielding, in Dallas News.

A NOVEL INVENTION.

You May Carry Your Own Typewriter In Your Pocket. A pocket typewriter is shortly to be offered to the British public, says the nally out of temper Patent Office Record. Typewriting instruments now in the market are of considerable size and weight—at least a person could scarcely think of carrying one about with him regularly. The one under notice is not inexpensive, but is so small that it may be carried in the waist pocket The retail price will be under 10 shillings it measures 3£ inches by 3 inches and weighs about four ounces. Though so small it is not a mere toy. The inventer claims for it that it will turn out better work and be found more useful than larger and more expensive machines. With reference to its construction, all that can be seen when superficially examined is a disk about the size of the face of a gentleman's watch, in which the type is fixed, and one or two small rollers. It will print

Corpulent Moorish Beauty.

The Moors have extraordinary ideas by kerosene.

concerning female beaaity. They fancy an oily skin, teeth projecting beyond the lips, pointed nails an inch long and a figure so corpulent that two persons putting their arms around the waist could scarcely make their fingers touch. A woman of modern preten-

sions to oeauty needs a slave under

each aim to support her as she walks,

The father of the girl cannot refuse an offer unless there is some stain on the young man's character. If a wife does not become the mother of a son she may be divorced by the husband. The mother of many sons is held in the highest respect and is never suffered to perform any menial office.

Bray

(But still they seem to bid me urge my suit) They are not shaped like lovely almond fruit, Set in thy face aslant, the only way That can be right. Thy free and mannish walk Tells of no dwarfing, waddle causing shoe

THE RED ANT.

An East Indian Insoctof Remarkable Ferocity and Courage. "Eha," the well-known Anglo-Indian

wouldn't naturalist lias just contributed to tho

Natural History society of Bombay an interesting and characteristic paper on the habits of the red ant That the scientific name of this insect should be "the emerald ant" (camponotus smoragdinus) he conceives may have arisen from tho fact that the first specimen which found its way to Europe was a queen, for sho is green, and a handsome and striking insect. After discussing the red ant at home "Eha" gives some instances from his own observation of its remarkable ferocity and courage. He says "The shepherd in 'Noctes Ambrogianae,' says that the wasp is the only one of God's creatures which is eter-

a line from an inch to a yard long and antidote I know for insect paper oi any size or thickness can be used.

Anyone can use it though, as

in the case of other instruments, practice is required to enable the operator to write quickly. Another advantage is that by means of duplicate types the writer can be used for different languages. Patents have been obtained for most of tho countries in Europe as well as for America Canada, and Australia.

"I determined then to try tobacco, for I had always supposed that man was the only animal which could endure the smell of that weed. I lighted a cheroot and steadily blew the smoke where they were thickest. Never in my life have I seen anything like the frenzy of passion which followed the

I I 6 1 S

flr3t few puffs To be atta

ene

and a^ perfect belle carries weight

enouga to load a camel. Mothers are them. In their rage they lay hold of so.-nxi.ous ^,a7e their daughters at-

tain this unweildy size that they make

m.imn ii

But the shepherd

did not know the red ant nor did I till lately.( I thought I did, and by painful experience, too. I had often had reacon to notice how they appear to have intimation beforehand of your intention to pass that way. How they run down every branch that stretches across the path and wait with jaws extended, how they tling themselves on you, or drop from above, and, scorning to waste their strength on your hat or clothes, find out the back of your neck and bury their long, sickleshaped mandibles in your flesh. But I lately discovered that all this was only the A. B. C. of their ferocity. One evening I found that a countless multitude of red ants had collected about two trees close to my tent and were making a thoroughfare of one of the ropes. I thought it best to discourage this, so I got some kerosene

pests of any kind, aud, dippinsr a feather into it, began to anoint tho rope, thinking in my simplicity that they would not like to cross the oil and would be obliged to find another road. There was a porfect storm of indignation. They rushed together from both sides and threw themselves on the oiled feather in the spirit of Meltus Curtius. They died of courso, but others came on in scores, panting for the same glorious death, and I had to give up my idea of dislodging them

cked by an

my of which they could not lay

seeme(

to be really too much for

each otheP and( ll8 a red a£t never

lets g0 they wores0

em eat a great quantity of millet {,y head, legs, and antennae into one pudding and drink several bowls of horrible, red, quivering mass. I left camels milk a day. Mungo Park said

he has seen a poor girl sit crying for

more than an hour with the bowl at about an inch of ash upon it Several her lips, while her mother stood over

her with a stick and beat her whenever

seized it

on linked together

thes0t andi going. to

another place, of-

ferod the end of my cher(foti with

instantly. The heat killed

theni| but other3 laid hold of theh

she perceived that she was not swal- charred limbs, and by their united lowing. strength they positively wrenched off The Moors marry at a very early the ash, which remained hanging from age, and wives are always purchased.

the

tent-rope, by their jaws, while

scores hurried from both sides with fiendish fury to help in worrying it I then presented the hot end. The foremost ant offered battle without a moment's hesitation, and perished with a fizz, but another and another followed, and I saw plainly that I was beaten again, for the cheroot was going out while their fury only burned the more

The Point of View. fiercely. I retired, and after tukin"[Sonnet to an American Girl by a Member counsel with the captain of my guard of the Chinese Legation.] Why does my heart permit thy gentle sway

No tiger lily hue3 are in tby face Rose tint thou hast alas, like all thy race. And yet I love thee struggle though I may. Thine eyes are largo and round, a bluish

made a torch of straw and patiently smoked them to death all along the rope. Then I attacked the root of a tree where they were thickest and left nothing but a black waste. Half an hour later fresh myriads were carrying off the charred remains of their comrades.

A Heroic MonUejr.

The following story of a monkey's heroism is told by an Indian paper: A a an go an as

l'hy feet are long and slender, sud to view, .. •, .. More like a man's than woman's—yet! talk attached to his pastor and to the baby Of thy dear self from morn till dewy eve— boy, who was the pet of the whole family. One day a fire suddenly broke out in the house, and everybody was running: here and there to put it out, while the little boy in his nursery was almost forgotten, and when "they thought of him the staircase was all in flames. What could be done? As they wore looking up and wondering,

My vows of love, sweet heathen, pray receive. —Done into English by Charles 13attell

Loomis.

Artificial Teeth.

•"About nine-tenths of our population use artificial teeth after they have reached the ago of twenty-five. In the cities the number of young people a large hairy hand and arm opened the we iring artificial teeth is greater than window, and presently tho monkey apin the country, which fact is, probably peared with the baby in his arms, and due to the difference of living. The carefully climbed down over the porch, high, rich living,_ late hours, and con- and brought the child safely to his stant mental strain demanded of tho?e nurso. Nobody else could have done residing in irgo towns, reduces the it, for a man cannot climb like a monvitality of tho system greatly, while k6y, and is not nearly so strong. You in the fresh air, wholsomo food, and may imagine how the faithful creature daily physical exerci6o of our country was praised aud petted after that, cousins build up constitutions that can This is a true story, and the child who stand a groat deal of wear and tear, was saved was the young marquis of Poor teeth are tho natural inheritance Kildare." of a weakly constitution. But many

who are, apparently, strong and %'.£

healthy, lose their natural teeth long He was the truest as well before they have reached middle age. bravest man that ever lived. This can be attributed only to the kind of food that they have been in the

habit"of eating-food" which"'maj not

possess the necessary materials that go

to forming strong. Ilinty teeth. traditions and of great personal honor.

A Xeir Wrinkle.

Paint from potatoes is a new wrinkle in the arts and sciences. Kuhlow's Trade Review gives the manner of preparation. Boil a kilo of peeled potatoes in water after rnash-

A Bad Case.

Miss Luendi (bursting into the doo-' tor's office): "Doctor, doctor, you must come down to the house at once

secured one of the cross seats, and down on top of my head." Who's sick?" Miss Luendi: "I am. three between 500,000 and 1,000,000 all to himself, and as tho weight of

I'M?*

PpiSi as the Grant

Ooncral Grant,

was a modost man, a simple man, a

man

believir^

in the

fellow8-

honesty of his

true to

his friends, faithful to

When the United States district court in Richmond was about to indict Gen-

eral Lee and myself for treason General Grant interposed aud said: "I have pledged my word for their safely." This stopped the wholesale indictment of ex-confederate officers, which would have followed. He was thoroughly

ing dilute with water and pass through magnanimous, and above all petty a fino sieve. Add two kilos of Spanish things and small Ideas, and, after' white diluted with four kilos of water, Washington, was tho highest type of and the result will be a beautiful milk- manhood America has produced.— white. Different colors can be effected Gen.^Longstreet, ex-Confederate, by the addition of different ochres and minerals. Apply with a brush. It adheres to plaster and wood very well, will not peel, and, best of all is cheap.

Beer In Great Brltnln.

The new official report of the condition of the English beer-brewing industry shows that Great Britain's 13, 658 breweries produced 20,644,000 barrels of beer in the last fiscal year. Eight breweries produced between 100,000 and 250,000 barrels, seven be-

But as there was no one to cend I came barrels, and one more than 1,000,000 barrels.

A SIOUX S'«'RPR18EP.

He Was ao Scaro that His Stopped. A good many writ-nss havo asser that an Indian is a bocn- stoic, says New York Sun, and Uiajt the reason doesn't laugh or cry ,or express prise or astouishmeui lies in the that nature did not intend him to. That all nonsense, however. The India puts it all on for effect. I've hea them laugh as hearty as any white man, and I've seen theta when they were positively wifll amazement

In 1880 the hostUes gbifW jM ono of the stage' routed in^A^ulesJ and after they liai killed amoved* pie a part of my^ com pan

Referee.

V-A),

A was

out to give the red man a setback. rode over a sectioin of the lroute day, and toward evening Jiecffoted selves in a long, dry ravin®, to what would happen during tP®

n*8\ht.

The stage was due there about o'clock, and soon arter 9 we gVt a SIR*, prise. A band of twenty-th ree\Indiani^ttov tijaiR nd laid of us. J.

came in from the west, struck just above us, and camo down themselves away almost op-to' We had our horses down aroV"d' a bend, with guards to look after.Hhem, and tho Indiaus had left their-Aouics at some other point We^j&wityack ', in the dark, where they co]jm^|o\f

eeoifv

us, while they were at the -niouth"ol the ravine and every man of them showed against the starlight sky.-., We knew what they were af^.and we•j»re+j2& pared ourselves accordingly. Ttipr* |s were twenty-eight of jusj and we crdpt up inch by inch until wtoi wo^finauy heard the rattle of the were not over twenty-fiveffiet f^tQ ^he bunch of maraud ens. 1 and see them makin^^^0^&id?''i5«„ as they were about to doshMttt on thVtrail we gave them a volleyv^il,-'

Talk about an Indian not surprised! Why, they yelled out lika« so many old women scared by a cow, and two or three of them shouted to the Great Spirit to save them as they ran. We killed nine aud wounded four with that one volleyi^ and only one of the wounded lived Jjeyond two days. The survivor wasvW, middleaged warrior, bearing the scars of many battles. I was asked to question him, and as he saw my purpose ha shut himself up like a clam. I started off with: 'Has my brother a glass in whioh to see his face?" "Why should I havtP" he queried, interested at once. "To see that your hair has turned as white as the snow." "No! It can't be! Get me a glass quick!"

At that the group around him burst out laughing, and the warrior looked up with rueful expression and said: "1 thought it was true. I was SQ' scared that my heart stopped beating!"

l'loiis but Stalunrt itliletlra.

The old Puritanical idea that holiness was only to be attained by-morti* fying the ilesh and that he who would-' be eminent in science, letters or phi*,, losophy must blanch his cheek and furrow his brow by excessive burningof the midnight oil to tlie utter exclusion of all laws governing his physical' condition is, happily, exploded. ID this year of grace 1889, it is a general-% ly admitted fact that he who would d(P? the greatest amountof brain work must

I"'

''j..*

r»

keep his physical system in th j-.-best condition and that the developement ol brawn and muscle may go hand in hand, with the developement of moriil chl-' culture. Stagg the great Yale pitcher and Gill the captain of their foot ball,.^ eleven are both divinity studehts.|j^ Many of the best athletes in the couhtryh'^v' —oarsmen, foot-racers, boxers,' ,ybase^f^, ball players—have received their firs! a in in in A nasiums. In this connection it may' be interesting to note that the Kansas City Y. M. C. A. has the finest arid^ best equipped gymnasium in the city^ and one of the finest west of New York. A regular instructor, Mr. Paul C. Phillips, is in charge and the classes consist of over 300 men and about 18C ladies who go through a regular course of training.—Frank P. Clark in Kansas' City Referee.

The Growth it Atlilctlca.

For ourselves we think we discdrn signs of growing interest among'all classes of men in athletics. We do .• not refer to the craze for professionalism which crowds base ball grounds," makes pugilists wealthy, and keeps the single sculi championship flitting from nation to nation, like an embezzler fleeing from justice. But the eastern cities are full of amateur athletic clubs,' and institutions of the same sort are springing up all over the country. Professional men, bred in colleges, come out with a wholesome admirationfor skill and strength, and are spread-^ ing the gospel of muscle over the land. The old idea that a bucksaw is thebesf gymnasium'is losing strength, and well appointed gymnasiums are springing up everywhere, There is even hope that in the near future many ministers will be able to pitch a base ball with? all the force and accuracy that Martin Luther exerted when he threw his inkstand at the devil.—Kansas City

?il

WronglyTranslated.

The story is un old one of the party of tired travelers who entered a house decorated by a peculiar sign and demanded oysters. "This is not a restaurant," said the courteous gentlemen who met them. "I am an aurist." "Isn't that an oyster hung outsidfi the door?" "No, gentlemen: it's an ear."

A body of sailors from an American vessel stopping at Samoa went to the German consulate and demanded dinner. "This is not a hotel," said the offend* ed domestic official who met them. "Well, if it isn't a restaurant what'* that black fowl hung out for. An't 11 a sign?" inquired tho spokesman.

The "sign" was tho German eagle,^ the consular coat-of-arvas.—Youth't? Companion.

•MSSt-