Crawfordsville Review, Crawfordsville, Montgomery County, 29 October 1853 — Page 1

tJRAWFOHDSVlLLU REVIEW.

DEMOCRATIC FAMILY NEWSVAPKK. Published every Satnrdny Morning. by JOSEPH D. -H ASTiHRSO*

ESKM&.

One year, payable in advance. One.Dollar and Fifty Cents, nnd if not jaid until after the exjnration of the rear, Tivo Dollars.

Xo paper will be fliwntir.ne.-l nntil nil nrYCftragea are paid—except at the option of the publjjill'T.

C5?" All letters on hn-finoR.® connected yriih the office, to roceive attention must he paid.

Job Work of nil kinds done on lice and reasonable term4-

Como in beautiful dreams, love. Oh! corne to nie oft. •v Whnn the litrlit win? of Slerj*

On rnv bo.«oin Ii»v» soft Oh! come when the sea. In the mooii'.s jrentle light, IJcats 1w on the tr.

Oil! come, ami we'il 11 LiV* two winded spirits Of love through tin shy Wil li liaml clasped in hand,

short no-

whom the better, the nobler feelings of our na'ure are prominent, will find them well worthy of perusal:

Like the pulse of the nizht—. When the slty and the wnvo Wear tlvir loveliest biao. When tlic dew's on the flower.

Ami the star's on the dowv.

Come in beautiful dreams, lore. Oh! come and we'll stay Where the whole year is crowned

With the blossom* of May— Where each sound as sweet As the coo ut't• 10 ui-vo, *"v Ami the calf ai'i as v(t

As tlic breathing of love

•. Wliern the beams kiss the wares. ••».c And the \vuvc hi.--* the bca«.'h, And our warm lips may c.itch

The sweet lessons they teach.

in be a if re a

On our dream-we'li ^o, Where the starlight and moonlight

s§, Ave blendincr their plow: And on bright t-h.iids we'il linger, Of ]iup'e and sold,

Till love's ancle's envy The bliss they behold.

DEATH-BED ADVICE OF HON. SIMON SMIRK.

BY W. EATON.

Simon Smirk was on his death-bed. His son Samuel was standing by his side, and while he was holding his father's hand, his father spoke to him as follows: "Sammy, I am dying—at the age of fiftyfive. I wish you to pay strict attention to

dying advice." "Father, I will."

"Sammy, the neighbors and all my friends

tell me1 haven't a enemy in the world, and I believe I haven't. I want you to understand why I haven't. It is all owing to policy, and nothing shorter. When I was of your age, my boy, I was as poor as an old village horse, turned out to die. Age has at last broken me down, but I aint poor, thank policy! Follow my example, and you will become a far richer man than your father, Sammy, and die without an enemy,' as I do."

Samuel Smirk wept, as in duty bound.— But grief and his handkerchief choaked his utterance, and so he said nothing. "It has always been my policy," resumed the dying Smirk, "to avoid giving offence to any one. No matter what people said to me or any one else right or wrong —I have always endeavored to forbear and submit, wherever I could to bc calm and cautious on all occasions, and to avoid the exhibition of any sign of resentment. By long experience in this, I have found that bv perservering to agree with everybody, seemingly, and to flatter everybody, is a sure eventual guide to universal popularity." "But have you never had any difficulty with any one?" "Not since I was twenty-one," said the dying man, gasping for breath. "Reach me a little water and wet my lips. They are too parched for me to speak plain.— There—there," he added, as his son obeyed him "that will do, and you shall be initiated into my invaluable policy. Be deferential, Sam, deferential, and control your temper, and flatter, whenever you get a chance; have a bow, a smile, and a word, and shake of the hand for everybody -- mark! for everybody, and then you will get along." "But I mustn't bc friendly to villains must I?"

"Friendly! Humph! Be friendly to no-

body only seem so. Villains! they com-

pose two-thirds of the community; and they

are the most influential. As for the other

third, though it is well enough to keep their

good opinion, they are only subordinate

away if you like!" Though his father was dying, Samuel could not help smiling at this language. "That's right," said the elder Smirk, "I like that." Smile again, Sam, smile again, By smiling I have gained many a friend. But be careful you don't smile at the wrong time. A smile is a powerful weapon, but it must be used with judgement. "Do you know. Sam, why I was always such a favorite with the women?"" "No, father." "I was always careful in the first place to feel my way with the women; took care to understand their characters, their sentiments, their particular vanities and hobbies; keeping my own ideas in the background, till I could" coincide with theirs. I always took care never to speak disrespectfully of the sex. I never, in the presence of woman, called a woman a 'woman,' or a female.' I had but one name—ladies—for all the feminine gender. "How did you do when they differed and asked your opinion?" "I would agree with one, and at the

£3T The following beautiful lines, were you find a woman that is ugly, immoral and written by Geo. D. Prentice, and entitled a fool in the bargain. In fact it is hard "Come to me in Dreams." To those in work to find anybody who has'nt some good

point, or who isn't susceptible to flattery in some way or other and a man must be an

dviiv I—in I deed way: hands for philanthropy, and the clap them in your pocket and keep them there." "Suppose a beggar asks alms of me, or I am called upon to subscribe to some charitable object?" "If any person begs, say. 'certainly my poor woman,' or 'my poor man,' or 'my poor child,' and then quickly feel in your pocke'.s. You will lind no money, of course, but you must say with a sigh and a tear in your eve if you can scare one up, 'I am really ashamed to say it, but unfortunately

I haven't got a cent about me.' If you don't get a God bless you,' for that, I'm mistaken. I never found it to fail." "Bui a subscription?" "Head the paper, praise the object, but say that you have 'just subscribed more than you could afford, for another object of a similar nature.' If the applicant believes, by this that you are in the charitable line, he will let you off. Whereas if you refused, out and out without an explanation, he might abu^e you behind your back. I have made myself a great reputation for benevolence, merely refusing to subscribe in this way. This is a queer world, Sam."

Here the old gentleman was seized with a violent fit of coughing, which nearly took him out of this queer world. 'I fear, father that talking so much will

yim," said Samuel.

No, no, resumed his father.

(ermined not to die till I get through. As v.-as saying, Sammy this is a queer old in it without

world, and you can't get along in it without religion." "Without what?" exclaimed his son in amazement. He had never heard him mention religion before in his life. "Without religion. Hire a pew, by all means. Talk religion occasionally-you

can soon get the hang of it. Profess -- and

practice when you're obliged to any rate, profess; it helps a fellow along in business. I got some of mv most profitable customers and best friends by professing religion. Pew rent is no object when you come to that." "But if you belong to a church, you will have to defend its doctrines: and religions controversies create enmity —don't they father?" "Sometimes. But whenever I found I was getting into trouble on account of my religion, I was always careful enough to yield a point or two, smile in a christianlike manner, and then back out of the scrapc. That's the way to do it."

Reach Politician By all mean.'., but take care always on the strongest side. You can, although rabid as a mad dog in your views, when nobody affect to be very

ne :ir,

ashcs

agents in the building up of a man. But

never do that. Never kick a dog, unless you are sure he hasn't any owner, then kick

say, It's all humbug, what I am saying.'— for Representative «uu. ututu u» uum

If a woman was ugly, I'd praise her intel- ties.

lect. If she didn't know anything I'd —Oh!" praise her virtue. In this way I seldom "God bless you, my dear Father 1 what's missed my mark, for it is very seldom that the matter?"

"double-dealing done well, will

cr°

was rt at

lte

-'"a

I hesitated as first, which to favor." 'And how did you overcome the difiicul-

ty?"

came proverbial. 1 was compared lo CM-!

same time wink at the other, slily, as if to

"I'm going, Sam! - I shall be off in a

who, if determined to flatter, anrl make had been his guiding star through life, ass, his flattery acceplible, can't seize hold of some merit, in mind, in heart, form or face of the person he wishes to please, and feigning to admire it, makes that person friendly." "Must I be liberal or stingy." 0i:, be liberal by all menus, man, with a ghastly smile sentiment. Whenever a is done, exault it to the praise generous people.

said the -"that is generous skies. AlClap your

the scale turned, they also shoulder against me

that

.y°

love )im

Few persons have any

'It. is best. I suppose to bc some kind of Geography, history, the political condition inquired the son.

newspapers lor the information they possess, the moral sentiment they cherish.— Compared with any past age of the world, this is a remarkably enlightened period.— A large portion of the people have a considerable share of correct information on almost all topics of any real importance.-

1 11

of the world, astronomy, the important practical features of philosophy, something of geology, chemistry, as applied to agriculture and the mechanic arts, and many

act

«quealbury—a hoggish set, there Sam— the newspaper

mana cmcIK anc

C1C S

r"'V

Our Country and her Institutions.

VOL. 5. CRAWFORDSVILLE, MONTGOMERY COUNTY, IND., OCT. 29, 1853. NO. 17.

going, Sam!—I shall be off in a Call in the minister and the other

minute. Call in the minister and other bores quick but remember policy, Sam, policy!"

And with the unfinished word, which

upon his lips, the Hon. Simon Smirk expired. Intelligence of his death was telegraphed all over the Union, and a great many editorial obituaries were written upon him, ending with— "None knew thee but to love thee.

None named thee but to praise."

WIVES SAVE YOUR HUSBANDS. [The following should be read by every woman in the country, married or unmar-

been unfortunate in business, and I have

but your party is present other subjects, are familiarized ?o the pop"- complexions oi mos liberal in your sehiiments, ular mind. Most persons can talk intelii-

speaning—

Sanimy musingly, reflecting upon the many instances of its truth. "'J hat there is." responded (lie sick man, ments. Let any one ask himself where he

i'xhaus|cd and his lips as pale as obtained his knowledge of any particular

He is probably unable to tell, be-

probably

fix the flints of everybody. hen 1 lived cause it came silently, unpretendingly, in

moral impressions and sentiments. 1 hey

Squealburians would enable them to choose moral tone, and withal interesting in its for themselves, and, with great affected contents, must exert a great and blessed modesty, I bowed and withdrew, in the influence upon domestic life. Children midst, of cheers from both parties." 'growing up under such influence are far "That was well done, father!" said Sam. more likely to be intelligent, correct in admiringly "and was that the reason you their opinions and morals, and better prewere elected to the Legislature?" pared for the active duties of life, than they "Yes," said the senior Smirk, faintly could possibly have been without it. ••1 made a Int. My noble-mindedness b'e-j

Do as I did bam, and you 11 prosper.

ted

Let any reader of a wel opeu its pages and consider

its contents. There are

"I told the committees that if they would ber sometimes from 150 to auu separt call a meeting of both parties I would give and distinct articles, each one conveying them my opinion. That meeting wascalled an idea, a facl or a sentiment, and so staand I went. 'Smirk! Smirk! Smirk!' they ted or illustrated as to produce some effect, all cried. I arose, and after compliment- either in enlarging the readers store of ing the rowdies generally, the town, its knowledge, or giving a right direction to character, and so forth, disclaimed my thought, feeling and action. Must not all right either to the distinguished honor con- this have its influence, and in the aggrcI II ferred upon me, or to deltvcr an opinion gate a mighty influence upon the readers? upon the subject. *1 was a native ofSqucals- \V think so." burv,' I said, 'and no meddler. I would No reflecting man can fail to see that the not express any preference or opinion. I 52 visits in a year of a carefully conducthad confidence that the intelligence of ed paper, intelligent, correct, elevated in

D"obber7aTs"there

about p,aid troaSerS_cvery

]ec crs on

}ji

HOW TO LIVE LOXG.

It is the easiest thing in the world, perhaps to secure a long life, provided there is a modernTely good constitution to start with and provided also no accident intervenes. Yet how few there are who seem to be aware of this. If persons are to Lc judged by their conduct, indeed we might conclude that nothing could he done to prolong life, but that it depended entirely on chance whether adult years were attained

The laws of life, however, arc as immu

Whoever lives according

ried—yes, it shotild be committed to mem- resonably calculate on a go ory and repeated three times a day, for it Whoever systematically viol contains more truth than many volumes that have been written on the same subject.]

llow often do wc hear a man say, 1 am jchinc: and, like all other machines, it may coing to California, Australia or somewhere be worn out before its tune by abuse and else. You ask him the reason of his going! neglect. Excesses on the one hand, or away, and the answer is, in nine cases out! want of exercise on the other, will tear it of ten, 1 am not happy at home. I have prematurely to pieces, or allow it to rust been unfortunate iu business, and I have away. Too li'.tle work, or too much, will made forma. The world seems to go against me While fortune favored me, there were those pally through their cxccsses. whom I thought to be my friends but when manhood excess in convivial enjoyment

as ccrtainly expect lo shorten his existence. The human body is, in truth, but a ma

Ck lit A \J\J

very easily oxcited. A little word earnestly at an earlier period, becoming a confirmed thrown out may inflict, wound time can valetudinarian, the victim of dyspepsia, never heal. Then be cautious a man is! rheumatism, gout, nervous disorders, or but human—therefore is liable to err. If possibly a complication of the four. you see him going wrong ever meet him I If men would attain to the allotted term with a smile, and with the kiss of affection, I of life, thev must shun excess in work,

cat

kliuil iot our fr, enushl be

FAMILY NEWSPAPER.

11'. Ut »Jl I

ia'ie up my mind to try my luck in Cali-j alike prove fatal to a prolonged existence. I placed on )rnia. The world seems to go against me. Americans violate the law of life princi-!or tax whf

turned the cold and even in worse unfortunately too common.

preserved bv

just conception

ges oi linen, and bv

,, ,. ,, :ducc a healthy state of that memorane.— for the information thcypos--,. -u Many an excellent clergyman has shortened his days, involuntarily, by remaining in his study, when he should have been sawing wood in the celiar, walking in the fresh air, or galloping over breezy hills. Many an individual, in both sexes, has .brought on disease by neglecting to keep the pores of the body properly opened. The fashionable practice of turning day into night, and night into day. is also an enemy to length of years. There is no light. The fresh complexions of most Quaker persons

,rJ3

at U(

don't get affronted with 'em. Oh no, Sam, {house I here were wo parties, fa- tened on the mind, parerta instruction, in ^bo.h o^of miiid much les cf both, is in the National Treasury. °Let ail that is ings.° This is deemed by some as a most vormg a d.flerent s,tc. As the parties were many cases, does much, but the press more bod a not wanted for than either, and otten more than both.—

popular

is a^Tdva^ange

time one g°ls

Advices were received at Washing

ton of serious troubles in (nr Chnrok^ft natioji: two of the Ross party had been killed

My wile, she that should have been the far from ceasing even with mature first to have stood by me, and encourage hood. With energetic persons the der-irc me, was the first to point the finger of scorn lo achieve a fortune has, at this period of revenue of thirty or thirty-two millions of and say, it is your own fault why has not life, generally succeeded to the pleasure this or that one been so unfortunate? If seeking phase of earlier years. The man, you had attended to your business as they still radically unchanged, pursues business the people should not be taxed on wh have, you would not be where you arc now. with as much avidity as he ever sought re- Ihev consume, more than a sum sufficient

These and other like insinuations, often crcalion. Early and lale he is at his work, drive a man to find other society, other overtasking his mind and exhausting his pleasures, in conscquence of being unhappy 'body by undue labor. At first, indeed, he pockets, at home. He may have children that he does not feel the cffccts of his indiscretion. loves he cannot enjoy life with them as he Morning find? him refreshed by the repose would he may love them as dearly as ever, of the night, he seems to himself as vigoryet home is made unpleasant in conse- ous as ever and he returns to his pursuits quence of that cold indifference of the wife. with the same tenacity, the same lolly as Now 1 would say to all such wifos, sisters, before. But nature at last avenges herself. and in fact, all females, deal gently with By middle age he is already an old man. him that is in trouble remember that he is

Or perhaps he suddenly breaks down, even

therefore, as well as pleasure,

"pounded one's sell by a

But at' *T-" beguile his unhappy hours in pleasant us much a moral suicide as to destroy one's

conversation. By so doing you may save life by wine, tobacco, by dining out, by yourself and children from an unhappy fu-, late hours. It is not sufficient," however, ture. When a man is in trouble, it is but a to avoid excess merely, in order to arrive little word that may ruin him it is but a at'three score and ten.' Judicious exerlittle word also that may save him. cises might be mingled with habits of modierate Jiving. Personal cleanliness must bc bathing by frequent chan- ,, uta ui juiun, aiid bv lrictien of the skin inof the extent of their indebtedness to the

).I. .ri I .f-iiV*

anfi tlie com

and tl,e

knowl-

picking up here a

little and there a little, from the family newspaper, in imperceptible small install-

ParativcIv faded ones of

comparatively iaue

'. ,/.®S*lFroin the Illinois

111

pi-

Iii early

To kill

_reedy lutste after riches, is

fashionable women, is a testimony present! duties on those articles having been in the before us all, in favor of regular hours, and hist year 8o,00u,000, and as Congress, against gas lit ball rooms. Plenty of light: through the clamors of the people, who are also, even in dav time, conduces to health. the real sovereigns of the country, and the The inhabitants of dark courts, like prison-1 only taxpayers, took off the tax on tea ami ers, wilt arid grow wan. coffee, so by the same ins-.runn-ntahfy, will

A long life-is rarely the lot of a passion ate person. Indeed, only an iron constitu lion can frequently withstand recurring belong, on the lree list alongside ol their tempests of anger, hate, jealousy, and oth-: kindred, liiis wid be done if it can be or evil emotions. Literally is such an in-' shown that the present duty is unjust, individual 'given over to a demon to be rack- creasing the pnee to the consumers who arc

v. i' cd and torn year bv year till life escapes' the working men, and that it is not needed

I was a genera a he same is true in regard to our best beneath the "torture To be for any purposes of revenue. I deprecate This order will confine these gentlemen to anagement—and I had moral impressions and sentiments. They

.u.mK. ,just

uti

ul u,e

luruiit. xo ue j»m,

0 a a

'"live lon"?

—whether death came'at forty or whether unparalleled, and no cloud overhangs our and at the signal a thousand ships of war there is cause, and ji'st cause and a hundred thousand sanors, perform her existence was prolonged lo the scriptural tuture, yet^ three score years and ten."

»"'r

com] hunt

com]

growing oi

to tnose ood old age.— olates them may

table and regular as those of astronomy.--. svstemlmposed by Congress, which, up to lions of human beings feel the slightest -mini" ro ihtxfi laws mnv 3 S !G was quite exhorbitant, and made so pressure oi her foot. Come, all ye cohand knetl before the Queen o!

coffee and a few other articles, which arc placed on the "free list," paying no duty or tax whatever. The rate of duties by the 'act of Congress of 104G, was avowedly established for revenue purposes alone—to

kinds of dissipation, is provide means to carry on Government, l3ut excess is and the then able Secretary of the Treasury,

Mr. Walker, estimated thai, under its op eration, we might, reasonably calculate on a

dollars annually, and that we could bring our expenses down to that amount, so that

(o raise that amount, the proceeds of their labor beyond that, remaining in their own where it of right should be. But

the amount of taxes raised under this law, has vastly exceeded, though wc have had a foreign war in the mean time, all his calculations, bringing in a yearly revenue of nearly sixty millions of dollars and after

paying all the interest on the debt created

by that war, and buying in our bonds at an advance of twenty per cent, on their par

value, and defraying all the expenses of the Government, paying pensions, Indian annuities—supporting the Army and the Navy—building fortifications and paying our foreign ministers and agents, leaving a surplus in the Treasury of more than twenty-five-millions of dollars, for which the Government has no earthly use whatever!!— Now, is not this a just subject of complaint, with a hard working people, many of whom have paid, out of their own pockets, in the shape of duties a greater proportion of that surplus thus remaining idle and useless in the Treasury, than rich men, who do not consume many of the dutiable articles?— Many of our farmers and mechanics with large families, consume more sugar and molasses, for example, which is taxed at 30 per cent, on their value where grown or manufactured, than John Jacob Astor did, or Stephen Girard either, when living, because their families arc larger—they have more mouths to feed. I instance sugar and molasses, for they are in use in more forms lhan tea or coffee and have become articles of necessity. This duty of thirty percent, enhances the price of each pound of sugar and each gallon of molasses consumed by the working man and his family, and contributes very materially to make up that monstrous surplus in the Treasury. The

Congress take it off from sugar and molasses, and place them where they so justly

reiterated, and fas- sexagenarian Yet indolence either taken from the hard earnings of the people, I stronger is furnished in the public build-

Either course

answer to his request, replied:—"My Dear figures as will startle them, and prompt

Sir—I do not doubt but the devil has been, them to petition Congress, at its coming sesand still is in Boston but it will be difficult sion, to place them on the free list, and to comply with your request, for the reason thus cheapen them to those who use them that Boston influence is so strongly in his! Oct., 1C5.~3. CLIFTON. favor, it will be impossible to bind him.

A Yankee, writing from the West,

to his father, speaks of its great matrimonial facilities, and ends by making the following suggestion "Suppose you get our girls some teeth and send them out."

A subject cf great importance to you ncss of Queen ictoi ia's empire as follows: and to the people of the L'nited Stales in "The Queen of England is now somcigtf general, has received but little attention over one continent, a hundred peninsulas from vou, for the reason probably, that five hundred promontories, a thousand everv" department of business lias, fcr years hikes, two thousand rivers, and ten thctia-. pust, been in a very flourishing condition, and islands. Sl.e waves her hand, and livif and more exciting subjects have been l»e- hundred thousand warriors march tc battle,' fore vou. Our prosperity as a people, is to conquer or to die. She bends her head/

1 the accumulation of large sums of money cold water during office hours, as nothing

Government purposes

as few Americans permit themselves to rust I which they have earned by the sweat oft //n re-'r ri was^about now, we dismiss part of our subj,ct their brows presents the most

»t iu »i anu int. mi. uu f.V have something weighing heavily on ray foolish, and die prematurely

sphere, to Produce such a s,-ite

is before you reader!—Plata. Lcdyer. I propose to show in a series of numbers adulterating mv drugs, and I am I addressed to the people ot this otate, that. Effects of Wno.sc SpEt.Llxo.-Xotlong the present duty of DO per cent, advalorum ,»«?, «PP«lcnsive lest 1 w,II not 00 pardon, since, a gentleman, then a chorister of a! on sugar and molasses, is unnecessary and

since, a gentleman, men a cnurisier oi a: uu augcu anu i.- uiun.it.Mni "Well* a certain choir in Vermont, wrote to a cer- unjust, and operates as a heavy tax on the

tain publisher in Boston, for a copy of that masses, who are the greatest consumers of

nnrtnUr cmfrintr Knnl- oriiiflft/1 I lio inHisnpnsab!fi arliclf^s. and that the

singing book, entitled "The Ancient. those indispensable articles, and that the Lvre." I entire duty could be taken off without injury In his communication he used the follow- to any important interest of our widely ing language: Please send me the Ancient spread country. If I can get the attention Liar "veil bound." The publisher, in of the people, I will give such facts and

Prince Albert has adopted the American Reaper on his model farm.

TERMS OF ADVERTISING:

One square three insertions, $1.00 Each additional insertion, .25 Quarterly advertisements per square $8.00 Yearly advertisers allowed a very liberal discount. Patent Medicine advertisements by the

IJIrink.-

(ice.

AGE of Progress.] Em.PIRB

on the part cf the peoph-. bidding on the ocean. She walks upon the of tlie operation of the tariff earth, and ore hundred and twenty mil1'

for the purpose of fostering certain inter-. querors, csts of certain States. In the year 1C4G it England, and acknowledge the superior ex1 was so much reduced, as to relieve the. tent of her dependent provinces, her sub working classes from roary of their bur-.jugated kingdoms, and her vanquished ctiidens. °Yet under the tariff of that rear, pi res. The Assyrian empire was not stf all articles imnorted into this country irom wealthy, ne Roman empire tfas ficft st/ abroad, are taxed thirty per cent, on the populous.. uThe Persian empire was not stf value where made or grown, to be paid by [extensive. 1 he Arabian empiie was iio't vou who consume them, except tea and

ve ir. per column, fSO.O'tf, l'atciit Mijdicine puffs, single insertion per bcn.-ir^. on the pernor of Main and WoshinffIon strtfis. third story in K. 21. Fry's brick build'•inii. iniiiit-uiatelv weal ol the Court

IIoum:.

of all kinds, for Kale at tliit* Of

OF QfEEN

Sl'CAU DUTIES. his "Boundaries of Empire," rather grand-' TO TI!E n:oI'T OF THE west. iloquently dishes up the wonder and great

VICTORIA.—Finchfi, iti

extensive. The Arabian empire was not so powerful. The Carthaginian empire was not so widely diffused. We have overrun a greater extent of country than Attila, that scourge of God, ever ruled We havc subdued more empires and dethroned more kings than Alexander of Macedon! We have conquered more nations than Napoleon, in the plentitude of his power, ever subdued! We have acquired a larger extent of territory than Tamerlane the Tartar ever spurred his horse's hoof across." This is indeed a proud boast, and should stimulate to good actions.

Tactics for Church-Goers.—The following on "Church Etiquette," is not much of an exaggeration of what sometimes happens after services have begun, to the edification of the curious in the congregation, and for the comfort of the nerves of the pulpit:—"Let the lady advance one pace beyond the door of the pew she wishes to enter, halt, about face, and salute. The

pew must then be vacated by such gentle

Tyranical.—Great complaints arc made by some of the Government clerks, at Washington on account of the recent order requiring them to be at their desks every day from 9 o'clock, A. M., until 3 P. M., and prohibiting them going out of their office to ''take drinks," on pain of removal.

re-! tvranical order, and complaints are loud

IT]V min(] Several

raIg

Mosquitoes are great tools, to hang S&T An intelligent and enterprising Chn about gentlemens' bed rooms, when there nese merchant in Sacramento, California, so many juicy looking gin's about town.— advertises among other articles of traffic. Wo wishwe had their wings and impudence, dried worms for soup.

*xuj'j4 ican urKey ftas under arm?.'

by such gcfitlc-'

are jn by fl mk raovcment

I squad should rhe simultaneously when the !Vuihidv presents herself, and face by the right.

Th«

flank then deploy into the asile, the head man facing the ladv, and the rest passing to his right and rear, the direction of tho line being changed by aright countermarch,and forming again in a line, up and dowi* the asiln, still faced by the right flttnk.— The lady when she sees that the coast ii clear, completes her salute, and advances lo her position in the pew The gentlemen break off by angles from the rear, and re-' sume their places. Great care should be' taken, of course, by other parlies, not to enter the ai.-le when this evolution is in pro gross, until it is completed."

Boys.—Boys—when they are boys—ar£ queer enough. How many ridiculous no Lions they have, and what singular distress, which in after life change and shape themselves into characteristics! Who remembers when he would have sold his birth-right for a rocking horse, and his r.ew suit ol clothes for a monkey? Who forgets the sweet-faced girl, older than himself, against whose golden hair he leaned and Wept his grief away? Who recollects when the thought of being a circus rider appeared greater than to be President and how jealously he watched the little fellows that woro the spangled jackets and turned somersets, and prayed to become like one of them? If memory preserves not these capacities, or something similar, the boy is lost in tho man. Happy visions, they ccme but once, and go quickly, leaving us even to sigh for a return of what can never bc again.

druggist of Philadelthe point of

years ago I was in tho

Wi sai( th(! doc[or lhey say God

is merciful, and he may forgiv' but if I were he, I'd see you d—d first.*

The attention of those who stand in need of a "word in season" to remind them of "sins of commission," is invited to the

,., stanza,

dream:

Would that it were not

.We had a uream ttia"other night, When all nround WBs r-till W.- drearm-ri wo saw a host of folks

Pay up the Printer's hill.

tw'-r hundred thousand inert