Bloomington Progress, Volume 25, Number 13, Bloomington, Monroe County, 20 May 1891 — Page 4

Three elderly sreutlemen, all colloga graduates, were discussing tbe effect of time in obliterating early training at school. One of them, Mr. A., asserted that they bad ait forgotten nearly everything they learned at school, and tills tbe second gentletuau, Mr. B., as strenu

ously denied. "For InaUoiee.'' said Mr. A, toMr. R, what do yon know about Geometry now? AnytntDg at all?" "Certainly." saki B.-, "a nod deal "WeM." said the third man. Mr C breaking in, "let's have a little examination, iu, what la tne shortest distance netween two points called?" "A railroad," said MV. Su, promptly. Mr. B. laughed heartily. "Well, B." said "perhaps you can me what the shortest distance be tween two points ia?""A telegraph line, of course," said Mr. B., triumphantly. Fowttrs Compamkm. Clara (haughtily) I went to the theater every night last week add had a dlfDlHHitaiiMu4 aaith Hmb " Krval Belle (vindictively) toa should no nore eoonous, ay dear. "Caattous?" - "Tea, By dear. Ill-natured people ail over town are saying -you can't get tbe same man to go with yon twice." aew jtotk weeny. 8 rr af Figs, aioteed (ran the kuattra and nutrltlo iatea California Ha ooablud with thai rtistasl virtues of pleats known to be Host tea aflnlsl to thaaBautasyataauaata ily on the kidneys, liver and aowels. snaetns By cleansing the system, d! oMe a4 anartsohae. as4eMia At whtet,agentleman loses tbe odd trick, upon which the rubber turned, through tbe bad play of his partner, who failed to respond to his call for trumps, and so rained a .magnificent hand and good "Hard lines." said a friend who was looking oo, sympathetica; and significantly. - "Yes," was the reply, "hot what could one do against three such adversaries?" AU O Tear ibnend. Anxious Friend Mercy! What's the matter? Star Actress Boo-hoo! Oh, that manager Is too mean, he's trying to rain, my The brute. How?" "I refused to ulav In a new nart. and be boe-hooC he hasn't sued me Cor i at tih" New ITeekt. ' vTnar- ls 1 eea Dea&was. A perceptible decrease fn deafness has been noticed of late, which is partly aoeoanted lor by those in position to know to the more general sue of artificial means stow perfected to a degree hitherto eonaidered impossible. A very complete devtoe of this kind was invented in Bridgewort, Conn., a tow years ago by H. L V.L. ImU. mIbimJ ImUs mm la worn with" a secret delight by many waoae deafnesa is thns never snspeeted. Belast taw Ims i i la tho case of a big- merchant In Chisago ft has been discovered that while he gives $35.000 per year to charity he Is keeping a hundred emDtoyea in.- bis store on starvation wages. Some of Ms auurled clerks had to pawn most of their farattore to get through the winter. -vnca a use. and ever a ens torn." i a warata against bad habits and anraeoar acamM fotmavod oiies. Use a oaks of 8APOLIO inst ones and -ran will i - A man who was arrested In Chicago for singing "Sweet Bye and Bye" as he tried to beat claiming that religious songs were always in order, but his honor said ene of 'est frequently disturbed the peace more than Ave "Old Black Jobs," and made thesentenee thirty days. yon at to aw mnlsafcMtaea, aw, labor, reel and health r All these can ba saved U you will tr Dobbins' KhMtria weiST v"' nowgU yon try It roa will always usa fc. Berlin's Society for the Homeless she), sored last Tear 108,000 men and 15,500 women. Since 1870 the society has assisted, with lodgings, baths, breakfasts, -and medicinal care, 2,20,ooo persons. . T ant happiness of mother and ehfldoa'Bends apon tse health of both, a lady writes: T(y boy and 1 are splendid, thanks! to Mrs. glnkhaai and the Vegetable Compound. It is claimed that there fa) scarcely an acre or ground in Lmmpaln County, 6eorgfa,in which geld cannot be found. WTff-aBTOa1usiiginurlrJI,llai si sal wm Tie ia mm go Ha mat a t day as, & wsSgaearyrMid Miiiatrm Tn fallow wneusnaed-' ia his sleeve bad ftlWMpasawt'ty aWagTfwaw-aalatneisJ . nURAX.QXA, AYER'S Sarsaparilla . at Um hMdf : mil blood Ttiwdlctnea. lias Cured Others cpwaa, dysphiia, mt&mUc, iheammtiBm tmtmnhy mndexciatM. If Will Cure You SHILOH'S consuppTion CURE. The asm of Ob Gnat Osmh Case b lapaaBd hi the aiatary of mcdicms. t am aathonsed to mil it on a pos- , a tratnacno other care can scL That it mar become knowa. she FteaahAots at an cnoimoas expense, ate .aiBcaax a Saample Battle 7ms into every hasm ktVlSaaed aattssad Canada. If yoahave aCoagh, Sen Thmat, or Etancmhs, me ft, for HwDlrmeyoa. If yomchOd am the Csosp, or Wteoptag Cosfh, aaekpnaipdy. andienef fctame. V ma dmad Oat rnddfews chmam don, use it. Ass yoar Brngpat tar :"S CURE, Met loots., jo cm. and are son or Back , Itaxascta,

illaianililliiliiH1tni afaaahaafaa mmammmgfUtWmmmmmmmmt

THE UITTLC SHOES. A fab of IltUe slippem, Or shoes, no matter the name, I sometimes meet as I rummage, And a sigh betrays the pain That lingers in my bosom i And I sit in the garret there In thought at a vanished summer Thatgave a bud most rare. Ton would forgive the tear-drop Too' men must be firm, they say If you knew of the blossom which faded And fell with tbe rowers of Hay: Of how, on the quiet hillside, We broke the carpeted sod And laid away our portion Of the angel returned to God. Unsung sleep these dear secrets. And only now and t ion Are we permitted to vander Away from the marts of men To dwell with our household treasures - And their history, as we choose Dreaming such dreams as mine to-day Of this little pair of shoes. Eu Forar. 8. D.

Dr.Elfenstein'sIIission

I Remarkal Romance. BY EMILY THORNTON. CHAPTER XXTE. arum, mrramiAln kbcsivbs ax oitcb. "Miss Nevergatl,"said Andrew, a pompoos footman at Castle Cairn, as he knocked at tho door of Lady Lin wood's boudoir, and was bidden to enter, "a gentleman is in drawing-room who wishes to see you. " "Did he give you a card?" "So, miss, neither would he tell his "Do too. know him?" still Queried Ethel. "I cannot call his name, yet I have often seen him." "It is of no consequence. I wilL be with him presently," returned the governess, as she resumed her book and continued the lesson aha was giving her charge. on no account would sue neglect a duty for any person whatever. When the task was finished, and not until then, she descended the grand broad stairway and entered the drawingroom of the castle. There a Surprise, indeed, awaited her. in the presence of Bobert Glendennlng. Certainly she had never anticipated a visit from her former tormentor, and the sight of him now brought back so many, unpleasant recollections that she hastily turned to retreat. Too later The young man started forward and placed himself between the door and her slight figure, thus completely preventing her sodden flight. "Paxdou me. Miss Kevergall," he re marked, in a perfectly respectful manr, Terr different from his former unpleasantly familiar one. "I am very anxious to have a IltUe conversation with yon, before leaving this place forever, and therefore I beseech you to remain a few minutes. I promise not to detain yon long." "Very welL." returned the young girl. gravely, taking the seat he offered her. "Why do yon leavd shire?" "The death of my uncle has, or course, deprived my sister and myself of his care and guardianship. As the title and estate now fail to nis younger Drotncv, Fltzroy, the present incumbent must ro ve and leave the hail, to be occupied or not by the new baronet, as he seen fit. Lady Constance will seek a residence with some relatives in London, and wo shall make a home somewhere together, Here the young man paused, greatly embarrassed for a proper conclusion to the sentence he had commenced. Breaking the silence again, for it was becoming oppressive, ho resumed: "Miss thei, I coma this morning to lay before yon a proposition that I hope wilt meet with your approval anil sanc tion. I mast first, however, express to yon my deep regrets for the offensive manner in which I used to treat you. I know not why I was led to make myself so disagreeable. I was probably prompted by a spirit ot mischief, but as soon as yon left the Hall so suddenly I oecame aware oi my great mistake. "l never tnougnt 1 should mls yon as much as I did, but as soon as I could see' yon no more I became miserable. I lost my appetite and was almost beside my self with despair. I saw then, for the first tune, that I really loved you. "Nay," said he, seeing her start up In dignantly, aa though to leave him, "do not go. Allow me to finish what I came to say. I loved' yon, but I felt that It was without hope. In my egotistical haste I knew that . I had won, perhaps what I merited, your contempt. To-day leit that 1 could endure this misery no longer. I resolved to see you, to ask forgiveness for my course in the past, and to crave the privilege of retrieving my former mistake by being allowed to visit yon as a friend until I can win your love and ask you to become my wife. . If yon will permit me thus to visit you, I will send my sister to a safe retreat with a lady friend, and will take board In this village, where I can see yon often, and finally succeed in perhaps winning your regard." "Mr. wendennlng." interposing iStbel. "what you propose is an utter ImpossiMuty, l can and do forgive tne annoyance I confess your conduct occasioned me fat other days, but the proposed visits I must positively decline. It could never result as you seem to Imagine, for. assure yon my affections could never "Yon are hasty in thus answering." interrupted tho lover. "Ton surely cannot thus foretell what your feelings would be Ruder such different auspices. Allow me." "Indeed, indeed, Mr. Glendennlng, I must interrupt you by distinctly saying 1 that, as I am situated, I cannot receive visits; therefore, l must beg of you to receive this, my final answer. It would be the same after years of friendly Intercouise. I do not love you, and I never can love you. I forgive you, and will ever think of you kindly; beyond that we can never go." "Then there is no necessity for my re maining," be said, sadly, as he arose to leave. "None whatever," was the firm reply. "Miss Kevergafl, believe me, as long as I live I shall regret having made your residence at the Hall so disagreeable. sou certainly had enough to endure in being under obligations to amuse an irritable invalid. The rude manner in which you were dismissed excited my deepest sympathy," t ot wuicn l am very grateim, ginoiy returned the young girl. U ever, as a friend, i can serve you in any manner, will you allow me to do so?" "I will if I know your address. " rrhat to not quite decided, but I will leave it wish the Postmaster of this place. And now, thanking you for your kind forgiveness, although feeling deeply for my unrequited love, X will bid yon farewell." Bobert Glendennlng held out his hand aa h spoke, and seeing that genuine tears were floating In his eyes Ethel laid hers in it without hesitation. Stooping over the little white hand he pressed his lips upon It, then hnrrledly left Use room and she saw his face no That night the whole family left the Hall, and the grand old mansion was closed waiting for the arrival, or orders, of Sir ntsroy Glendennlng. - The residence of this gantleman wm unknown, nut it was believed that he went to America, therefore every effort was to be made by tlie proper ones to discover his retreat, In order to make

known to Him the honors that wnei U anMntainiss. . nnaw ajfayaBTwvv

Tot, while this resolve and duty was to bo immediately put in force, many hearts reboUed against his return, and the present aspect of affairs certainly did not denote esteem or affection. All united in feeling that, although acquitted by law of any knowledge of his unhappy brother's fate, circumstances still looked very dark where he was concerned. CHAPTER XXVUV Viol XYSTKBIOUS WAUdH. Drawing an easy seat close to the center-table for Mrs. Clum to occupy, Dr. Elfonstoln soatod himself in his own office chair, and laying the wallet before him, said; "This, Mrs. Clum, Is a little bag, containing something. very much-valued by the poor man who has just left this world. I presume it will acquaint us with tho residence and address of his near relatives. In order that they may bo notified of his death, I deem It my duty to immediately examine. Its contents, and as I do so 1 wish you to be present as a witnoss to tho transaction." Signifying her willingness to be this witness, Mrs. Clum bade him proceed. The keys to the wallet Dr. Elfensteih found tied close to the edge of tho handle. Insorttng this In tho lock, he at once opened it and drew forth Its contents. All that presented Itself to his notice was about fifty pounds In money, and a, package of closely written papers. These papers wore without address or signature, but seemed a short Journal of dal'.y events. Little did Dr. Elfenstoln dream, as ho so coolly turned ovor these leaves, that they contained matters so vitally important to himself and his future life. Seeing no other mode of ascertaining who tbe dead man really was, the Doctor commenced at tho beginning to read what follows: "Juno 18 "My God, my Godl Why hast Thou forsaken me? Is now almost daily my cry. j "Alonel horribly, cruelly alone! how can it be that I still exist? i "Nearly eighteen years have I survived this dreadful solitude, and not until today have- 7, gained from my unnatural keeper the slight boon of pen, ink and paper. This gained, I will divert my

self by noting down soma Incidents, of my life. But to what purpose do I write? "Who can ever read what, out of an aching heart, I shall commit to these pages? "I know notl let, after my death, some person may penetrate this living tomb, and then they shall here see recorded the terrible wrong, the fearful fate that has thus befallen an unhappy peer of the realm! "Have I been missed from my home? Hai any one mourned over my unexplained absence? Has my poor Constance wept over my loss? And has my dear brother Fltzroy forgiven my harshncs i now that he thinks me dead? " Dead? Yes; all think me dead! " see clearly at this late date the whole of Beginald's fiendish plot "He used that dagger on my arm to 'draw blood, in order to leave the Impres sion that I had been murdered, before he shut me into this living tomb. "Vet I live. I, Sir Arthur Glendennlng, Barb, am alive to-day, incarcerated In t his concealed room, built in the ruined part of my own residence." "Ha!" exclaimed Earle Elfenstoln, starting to his feet as he read thus far. "What have I here? If this be true, we have an explanation of Sir Arthur's fate. Mrs. Clum, we must have others present at the reading of this Important paper. Let" us both seek Instantly for the presence of our neighbors. Will you summon Lawyer Huntley, who lives next door, while 1 go for Bev. Mr. Lee? Not one moment will wo waste, for who knows but yonder corpse may be all that is left of poor Sir Arthur Glendennlng." Replacing the papers and keeping the precious wallet in his hand, Earle at once left the house for the manse, while Mrs. Clum ran out to summon Mr. Huntley. . In less than half an hour they both returned to tbe physician's office, accompanied by the above-named gentlemen. Then, while eager attention was to be seen on every face, the Doctor again opened tho wallet and read as. far as we have written above. "Merciful heaven, can this be true!" exclaimed Mr. Huntley. "Doctor, please read that last clause once more I am so dazed with surprise that I can scarcely understand it." "Vet j. live. , sir Arthur Glenden nlng, Bart am alive to-day. Incarcerated in this concealed room, built in the ruined part of my own residence," again read Dr. Elfonstein. After a pause he continued: "The fact that this room existed was known only to my father, Sir Geoffrey, and ho, shortly before his death, confided the secret to my brother Reginald and myself. We three were alone together when no taught us how to open tho panels by the aid of a sharp pointed knife; and after leading us inside this strange apartment, he charged us to keep the existence of the place a profound secret, as tho time might come when such a hidden retreat might become of immense im portance. "Dear father! how little did he dream that Reginald, for the sake of usurping my lawful title and estates, would drag me hither, in the darkness of night, and, by chaining me like a beast to the floor, by the help of his valet, Antoine Duval, keep me a prisoner for months, years, life! "Oh. that horrible Antoine! bow I al ways disliked his soft, fawning ways, his smooth tongue and cringing airs. "Villain that he isi Villains, Indeed both master and man. "But I will not thus anticipate. I will go back to our father's leading his two young sons to this place, and pointing out Its many conveniences for spending a time in hiding. " 'see,' he said, 'here Is a bathroom. with all its appointments, opening from this small and neatly furnished bedchamber. Soft mattresses, plenty of bedding, heat from an unseen register, through pipes leading to the kitchen ranges. Oh, everything ls complete!' "it was the only time l ever saw this room, until the night I was thrust within it by my Inhuman brother, Reginald, two days and one night after I was forcibly taken from my bed. "Ah, that night! whan they overpow ered me in my own room, shall I over forget it? "Shall that terrible scene ever be oblit erated from my weary brain? "I had retire! rather earlier than usual, and had fa. Ion immediately asleep. About midnight, I should Judge, I was awakened by feeling a hand pressing something to my nostrils. "X Instantly had my eomplete senses, so dashed the hand with the chloroformed sponge trom my face, then sprang with a bound upon the floor. "Two men stood above me. ana firm hands seized and pressed me back, while a gag was forced into my mouth. "A dim light was burning, and I saw that, although masked, one figure was like Fitzroy's, and his dressing-gown was wrapped around his form. CHAPTER XXVm. TBI JOURNAL COHXIHiniD. On how I struggled to free myself! Once I did get a hand loose, and tore the mask: from one face, to find It was not Fltzroy but Reginald who was perpetrating this outrage upon me, his eldor brother. "Turning then to tho other, I recognized the form and voice of Antoine Duval. "In the courso of the conflict, Beglnalddrewouta dagger and plunged It into my arm, then threw the dagger, red with blood, on the carpet, saying grimly: "'Fitzroy's dagger. Lie there and testify that he did this deed!' "Oh, my brother, my innocent brother) have they dared accuse thee of my death? "This question harrows me night and dav. "Alas! I tremble for Fitzroy, when such a fiend as Reginald has proved himself to be is lot loose upon his track. "But to go on; Binding w hands "I

for all my strength aould avail ltttl against two hardy mon they passed a

rope around my body, after first nutting on my clothing, and, dragging me from toe window, swung me from the bai' cony to the ground below. "Carrying then my helpless form to the lake, they there bound up my wounds, staunching the flow of blood, which until then they had allowed to drip as it would, then turned and noiselessly bore me to a lonely cave, situated in the heart of Demon's Wood a place novor frequented, and, I presume, thi existence of whlon was unknown. "This place had been prepared for my reception, and after fastening me firmly to a staple with a chain they had In readiness, they left me, gagged and helpless, there alone, for two cays and one night "Twice they both camo with food, and, while one stood with a pistol over my head, to prevent a word, the other fed me. "On the second night they visited m about midnight, and, merely saying: . " 'All is now ready for your reception, rise and go with us,' they placed me In a wagon as before, and took me back ta the Hall. "Leaving the wagon concealed outside the grounds, they between them carried mo to the ruined part, and, entering, conveyed me into this, my prison, which they had secretly arranged ior my use, I was not brought here at once, it seems, because on the very night of their daring outrage they had discovered that some revolving iron shelves they had fitted to the, entrance could not be se curely fastened, as the large screws to be Inserted were too short Not wishing to postpone the horrible business, they had hastily nrenared the cave, ana ueiu there until other screws could be pro. cured. "Now all was ready, and here, Just eighteen years ago, I was thrust and kept a prisoner by means of a long chain fastened from my ankle to an iron bolt in the wall. "Not one word was spoken until I was securely fastened, then the gag was taken from my mouth and the ropes from my limbs. "At first my tongue and mouth we so stiff I could make no sound, but seeing that both were leaving me, tloslng the entrance securely inside by standing up tho shelves and tightly screwing in place the long screws, I found voice, and calling to thorn to pause I begged an explanation of the cruelty to which I had been subjected, and asked why I was to be imprisoned there and how long I was to be detained. "At first Beglnal would not answer, but finally he did astonish me by these words: " 'You are to be kept coicealed in this place as long as you live, to the sooner you die the bettor for all) I shall not, however, take you life! I never will be a murderer! Food will come to yon. everv night about half past nine or ten. on these shelves. You will empty the plate on dishes yon have here, and setting it back the empty plate will at onca return to me. By this returning plate I shall know you still live. When you fall to return it no mora will come, as yon will then be supposed to have died. I alone shall attend to sending this food.' to nx oosTiircisD.j THIS AND THAT. It would ba improper to apeak of the degree of D. D. aa pair o' D'a (pats odies) on religion. "Wurt wrontf, HankT I it that you can Get out ot debt that you deplore 7" Oh, not at all 1 Tit only that I cant gat Into debt ome more." ErpiBlJiEVT8 made in Austria show that the addition of soda to Portland cement enables it to withstand the action of frost. Seven little missionaries Horrible their i ate CaanibaU picked clean their bones, Then they wen ate. Everybody in the world is engaged in throwing tho blame on some one else. The small boy sings : Ot coarse I didn't unite forget To be polite at fast; And then I eat and eat and eat Until I thought I'd bust. Snatches (to Jones) Do you know that your chickens come over into my yard? Jones I supposed they did, for they never come back again. Night, and storm, and darkness, la an wondrous strong, Yet lovely In your strength, Asia tee fight Of a dark eye in woman. The man who argues with a woman can sympathize with the gentleman, who went to the bottom of the say. Am boos aeek roees in December, lee la June) Hope constaaey In wind, or com In ooafl; BefieTe a woman or an epitaph. Or any other thing that's ialie, before Ton trust la critloB. Niagaba has not been described in language. Even Byron's words, "The bell of waters I when they howl and Mm, give us a sort of water-color of the rushing river tides. Father of a modern son (to an equally afflicted neighbor) Is your son Tom doing anything for himself nowT Father No. 2 Oh, yes; Tom now ties his own oravate. Axd if we do but much the hour, Thre never yet was human power Which could evade, if onfarglTCQ, The patient search and vigil long Of him who treasures vp a wrong. The pencil of genius does more with a dozen words than the mere drudge could do with a volume. Byron's description of river illustrates this truth By the Dins tuahing of the arrowy Bhone.' The largest fruit farm in West Virginia is the Becker Farm, near Harper's Ferry. It contains 5,000 aprioot trees, 87,000 peach trees, 8,000 plum trees, 5,000 miscellaneous fruit trees and 36,000 grape vines. Yoioe of the western wind! Thou slnnst from afar, Bieh with the muilo of a land Where all my memories an But In thy song I only hear The echo of a tow That fell divinely on my eat In days forever flown. Or.D mouse What are yon soreaming for, youngster? Little mouse- I put my npse into that room and I was nearly scared to death. Old mouse What did you see to frighten yon so? Little mouse Oh, the zoom was full of young ladies. Ax last the golden Oriental gate Ot greatest heaven 'gan to open fair, And Phoebus, fresh as bridegroom to his mate. Came dancing forth, shaking his dewy hair, And hurls his glistening beams through gloomy air. Hundreds of thousands of letters and parcels partially or incorrectly addressed are mailed every year in the postofBoes of this country. No pupil should be in any public school of this country for three months without being taught to adebjess a letter properly. Oh, why should tbe spirit of mortal be proud? The largest of men ls eoon lost in the crowd; And the man who is talked about moitnever knows That the world regards only the flt of his clothes. Ben's the truest of all things about man e'er said: The world never makse a man great till he's Too much pains oannot be taken in addressing letters. The writing upon, an envelope should be very plain and distinot and the full name of the State) should be written. We now have so many States that it la unsafe to use abbreviations for them. Axn what if Trade low oltlM lake shells along the bore j And thatch with towns the prairie broad, Wlthrallwayr ironed o'er J They are but Bailing foam bells Along Thought's eouriing stream, And take their shape and sua color from him who sends tbe dreasa. A westkbn exchange says: "We are thankful to a kind Providence for pulling us through an unpleasant cassvof 'shot in the back,' and we are gaOft this week to resume our editorial duttes. That son of a coyote who shot us, we are thankful to state, only lived ten minutes after we had him in range, We hope to be instrumental in sending several more innlL .carV' to arwwai . wtw wauns.

r HUMOR. It Straw. '--

First Bad Spirit (on the way to a warm climate) "You don't look very wiojceo," Second Bad" Spirit "I am not. am only unfortunate. In life I was a printer " "Isee. Yohr mistakes caused a great deal of profamity." "Tea; bull I might have been forgiven them , all if it had not been for one thing. On my last day at the case X sec up tne line 'Hell hath no fury like a woman with corns.' That was the last straw, and here lam." Street & Smith's Qood Hews. Designating the Brand. Mr, Mossbunker Well. Honev moon, they tell me you've been get ting ninrnea. Mr. Honeymoon I am proud to fay, sir, you have been truthfully informed. Mr. M. UmphI Well, how do you like married life? Mr. H. My dear sir, it is a veritable dream to me. Mr. M. Precisely what it's been to me. Mr. H. Yes. Mr. M, Yes; one of that kind of dreams that are continually breaking out wvi nigotmares. A Tight Hqtieeie, Bride-elect Let's see. dear, the wedding takes place at 9 and the train leaves at 12, and Fve got to change my satin weaaing dress for one to travel in. How can I do it? Bridegroom-elect Well, that will give yon three hours, darling. Bride-elect True: but iust think. I've got to be kissed by all of my old auuurers. uiook neview. A Starter for a Sonnet. Will Help me out, old boy. I'm inditing a sonnet to the dear, pert lit tie nez retrousse. Give me a starter. Harry Open up with something ap propriate irom nagspeare. For in stance: lhat which we call a nose. by any other name would smell as well. ratsburg Bulletin. Couldn't Agree with Him, Parson Time heals all things, my ueurmra. xouier. Mrs, D. Beokon not. Parson. take notice I baiter tackle my boys' books every wees. A Xf atrimoalml Vontnro. Blinkers Hello, Winkers. I hear you married a woman with an inde pendent fortune. Winkers (sadly) N-o; I married a fortune witn an independent woman. A Strlklna Teitlmuuiil. Dr. Brown That was a very interesting case of Miu Sqnaller's. For nearlv a veu&r she had Inst liar vniiu An. tirely, but I succeeded in restoring it Friend You deserve a testimonial to your skill. Dr. Brown I received one this morning. The man who lives next door to Miss Squaller shot at me. West Shore. A Practical joke. Tramp "Yon gave me a counterfeit fo bill a few moments ago. Practical Joker "If 6 1 he! he! ho! ho! Found it out. eh! "Yes, sir; and on my information, an officer is now looking for vou. Gim me $5 in good money and I'll throw 'em on rne track. Thanks. Ta, tar Street & Smith's Good News. Had Snnwred Enough, St. Peter "Humph! I don't know about letting yon in." New Arrival Me? I was a clergyman. " "I know it. But you had charge ol a fashionable church at a fat salary, which you spent in the luxurious adornment of your grand residence; and you were given a long vacation and a trip to Europe every summer.'' "Y-e-s; but whenever I went to Eu rope I had to spend ail my time trav eling in the Holy Land." "You have suffered enough. Come in,- jsw xotk neeciy. Very mortifying. "His affliction is a dreadful mortifi cation to Hoffy." "What is his trouble?" "He has an ingrowing mustache." Van Ku.l Vnm. Dauirhter .after the ihnniri That. play was so interesting, I couldn't do a tmng nut just sit and listen ton, !FBiihinnaldA'kTntr(ov riv,. olviMin. able, the wav win watahod flint. Wla,. .reopie must nave tnougnt we were - l , . - uviu vwp wimtry. Profit ami toes, Foreign guest The Indians are rather expensive, I presume. American citizen No. not while we let them live; it's killing them that counts. The An- or Speed. Friend Let's go round to Boozles. Police iustine All richt. Ttn wit.li you in three minutes. Got only ifty more cases to dispose of. Our Flexible l anguage. "How sad she looks sinoe her en tracement has been broken I She seems ut terly crushed." "And her sister, who has just become emraired.is as happy as a lark. In fact. sho seems completely mashed." Inamnapom Journal. A Bishop's Tlt-for-Tat. A canital storv is tnld nf ma nf nnv ieadinir hishnrui. wall knnwm fn. 1,,'s good sense and rare wit, says the jjonaon apeciaior. ae was staying at the house of a country gentleman who posed as an ardent total abstainer. During dinner on the first day of the bishop's visit, there being nothing to j i . .1. , . . uriuo. on ua tspie oesiues syrups ana mineral waters, the host, turning toward his reverend truest, said in on undertone: "My lord, you will find some wine in your oearoom. The bishon. witheharaoteriHtintastn liriaftv acknowledged this curious concession, and partook of the refreshment placed l. . . l. ; c ..l u t.21- - . IWMHO U.U.. WUIO BUU W 111 it? aiLUT this the bishop received his teetotaler trie ad with becoming hospitality at the Dalaoe on a return visit. Durinr din ner his lordship quietly remarked to his guest: "Mr. So-and-so, you will find some water in your bedroom.'' Mune'ary Xtotn. A few niirhts aim a nnlif.man Kolf-a a suspicious-looking colored man who had a trunk on his shoulder. "Where are yon going with that trunk?" asked the minion of the law. "De family I has been boarding wid has been axing for money, and as dev was dnnfl trnna Ant. lav niiif T f-,,,.1r .f. vantage of de opportunity tor git inter aomo larni y wua'. nas some consideration for de panicky condition ob de

Volsenoaa Pleats and Flowers, There are many plants whose leaves, flowers and seedKcontain virulent poisons, which everyone should know, so as to avoid them and keep children from them. Buttercups possess a poisonous prop erty which disappears when the flowers are dried in hay; no cow will feed upon them while in blossom. So caustia are the petals that they will sometimes inflame the skin of tender fingers. Every child should bo cautioned against eating thorn; indeed, it is desirable to caution children about tasting the petals of any flower, or putting leaves into their mouths, except those known to be harmless. The oleander contains a deadly poison in its leaves, and is said to be a dangerous ?lant for the parlor or dining.room. 'he flower and berries of the wild briony possess a powerful purgative; and tho red berries, which attract children, have proved fatal. The seeds of the laburnum and catelpa trees should be kept from children; and there is a poiaonooi property in their nark. The seeds of the yellow and of the roughpoddod vetches will produce nausea and severe headache. Fool's parsley has tuberous roots which have been mistaken for .turnips and produced a fatal effect an hone after they were ,?cten. Meadow hemlock is said to be the hemlock which Socrates drank; it kills by its intense action upon the nerves, producing complete insensibility, and palsy of the arms' and legs, and is a most dangerous drug, except in skillful hands. In August it is found in every field, by seashore and near mountaintops, in full bloom, and ladies and children gather its large clusters of tiny white flowers in quantities, without the least idea of their poisonous qualities. The water hemlock, or cow-bane, resembles parsnip, and has been eaten for them with deadly effects. The water-dropwort resembles celery when not in flower, and its roots are also similar to those of the parsnip, but they contain a virulent poison, producing convulsions which end in death in a short time. The fine-leaved water-drop-wort, and the common dropwort are also dangerous weeds. The bulbs of the daffodil were once mistaken for leeks and boiled in sonp, with very disastrous effects, making the whole household intensely nauseated, and the children did not recover from their effects for several days. Country Gentleman, Gen. Garfield was very anxious to see the world during his college life, and the first time he went to New York he haunted all parts of the city in the

strangest manner. .Everything was-l new to him, and he would walk along the wharves, putting his hands on the great ocean steamers and going upon them, thinking, no doubt, of the stories he would toll at home of his visit to the great city. One day ha entered an auctioneer's shop, where a brawny man with his sleeves bare was pounding and hammering away in tones of thunder to half a dozen straw men. It was jewelry that he was selling, and when Garfield entered he at once singled him out as a victim. He directed his talk to him and offered the goods at ridiculously low prices, aiming to get a bid. Garfield looked at him with his great eyes, and apparently was regarding linn as a new study of the genus homo. The auctioneer pounded away, but, finding he was making no impression, and that all his sarcasm, bantering and coaxing availed nothing against the honest stare, he grew very angry and jumped down from the box, saying ho would thrash the fool who would not take good goods as a gift. Garfield was standing in a corner. His hands were hanging by bis side, and he fixed his eyes sternly on the auctioneer as he approached, swearing and throwing his fists in true boxing style. The man came a little closer, but Garfield did not move. He still looked at him with those eyes of honest, stern determination. The man could not understand it. He quailed finally and slunk back without striking a blow. Had he not done so Garfield would have crushed him, for he was young then, and his frame was iron. He said afterward: "I was ready for the man, and, had he come within reach of my arm, I intended to give him one blow straight from the shoulder. I thought I was stronger than he, and 1 bad no inten tion of being whipped without a vigorous physical protest." Cleveland ieaaer. Changing Defeat to Victory. The genius of Sheridan at Winchester changed defeat to victory. So when feeble adversaries in the shape of inefficient remedlee faS to stay the progress ot that obetinate and malignant foe, malaria, noatetter's Stomach Bitten tarns the tide drives the enemy back. Nothing In mafrta mtliea, or out ot it, aompates with this as aa opponent ot every form ot malarial dis ease. Chills and fever, dumb ague, bilious remittent, and ague cake it matter not one and aU are extirpated by the Bitters. To take a course of the great preparati-a la advanoe of the malarial season Is to buckle on, aa It were, an armor of proof which defies attack. So fortilted, so protected, you shall ba scatheless. Hemembnr, too, that the Bitters is an enuUeator of liver complaint, constipation, rheumatism, kidney complaint-, and dyspepsia. Everybody Broke. Dedbroke It's no use denying that times are hard. I tested the matter thoroughly tbis morning. Jackson How? Dedbroke-! accosted a dozen prom inent citizens whom l met on tho street and asked each one for the loan of $5 for a short time only. Would you believe that not ono of the twelve had that paltry sum in his poekoL Harper Bazar. Light Wires. The overhead wires originally selected for the telephone service in London wore galvanized, and weighed 34 pounds to the mile; but these are now replaced by Silicon bronzo, welghiug thirty-six pounds per mile. nri t. T, onnsrrnH. Toledo, n . ears r "1 bare practiced medicine for forty years ; have never seen a preparation tnat 1 could presenile witn to much consaenee or success as l can 1111 s Catarrh Can.- Sou ByiVngguts, 70c, Com and ftoads tn Kansas. A Douglas County (Kansas) farmer was compelled to use four horses the other day to haul twenty bushels of corn to Lawrence, but he got Jl a bushel for it Bxiohak's Fills oure Billions- and Her. vous ins. An English paper says that Americans are good listeners. Our Invention of the tele phone prove tt. New York Jburnoi. A hen-iccksd husband Is often ohlokenhearted. Texat Sifttna. Makes the Weak Strong Tdj way In which Hood's BartaparUla builds up people la run down or weakened state of health eoBoluslvely proves the claim that this medicine toekes the weak stroDg. It does not set lire a stunulaat. Imparting BoUUoaa strength from which there must follow a reaction of greater weakness than before, bat in the most natural way Hood's .Banaparilla overcomes out tired (eeUas. creates en appetite, ptnifiee Ike blood. ana. in short, gins greet bodthr. sen, mental sad digestlTe ttrengta. Hood's Sarsaparilla SeU br ill dnwtlits. (l;alssrk Piaparsd only af C I. HOOD 0O- Uwell, Uua,

WO 00999 Out Ooliw

A Dear-Hate Caw. Alexander Skorkoff, the Russian veterinary surgeon, reports tho case of a deafmute cow. She is 13 years old, of Algava breed, belongs to a Bussian nobleman, and has never showed signs of hearing, or been known to bellow. Seeing that other cows bellow she tries to imitate them, stretching out her head and opening her mouth not. however, producing the least semblance to a sound. Two of her offsprings have been curiously malformed. One bad its tail directly between Its eyes; it lived but a week. The other Is a full-grown cow ot 5 years, with her udder In hor flank, about eight inches from her backbone. THE WABASH UE&TBe H-andsome equipment. . K-legaat day coaches, and -W-agaor palace a leaping eats A-ro In daily service B-etween the city of 8t Ixmla A-nd New York and Boston. S-pacious reclining ohair ears II-ave no equal IV-ike those run by the I- hcomparablo and only Wabash.' If -ew trains and fast tune E-very day in the year. from East to West the sun's bright ray. Smiles on tho line that leads the way. MAGNIFICENT TESTIBTJLR EXPRESS 1KAINS, running free reclining ohair oars and palace sleepers to St. Louis, Kansas City, and Council Bluffs. The direct route to all points in Missouri, Kansas. Nebraska, Iowa. Texas. Indian Territory, Arkansas. Colorado, Utah. Wyomfhg, Washington. Montana, and California, for rates, routes, maps, etc.. apply to any ticket agent or ado rei F. Okahsb. 6av Pass, and Ticket Agent. &, Mo. Inquisitive). Children are all the time holding up a mirrof in which older people may sec their own characters reflected. Here, for example, is a picture for nervous Invalids. "Have-you got a pain, my little puss?" said Mary's mother. "Yeth, mamma; ithurth like anything when I touch It." "Then I wouldn't touch it, dear." "But, mamma, I want to thee how mnch it hurth." Jester. "Papa." said mamma, "bring home a box of Bull's Worm Candy." She meant Dr. Bull's Worm Destroyers, but then tbe children call it eandy and papa knew what she wanted. By mail, 3$ cents, John D. Park, Cincinnati, Ohio. A Good Record. A man who has lived in Akron, Ohio, for forty-two years, has for the last twenty-eight never missed a week-day night of calling at a certain giocery store and sitting on the cracker barrel and tolling stories. He has told one certain story ovor and over at least 4,000 times, and it was a "made-up" story at that Wnr are you sick? Because yon have neglected Nature's laws. 8 he continually tries to correct the trouble, but cannot do It without assistance. Prickly Ash Bitters is the assistant needed, and with the help of this medicine your health will be fully restored. Give It a trial and watch the results. Heath to Hogs. A new insecticide is the subject of a Florida patent, It ls a compound of sulphur, caustic soda, chloride of sodium, nitrate of potassa, and water, tbe invention including the process by which the sulphur is reduced from a solid to a fluid condition. For strengthening and clearing the voice, use "BROWN'S BRONCHIAL 1 ROCHES." el have commended them to friends who were public speakers, and they have proved extremely serviceable." Rett. Henry Ward BccclUT, Chess Retorns. Mr, John Bland, a chess player, proposes to revolutionize the game by making the board nine squares wide, and adding besides a pawn another piece, to

be called tbe "Premier," possessing the combined powers of queen and knight, Taa best cougn medicine Is Flso's Core tor Consumption. Sold everywhere, aso. It must have been something fuuny that made Minnehaha. ' A heavy burden all the Ola and ailments that onlyfemale flesh is heir to. It rests with yon whether you carry it or lay it down. Ton can cure the disorders and derangements that prey upon your sex, with Dr. Pierce's Favorite Prescription. It's s legitimate medioine, carefully compounded by an experienced physician, and adapted to woman's delicate organization. For all organic displacements and weaknesses, accompanied by weak back, bearing-down sensations, and for all uterine diseases, it's a positive specific. It's guaranteed to giro satisfaction, in every case. If it doesn't, you've only to ask for your money and it's cheerfully refunded. If it does, you'll want auk- for nothint? more. It's the cheapest medioine you can use, because you only pay for the good you get It improves digestion, enriches the blood, invigorates the system, and produces refreshing aleep.

PILLS

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tPsT WORTH A GUINEA A BOX.-VC For BILIOUS & NERVOUS DISORDERS W Sick Headache, Weak Stomach, Impaired Digestion, Constipation, Disordered Liver, etcACTING LIKE MAQtCon the vital organs, strengthening tbs muscular system, and arousing with the rosebud of heaHh The Whole Physical Energy of the Human Frame. Baacham's Pillt, taken at dirpctnf, wilt quickly fiST9SC FEMALES to complete health.

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"August

Flower There Is spotfe'. Dyspepsia, man at MsJoesHM the-Hcdsoa, if. named Captain A. O. Paras, who has written us a letter in which it is evident that he has mad up his mind concerninar tUags, this is what he says: " I have used ytmr prfavatiost. called August Flower in my fisijuly for seven or eight years. It to constantly in my house, and we consider it the best remedy for Indignation, ; and Caastipatkm ws Indigestion, have ever used or known. My wife to troubled with Dyspepsia, and at times suffers very much after eating. The August Flower, however, relieves the difficulty. My wife1 frequently says to me when I am going to town, 'We are oat Constipation of August Flower. and I think you had better get another bottle. I am also troubled with Indigestion, and when ever I am, I take one or two teaspoonfuls before eating, for s day or two, and all trouble is removed. 9) The Soap that Cleans A Most is Lenox. PURIFY YOUR BLOOD. Bat do not am flat tower ol ihottosssrh. The vegetable a4mMnmymUtUmwtmmk ssssli. Or. SSawnMnt tlevstSw ths eyala ' sari of Us Hie the dtecsvory tf USftsaV Me and sals rastaty, aas aU Ms larSasaSSI arsvegstaMs. ttepn ft asanas ST Prickly Ash Dittcro ! IMtMIWniM CM tffXaSssasasaWf WmW Wl pfflMrt 4etyMttllt$ IMS mVB&ti&mWGKmmyjmmmX is mscU tor the Hbt eta or tt KIDNEYS ? 99 LIVER, ior the KIDNEYS STOMACH. TMsr.nwsjIs.wwWwis. and hworabtykatrwabfan waa-M II thai argustcots as Is Its sterns mm Stay lass, aad H ethers wbe ratjaaw a BtiiSsI be is the systeai wmM bat live B to health ot tali cauatry wsoM jw sssfly tapreved. Reasaibar Us s PMCP-fo ASH BITTERS. Ak yasr eVanWisr sV'' PRICKLY ASH II ITEM ST. TXTJISL lBOs I EMS' 98 2 LYE rowssarea at a i as I aasi The Mtrtmatm mat wurmt Ma mada. Will maka taa MS asaX lomea nara Botpn as umusaa'' without (wiltitj. Xlw2ja;; Soaat 'or sorteniM wases,. cleansing waste-i-liM, alalia's aa ' log sinks, eloeets, waaatst bob ties, mists, trees, etc. PMltt. SJILT JTB PPAID moTwiii PAY FMa directions by wbleh J STj. Si ew mas fronts to sxjo) per Jaw. r (SasS terfere with, bet will tmprore ear besliiese. i Name, . Pastomce and State, eueleelem; SLet. areas. It. owOBeg, !., n- -. WALL SAMPLES SEMT1 oi apnea tiaiiesiia s due sad oHlirtss a White blanks. 4c to e i Bared at ' umt, re so soc: r.rabosud attt. 10c to 50c. 1 will send rati the moat DODUlar coiorlna. and ruirtntM tn un mil monT. YV all Paper Bercliant,sfs W.Whi mm tut BraniiM m 9 MEASLES. CATAltllsttfV , aVT TMK WM SftvH MIW JJ SOUND DHT feste is Mr t aatyewsew-lE 'MfCMirfweanstapa fjg naiiw. timmfmmm mF BEBWETTa Dr. O. W. F. SHisaa, MTj Ttmstra, ar n n at. utJ T.. n n.mi.l. m. . jse-ror sale ay ail uragatsts. FOLKS W to 26 lbs. pr onUi by Cwnas aaweh tiu avari ua, u unt no bad eSeees. Strictly aw?s-T-ivJiCB,fdt riinnnr TUB HOI.Y LAND, Li HUHVW World. Select Bartiaa. I linUi L frciUUM,oeeea tickets. Im asio. BOH. wo Broad' Iway.N.Y. 22 EFFECTUAL EFFECTUAl. eninMnr1l tw Ph, Pleasant and aa eeabl 5 CHicHnrca CHcati, a YSTtlMAN. mSR Mm VT Treatment." Ayala TV pages sent tree, oh recall ot malum, ale. sddmse

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