Banner Graphic, Volume 15, Number 130, Greencastle, Putnam County, 30 January 1985 — Page 4

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The Putnam County Banner-Graphic, January 30,1985

DgBI I Abby: March of Dimes continues its 50-year campaign against birth defects

DEAR READERS: This is not a question from Trivial Pursuit, but perhaps it should be: Who originated “The March of Dimes”? Give up? Well, back in 1934, when Eranklin Delano Roosevelt was president, Eddie Cantor, of vaudeville, movie and radio fame (no TV in those days), asked his millions of radio listeners to send President Roosevelt a dime for his birthday on Jan. 30. Those dimes

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went to benefit the National Foundation for Infantile Paralysis. (As a young man, Roosevelt had been stricken by polio, leaving him partially paralyzed for the duration of his life.) Dimes poured in from all over the country, so the campaign to collect money for research to conquer polio wap aptly named “The March of Dimes.” In 1955, the Salk vaccine virtually wiped out polio, so The March of Dimes turned its es-

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forts toward researching hereditary birth defects as well as surgically correcting them in newborn babies. There are 650 March of Dimes chapters nationwide that desperately need funds, so, inflation being what it is, be a sport and send President Reagan $1 for his birthday on Feb. 6 to help this worthy cause. Write your check to The March of Dimes and send it to President Reagan in care of the White House, Washington, D.C. 20500. He will bless you for it, and so will millions of children who will benefit from your birthday gift to our president. * * * DEAR ABBY: This is a second

marriage for both of us. (Both divorced.) Dick (not his real name) had three children with his first wife, and I had two by a previous marriage. Dick and I have one together. All the children are under 10 years old. The problem is that every time we have Dick’s children over, which is once a month, he lets his kids get away with murder. They do anything they please and he never disciplines them. If I try to discipline them to keep them in line, he gets mad at me. Dick is very strict with the other kids—always correcting and punishing them. 1 think this is unfair to the other kids. They resent it, and are starting to develop a real hate for Dick’s kids, and I can’t blame them. I have tried telling him how unfair

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he is, and he always gives me the same excuse: “I only get to see them once a month.” What should I do? This is the only thing Dick and I ever fight about, and I can’t handle it. STEPPED-ON STEPMOTHER DEAR STEPPED ON: Dick is being lenient with his “first family” because he wants to win their favor, and 1 suspect there’s also some guilt involved. Dick is not only alienating the other kids, he’s cheating himself out of a normal, healthy relationship with the older children. Urge him to get some family counseling. He needs to know why he’s behaving this way. Once he understands it, I hope he’ll change his tactics. * * * DEAR ABBY: I am writing to thank a few anonymous people I hope I never meet. I’m talking about adults who buy liquor for minors while the minors wait outside the store. Thanks, fellas. When I was 14, I knew a kid who

Study examines nature of grief in young children

c. 1985 N.Y. Times News Service NEW YORK That a young child who loses a parent suffers consequences of immeasurable depth is a certainty. Indeed, about a dozen states now recognize the right of a bereaved child to recover damamges for mental anguish. But the emotional consequences for children, particularly those of preschool age, and the way those consequences are threaded into adulthood remain issues of scrutiny for the therapists who work with bereaved children. A study called the Early Childhood Bereavement Project was started two months ago at the New York State Psychiatric Institute of the ColumbiaPresbyterian Medical Center to examine the nature of grief in young children. “When you compare psychiatric patients, adults or children, to the population at large, you find a two to threefold increase of early-childhood bereavement in their history,” said Dr. Elliot Kranzler, a child psychiatrist, who is in charge of the study. “It may turn out that the loss of a parent at an early age is a significant psychological risk factor.” Such loss has not always been accorded proper recognition. Erna Furman, a child psychoanalyst at the Cleveland Center for Research in Child Development, who has worked with bereaved children for 30 years, commented: “Until recently not a single parent who came to us brought their children in because of bereavement Only in the course of treatment did we trace the difficulties back to the death of a parent.” Kranzler has asked social-service agencies, police and fire departments and funeral directors in the New York metropolitan area to distribute a brochure on the project to families. Participants take children aged 3 to 6 to the ColumbiaPresbyterian Medical Center within four months of the loss. Three one-hour sessions are devoted to evaluation; then families are offered counseling without charge. “There is a great deal of disagreement about grief in children,” Kranzler said. “Some people argue that children are not emotionally developed enough to work through the normal stages of grief, so they are inevitably left with psychological damage. Others argue that we should not expect to see the same stages in children but that they are certainly capable of feeling it.” Conversations with therapists yielded a diversity of opinion on early bereavement. The child’s understanding or ignorance of what death means was viewed as one major consideration and the stage of per-

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used to stand outside a liquor store and approach people as they walked inside and ask them to buy a bottle for him. When he was 16, he was averaging a fifth of cheap vodka a day. He’d go to school and to his after-school job drunk, and drive so loaded he couldn’t see straight. It s a miracle he was never picked up by the police or had a wreck. Now the kid attends Alcoholics Anonymous regularly and is staying sober one day at a time. Ho, next time some kid asks you to buy liquor for him because he s not old enough to buy it himself, please, turn him down. I know this is a real letter frOm a real person because that person is ... ME (Do you wish you had more friends? Get Abby’s booklet, “How to Be Popular—You’re Never Too Young or Too Old.” Send your name and address clearly printed with a check or money order for $2.50 (includes postage) to: Abby, Popularity, P.O. Box 38923, Hollywood, Calif. 90038.)

sonality development at the time of the loss as another. Whether limited understanding softens the pain or intensifies it is not clear, though most experts consulted agreed with Dr. Gilbert Kliman, who said, “It is more difficult for children who don’t yet understand what has happened.” Kliman, a founder of the Center for Preventive Psychiatry in White Plains, who has treated hundreds of children, said that the child is burdened not only by the death itself “but by perplexity and cognitive difficulty in comprehending the permanence, irreversibility and inhumane quality of death.” Noting that “there is a quantitative difference in grief,” he said: “If the child is 3 years old we’re dealing with a limited tolerance for emotions. But though a child may stop having feelings, that doesn’t mean he or she has gotten over them.” Dr. Eleanor Galenson, clnical professor of psychiatry at the Mount Sinai Medical Center and co-director of its infantevaluation unit, said: “Children losing their parent may do rather well in the first few months through denial. But the denial fades with reality, and then you see regression: thumb sucking, drinking from a bottle, sleep disturbances, desperate searches to find the dead parent. Younger children tend to regress more than older ones because they are nearer to the infantile state.” Mrs. Furman, who does not believe that children’s mourning differs markedly from that of adults, said, “Our research shows that children from 3 years on use the same coping mourning mechanisms that people use forever after.” She added that children as young as 3 did understand “the concrete facts,” though perhaps not religious and philosophic concepts, provided thev had sufficient help. In her view the only significant difference in the impact of parental death on young children and on older ones is manifest in personality development. “The parent is part of the child, and the loss of a loved person means the loss of part of the self, so personality development becomes endangered,” she said. “The further along the child is in develoment the less crucial the role of the parent.” Another issue on which the authorities agreed was the needs of the bereaved child. As Kliman put it: “The surviving parent is the best preventative psychiatrist, and the network of supporters and friends who help that parent are also helping the child.”

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