Banner Graphic, Volume 13, Number 101, Greencastle, Putnam County, 5 January 1983 — Page 4

The Putnam County Banner-Graphic, January 5,1983

Dear Abby

Brother-in-law proposition threatening to 'all in the family'; even Texans should dine sans hats

ABBY: Mv sister’s husband has always liked me. lat s the problem. He likes me more than I want him to. He has propositioned me in the past, but I’ve always been a lie to put him in his place without making a scene. (I’m separated from my husband.) Thanksgiving night at my mother’s he cornered me in the kitchen, and 1 had to threaten him with a butcher knife to keep him from forcing himself on me. He smeared my lipstick and tore my dress. (I said I was chilly and put on my coat so nobody would notice.) On another family occasion, he followed me into the bedroom, locked the door and tried to rape me! He keeps telling me he “loves” me. I can’t stand the sight of that man, hut we are thrown together constantly because he’s family. I can t tell my sister because they have three children and she loves him. Besides, I don’t want to hurt her. It’s a terrible strain to keep out of his way. He’s even called me at work and tried to talk me into seeing him. He’s making a nervous wreck of me. What should I do? FEELS TRAPPED

family

Pickled carrots economical dish

By CECILY BROWNSTONE Associated Press Food Editor DEAR CECILY: My family are wild about pickles and ask for them at every meal. I once tasted some pickled carrots that were delicious and struck me as being economical. How do you make them? BUDGETEER. DEAR BUDGETEER: I gave a recipe for carrot pickles about a year ago. Now I have a new recipe, Carrot Pennies, for a pickle of this sort. I named it after the popular pickle called Zucchini Pennies, although this carrot recipe is not the same as the zucchini one. If you have one of the new food processors in your kitchen, you’ll find slic-

QesU'd, Our entire fall and winter stock must be sold now to make room for spring and summer arrivals N 12 YV„ Washington St.f Greertcastle

With this coupon- I Our E^F.es— the meal | ... •

ing the carrots for the “pennies” is a cinch. This recipe is good to have on hand all year round. After winter-holiday spending sprees, when carrots are one of the most reasonably priced vegetables in markets. In summer, when carrots are plentiful in home gardens. C. B ' CARROT PENNIES 2 1 2 cups sugar 2 cups cider vinegar 1 cup light corn syrup 2 teaspoons salt 2 teaspoons whole cloves Yi teaspoon whole allspice 1 stick cinnamon, about 3 inches long 2 pounds carrots, pared and sliced (6 cups) In a 5-quart saucepot over

DEAR FEELS: Tell your sister. Her husband needs help. Attempted rape is nothing to sweep under the carpet. If he’s tried it with you, he’s probably tried it with others and maybe succeeded. Family or not, he should be exposed for what he is. * * * DEAR ABBY : Is it ever OK for a man to wear his hat in a restaurant? I’m dating a Texan who always keeps his cowboy hat on while we re eating out. We go to nice places, and sometimes people look at him funny. By the way, he’s not really a cowboy, but he always wears a cowboy hat. Thanks. BETTY IN GREENWICH, CONN. DEAR BETTY: Unless your Texan is an Orthodox Jew, he should remove his hat while dining. * * * DEAR ABBY': In a recent column you asked if there was a city known as “The Pits.” Well, there is. And I am sending you a T-shirt bearing

medium heat stir together the sugar, vinegar, syrup, salt, cloves, allspice and cinnamon. Stirring occasionally, bring to a boil. Cover and bod gently for about 10 minutes. Strain syrup into a large bowl. Discard the spices. In the 5-quart saucepot bring 2 quarts water to a boil. Add the carrots and return to boiling. Boil for 5 minutes. Drain in a colander. Into the 5-quart saucepot pour the spiced syrup and bring to a boil. Remove from heat. Add the carrots and let stand, keeping the carrots under the syrup, for about 2 minutes. Pack into clean, hot half-pint canning jars. Fill with the hot syrup, leaving Vinch headspace. Wipe the top edge of the jars with a damp cloth. Seal, following jar manufacturer’s directions. Place jars in a water-bath canner on a rack in a large saucepot. Add hot water to cover jars by at least 1 inch. Bring water to a boil, then keep at a gentle, steady boil to process for 10 minutes. Remove jars to a wire rack to cool. Store in a cool dark place. Makes five Y4-pint jars.

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Stepparent trauma

Remarriage scary experience for children

c. 1983 N.Y. Times NEW Y'ORK “When I think of a stepparent I think of someone mean and someone who doesn’t love you as much as your own parent. But I know that isn’t true. All I know is that I want my own mom and dad. ” That comment by a 9-year-old girl from Atlanta reflects what marriage counselors and therapists working with remarried couples know: that the decision to marry again is one that can be traumatic for a child, even if the youngster already gets along well with the new partner. Until recently, they say, there has been insufficient research to predict the reaction most likely to occur and how a parent can best handle the transition period for the child The girl in Atlanta, for instance. was one of 30 children asked by Helen Coale Lewis, a social worker with the Atlanta area's Child Guidance Clinic, to explain what a stepparent meant to them. Mrs. Lewis said she found that "remarriage is more often a period of grief than joy for the child." “It shatters their fantasy that the mother and father may get together again some day,” she said. “They are also being asked to accept someone new and an upheaval once again.” The fear that the child will indeed react in a negative way frequently leads the parent into

the message, “HIBBING, MINNESOTA - IT’S THE PITS!” Hibbing is the home of the largest open-pit iron Qre mine in the world. In the summer, when most of America is sweltering, come enjoy the naturally air-conditioned city of Hibbing, Minn. BILL WIRTANEN, PRESIDENT, HIBBING C. OF C. AMBASSADORS CLUB DEAR BILL: Thanks for the neat T-shirt. (P.S. It fits.) * * * DEAR ABBY: Please tell that lamebrained idiot who is forcing his left-handed child to use her right hand that I am a v-v-victim of th-th-that ka-ka-kind of st-st-stupidity. FA-FA-FA-RANK P.S. I could write a book on the damage caused by such ignorance, but for now, I think the above sentence says it all. * * * DEAR ABBY: Please add this suggestion to your annual

making the mistake, the professionals say, of leaving the announcement to the last moment or even waiting until the marriage has actually taken place. “We heard from tw 7 o couples who said they got married while their children were in camp,” said Lillian Messinger, a psychologist at the Clarke Institute of Psychiatry in Toronto who has done considerable research into the dilemmas of the reconstituted family. “It was one of the worst things they could have possibly done. When the children found out they felt rejected. They dreaded coming home. They did not know what their place would be in the neYv family setting. In one case they responded by totally ignoring the new husband.” Instead, these professionals believe the child should be informed as early as possible and given every opportunity to get to know the new partner. Such a need was clearly expressed three years ago when Bonnie Robson, a child psychiatrist with the University of Toronto, asked 28 teen-agers who believed they had successfully survived the remarriage of a parent to offer advice to those who were not coping as well “They all said it was important to be consulted well in advance so they could get used to the ideaslowly ," she said. But while eager to be included in w edding

Weight control series to begin Jan. 13

By BETTY SENDMKYER Extension Home Economist Wise Ways to Weight Control will be taught by Betty H. Sendmeyer, Extension home economist, in a series of meetings beginning at the 4-H Community Building Thursday, Jan. 13 12:30-2:30 p.m. at the Fairgrounds. IN THE SERIES, par ticipants will learn how many calories they consume, how many are needed and how many calories to lose weight. The group will evaluate eating habits, as well as food fads and fad diets. Recipes and menu plans will be given out to those attending the meetings.

preparations, “they also suggested that the parents should never insist the child be present at the ceremony because some of them just couldn't handle it.” A paramount fear among the children, Dr. Robson has found, is the imminent loss of the unusually close bond that often develops between child and parent in a single-parent home. They also dread the thought that another child may be born who could supplant them. Unnecessary added strain also seems to develop because the parent, euphoric about getting married again, is frequently so anxious for the child to feel the same way that the new parent may even be introduced as “your new mother" or “your new father.” This, the doctors say, instantly ignites resentment and guilt connected with the biological parent that can backfire and obstruct the child's behavior. “They're also telling the child to use a relationship term before a relationship has developed," said Emily Visher, a psychologist in Palo Alto, Calif., who is president of the Stepfamily Association of America, a three-vear-old national network of remarried families. Instead she suggests. “Follow the lead of the child. What would they like to call that stepparent?" Mrs. Lewis, the social worker, has written a workbook

The meetings are open to anyone interested. There will be a fee of $1.25 for booklets. IP' THERE IS enough interest in an evening class, one will be scheduled. For details, persons may call the County Extension Office at 653-8411. Lap quilting subject of Feb. series A series of lessons on lap quilting (quilting without frames) will be given on Tuesdays, Feb. 1,8, 15, 22 and March 1 from 9:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. at the 4-H Community Building, Putnam County Fairgrounds. Participants will learn patchwork, applique, crazy, cathedral window and stained glass techniques in quilting. AT THE FIRST class, members will learn about history and superstitions of quilting and will begin to piece their first blocks. All will complete a pillow on a wall hanging at the sessions. The instructor will be Mrs. Ann Schmidt, Extension home economist from Indianapolis. Mrs. Schmidt has received an award for designing and teaching this series on quilting. Persons may call the County Extension Office (653-8411) to register and for details. Fee for the series is $5 for leaflets. Women should bring a sack lunch. Beverages will be provided. VEGETABLE BRUSH Dear Heloise: A vegetable brush is an excellent tool to use to scrape plates before washing. I could not be without one at the .kitchen sink. Julie C.

fire prevention article: “And if a child is burned, contact any Shriner.” We budget $81,460,000 for our three burn institutes to treat children up to the age of 18 free regardless of race, color or creed. Pass this along, Abby. J. AUSTIN VINCENT, THOMASVILLE, GA. DEAR J.A.V.: For years the Shriners have been famous for their crippled children’s hospitals, but their burn treatment centers are relatively new. Any child who has been disfigured by fire qualifies for free treatment. Contact any Shriner. * * * You’re never too old (or too young) to learn how to make friends and be popular. For Abby’s booklet on Popularity, send sl, plus a long, self-addressed, stamped (37 cents) envelope to Abby, Popularity, P.O. Box 38923, Hollywood, Calif. 90038.

for children, ‘‘All About Families, the Second Time Around” ($10.55, from the Child Guidance Clinic in Atlanta), that is intended to be read and discussed with the new stepparent. It includes blank pages where the child can write down thoughts or feelings in advance on such issues as “What I would like to know about my stepmother father” and “What I would like my stepmother father to know about me.” “Very often,” Mrs. Lewis said, “nobody bothers to fill in the history, and that in itself causes misunderstanding.” Dr. Robson drew up a list of tips for parents, adolescents and stepparents that was published last spring in a

THE FAMILY CIRCUS^

"It's pasghetti. You have to boil it to get it to relax."

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bulletin of the Stepfamily Association. Among other things, she recommends that parents start in a fresh house or apartment, if possible, to create less of a sense of intrusion, and that they be wary of showering the child with gifts around the time of the wedding as the child may interpret this as “being paid off.” On the brighter side she says they should not feel suspicious jf an older child seems genuinely delighted at the prospect of the remarriage. “For some of them it is a relief,” she said, “because they know they can now get on w ith their own lives without worrying about being responsible for that parent anvmore.”

By Bil Keane