Muncie Post-Democrat, Muncie, Delaware County, 31 March 1922 — Page 3

FRIDAY, MARCH 31, 1922.

PAOS 9

TRANSPORTATION i AND ITS PROBLEM

4»

Minnesota Governor Finds Answer in Waterwaj's and Motor Truck to Railway Question

Points Out Economic Loss to World in Failure of Roads to Move Crops When Ripe

BY J. A. O. PREUS, GOVERNOR OF MINNESOTA

Editor’s Note—J. A. O. Preus, is governor of a great state whose wealth has long been dependent upon its transportation facilities. Its greatest products were wheat and ■wood and the former is still its most valuable output. Transportation, swift and sure, has always been a dominant need in the state and its leading citizens in all walks of life have devoted much'thought to the problem. Governor Preus is no exception as the following shows.

The transportation problem has become the most important and at times the most acute problem before the American people. Previous to the nineteenth century, people go along without any general transportation systems. They lived where they could get fuel, food and building material at close range. Clothing was mostly homespun. Commerce, such as existed, by ship or caravan, was largely in luxuries. There was no general exchange of everyday necessities such as exists today. Linder such circumstances a region which was rich in some special resources but which lacked in others, could never hope for rapid development. The fertile plains of the central states could produce food to support millions of people, but those people could not reach the degree of comfort and culture which they enjoy today without railroads to bring in an abundance of fuel, lumber, machinery and other necessities. In like manner the coal regions of Pennsylvania, the cotton fields of the South, the Lake Superior iron districts, the orchard valleys of California, the copper country of Montana, and dozens of other regions would be limited to a small fraction of their present output.

must develop supplemental transportation systems if we want to continue our agricultural and commercial development. This must come along two lines: Better highways< and greater use of automobiles and trucks for short hauls and greater use of waterways for long hauls and bulky articles. Most of the states have made a start along the right lines in highway building, and if they continue according to present programs we will in a few years have an excellent system of highways. The use of automobiles for passenger traffic long ago reached a point where it seriously cut into the railroad passenger traffic. We may, however, look for a much greater use of trucks for short hauls. Much of their business is “new business” but they will also take away from the railroads much of the short haul traffic which has never been very profitable to the roads but which has had much to do with congestion in terminals. Our Waterways In the use of waterways we have gone backward rather than forward. This is partly because our railroads have been . so efficient). No other country in the world has railroads which can be compared with ours. Nor is there any civilized, commercial nation making so little use of waterways as we do. True, Europe’s contour has given her better access to the ocean than we have, but she has also gone much farther than we in developing streams and canals. We have wasted hundreds of millions of dollars on our inland waterways. No one in particular is to blame. The main reason is that we have gone on without any definite plan, or where there was a plan, it was carried out, if at all, only piece-

meal.

In the case of the Panama canal, however, our government had a definite, complete plan, and went in and finished the job in a business-like way. The whole country has benefitted and no one questions the wisdom of the expenditure. The states on the coast, east, south and west, however, are receiving the greater benefits

The Greatest Era The greatest era of railroad development came during the twenty-five year period following the Civil War, when a network of lines was built all over the continent. Railroad managers were criticized and ridiculed for building through thousands of miles of wilderness. But the rails turned wilderness into civilization. Soon business developed which taxed the capacity of the railroads. Railroad building slowed down, but business kept on growing. During the last decade or two we have seen all too frequently crops going to waste and business of all kinds hampered because railroads were unable to supply cars or move material expeditiously. A group of sixteen central and western states, of which Minnesota is one, supplies 75 per cent of the wheat, G5 per cent of the com, 100 per cent of the flax, 85 per cent of the iron ore, 74 per cent of the zinc, and more than half of the beef, pork, butter, cheese, eggs potatoes and beet sugar produced in the United States. The question now is: Shall we increase our production of these things, as the demand increases, and exchange them for things which can be produced more easily and profitably elsewhere? Or shall we slow up and begin producing articles' which we now import? We can do the latter if it becomes necessary, but we prefer to do the former if we may. Our future course depends upon our transportation facilities. The Rail Problem It has been estimated that $4,000,000,000 would be needed to supply the tracks, terminals and rolling stock which would enable the railroads to handle expeditiously an amount of traffic such as they had to handle in 1917 to 1919. Before investors will contribute money to railroad building, it will be necessary to increase the earnings of the railroads. But there is a point beyond which freight and passenger rates cannot be increased without destroying the business. That has become quite plain during the last year and a quarter. What then must we do? We cannot get along without the railroads. We must see that their earnings are sufficient to enable them to maintain a high standard of efficiency, but we

and states in the north central group like Minnesota, get comparatively lit tie benefit from the canal. True, we have the Great Lakes, bu they are not open to the sea. Whe; we start a cargo from Duluth to Eu rope, we must pay for a portag across New York state which cost as much or more than the combinei cost of water transportation down th lakes and across the Atlantic. Here Is a Remedy To remedy this, it is now propose* that the United States join with Can ada in opening up the St. Lawrenc« river. The U. S. Army engineer have reported that for about $270, 000,000 locks and dams can be buil which will permit all ocean goinj vessels pvoept the largest leviathan to come up to our lake ports. Canad offers to pay half the cost, makinj the cost to us a little more than one fourth of what we spent on the Par ama canal. The army engineers be lieve that the horse power develope at the dams to be built will not onl; take care of the cost of operation bu will in time pay for the entire cost o construction. These power benefit Canada offers to share with us. The states which will benefit mos are those which receive the lesse , benefits from the Panama canal. Tha I would make things fair all arount ' We believe, however, that the entir country will benefit, except the pri vate interests which now profit fror the transfer of freight across Nm York. The Soo Canal has a tonnag of seventy to ninety millions a yeai while the Panama canal exceeded 10, 000,000 for the first time in 192( With the way open to the sea, traffi on the Great Lakes will be double or trebled. We cannot doubt that thi great agricultural and industrial re gion, which includes America’s sec ond, fourth and fifth largest cities will send down through the St. Law rence a tonnage much greater thai Panama’s. These states are entitle* to a route direct to the ocean. There are several other waterwa 1 projects which are worthy of consid eration. Each should be investigated and costs weighed against benefits Wherever it can be shown that ben efits exceed the cost, the work shouh be expedited. Expenditures for piece meal and haphazard waterway in*, provements should be stopped.

ALASKA LITTLE KNOWN TO NATION

Governor of Furthest North Paints Bright Future When Resouces Become Better Known

Says Present System of Government Is Harming Prospects and Holding Territory Back

BY SCOTT C. BONE, GOVERNOR OF ALASKA Editor’s Note: Scott C. Bone, governor of Alaska, loves his northern home with a great passion. He believes in it and, what is more to the point for the reader, he knows it. In the following he tells of many things in connection with his home- | land that are unknown to the average man and also gives voice'to hopes that may mean great things not only for Alaska but for the entire nation

as well.

Territory.

The average citizen of the populous communities along the coast thinks of Alaska in terms of Ketchkan, Juneau, Cordova, Valdez and Seward. To him—this average Al«\ska citizen —Alaska as a whole is almost as unknown as it is to the average citizen

of the outside world.

The tourist who visits these shores is overwhelmed with the scenic beauties presented to thp eyei jK} every side, from Dixon’s Entrance through the panoramic Inside Passage to Skagway at the head of Lynn Canal and, perchance, on over the White Pass, in the Yukon Territory, to Whitehorse. But, if Kis journey ends there, he does not know Alaska. He has seen only the beginning of

Alaska.

Alaska lies beyond. Of Great Magnitude

The magnitude of Alaska—600,000

! square miles, or nearly one-fifth the

Comparatively few) people know j dimensions of the American Union— Alaska. Fewer still comprehend it j precludes in the unopened stage of in all its greatness. ' j the Territory the possibility of a genAlaskans themselves, in major! eral and intimate knowledge of

number, have seen little of Alaska, j Alaska.

Eight out of ten of them have I Illustrative of the prevailing misglimpsed only small sections of the information is the instance of the fine '

young soldier, who, returning from overseas, visited a school friend in Boston and, at a social gathering, was pointed out as hailing from Alaska. “Does he speak English?” asked Miss Highbrow, adjusting her glasses and inspecting him interestedly. Vilhdalmur Stefansson, collegebred, is an illuminating discussion of “The North That Never Was” gives approval to the idea of a Cambridge preacher that the country needs a National University of Polite Uni learning. Stefansson himself would fit into the Alaskan chair of the institution. Or, equally so, Dr. Alfred Brooks, the eminent geologist, or Major J. C. Gotwals, practical road builder, who has mushed the Territory and knows it from A to Z. So profound a statesman as Daniel Webster, who visioned America’s future greatness, could see nothing worthy of consideration west of the Rocky Mountains. Therefore, we may be patient with a Twentieth Century denseness that still ignorantly visualizes Alaska as a country of ice and snow, its mountains and hills laden with precious metals and its glacial scenery unsurpassed, but really fitted for habitation only by polar bears. Those Misconieptions Something more potential with the masses than a National University of Polite Unlearning is required to correct and dispel these ridiculous popular misconceptions about Alaska and force upon the public mind a fair and accurate knowledge of this great Northland. Alaska is not a monumental iceberg or glacier. It is not snowbound and in the grip of bitter, biting elements. It is not cut off from the world. Its I ports, save those in the region of the Artie Circle, are open the year around. Its temperature in the interior, in mid-winter, is no more severe than in the Northern and far coast is generally mild and equable, Western States. Its climate on the with much rainfall, but comparable to the climate of Portland and Seattle. Blizzards such as rage in Minnesota, the Dakotas and Montana and occasionally in New York and the East, are sometimes experienced in the northernmost part of the Territory, but are uncommon, if not unknown, to coastal Alaska and Alaska as a whole. Millions of people live happily and thrive in Norway and Sweden and in sections of our own country under climatic conditions no more favorable, if not more severe, than the general climatic conditions of Alaska. Alaska’s summers are ideally pleasant and delightful on the coast and gloriously bright and beautiful, and often hot, in the interim'. Temperature ranging from 80 to 90 degrees is frequently encountered in the Artie Circle. Throughout the territory flowers and berries grow in profusion. Long days and warm sunshine give sturdy growth to plant life. Fairbanks is a veritable floral bower in June, July and August. The midnight sun on the Yukon is v/orth traveling thousands of miles to see, especially when it illumnates Mt. McKinley, the towering peak of the American continent. Has Farming Lands Alaska possesses 100,000 square miles of agricultural lands and today numbers huiidi’eds oJLocciipied home- * steads under successful cultivation. | Farm products of the estimated value | of $250,000 were grown and sold in i the Tanana Valley alone the past seaj son. Year after year there is in- | creasing cultivation, j How are these and kindred truths i about Alaska to be firmly planted in the popular mind and the untruths and the half-truths forever eradi-

cated?

How is the real Alaska to be removed from the realm of fancy and established upon a fixed foundation of fact? By opening Alaska to settlement; by inviting capital and people to come in and making it easy for them to gain a foothold; by unlocking its resources and freeing the Territory : from red tape rule; by unreserving ; millions of acres of lands senselessly reserved; by silencing and shunting aside the visionaries and theorists who succeeded in bottling up Alaska and whose ideas have been expensively tried and clearly found wanting; by proceeding with the development of Alaska as a big business proposition; by dismissing the foolish, demagogical fear that any socalled predatory interest ever can or ever will gobble up so huge a land as Alaska or a material section thereof; and finally, by tardily realizing that Alaska, unfettered and given an honest chance will populate itself and go ahead and wax opulent and develop grandly and luxuriously, just | as the Western domain of the Union, j in spite of Daniel Webster’s obscure vision and dark foreboding, progressed and prospered and grew into States and added bright stars to Old

Glory.

Then, and not until then, will Alaska become known to the world, and the truths about Alaska prevail undisputed and endure for all time. As a first step toward all this Uncle Sam has just completed the construction of a railroad from the coast line into the interior, from. Seward to Fairbanks, at a cost of fifty-odd millions, and he has been spending additional millions in thj> building of j roads and trails. This means the opening up of Alaska—that it is no longer to be hermetically sealed. Moreover, Uncle Sam is proposing, through Congress, to substitute fx workable system of administration in Alaska for the cumbersome, unworkable, halting, inefficient and utterly impossible system of bureaucratic government.

Small Wonder! "I trust, sir, that you have not been Indiscreet enough to speak to my daughter about marriage,” said the stern parent to the youth who had just asked for his daughter’s hand. “I have not, sir," replied the youth, “but I was strongly tempted to do so last evening when she kissed me good

night.”

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Expert Discusses Lawn Improvement

Soils Specialist Explains How To Establish Sod of Desirable Grasses

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plants every chance firmly to establish themselves ahead of invasion by weeds. At no time should the latter be permitted to seed if their control is to be maintained. Little matters such as frequent and close clipping, water-

Almost every home has a lawn receiving some degree of attention and

possessed of certain qualities which ing during hot, dry weather and folmake its care worth while. Few lawns lowing summer or fall seeding, a are developed to their full possibili- i handful of seed here and another of ties. Some get almost no systematic fertilizer there will often do much in care and some receive considerable of the establishment of a uniform curf well meant but misdirected effort. The 1 comparatively free from undesirable

OHIO THIRD IN HOMES OWNED

Buckeyes Not as Domestic as Either New Yorkers or People of Pennsylvania.

WOMEN DEMAND A CHANGE

development of good turf is a fine art in itself and usually requires years for its realization. Many owners fpend a gbodly portion of time and labor on their lawns each succeeding year but are obliged to content themselves with only mediocre results because they lack specific knowledge of grass requirements and methods of improvement. Every Soil Will Grow a Lawn Each plant is a measure of the conditions under which it grows and in a corresponding way the vegetation on any lawn may be regarded as a response to the particular combination of growth factors, both naturaland artificial, which tbe plants find. Natural vegetation is commonly a complex vegetation. Different grasses show considerable variation in the conditions necessary for optimum development. For this reason any given set of conditions if consistently maintained is likely to favor some few species which eventually predominate. In like manner the seed mixture has in large part only a passing influence upon the character of the ultimate

turf.

Strange tho it may seem, any soil, however unproductive or unfit, can be remade in such a way as to grow a satisfactory sod of some desirable grass or grasses, the conditions determining in considerable degree the ones most, readily established and' maintained. Not infrequently the surface soil of the lawn consists almost entirely of subsoil excavated from the cellar. In this case it becomes necessary to provide at least a part of the vegetable matter which would normally be present under

more natural conditions,

Limestone Helps the Bluegrass Thruout Ohio and neighboring states Kentucky bluegrass is the predominant grass of practically every lawn. Whether or not it is included in the seed mixture it eventually comes in naturally unless prevented by some unfavorable condition of the soil or by special attention to other desired lawn plants. In central Kentucky, and portions of Virginia, West Virginia, and Tennessee where bluegrass reaches its highest development, it grows essentially on lim&i stone soils. In Ohio, particularly in the eastern half, many lawns with only a scattered covering 1 of bluegrass would be very materially improved by an application of 200 pounds of finely ground limestone (carbonate), 150 pounds cf hydrated lime (hy-

drate), or 100 p v mds of quicklime has been estimated that a lawn 50 x

(oxide) for each l600 square feet of

>urface.

A simple litmus paper test that may be made by any one will determine whether or not lime is needed. Five cents worth of blue litmus paper obtainable from any drug store will nerve for a dozen tests. After a rain or when the soil is wet press a strip of the litmus paper against a bit of moist earth and allow it to remain for several minutes. If the blue color of the paper turns pink one need not hesitate to use lime. Phosphates Bring in Clover White clover and bluegrass ahe all but inseparable companions, conditions favorable to one are favorable to the other. Virtually all the soils and crops of this region respond well to applications of phosphorus. Lawn »,oils and lawn grasses are no exteption to the general rule. Coupled with this is the added fact that all clovers are relatively heavy feeders on soil phosphates. Once every 3 or 1 years an application of 20 pounds of acid phosphate or basic slag, or half as much bonemeal, for each 1000 square feet of area will greatly encourage the grasses and particularly white clove. Two Blades Instead of One For most owners the problem of turf improvement resolves itself into one of thickening a light and already established sod, eliminating weeds-, and covering bare spots. Partial stands of grass may be caused to thicken without reseeding by topdressing with lime, phosphorus, manure. or nitrogenous fertilizers. Under these conditions the materials are applied loosely on the surface and permitted to wash into the soil by rains or sprinkling.. Where the ggound is almost or entirely bare it is more desirable to rake or harrow the materials into the soil and reseed. Where weeds comprise most of the vegetation, ther prevalence may be accepted as evidence of one of two conditions; (1) the grasses have not had opportunity to secure a foothold because of a lack of seed or because of unfavorable competition, or (2) they have been held back by certain soil condi-

tions.

In most instances the cause is neither difficult to discover nor impossible to remedy, if one is willing to give time and effort to a study of the conditions and their correction. Perennial weeds such as broad-leaved pantain, buckhorn or English 'plantain, and dandelion are among the worst offenders. During July and August plantain is much more easily removed by pulling) than earlier n the season. This is perhaps the most satisfactory method of elimination from small areas. With dandelions frequent deep cutting with a spade or knife will prove most effective. For larger areas spraying with an iron sulfate solution (2 pounds per gallon of w'ater) has given good results and is much less laborious. In connection with any program for weed control it will be "found helpful to fertilize and reseed spots made bare by the removal of weeds. With badly infested lawns it may be most satisfactory in the long run to break the soil and begjin over again with such a combination? of seed and soil conditions as will give the desired

plants. A Seasonal Tonic All the common grasses respond quickly to the use of nitrogenous fer- | tilizers in available form. If for any reason it is desired to suppress the growth of clovers and increase the proportion of grasses in a mixed turf, this end may be readily accompl’shed by the use of soluble nitrogenous materials such as nitrate of soda or sulfate of ammonia. Five pounds of the nitrate or four pounds of the sulfate for each 1000 square feet of surface, applied as a top dressing in early spring and again in mid summer and repeated from year to year will result in a unifom bluegrass sod of vigorous growth. Where sulfate of ammonia is employed in large or long continued amounts the acid residues resulting from its use should be cor- I rected by occasional applications of limestone. If on the other hand, both grasses and clovers are to be encouraged the nitrogen carriers should be applied in connection with the phosphates previously mentioned. Well-rotted stable manure can be used with excellent results particularly on soils lacking in vegetable mat-

ter.

On sand and muck soils a further addition of 2 or 3 pounds of muriate or sulfate of potash to the fertilizer mixture will greatly assist the grasses and clover, especially the latter.

Crowding Out the Moss

Many city and some country lawns carry a considerable growth of mosses. The statement is sometimes made that mossy conditions can be corrected. by the use of lime. This may or may not be true. It is a fact that some of our lawm and pasture soils become so acid that the desirable plants find it difficult to persist, whereupon the more tolerant mosses gradually come in to take their places. On the other hand some mosses prefer soils well supplied with carbonate of lime. A preponderance of mosses ordinarily means reduced competition by clovers and grasses and may be the result of moisture, drouth, shade, or accumulation of soil acids in excessive degree. Attention to these four factors with the correction of the disturbing influences and a little seed and fertilizer will usually bring in the grasses and crowd out the moss.

Water the Great Vitalizer

Large quantities of water are necessary for high-quality sods. It

Form New Organization to Put Ohio In First Place In Number of Homes Owned—Declare Ohioans Waste Too Much In Worthless Investments—Urge That Savings Be ; Used In Building Up Their Home Communities and Creating Prosperity For Ail. Columbus, O. —(Special.)— Ohio women have set forth to make the Buckeye state the greatest hometrivning state in the United States. Ohio now ranks third with New York second and Pennsylvania first. Every woman in the state should be interested in this movement, according to Mrs. L. M. Studevant, Sidney, newly elected president of the Woman’s Auxiliary of the Ohio Building Association League, the organization under which the home-owning effort is to be made. Others officers include Miss Lydia Cellarius, Dayton, first vice president; Miss Lenore Kell, Steubenville, second vice president; Mrs. James A. Devine, Columbus, treasurer, and Miss Louise Johnson, Columbus, secretary. The new woman’s organization has enrolled members in every county in the state, all representative women who are more

150 feet if well turfed would be capable of transpiring more than 250 gallons of water daily. In the country it is seldom feasible or possible to supply water for the lawn. But almost every city home has a constant supply and thereby an excellent opportunity to develop a heavy turf. Removal of weeds during the summer months followed by watering gives the bluegjrass and white clover a decided advantage. Where rainfall is the only source of water the supply can be retained somewhat by frequent j mowing so that the clippings may be J allowed to remain on the lawn thus j forming more or less of a mulch as ; the season advances. At the same | time their content of organic matter and plant food mterials are returned to the soil. Manure, sand, and compost are the most satisfactory materials for softening and livening! a heavy clay inclined to dry out readily j

and bake hard at the surface.

Where Sour Soils Reach a Premium I Most of the common agricultural j plants prefer a soil near the neutral , point in reaction, i. e., neither very | acid nor very alkaline. Hartwell and Damon in Rhode Island have pointed j out that under certain conditions it : may be advisable purposely to develop a considerable degree of acidity in question require an excessive degree of acidity but because they are much more able to withstand such conditions than less-desirable plants. The acid-tolerant grasses referred to are red fescue, redtop, arud Rhode Island bent. To quote directly from R. I. Bulletin 170: “Dandelions and plaintains are often very troublesome weeds but apparently are checked by a degree of acidity which is not especially detrimental to the growth of bent and red fescue for example. To check eventually the growth of these weeds it is only necessary to introduce sulfate of ammonia in the topdressing in place of nitrate of soda. This procedure will of course at the same time check the development of certain grasses like bluegrass and also of clover.” It perhaps should be stated that the bent, fescues and redtop are somewhat better adapted to Rhode Island conditions than is Kentucky bluegrass:, whereas in Ohio the reverse is true. Consequently it is doubtful if sour soils should be deliberately sought as a means of weed eradication in general lawn practice in this region. More can probably be accomplished by the systematic encouragement of bluegrass and white clover. On putting greens of ^olf courses and correspondfng)l'y hjighculture areas of the finer grasses it is entirely possible that the establishment of acid conditions and continued avoidance of limestone or basic fertilizers will prove desirable. In any case continual vigilance and consistent treatment is the price of a really good turf and the possibilities are

well worthy of the effort. ROBERT B. DUSTMAN.

, “ < ; ; ‘

m

Tea Blended to Suit Water. Whenever a large town In the British Isles changes its’ source of water supply, a sample Is taken by the teablenders, In order that tbe right blend of tea may be made to suit that particular water.

or less interested in financial work. Efforts are being made to interest every one of the half million women in the state in home-owning. “It is not right that the home of presidents should not be the leading home-owning state in the United States,” declared Mrs. Studevant. “Ohioans have the best manufacturing plants, the best farms, the best people of any state in the Union, and we should be the greatest homeowning state, and will be.” Own Only 50 Per Cent. There are 1,414,068 homes in Ohio, of which number 673,858 are rented and the balance owned. Only a few more than 50 per cent are owned. “There is no reason why more Ohioans should not own their own homes,” said Mrs. Studevant. “We have more than 700 building, loan and savings institutions in this state, whose business it is to loan money at low rates and for long terms for home building. Although the public is recognizing more and more the value to a community of these institutions, yet Ohio will not take its rightful place among the home owners of the country until more savers place their funds in these institutions.” According to Mrs. Studevant community leaders should recognize the fact that it is a community duty to urge the placing of savings in institutions which help to build towms. “Building, loan and savings institutions in Ohio are absolutely safeguarded by strict laws, by huge cash reserves and by assets of a half billion dollars. They pay a good rate of interest, in fact as much as is permissible with safety to the depositor, and they are operated economically, profit being of secondary consideration. They are real community benefactors, financing 90 per cent of all homes built, turning spenders into savers.” Keep Monty at Home. The new organization of womer will endeavor to turn the public from wildcat investments, in which more than two and a half billion dollars were lost by Ohioans during the last three years. “We want to make the people realize that their hard-earned savings should be placed in local financial institutions, where the^r money will be kept in their home communities to help build up those communities, and thus tend to create prosperity in their home sections.”

HARDLUCK HORN London—Lotd Dartmouth has sold the famous herald’s trumpet which superstitious Yorkshire folk have blamed for the misfortunes of his family. It is 500 years old.

I Don’t My parents forbade me to smoke; I don’t Or listen to a naughty joke; I don’t They make it clear I must not wink At pretty girls, nor even think About intoxicating drink; I don’t To dance or flirt is very wrong— I don’t Wild youths chase wopien, wine and song— I don’t I kiss no girls—not even one; I do not know how it is done; You wouldn’t think I have much fun; I don’t

“I haven’t any sympathy for the man who beats his wife,” said a passenger in the smoker of the 5:15. “Well,” said another, a timid, un-der-sized fellow, “a man who can beat up his wife doesn’t need any sympathy.”—The American Legion Weekly.

“I see it is claimed that contented cows give better milk.” “Yes, and happy hogs yield finer pork products. Everything is tending in that direction. It is only the consumer who is discontented.”—Louisville Courier-Journal.

A New Yorker was spending a night at a “hotel” in a Southern town, and told the colored porter that he wanted to be called early. The porter replied: “Say, boss, I reckon yo’ ain’t familiar with these heah modern inventions. When yo’ wants to be called in de mawnin’, all yo’ has to do is jest to press de button at de head of yo’ bed. Den we comes up and calls you.”

A young man called at the house of a celebrated diagnostician and asked to see the doctor. “Have you an appointment?” the office nurse asked. “No, I haven’t,” the young man replied. The nurse consulted the doctor’s appointment list. “I think I can work you in after the next patient leaves,” she said, “so please go inside that room and take your clothes off.” “Take my clothes off!” the young man exclaimed, “ What for?” “The doctor has made it an absolute rule not to see anybody unless that is done,” the nurse said firmly. < “But I don’t want to take my clothes off,” the young man insisted. “Then I’m sorry, but you can’t see the doctor,” the nurse said. “Well, if that’s the case, I’m game,” the young man said. A few moments later the doctor entered the room and found the young man awaiting him stark naked. “Well, sir,” the doctor said, “what seems to be your trouble?” “Doctor,” the young man replied, “I called to see if you would renew your wife’s subscription to the Ladies’ Home Journal.”

There is one distinguishing mark between the stuff “Rip” drank and the stuff they are drinking now. That is, “Rip’’ woke up.

A little boy from Canada, who had never seen a negro, was riding in New York with his uncle when he spied a lady. “Uncle, why does that woman black her face?” “She doesn’t; that’s her natural color.” “Is she black like that all over?” “Why, yes”, uncle replied. The boy looked up beamingly at his uncle. “Gee, uncle, you know everything, don’t you?”

A tramp knocked at a kitchen door and said: “Please, kind lady, I’m a sick man. The doctor gimme this medicine, but I need something to take with it.” The lady was ready to help. “Poor fellow,” she said, “do you want a spoon and a glass of water?” The tramp answered: “No mum, I wouldn’t trouble you. but this medicine haster be took after meals. Have you got a meal handy?”

The parish priest had dropped in to see one of his flock, and, to prove his kindly interest in the family and all its members, he began to ask one of the little colleens how she was progressing at school. The usual questions as to the spelling of the interesting word “cat,” and so forth, were put and answered. Then the priest turned to a more abstruse subject, geography. “Now, tell me, dear, what is a lake,” he asked. The little maid puckered her brows in thought for a moment. Then she said: “Plaze, yer rivirince, it’s a kettle wid a hole in it.”

“Senator Snortsworthy,” said that gentleman’s private secretary, “one of your constituents says he wants to see you on a matter of life and death.” “I’m familiar with that type,” said the senator, testily. “He probably means that if I don’t lend him the money to pay his way back home he’ll have to live and die in Washington.”

Bishop X went traveling through the western part of Cuba and stopped overnight at a very small, rather uncomfortable inn. However, a very nice supper was spread for him with two roasted ducks. Next morning, as he was ready to depart, he was surprised to see this item on his bill: “For two roasted ducks, $20.” “My son,” he said to the innkeeper, “you charge high for two ducks. Are they so scarce around here?” “No, your grace,” answered the keeper. “Ducks aTe not scarce here, but bishops are.”

QUEEN OF THE ISLAND Montevideo—There is only one woman on South Georgia Island, burial place of Sir Ernest Shackleton. She is the wife of one of the keepers of a whaling station.