South Bend News-Times, Volume 36, Number 89, South Bend, St. Joseph County, 30 March 1919 — Page 19
THE SOUTH ÜEND NfcYYS-TIMEö
SUNDAY, MARCH P.m. lPlt
POTAS
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tksy clzl UrJf 1:iki a, vi: ata Jbt C P." - lV., rcoNTiNCi:n rnoM iwci: onk.) is tlirouh with trying to Kt't ril :f tho police court lawyer, .Mawruss, ho hnultl ouht t 'y arrannl lioforo tlio ina'i.trate in a traffic court, y'undfrstand, and should b: uciisfil of driving at tlif rate of 2ruilei '-n hour which H two miles ;;tst the leal pr-ed limit, and then
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he would find out that all them commandants of Iluhleben and the other German prison camps wasn't even new besinners In the art of making prisoners feel cheap, because you take one of these here traffic court magistrates which has had years of experience bawling out respectable sitson.s who has pot the misfortune of Pain, Ache, Fever The Safety "Bayer Cross'' on Tablets. By Millions Colds Grippe Influenzal Colds Stiff Neck Distress Pain! Pain!
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to own automobiles, Mawruss, and what .such a feller wouldn't do to humilitate the kaiser, y'understand, ain't even dreamt of in German prison camps j'et." "I see you still feel sore about sotting fined $23 for driving like a maniac down at Fr Hock away last summer, Abe," Morris commented. "How I feel or how I don't feel ain't got nothing to do with it, Mawruss Abe retorted. "And furthermore, Mawrus. any motor cycle policeman which has got the nerve to swear that he could tell inside of two miles an hour how fast somebody is driving, understand me, is guilty of perjury on the face of it, which I told the judge: Judge your honor,' I says, I admit I was going fast,' I says, but ' " "Excuse me," Morris interrupted, "but I ihought you was talking about how to punish the kaiser ain't it, which while I admit you got some pretty good on the subject, Ahe, still at the same time there is plenty of ways that the kai.ser could get punished in America without going to the trouble and expense of arresting him first, Abe. There is a whole lot of experiences which the American people pays to go through Just once, y'understand, which if the kaiser could be persuaded to take them all on one after the other, Ahe, his worst enunie. would got to pity him- Supposing for Instance, he would start off with one of them electric vibrating face massages, Abe, and if he cornea through it alive, y'understand, he could then be hustled off to one of theso here trong-arm bur.kopathic physicians, which charges five dollars for the first visit and never has to quote rates for the second or ihird visits, because once is plenty y'understand." "Hut I thought the Idea was not to let anybody have any sympathy for the kaiser, Mawruss," Abe broke in. "Plenty of fellers I know goes to these here near-doctors," Morris declared, "and nobody has got any sympathy for hem neither. Also, Abe, I ain't got no sympathy for anybody who goes to these here restaurants where they run of a cabarattel review, Abe, and yet it's
A Year on the (CONTINUED FROM PAGE ONE.) have been practically the same, as the accompanying article, written especially for The Xews-Timca by ii. 8. humaker. surerintendenl of the Indiana Anti-Saloon league, shows. Mr. Shumaker has compiled statistics covering the entire state in order to compare tne relative benefits of a "wet" year with a "dry" one. This is not an editorial favoring prohibition, neither is it "wet" propaganda. Rut, taken all in all. results of the year's experiment seems to show that South Bend and the whole state, for that matter has benefited by the change. The long list of "vacant stores" cited by the "wet" advocates, has failed, somehow, to make its appearance. And the few empty business places still remaining and they are few indeed will s-oon be fille-i, business men say, with increased business which is coming as a result of the ending of the war, and which wiP come as a result of the great increase in population which is soon to be a reality. There is one tiling more that the year of prohibition has brought out. although even in this case it is impossible to get away from the effect. of the war. I mean, with regard to substitutes. "wn.vri.ij vor iiayi:?" or tiii:si:. A comprehensie survey of all
a terrible punishment at that, so there's another tip for you if you want any more ideas for making the kaiser suffer." "Say, when it comes right down to it, Mawruss, and if you don't want to show the feller no mercy at all, y'understand," Abe said, "what's the matter with making him see some of them war plays they was putting on in New York last winter?" "Why only war plays?" Morris asked. "I sat through a couple musical shows last winter without the option of a line, y'understand. anä it would be a good thing if the kai.ser could s-ee performances like that just to make him realize that in losing his throne, y'understand, he has no longer got the power to order the actors' shot together with the composer and the man that wrote the jokes." "But the biggest punishment of all, you ain't even hinted at yet," Abe said." and it's a punishment which thousands of Americans is getting right now without no sympathy from nobody, which its name is: Form 1040 United States Revenue Service. INDIVIDUAL INCOME Internal TAX ItETUIlN For Net Incomes of More Than 5 3.000 FOR CALENDAR YEAR, 1918. Also, Mawruss when you consider what the kaiser done, Mawruss, I ask you is too much that the committee on fixing responsibility should order him starved to death or talked to death or any other slow and painful death, because such a fate is going to be a happy one compared wit hthe thousands of decent respectable American business men which is headed straight for an insane asylum, trying to fill out: n (a) Totals taxable at 1918 rates (see instructions, page 2 under C.) (b) Totals taxable at 1917 rates (see instructions, Include in K (a) page 2. (c) Amount of stock dividends (column 4) taxable at 1916 rates (enter as 20.) "Well, after all, Abe," Morris said, "there's one worser punishment you could hand out the kaiser than filling out this here income tax." "What's that?" Abe inquired. "Paying it," Morris said. Water Wagon known sources has made it possible to compile the following list of drinks used to take the place of the old-time stuff. Some of these are slid to be as good as the original, others are believed to be woefully lacking in the necessary "kick," especially the last named although a small amount of this liquid created quite a disturbance in South Bend some time ago- Here they are: Antl-freeze solution tor radiators. I-remon essence. Moonshine. Raisin plus Bevo. Drainings from silo. Add small amount of yeast to "near beer." Sugar water. The other day. at one of South Bend's soda fountains. I noticed a man of rather florid complexion, who was drinking one of the many substitutes for the well known amber fluid. He was with a friend, and somehow it came about that, for hif friend's edification, he sang a parody on "i'm Sorry I Made You Cry." Here it is: "I'm sorry, bo, so sorry bo. Sorry the old state is dry. It can't go wet. never. I'll bet, However, hard we try. So let's forget it ever was wet. Pretend that it always was dry' It breaks my heart to give it up. But maybe it's better we're dry!" And in the light of cold, unbiased figures maybe it is!
Stocks and Pillories in Old English Towns By Wilbur Horning
No engines of punishment (I will not declare they were also instruments of justice) aro more common than are the decaying old stocks in our English villages, says a writer in the Autocar of London. Often you will find, them by the churchyard wall, for the clergy were ever keen to punish. There is, indeed, a lovely whipping post, together with a fine pillory, preserved, within the tower of Waltham Abbey church. The first, five feet nine inches in height. Is most elaborately carved, and. is dated 1Ö9S. I do not "know that the Iersons who were secured by the ankles and wrists enjoyed standing imprisoned by it any the more because It 13 so elaborately carved in the Renaissance manner, but that it is so lovingly decorated does at leat show you that the authorities in Waltham cleaved to this discipline and thoroughly loved it. The pillory is almost exactly in the likeness of that widely known specimen which stands outside the market house In the quaint little hilltop township of Coleshill, Warwickshire. In this tho offender was made to stand on a raised platforra, with ihs head thrust through a large hole and hia wrists through smaller ones on either side. Colehill provided accommodation for two delinquents at one time, side by side, and also used the lower part of the machine as a whipping post. The punishment of the pillory j was, in isolated instances, known in : England as late as 1S37, when it c was aholished by statute. There oan hardly ever have been a time when the stocks were unknown. Job is made to speak ol being put in the stocks, and we are told that the Prophet Jeremiah had the same experience. That is the worst of being a pessimist as well as a. prophet. These stocks "were in the high gate of Benjamin, which was by the house of the Lord" (Jeremiah xx., 2). That is to say, they were by the church, which confirms my earlier remarks. They were also fa-miliar to the Anglo-Saxons. As for Shakespeare he frequently mentions them, but if my memory serves, wo do not actually see in his plays anyone in the stocks. They seem to have been so useful in old England that an act of Parliament was passed in 140" providing that a pair should be part of the equipment of every town and village; every place which did not so furnish itself to be regarded henceforward as merely a hamlet. This horrible threat of degradation recalls "The Mikado," in which the Emperor of Japan, "struck by the fact that no executions have taken place in Titipu for a year, decrees that unless somebody Is beheaded within one month the post of lord high executioner shall be abolished and the city reduced to the rank of a village." The act of 1405, making stocks a local obligation, perhaps explains why we have so many surviving examples, although, of course, none dating back so far. There was even an earlier ordinance, but apparently unaccompanied by any penalty for default. This was the statute of laborers (1350), which enjoined that every town should provide itself with stocks between the passing of that act and the season of Pene cost in the same year. Dogberry's hatred of "vagrom and masterless men," who were to be "comprehended" and set in the stocks, just for casually wandering at large, is amply illustrated in many old church wardens' and overseers' accounts and records, in which you may read how severely such were entreated, often being whipped as well, and then sent on their way by the magistrates, bearing what they fondly thought were letters of recommendatic n to the authorities of the next place. Recommendation! Yes of sorts. Commended to those of the next place to be whipped again, and so sent on. Of course, the vagrom men of those days could not read; and it must have seemed a singular thing to them, that fresh stripes and indignities inevitably awaited them on production of their introductions. Thus, in the records of Cranborne, Dorset, in 169C, we find that one George Bayley, who is described as "about 50, with lame legs." was whipped and sent on, and likewise with "Edward Bayley, a pale thin visage and light hair, aged about 10," and "Mary Bayley, a pale thin visage and brown hair, a?ed about l'j years." They were "sent toward Boxel, in Sussex, their last place of residence." And so also was "Catherine, widow of John Evans, late of Exon, Devon, whipped and sent on toward Exon, aforesaid." I find among my notes an even later instance. At Cieethcrpes, Lincoln, August Z, 1309, a confectioner, refusing to pay a fine for Sunday trading, was threatened with the levying of a distress, but pointed out that under the ancient act the only alternative to a fine was imprisonment in the stocks for two hours, which he was quite ready to undergo. He then left the court without paying, the justices remaining in a dilemma because there are CATARRH of the BLADDER relieved In 24 HOURS . Each Cap- 7T m:!abe.nthe(MQY) ruuee 4limr of counterfeit Advertisers can sell for less profit from volume.
not any stocks left of a workable character in Cleethorpes. Of course, although these surviving Instruments are, so many, few are in working order. The wood of them is decayed, the padlocks ar? gone, ar.d the little bench on which the offender sat has but rarely survived. The list actual effective sentence to the stocks seems to have b en at Newbury, in tho butter and poultry market there. Tuesdjy afternoon, June 11, 1S72, when a rag
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upon whom imprisonment in Roadirg? Gaol had failed to produce any beneficial effect, was thus dealt with. ! The magistrates in this case sem i to have been a well meaning Ror.ch. j who were reducr.l to this course in desperation at not knowing how to j reform this bad character. His of-! fense was drunkenmss and disr- J derly behavior at diino Feme inj the parish church. The justices ;
thought a public degradation might cure him. and so gave him four hours in the stocks. anywhere I think there cannot else be such a curious collection of odds and tnds as may b so n in the little Lancashier town of IYul-ton-Ie-Eylde. In the market place may be sren the stocks, thn thmarket cros., following upon which is an ancient slab for exposure f newly caught fish, then a whipping post, and finally a Jubilee lamp j standard It is like a row of exhibits in its in a museum. 2 any drug store WILL PUT YOU ON YOUR FEET Ü ok 02,
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